Down & Dirty (15 page)

The next day I didn’t want to get out of bed. Joe kept trying to encourage me to get up, but I kept hiding under the covers. I did’t want to face what I knew Joe was going to make me do.

“Carly, get up.” He’s barking orders at me now because the last time I got up just long enough for him to leave the room, then I went right back under the covers.

“No.” I’m learning that it takes him an extra two seconds to get the blankets away if I’m rolled up in them and using my kung-fu death grip.

“What’s your problem?” He sat pulling enough covers away to see my face.

“I don’t want to tell him. Can’t you just leave it alone, stay out of it?” I begged.

“We talked about this last night.”

“No, you told me how to handle it. I don’t want to.”

“You have to tell him before the funeral, or at least make that woman tell him. He’s your son, he has a right to know. I’ll back off on taking him away from her if you tell him the truth.” He offered.

“Can’t she just tell him that’s not his real father and leave it at that?”

“There’s no point in telling half of this truth. If he chooses to stay with that woman that’s his choice, but he needs to know who his real mother is.”

I dove back under the covers, “Nooo.”

“Stop being a pain in the ass, get up, and get this over with. Go over and talk to her, right now.” He’s pulling out that mean voice he uses when people piss him off.

“I can’t. I’m not strong enough to rip that kids life apart.”

“Fine, I’ll do it.” He got up slamming the door on his way out.

I tried to get up and go after him, but my body wouldn’t move. I completely chickened out.

Salina showed up about an hour later. I’m guessing Joe sent her since she didn’t knock.

“Get your ass up Carly. You don’t get to pussy out on your kids.” She’s really mad.

I sat up more afraid of her than Joe. “Why can’t he just leave this alone?”

She started going through my drawers and throwing clothes at me. “Take a shower, now. It’s one thing to panic and dump your kid on a stranger when you’re a kid yourself, but as an adult you have to be stronger.”

“I don’t want to hurt him.”

She turned on the water in the bathroom and came back to drag me off the bed. “He’s already hurt thinking he’s burying his real father. He’ll be mad at you, and his adopted mother, but as he matures he’ll be grateful you told him.”

“What if he hates me?” I stripped and took a shower.

She sat on the counter. “This isn’t about you. This is about telling your son the truth. You owe him that much.”

I finished my shower and got dressed. “This is going to suck.”

“I’ll hold your hand.” She assured me.

“I take it Joe didn’t run over and do it?”

“No. I told him to wait until he got a call from me first.”

“I guess it’s better that way. We have to talk to her alone first.”

“I know. Hurry up. The sooner you do this the sooner I can go get drunk.” She sounded like something else was bothering her.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’ve had four miscarriages Carly. I’d give my left leg for a kid.” She’s mad now.

“Maybe you should wait here.”

“No. I want to make sure you do this.”

“Vegas is looking real good right about now.” I complained.

“Don’t start with me bitch.” She scolded me.

I finished getting ready and let her drive me over to the hotel where Marie and Mitch were staying. We found them in their room, both looking lost.

I asked to talk to Marie in the hall so Mitch couldn’t hear.

She crossed her arms. “Changed your mind didn’t you?”

“No. My husband is forcing me to tell Mitch the truth. I know who his father is. Joe seems to think he should at least know both his parents. I don’t want to do this, but if I don’t, he will. I can’t do that to you.” I tried to explain.

“I have to be the one to tell him. He thinks I’m his mother, and I won’t ambush him with you two here.”

“How do I know you’ll tell him? Not for me, but Joe is going to want to know this happened.”

“You’ll be able to tell by the way he reacts. Just give me the day to do it.”

“Are you going to run off?” I asked because if I was her I know I’d be tempted to take off.

“No, I have to bury the man I love first.”

“I’m really sorry, about all of this.”

“It’s not your fault. I remember how young you were, and even Slider with all his power can’t be everywhere at once. I’m angry as hell, but if you promise not to try and steal my son from me, I’ll tell him. I’m thinking about moving because of the memories, but I can keep in touch with you.”

I nodded wiping tears away, “That’s all I can ask.”

She pulled me in for a hug, “You’re still such a baby. Don’t let that man run all over you.” She pulled back and looked at me.

“He doesn’t run all over me.” I assured her.

“Just be careful. You’re already doing something you don’t want to for him.”

“He’s right though. If I thought he was wrong I’d have more backbone, but I can’t argue when I know he’s right. I won’t take Mitch away from you, that I can stand up to him about.”

“Good to know.” She took my hand. “Leave me your cell phone number in case Mitch has questions I can’t answer.”

“Will do. You sure you want to do this alone?” I asked as we went back inside.

“Yeah.” She seemed a little less sure now.

“Not to sound ungrateful, but if I don’t leave a couple guys here to make sure you don’t take off Joe will kill me.”

“I figured as much.” We exchanged phone numbers and said our goodbyes.

I called Joe and told him what was going on and asked him to send over somebody to watch them. He didn’t sound real thrilled but agreed.

Salina took me back to the club where my grumpy husband pulled me off to the side.

“Why didn’t you tell her you wanted your kid back?”

“Because, it’s not right. He’s ten years old, if he wants to spend time with me it should be because he wants to, not because I’m forcing him. I forced him on her, and now I’m forcing her to tell him the truth. You need to back off Joe.” I’m getting defensive because of what she’d accused me of earlier. Am I letting him run my life? I’ve made some dumb decisions, maybe he should. I’m confused, and therefore getting annoyed.

“How can you not want your son?”

“Back off, that’s the last time I’m telling you.” I turned and started to walk away.

“Carly!!’

I kept going. I need some wine. I love Joe, but he’s pissing me off. I slammed the door to the bar open knowing I needed to open it so I left it unlocked. I should have locked it.

Joe all but threw it off it’s hinges coming in behind me. “When I tell you to stop, you stop.” I spun in time to be grabbed by both arms, “Do you know what I would have given to know my real mother?!”

“It’s not the same situation.”

“Oh really? If you don’t show that boy that his real mother wants him, you might as well be dead to him. You’ll be rejecting him without even giving him a chance.” He shook me.

“You’re hurting me, let go, right now.”

He inhaled and let go giving me a little shove at the same time.

I shoved him back, “Don’t push me you big jerk. What the hell am I going to do with a ten year kid I don’t know?!”

He sat, “I’m sorry babe, I didn’t mean to shove you like that. This doesn’t make sense to me. How can you not want your own son?”

I sat across from him, “It’s not that I don’t want him, I don’t want to hurt him by taking him away from the only mother he knows. Unlike you, he doesn’t know about me, he thinks she’s his biological mother. The truth is going to be hard enough without ripping him away from everything he’s known his whole life.”

“You need to make sure he knows you want him. Give him a choice.” He insisted.

“Okay, I can do that. But I won’t force him to do anything. If he wants to stay with Marie, then that’s what I want for him.”

“Just make sure you explain that very clearly.” He’s not looking at me.

“Joe? I’m sorry you lost your mother.”

“I didn’t lose her, I killed her.” He punched the table splitting it in half and this time he broke the door as he stormed out.

I took a deep breath. “So much for him not being fucked up over not having a mother.”

A minute later Salina walked in. “Holy shit. What was that all about?”

I picked up half the little table to carry to the dumpster. “Just a disagreement. He’ll be okay.”

“About Mitch?” She picked up the other half.

“I think it’s more about him than Mitch. Don’t let Slider see you carrying that.”

She set it down. “Good point, you look like you’re in enough trouble.”

“It’s okay, I’ll live.” I probably don’t sound too convincing.

“If you need anything let me know.”

“I’ve done enough damage, to you, to Slider, to Joe, and now to Mitch. I’m turning the Auto Pilot switch to On for a while.”

“It’ll get better.” She promised.

14
 

J
oe stayed away until Marie showed up with a scared looking Mitch in tow later that evening. I braced myself.

Maria and Mitch sat at the bar. Joe must have seen them come in and now stood a couple feet away to listen.

“Can I get you something to drink?” I asked looking back and forth between them having no clue where else to start.

“Coke for the kid, I’ll take a Jack on the rocks.”

I nodded ignoring Joe. I’m not ready to take him on yet.

Maria continued, “Mitch has some questions for you.”

“Okay, ask away kiddo.” I found my wine hidden in a coffee cup.

“Where’s my real dad?” He sounded mad.

“All I know is his name, I’ll find him if you want.”

“I want you to. Why did you have me so young?”

I swallowed. “I won’t lie to you, but that’s a story you’re too young for. You should know that if I could have taken care of you, I would never have given you up.”

“Does my dad know about me?”

“No. I didn’t have the means to tell him. His father wouldn’t have let me.”

“Why?”

“That’s part of the truth I can’t tell you right now.”

“I want to meet him.”

“Okay. I’ll get a hold of him as soon as I can.”

“Do I have to live with you now?” He asked a little too grown up for his age.

I saw Joe shift out of the corner of my eye, “Only if you want to. Maybe we should spend some time together first. Maria loves you very much, I don’t think either of us wants to hurt her.”

He looked at Maria. “Sorry Mom.”

She put her arm around him, “It’s okay Mitch, you should know your real parents.”

“Maria is your mother too Mitch. She raised you, loved you like her own. I will always owe her and respect her for that.” I told him.

“What now?” He asked drinking from the straw.

I let out the breath I was holding. “How about we get past the funeral first. He deserves that respect as the father he was for you. I’ll find your real father and we’ll go from there. In the meantime, you can come here and hang out with me anytime you want. I have to work long hours here for a few months to help out a friend. After that we’ll find some better ways to hang out and get to know each other.” I took Maria’s hand on the bar. “I want you there too, if you want. I don’t want to push you out, that’s not my intention.”

She sighed and I saw the relief wash over her face. “Thanks Carly. I needed to hear that. This is a lot to take in.”

“Tell me about it.” I laughed a little and pulled out a bowl of mixed snacks from under the bar for Mitch. “One day at a time.” They nodded in agreement.

“Can I talk to you privately Carly?” Joe asked firmly.

I chugged the rest of my wine. Ding ding, round two. “Yup.” I went to the end of the bar and pretended to wipe dirt from a clean bar. “What’s up?”

He took the towel away, “Look at me.”

I did, “I swear if you chew me out I’m going to implode. It’s been a rough couple days, and I should warn you, I’m getting to the end of my rope.”

“Don’t threaten me. Make sure you put effort into this kid. I don’t want to see you half-ass this. Write down the father’s name and anything else you know. I’ll find him.” He informed me cooly.

I picked up the receipt pad and wrote down what I know and tossed it at him. “Thanks for your support.” I turned away to go find my wine and blow my nose before the sniffling gave way to tears.

Joe left making me feel worse. He’s not dealing with this very well at all, and it’s not helping me. I finished my little self-pity moment and went back to auto-pilot mode.

Maria and Mitch left a little while later after we talked some more. I felt pretty good about the direction things were going there, but I could feel the sadness of their recent loss. They still have to bury a husband and a father in a couple days. I hope this isn’t too much for Mitch.

I didn’t bother watching the clock the rest of the night. If there was somebody there I made sure the music stayed on and the drinks were ready. Going home was not something I was looking forward to.

Joe must have gotten tired of waiting because he came in and flipped the sign to Closed before kicking the last three guys out.

“Let’s go Carly, you can’t hide here all night.”

“Can’t blame a girl for trying the way you’re acting.” I grumbled and locked the register. I’ll deal with the money tomorrow.

I turned off the lights and went outside to lock the door with Joe a foot away the whole time. He rode us home and I felt sick the whole ride. I think I’m done, yet I know he’s going to go off again or something.

He helped me off the bike like he usually does. “Stop pouting.”

I pulled my hand away and went inside. I wanted to tell him to stop being an ass, but decided all I really wanted was a martini, a bath, and the bed. Maybe an anxiety pill from the ones Doc had given me a while back.

“Now you’re just going to ignore me?”

“Yes. Leave me alone. For God’s sake, leave me the fuck alone.” I begged deciding the pill was better than booze, downed it with some water, pushed past him and slammed the bathroom door behind me.

I cried hard on the floor for a while as the tub filled.

Joe came in and shut the water off. He popped the drain for a minute, “You’re going to flood the floor.”

“Oh well. I’ll clean it up, just like every fucking thing else.”

He sat next to me but leaned back against the door. “It gets worse.”

“Oh goodie.”

“Mitch’s father is in prison for murdering his father. He’s up for the death sentence in about seven years. They’re trying to do psych tests, but he’s throwing them on purpose.”

“Too bad he got caught. His father was asking for it.” I felt numb.

“You okay?” He reached for me but I pulled away and stood up.

“I’m going to take this bath, alone please.”

“Carly, don’t push me away.”

“I’m going to push you, kick you, and beat you senseless if you don’t get the fuck out of here!!” I screamed the last part.

He stood, “Come here, please.” He used those big arms to fold me into his chest and hug me. “I’m sorry baby.”

I couldn’t help but hug him back. This is the Joe I needed earlier. “Where were you when I needed this before?”

“Being an ass, it’s what I do best.” He kissed the top of my head.

“I wouldn’t say that, you’re pretty good in the sack.”

“Very funny.” He pulled me back and looked at me with those eyes that always go right to my heart. “I’m going to have my lawyers send in a guy to take a look at his case. If his father was as fucked up as you said he might get off.”

“Sounds like he doesn’t want off if he’s throwing psych exams. I want to go see him.”

He nodded, “Okay. I’ll arrange it.”

I waited until after the funeral to sit Mitch and Marie down to tell them where Mitch’s father was. The lawyer has had a chance to get the whole story and believes Charlie wants to be in prison because his father fucked him up too bad for society.

I told Marie the truth before we sat down with Mitch. We decided to give Mitch a very scaled back version of the truth. I told him his father had done something to defend himself, but things got confused in court. I explained that we were going to help try to straighten it out as best we could.

Joe had been trying to get us a visit with Charlie, but Charlie kept refusing visitors. I called and told them I had his son and needed to see him about emergency medical issues.

Marie rode with us to the prison, but she wasn’t allowed in, neither was Joe, so they had to wait in the car.

My heart skipped a beat when a much rougher and worn version of the kid who’s father paid me to sleep with him for his first time sat down on the other side of the glass.

I picked up the phone and motioned for him to do the same as he realized who we really were to each other.

“Hi Charlie. Remember me?”

“Is he really my kid? He looks like me.” He has a deeper voice now, and a hint of desperation as he looked at Mitch.

“Yeah. He’s ours.”

“Why are you here?” He asked looking at me now.

“I know what your father was like, I was there. I want to help you, and I need you to help me, so your son can know you. He just buried the man he thought was his father. He needs you.” I explained poorly.

“I’m no father. Look at me.”

“This isn’t you, we both know that. Neither of us wanted to go through that, but look what we have from it.” I nodded to Mitch who looked confused at the one-sided conversation. “You’re not your father. I know what happened, I know why you snapped. Let me help you, for him.” I touched the back of my finger to my son’s cheek.

“What do you think you can do?” He asked with anger building. He’s obviously afraid to hope.

“Stop fighting the psych tests. Do what they want, let me testify for you. We were both victims, not just you. My husband has some good lawyers, let them work your appeal.”

He searched my eyes as he leaned forward, “Why now?”

“I gave Mitch away a week after he was born because I couldn’t take care of him. I married a member of Exiles not long ago. The woman I gave Mitch to, was married to a member. I didn’t know until she showed up at the club freaking out because her husband had just been killed in a home invasion. I recognized her and him right away. My husband wanted me to take Mitch back.” I waved that off. “I’m not taking him away from the only family he’s known, but my husband feels very strongly that you deserve to know your son, and vice versa.”

He sat back, “I’ll think about it. Put the kid on.”

I handed Mitch the receiver, “You don’t have to, but he wants to talk to you.”

He took the receiver and waited.

I saw Charlie say hi and figured he was asking how he is.

“I’m okay. Did you love my mom?” He asked.

I felt my eyebrows go up and looked at Charlie.

He smiled a little and nodded.

“I want you to come out.” Mitch said.

I couldn’t tell what Charlie said.

Mitch handed me the receiver, “He wants to talk to you.”

I took it, “Hey, sorry about that.”

“No, Carly…” He leaned forward to look at me, “I loved you. The way you were that night, so sweet, and understanding…and desperate for a dime to get a meal. Yeah, I loved you. I’ll do what you ask only because I can’t do any worse than where I’m at now. Do me a favor and don’t fill him with false hope.”

I swallowed, “Thank you. Can we come visit you?”

“Yes, I’d like that.” He sat back again.

“We’re going to do everything we can. My husband told me to tell you he’d send word to put you under Exiles protection if you want it.”

“No, don’t do that. I’m okay.”

“Okay. Next week?”

He nodded, “Next week. You okay now? Did you find a good man to take care of you?”

I smiled and cried feeling happy for the first time in a long time. “Yeah, he’s a big pain in my ass, but he loves as fiercely as he fights. He’s a good man.”

“I can tell, or you wouldn’t be here.” He stood up as the cop arrived behind him. “Let’s do this.” He hung up.

I turned to Mitch. “Can I hug you?”

He jumped to wrap his arms around my neck to hug me hard. “We gotta get him out.”

I hugged him back feeling tears flow like a rushing river. “I’ll do my best, I promise.”

“No more funerals.” He begged.

“He doesn’t deserve to be in here Mitch.” I pulled him back to find his father’s eyes, “I knew his heart, and I can see he was giving up. You gave him hope, now we just have to pray the justice system works. You should know that when you find out later how this all really started, that we did care about each other. Okay?”

He nodded hugging me again. I picked him up and carried him back down the hall and out to the parking lot. He was okay to get down by the time we reached the truck.

He looked at Marie, “Do I call you or her ‘Mom’?”

Marie looked at me, “I don’t know.”

I looked at Mitch, “You call me whatever you want. Take your time deciding what you’re comfortable with, we’re in no hurry.”

Marie opened the door for Mitch, “I agree. Don’t worry about it kid, let’s go get some burgers and ice cream.”

Mitch lit up with a fist pump, “Yes!!”

I laughed, “Thank you Marie. That was pretty intense, he needed that.”

“I know.” She shut the door on the running truck, even with the windows open it’s warm enough for A/C. “Listen, I want to keep him away from the drama of this case. If this goes bad I don’t want him getting all hopeful only to have it go to shit.”

“Charlie wants to see his son about once a week. I think I can keep the conversation light if you don’t mind letting them at least get to know each other, in case it does go bad. He’ll hate us for keeping him away from his father if Mitch ends up in the chair.”