Dreams of a Virgin (17 page)

She was placed inside a wooden crate. They
loaded her onto the van and left for the convention. When they got
to the convention, they snuck in through the service entrance.

Everyone was there at the convention, the
mayor, police commissioner, and all the local dignitaries. The
President was supposed to be the keynote speaker. Little did they
know what was going on behind the curtain on stage.

“Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the
United States.” However, instead of the President, out came the
Sorcerer.

“Sorry to disappoint you. But let me
introduce myself. I am the Sinister Sorcerer, the greatest magician
of all time. Better then Houdini, better than those two guys with
the tiger. And for my greatest trick, let me introduce my
assistant.” The curtain rose, revealing the crate.

“Open says me.” The crate opened, revealing a
nude UltraWoman. The crowd gasped in astonishment. “But wait,
that’s not the trick. For my grand finale, I shall now answer the
greatest mystery of this day and age. Who is UltraWoman?”

The henchmen brought her out for all to see.
He walked up to her. He grabbed her mask and exposed her as Maddox,
the mayor’s only daughter.

“This is your UltraWoman.”

Having been outed, she now found the strength
to break free from the restraints. One by one, the henchmen came at
her. One by one, she defeated them. Not only defeated them, but
killed each of them, ripping their testicles off.

The Sorcerer pointed his wand at the podium.
It started to glow. He pointed his wand at Maddox, hurling the
podium at her. This time, she was prepared for it, dodging it. She
grabbed the Sorcerer’s wand, and snapped it in two. Then, she
grabbed the Sorcerer’s other wand, and snapped it off. With a
flurry of kicks, she leveled the Sorcerer. With a final punch, she
punched through his face and to the floor, killing the
Sorcerer.

Evil had been defeated. But at what cost?
Would Maddox/UltraWoman ever be the same again? Would Normaltown
ever be the same again, knowing her secret? Tune in next time to
find out, same Ultra Time, same Ultra Dream.

What if you could have someone fix every flaw you
have? And what would you do with the new life?

The scene: outside a mansion. Twenty-five
lovely females, dressed in their finest, stand outside. A limousine
pulled up. The chauffeur stepped out and opened the door. Out came
me, dressed in a dark suit. Several of the ladies showed a look of
disgust. Others giggled, as though they were being set up.

“Good evening, ladies. My name is Jeff, and
welcome to my Bachelor pad.”

Yes, I was the Bachelor, the latest in the
line from the popular TV series. Except I didn’t quite measure up
to the previous few. I wasn’t handsome or rich, famous or exotic. I
was just your average Joe.

“So, let’s go inside. I’ll be with you
shortly. Feel free to help yourself.”

Seven of the twenty-five walked away from the
mansion. Apparently, I didn’t meet their high expectations. The
other eighteen walked in, most hesitantly, and headed straight to
the liquor. Guess some thought they needed to be drunk to enjoy my
company.

After a half hour, I joined the party. I
counted the ladies and saw how many were MIA. One by one, I found
out some background on each of the remaining ladies, and they found
out about me. After an hour and a half, I retreated to my room.
What would have been an elimination ceremony is a mere formality
now. I was to eliminate ten of the twenty-five.

Still, for TV purposes, the elimination
ceremony took place. I asked each of the remaining eighteen if they
would like to stay. Eight of the eighteen turned down my rose and
left. The other ten accepted. We all toasted and retired to our
rooms.

The next morning, I was approached by the
producers of the show. They had decided to cancel the show due to
lack of interest. I was clearly heartbroken. Perhaps I could have
found love with one of the ten remaining ladies. Now, I wouldn’t
get the chance.

Word got out to the press quickly. My picture
was spread on the cover of every major tabloid. I was the laughing
stock of the country. I couldn’t leave my house without people
pointing and snickering.

The network, feeling somewhat responsible,
decided to help me out. They created a new show, with me as the
star. It was called
Extreme Makeover: Life Edition
. They
hired a team to shape me from dud to stud, from boring to exciting.
The team consisted of a fashion expert, a design expert, and a
motivational expert.

So, one morning, I was awoken by a knock on
my door. Given the recent actions of the paparazzi, I ignored it.
That was when they broke out the bullhorn.

“Good morning, Jeff! C’mon out for the
beginning of the rest of your life.”

Reluctantly, I did. I saw three ladies
waiting for me. Mercedes, the fashion expert. Carson, the design
expert. And Cassandra, the motivational expert. They explained the
situation to me, and I agreed to participate.

They all went inside to see what changes
needed to made to my wardrobe, my decor, and my persona. They dug
deep within my psyche and came up with a game plan. Within one
week, my life would be turned upside down.

Mercedes, Cassandra and I left for a week in
Los Angeles. Carson stayed behind to fix up my house.

Mercedes gave me a total makeover, head to
toe. New hairstyle, not too modern yet not too preppie. She got me
a new pair of glasses, more chic, better showing off my features.
She dressed me in something that slimmed me, yet made me look more
dapper. Manicure. Pedicure. Added a little bit of bling to my
wardrobe. I looked like a completely different person.

Cassandra made me discover that, despite what
everyone had said about me lately, I was a great guy with a lot to
offer. Still, there was a piece of me that did not believe it. I’d
been a doubter for so long, and
the
Bachelor
didn’t
add to it.

“Jeff, just walk down the street, holding
your head up high. Act like you deserve everything in life. Act
like any woman you look at should be privileged to earn your
glance. When in doubt, strut it out.”

With Cassandra, we walked down the street. I
was strutting like John Travolta in
Saturday
Night
Fever
. Sure enough, I saw a few women looking in my
direction. The farther I strutted, the more confidence I got.
Instantly, with just a look in their direction, I could make women
look at me.

The three of us returned a week later to my
house. The lawn had been totally resodded. The house was painted a
different color. Going inside, the house had been turned into a hip
bachelor pad. New furniture. New color. Big screen plasma TV with
surround sound. New kitchen.

We went to the bedroom. Candles everywhere.
Another plasma screen TV. Artwork from renowned hip painters. And a
brand new bed, just begging to be test-driven.

“Ladies, I believe our work here is done.
Jeff, as one last gift to you...” They handed me an envelope.
Inside was a ticket to the network’s casting party for the season.
“The ladies who shunned you before will be there, as well as many
others you haven’t yet met. Go there and show them what they’re
missing or what they can expect.” With that, the three ladies
hugged me and left me to my new life.

A week passed, and I was enjoying my new
gifts. I tried out what Cassandra taught me, and smiled as I got
the attention I so craved, but they just kept walking. None would
stop and talk to me. I knew it was a work in progress.

The night of the cast party, I dressed in the
sharpest, coolest suit Mercedes bought me. Instead of driving my
beat-up car, I rented a flashy convertible. I was ready to showcase
the new and improved Jeff to the public.

As I walked into the room, I got a bit
nervous, but shook it off. I remembered her lessons. I mingled with
the crowd. That was when I spotted one of the seven who walked out
on me on
the
Bachelor
. I approached her and gave her
that “you know you want me” look. She got a full body shiver from
that glance. I walked away. She followed.

“Wait up. Have we met before?”

“Doubt it.”

“Could swear I’ve seen you before.”

“Perhaps in your dreams.”

“No. I remember now. You’re the Bachelor. But
you look different now. Better.”

“Okay. Guilty.”

“So, who did you choose? Are you happy with
her? If not, I know I can make you happy.”

“Haven’t chosen yet. Now, if you will excuse
me, I have some choosing to do tonight. You had your chance.” I
walked away.

I spotted Cassandra, and she smiled at me. I
continued to mingle. I continued to get looks from women.

One stood out. A very attractive brunette,
wearing a sleek silver gown. I gave her “the look”. She looked back
with “fuck me” eyes. Sparks flew when our eyes met.

“Who are you, handsome?”

“Jeff. And you are?”

“Madalyn. So, what show are you on?”

“One of those makeover shows. What about
you?”

“Does it matter? Listen, it’s getting a bit
stuffy here. Is there somewhere we can go and get better
acquainted?”

I walked her back to my car, and we went back
to my place. I started sweating a bit. All the tricks worked. Now
what?

As we walked inside, she planted a deep,
tongue-twisting kiss on me. We stumbled across the room to the
stairs. She started to take down the dress. I took off my jacket.
With her dress now on the floor, she ripped open my shirt. She
kissed down my chest, getting me excited.

We lay on the steps. I started inching my way
up the steps on my back. She crawled toward me with that wanting
look in her eyes. I backed into the bedroom.

She was on the prowl, and I was the target.
She pounced. She had me. I’d given up fighting her. She took down
my pants and boxers. She took off her panties. She started riding
me as though I was a bucking bronco and she was a cowgirl. Just
hoped I could stay on for more than eight seconds and that she
didn’t start spurring me.

After a ride I would never forget, she got
dressed and called a cab. As the cab pulled up, she kissed me on
the cheek. “You were great.” With that, she drove out of my
life.

With a new level of confidence, I walked down
the street, head higher than ever. Any woman I wanted, I gave them
“the look”. When I saw the shiver, I knew they were hooked and I
reeled them in.

After a month of this, it started getting a
bit old. I brought back eleven different women. Eleven different
times, they left and never came back. Was this what I really
wanted?

In the weeks that followed, my head was
drooping a bit. I would look at women, but not “look” at them. I
felt something missing.

One night, while watching TV, I spotted my
episode. I saw how I used to be, and how those three ladies changed
me. It was then that I realized what I wanted. I thought that deep
down inside, I wanted the one person who brought out the best in
me, Cassandra.

I called the studio and asked to speak to
her. They told me she was on assignment and gave me her cell
number. I called it but got no answer.

I started to slip back into the person I used
to be. My confidence was slipping. I was letting my appearance go.
I heard the phone ring, a unique ring I’d never heard before.

That’s when I realized that it was my alarm
clock, and I had dreamt the whole episode. I turned on the TV to
see
Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
. I changed the channel.
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
. With each channel I changed,
a different show.
The Biggest Loser
.
The Swan
.
Flavor of Love
.
Beauty and the Geek
. I turned off the
TV and went for a jog.

Jeff likes science fiction. Jeff likes Shakespeare.
Let’s see what happens when he mixes the two.

It started as a routine meeting between
leaders of the Planetary Alliance, but it would end as a means of
peace throughout the galaxy.

You see, the leaders from the planets of
Marcetta and K’Chala were at odds with each other. There was a rare
element that only existed on K’Chala. That element was a key
product in the making of Marcetta’s greatest export, a reusable
fuel source.

The Marcettans claimed that the K’Chalans
were gouging the price of that element. Of course, the K’Chalans
disagreed. So began the feud.

Which led us to this meeting. An admiral from
the Planetary Alliance served as a mediator between the two planets
in an attempt to negotiate a reasonable treaty.

While the leaders were meeting on Alpha Xeta
6, I was taking a tour of the capital city. While looking at a
painting in their art museum, I caught the glance of a female
Marcettan, and she caught mine. You see, I was a K’Chalan. I had
never seen a Marcettan before. Her beauty simply stole my breath. I
just had to get to know her more.

I found out that her name was Troxuu, and
that she was the daughter of the leaders from Marcetta. A Marcettan
princess. Here I was, the K’Chalan prince. It almost seemed like
destiny that royalty like us would meet.

What started as a chance encounter grew
quickly into love. While we knew that our planets couldn’t get
along, it couldn’t prevent our feelings for each other. I knew that
I would never feel for anyone else the way I felt for her.

On the final day of the conference, Troxuu
and I secretly got married. We knew that if our parents ever found
out about us, they would never let us see each other again.

We knew that this would be our only chance to
express our love until our planets could get along. Shortly after
the wedding, we went back to my room. I knew that our parents would
be in their meetings all day.