Down & Dirty (8 page)

“I’m on my way.” I drove quickly back to the club and all but ran over the guys opening the gate.

Joe is sitting at a picnic table with his elbows on his knees staring at the ground and his knee bouncing up and down quickly.

I walked up, “Hey, let’s go home.”

“Get out of here Carly.” He ordered without looking at me.

“Not a chance, and not without you. Come on. We’ll deal with this privately. You don’t need to be sitting here like this, it’s not good for you or the club.” Pulling the club card was low, but I knew if I was going to keep him from pushing me away I was going to have to fight dirty.

He looked up and pointed to the car, “GET OUT!!”

“I said no. Come on, just get in the car.” I stayed calm because I knew it wouldn’t do any good to yell back at him.

“Goddammit Carly! When I tell you to do something you fucking do it!!” He’s really pissed, but I could see it wasn’t really at me.

“Is that what happened? Did you tell them to do something and it got them killed?” I asked trying to pry it out of him. I knew he was used to bossing people around, and to yell at me like this, it had to be related.

He set those angry eyes on me and I had to force myself not to run and lock myself in the car. “Just like you’re doing now, they didn’t fucking do what I told them.”

“That changes everything Joe. If they were supposed to do what you told them, and didn’t. This isn’t your fault.”

“What the fuck do you know?”

“What don’t I know? What else happened?”

He let out a deep breath I get the feeling he’d been holding without realizing it. “I should have made sure they followed orders. This isn’t the military.”

“No, but it’s pretty damn close. What happens when Slider gives an order and it’s not followed?”

“That’s not the point.”

“I believe it is. You’re shouldering guilt that’s not yours to shoulder. I’ve only been around bikers for three years, and knee deep in this club for a little over a week, but I know enough to know you follow orders or bad shit happens. This isn’t your fault Joe.”

“Come here.”

I stepped closer so he could wrap his arms around my waist and rest his head against my stomach. “I should have gone with them, made sure they did what I told them.”

I put my hands on his head and held him, “You can’t babysit everybody.”

“Take me home.” He stood up letting me go.

“Gladly.”

He didn’t say anything the during the short ride, so I kept the radio on low. Once inside the house he looked around, “Looks good.”

“Thanks. Go clean up and get comfortable. I’ll fix you something to eat.”

He went straight for the bedroom without a word. I guess he’s going to be moody for a while. I don’t blame him.

I was ready for him to be hungry when he got home so I fixed him a nice couple filets, baked potato and fresh corn I’d cut off the cob. I like corn on the cob, but I can flavor it better if I cut it off. Plus I don’t look like such an idiot eating it.

Joe came down the hall just in time for me to slide him a plate, “Beer?”

“No, whiskey.” He sat to eat fast like he always does.

I poured him a tumbler and followed it with a glass of ice water just in case he was interested.

He looked up, “Aren’t you going to eat?”

“I ate around five because I wasn’t sure what time you were coming home.”

“Fair enough.” He finished clearing his plate. “That was good, thank you.”

“I’m glad you liked it. How you doing?” I asked putting his plate and silverware in the dishwasher.

He downed the two finger shot and poured another. “Whenever I lose someone under my command it fucks me up. Those people are my responsibility, and when someone dies it means I didn’t do my job. I either didn’t train them properly, or I should have known they weren’t up to the task.”

“I understand.” I wanted to tell him the men are under Slider’s command, but that seemed to deter from the point he was really trying to make. Plus I wanted to be the listener now, not the one to try and convince him he was wrong.

“How could you? You’ve never commanded an army of men.” He snapped at me.

“No, but I’m not stupid. Just imagining that kind of responsibility is scary. And maybe I do get it to some extent. I feel like the girls are my responsibility. I chose to lead them, organize them, and in return I feel like I need to protect them and the guys. Then you throw in Michelle, and yeah, maybe I do get it. I saved her life, now it’s my responsibility to see that she’s okay and gets a chance at the life a child deserves.” I rambled a little, but I was also thinking out loud.

“Maybe you do get it.” He sat back drinking a little more.

“Are you going to be a mean drunk?” I asked sipping my wine having finished cleaning the kitchen.

“No. You don’t happen to have a joint on you do you?”

“Always.” I walked over to my purse and pulled one out from the silver cigarette case I’d bought myself as a treat for surviving my ex. I lit it and handed it to him. “Rick gets some good chronic, so take it easy if you’re not used to it.”

He took a couple hits. “Not bad.” He handed it back. “Thanks baby. You did good tonight.”

I shrugged, “What’s an old lady for?” I took a hit and handed it back. “It’s all yours. There’s plenty more if you need it.”

He finished it and went to the couch with a fresh whiskey. He laid his head back and closed his eyes. “I hate memorial runs.”

I climbed on him straddling his lap and gently scratching his shirt over his chest. “We’ll do a big charity for them and set up a fund for donations to their families.”

“Doesn’t make up for the loss.” He lifted his head to find me with slightly red eyes now. “You do what I told you?”

“I already told you yes on the phone, but we’re not doing this tonight, not like this.” I tugged his beard I love so much.

“I know. I wouldn’t be much good in this mood.” He finished his drink and rested his hands on my hips. “Not having you nearby the last few days sucked.”

“Yeah, I got a little lonely too. That’s why this place is way too clean and unpacked.” I smiled scratching his chin.

“It’s nice to have a home for a change. I’ve lived in shit holes for the last nine years.”

“Can I ask a favor since you’re high and drunk?”

“What?” He looked suspicious.

“Can I get a custom bathtub put in? I’ll keep it on the down low, but it would be nice if you could join me and not send all the water onto the floor.” I laughed a little at the memory.

“Go for it. That’s not a big deal. I have too much money for you to spend in one lifetime, but I don’t want anyone to know about it. People get stupid when they think you’re rich, they start looking for excuses to borrow it with no intention of paying it back. Or they think you’re some kind of charity just for them.” He complained.

“Maybe I should trade the Mercedes for a Chrysler.” I joked.

“Fuck no. Some things aren’t negotiable.” He scolded tickling me.

“I was kidding!!” I laughed happy to have changed the subject and his mood.

He stopped, “Do me a favor and put some mindless movie on and let me hold you until I pass out.”

I worked my way to standing and took his hand, “Come on, we’ll watch it in the bedroom so you can sleep comfortably.”

“You got TV in the bedroom?”

“Yeah, I figure it will help me sleep when you go on these overnight jobs. Turns out I don’t sleep well unless your big ass is wrapped all around me.” I teased.

“I’m going to go talk to the guy’s families tomorrow morning. After that I’m taking the rest of the day off. Are you sure you’re ready?” He asked on the way down the hall.

“I’m ready. I just don’t want you while you’re intoxicated.”

“No argument there, just making sure.”

I pulled the covers back for him to climb in, “I got fancy sheets, hope you don’t mind.”

He stripped down and crawled in to watch me undress from between the sheets, “What’s fancy?”

“I guess you have to be a girl to know the difference.”

He pulled me into his shoulder while I turned on the TV. “As long as your in them that’s all the fancy I care about.”

“I know you might not remember this in the morning, but I love you.”

He hugged me, “About time you figured that out.”

I poked his side, “That’s not nice.”

“I love you too babe. Thanks for dragging me down from the clock tower tonight.”

I wrapped around him having found a comedy I thought he’d enjoy falling asleep to. “Any time.”

7
 

T
he next two days sucked. Joe was still in too bad of a mood to ‘consummate’ our relationship. All the planning of the memorial run was fucking with his head.

I felt the sadness, and helped out as much as I could, but the mood of the club was rubbing off on me. Both members had wives and kids, making things that much worse. Salina was really pissed because she knew the guys pretty well. I found myself just hanging back and doing whatever they asked.

I checked on Michelle every day and thanked God she had Jeannie and Bill to take care of her to keep her from this sadness. Neither of them could ride, so they made a donation and left it alone. I thanked them for keeping it arms length from Michelle. She’s been through enough.

The night before the memorial run Joe decided he didn’t want to eat. I couldn’t blame him.

I crawled into his lap on the couch and wrapped my arms around his neck as my head head rested on his shoulder. He held me by locking his hands together at my lower back.

“You still feel like it’s your fault don’t you?” I asked.

“It is my fault.”

“I’m not trying to pick a fight, but you’re wrong.”

“As much as I love you, hearing you say that doesn’t change the way I feel.”

“I know. I can’t help trying.”

“I don’t deserve you while we’re burying them.” Even though he’d said he wanted us to make love the other night, his mood wasn’t right. The club took the loss pretty hard, as they should. Other than a sweet kiss every night he’s been pretty hands off.

“You and I have nothing to do with them.” I argued.

“I can’t give you my full attention with this going on. The memorial run is tomorrow, then the funeral the next day. Too much shit is getting in the way.” He complained.

I stood up and took his hand, “Come with me.”

He looked at me exasperated, “What?”

“Don’t argue, come on.” I pulled his arm until he stood.

“What are you doing?”

“Does it matter?” I pulled him to the bedroom, turned his back to the bed and pushed him to sit.

“Carly, come on, quit.” He begged annoyed with me.

“Quit what?” I pulled his boots off then went for his shirt.

He pulled it the rest of the way off, “I told you this isn’t a good time.”

“I didn’t ask. Besides, how do you know what I want?”

“What do you want?”

I stepped back, “Take those off.” I motioned to his pants.

He stood long enough to take them off and sat back down. “Now what?”

“Turn around and lay down on your stomach.”

“Why?”

“Because I told you to. Do you trust me?” This is the first time I’ve asked him this.

He looked at me for a second. “If I didn’t you wouldn’t be here.”

“Then lay down.” I waved my hand for him to follow my orders and went to find the baby oil I like to use when the desert takes a toll on my skin.

I sat Indian-style by his side facing the TV and found the remote while I put down enough oil on his back for a good back rub.

“What are you doing?” He asked unable to relax.

“Shh. Just watch the movie.” I settled on a mindless movie and spread the oil as I began massaging him. My arms and hands are fairly strong after carrying cases of beer, wine, and liquor from the back room to the bar for the last three years.

He moaned and I felt him relax under my touch. “You make a better old lady than I deserve.”

“Probably, but you’re stuck with me, so get used to it.” I teased leaning over to kiss his cheek.

He fell asleep about ten minutes later. I covered him and curled up alongside him. We’re sideways on the bed, but I figured he’d move if he got uncomfortable, and likely take me with him.

Just about the time I turned off the TV he woke up and turned to pull me under him. “You’re still dressed.”

“I didn’t think you’d notice. You were asleep.”

“Take them off.” He sat up while I kicked my clothes to the floor.

I tried to curl up on this shoulder but he rolled over putting this leg between mine as his hand ran the length of my body.

I can barely see him in the dark, but I knew he was looking at me. “I changed my mind. I need you, all of you.”

“I’m already yours.” I reached for him and found him more than ready.

He made sure I was ready before setting himself between my legs. He started to push into me and kissed my jaw, “I’ve never wanted a woman so bad in my life.”

I relaxed arching to take him. “You’re the only man I’ve ever wanted, and the only one I want the rest of my life.”

He pushed in slowly as we both made strange noises. “Oh my God, sorry baby, but this isn’t going to last very long.” He moved about three times and buried himself in me for his release. He gently bit my shoulder with that groan I love.

My body reacted to his and came with him. I lifted towards him and pulled him by that fabulous butt as deep as I could get him as I felt myself pulsing with him. Damn he feels good. He fills me in more ways than one. My heart filled with our new found connection.

He began kissing my neck as he recovered. “I knew you would fit me perfectly.”

I laughed turning my head towards him, “Are you saying you just love me for my body?”

He lifted up moving his hips now, “You know better.”

“Easy baby, it’s been a long time.”

That slowed him down. “You’re going to have a difficult time keeping me from making love to you every chance I get.”

I found his beard and pulled him back down, “I didn’t say stop.”

“I may never stop.” He threatened as he slowly drove in and out.

I could tell I was getting used to his size so I arched up for him to give me more. He grabbed my butt and rolled us so I’m sitting on him now. This put him as deep as possible making me sit still for a minute.

I looked down and could have sworn there was a hint of a smile teasing the corners of his mouth. “You look happy.” I began to rock slowly and found a new sensation. Oh this is good. I set own pace and watched as my almost happy Joe bit his lower lip and lost himself inside me as I felt a powerful spasm crash over me.

He grabbed my wrists and put me back under him. “You’re drawing blood woman.”

I looked at his chest, “Oops. Sorry.”

“Brace yourself baby, this one might hurt.” He kept me pinned as he buried his face in my neck and took me hard. He drove in faster and faster making me grab the tail of that last orgasm and ride it right back up and over.

My body pulsed on his as he spent himself deep letting out a groan that ended in him biting my shoulder.

I hugged him tight as my legs trembled under his weight. “I can’t stop shaking.”

“That’s because you need more.” He teased still catching his breath in my ear.

I laughed smacking his perfect butt, “You can’t handle any more.”

“You’re the one having aftershocks under here.” He pulled out slowly as he kissed down to my sensitive breasts.

“I’m never going to walk again.”

He kissed lower…and lower. “Let’s see who can’t take any more.” He challenged.

I tried to get away, “No!! Oh my God!!”

He’s too strong so I lost that battle. I won in the end though. My man has some mad oral skills. I think they can hear me in Glendale. Wow.

When he slid back up to take me again I couldn’t wait for him to fill me. This time we fed off our need for one another. I wanted more, he gave and gave. My hips hurt by the time he was done having his way with me like a man should be able to take his woman.

He lowered to kiss me sweetly as he pulled free and fell onto his back. “You win.”

I laughed as I found the blanket at the end of the bed to pull over us.

He kicked it off, “Too hot.”

“Yes you are.” My body felt gloriously ravaged. This is how it’s supposed to feel with a man, not used like a tool that gets wiped off and set aside for the next time.

“You okay?”

“Wonderful.”

He rolled over and kissed me softly before pulling me into his shoulder where I’ve been sleeping lately. “Get some sleep, tomorrow is going to suck.”

“I love you.” I hugged him wallowing in the stronger connection we’ve just forged.

“I love you.”

The memorial run for the loss of two family members was kept to club members only since we couldn’t publicly announce how or why they died. The news had to report something, so we told them it was a gang we weren’t familiar with that hit our guys when they went through their town.

It wasn’t too far from the truth, except we went after them in a sister city to help another chapter push them out of town. A handful of members from Seattle were there to show their respect.

Not much was said throughout the day, except a bunch of stories surrounding the two guys we’d be burying tomorrow. Salina collected donations from members to help with funeral costs. I collected from anyone who wanted to contribute to a widows and orphans type charity.

Joe kept me very close, closer than usual. I wondered if it was because of last night, or if he just needed me because of the meaning of the run. Maybe it was both. I don’t mind. I saw something a little different in his eyes this morning when he kept his eyes on mine as we started the day like we ended it, but briefly.

By the time we said goodnight to everybody after the party it was past midnight. I found my usual glass of wine while he kicked off his boots.

“What do I wear for the funeral tomorrow?” I asked handing him a beer and sitting next to him.

“Black riding clothes, more conservative I guess.” He took a long drink and sat back. “The last funeral I went to was for a friend in the service. The fucked up part was it was a training accident.”

“I always hate seeing that on the news. Seems like such a waste.”

“It is.”

“I’m tired but not, it’s weird.” I said absently.

“I’ll wear you out as soon as I shake this mood off.” He ran the back of his hand over my cheek.

I caught it and kissed his palm. “Sounds like a plan.”

The funeral wasn’t any better than the memorial service. Having two back to back funerals took up the entire day, which wore me out. Maybe it was the combination of both days, but tonight I’m completely exhausted. I took a shower, dried off, finished my glass of wine and went straight for my pillow. Joe turned on the TV and held me.

It took a couple weeks for the mood of the club to come back around to more of what it used to be before the horrible loss of two members. Stacy easily took over the girls with very little supervision from me, so that was nice.

Salina and I began to focus on the bar to give us all something to look forward to. We spent the next few weeks or so shopping, decorating, ordering booze, and whatever else needed done to open the bar.

Joe’s been keeping me up late most nights as he shows me what fun sex can be with the right man. He’s taken to tickling me so I’ll squirm and laugh like an idiot. I think he likes it when I laugh because he always has sweet kisses and words for me afterwards.

I think it helped pull him out of his funk too. He’s back to being more like he was before the guilt brought his mood down darker than usual. Joe doesn’t do happy, but if you look closely, and know him like I do now, you can tell when he’s content.

Right now I’m fixing dinner in a great mood because we’re opening the bar tomorrow afternoon. He’s reading the newspaper sitting at the kitchen bar.

“Can I ask you something?”

He looked up, “What?”

“Why don’t you ever smile?”

He ran his hand over his beard thinking. “There’s a lot of bad shit in my head. The last time I can remember smiling was before I turned fourteen.”

“Someday I’d like to see you smile.”

“You make me the happiest I’ll ever be Carly. Smiling has nothing to do with how I feel.”

“Maybe not to you. Sometimes you’re hard to read.”

“That’s the military training. I’m the best in my field at extracting information from people. To be that I had to learn to stomach some pretty nasty shit. I look at people differently.” He’s trying to explain.

“How differently?”

“I mentally tear them apart so I know how to get inside their heads. I look for physical weaknesses, as well and psychological. I see lies so easily it’s annoying.” He complained.

“Do you do that with me?”

“Not as easily because I can’t imagine hurting you, but sometimes, yes.” He didn’t like admitting that.

“I probably have a lot of weaknesses.” I laughed satisfied with his answer and not wanting to push it.

“You’re pretty strong for a young woman. I saw that in Slider’s letters and in your eyes. You see yourself as weak, even plain. You’re anything but. Your bravery and lack of vanity are what drew me to you. When you kicked that guys ass that night you discovered Michelle, it was everything I could do not to praise you for it.”