Dreams of a Virgin (13 page)

She tried to jump start me, holding me and
kissing me, but it was no use. My battery was dead. It was a
wonderful ride. I hoped it was the first of many rides to come.

Sometimes all it takes is an idea, and you could get
rich quick. And sometimes those ideas come in the least likely
place.

I had been seeing Lynn for the past few
weeks. Tonight was to be the night where we first became
intimate.

While I was kissing her, I noticed a foul
stench. I could not find the source. I sniffed around until I found
the source. The stench was coming from between Lynn’s legs. I knew
I had to get rid of this before we could become further
intimate.

I ran to the bathroom and grabbed a
toothbrush and mouthwash. I then ran to the kitchen and grabbed a
turkey baster, a glass of water, and vinegar. I poured some vinegar
into the glass of water.

We went to the bathroom. She removed her
panties and stepped into the bathtub. I filled the baster with the
water/vinegar mixture and squirted it up her v-g.

I then took the toothbrush and scrubbed the
inside of her v-g. The bristles tickling her started getting her
off. The more I scrubbed, the louder she got. Her back arched. This
was excitement like I had never seen in any porn movie.

Once I knew I had scrubbed her clean, I
filled the baster with the minty mouthwash and rinsed her out. It
was cold at first, and she gasped when I squirted.

The bad thing now was, once she got that
excited, how could I compare? I couldn’t have sex with her now. I
could never match those expectations. So, we called it a night.

A few days later, there was a knock on the
door. It was Lynn’s friend Dana.

“Can I help you?”

“I’m Lynn’s friend. She told me about what
you did to her, with the toothbrush and all. I was wondering, would
you mind doing that to me too?”

“I don’t know. That’s kind of a personal
thing between the two of us.”

“I’ll give you twenty dollars. And I brought
my own toothbrush.”

It’s funny how money can change your views on
things. I was glad I sanitized the baster.

Fifteen minutes later, Dana left pleased as
no man had ever done to her.

“You could make a living out of this.”

With that, I started my own business. I went
to Costco and bought a case of toothbrushes, and several bottles of
white vinegar and minty mouthwash. I rented a small office. I sunk
a huge chunk of my life savings into this. I was hoping this would
pan out in the long run.

Word of mouth got out. First day of business,
I had four customers. Next day, it doubled to eight, and it kept
growing.

A few of them had told me that they felt
clean, but they wanted me to dirty them up so I could clean them. I
told them all the same thing. I had a girlfriend, and I had no
intentions of cheating on her.

That was until Piper walked in. A woman who
walked into a room and drew everyone’s attention. A woman that made
a man drop to his knees and thank God for such a creation.

One look at her, and I knew she had to be
clean.

“Can I help you?”

“Yes, I’m here for a cleaning.”

“Okay, let’s have a look.” I took her to the
back room. Fresh as a daisy. “Everything seems clean enough to
me.”

“Well, maybe you could do something about
that.” She brushed my hair back.

I looked to my right shoulder to see that
little devil sitting there. “Go for it. Make her a dirty little
girl. Trash that v-g.”

I looked to my left shoulder to see that
little angel sitting there, looking at me. “You have a girlfriend.
You know the right thing to do.” The angel turned and looked at
Piper. “Never mind. Listen to him.”

So, since she had her panties off already, I
took her up on the offer. Before I brushed her out, I took out my
tube and squeezed out my own version of toothpaste into her. A few
minutes later, I had that look on my face that I had seen so many
women leave here with.

For Piper, I gave her the extra special
treatment. I didn’t rush into it. I squirted the water/vinegar in
short bursts, covering all areas. For her, I got a toothbrush with
a bit stiffer bristles and a tongue scrubber. In slow, circular
motions, I worked over all areas, left to right, top to bottom.
Nothing left unbrushed. She let out a silent scream, looking like
she was screaming her head off, but not a sound to be heard.

I went over the area with the tongue
scrubber. The different texture changed her expression. Now, she
was swearing like a sailor. I never thought such a perfect woman
could utter such words.

I had the mouthwash on ice, so it was chilled
when I squirted it inside her. This brought out a loud “Oooooooh”
from her.

I could tell she was most appreciative of the
service I had given her. She laid a kiss on me that curled my toes,
that caused me to shoot my tube again.

For the next few weeks, business was booming.
I did as many as thirty cleanings in a day, but I never dirtied the
runway prior to cleaning again.

All of a sudden, business started to slow
down. Each day, the clientele got less and less.

Then one day, I had no customers.

The downside to this was that the women
learned that they could do this themselves for free.

I had put my savings into my office. Now, I
had no income to keep it open. I was stuck with a case full of
toothbrushes and bottles of vinegar and mouthwash.

Worst of all, Lynn found out about Piper and
dumped me. I never heard from Piper or Lynn again.

Most of those who have been successful in life did
not have it handed to them. They had to work for it. And they
probably followed a similar formula as Jeff did.

A few years ago, I was struggling to get by
day by day. I had just lost my job. (And no, it didn’t have
anything to do with toothbrushes.) My girlfriend had just dumped
me. I was being threatened with eviction.

I had to stop this downward spiral. I went to
a motivational seminar that my friend had recommended to me. I had
apprehensions about this, but since he purchased the ticket for me,
I went.

The speaker said that there was a simple
three step secret to success.

PLAN YOUR ATTACK. World War II was not won
because the troops just ran around, shooting Germans at random. The
attacks were strategized and mapped out.

STAY FOCUSED. In baseball, the batter didn’t
hit the home run by listening to the heckler seventeen rows back.
He concentrated only on the pitch.

OBTAIN THE UNOBTAINABLE. Don’t just want the
little things in life. Dream big.

Once I got home, I planned my attack. I had
wanted to become a writer for years. I jotted down ideas to come up
with the perfect plot for my book.

Six months later, I had finished my first
book. After shopping it around to various publishers, I got
accepted. Eight months later, my first book was released.

Three years later had gone by. I had two
other books in that series. Because of those books, I had retired
to become a full-time writer.

I owed all of this to that seminar. I planned
my attack to become published. I stayed focused and didn’t let
anyone or anything stop me. I obtained the unobtainable by not only
becoming published but successful enough to make a career of
it.

I was able to buy what I always wanted to. A
nice house, a new car, fine clothes.

There was still one thing missing in my life:
someone to share it with. I decided to use that three-step plan to
find a mate. First, I planned my attack. I looked at what I had to
offer. Then, I focused on nothing more than finding her. Finally, I
decided to obtain the unobtainable.

I was set to be a presenter at the Oscars. I
was paired with the world’s hottest supermodel, Persephone, who
happened to be single and uninvolved. To someone as ordinary
looking as I was, this was as unobtainable as it got.

I planned the attack, focused on Persephone,
and decided to ask her out. What better place to do it than on
stage presenting with her, with the whole world watching. She
almost had to say yes. In fact, she did.

Now came the task of impressing her. I had
one chance and one chance only.

So, once again, I turned to the three-step
method.

PLAN YOUR ATTACK. I arranged every little
detail, from the reservations at the best restaurant, to the
limousine, to making the house look immaculate when I brought her
back.

STAY FOCUSED. I was putting all other things
aside so I could concentrate on making this once chance
perfect.

By doing all this, I hoped to OBTAIN THE
UNOBTAINABLE.

That night, I picked her up. I knew I had my
worked cut out for me. I had put her on the spot. Now, I had to
live up to it.

The night started out good. Dinner was great.
We took a nice drive and talked.

After a while, we got home. I got nervous. It
turned out I had no reason to be nervous. While talking to her, I
discovered that she is just a normal person like anyone else. The
fact that she was in the spotlight so much made it seem like she
was superhuman. When deep down inside, she just wanted someone to
treat her like a regular person.

In that case, maybe I went a bit over the top
with dinner and the limo. I could relate to her. I was a normal
person who wanted to be where she is now. We talked all night long
about the worlds we longed to be a part of. In the end, we created
our own little world, one where we can be famous and yet be
normal.

One thing led to another. Next thing I knew,
we were kissing on the couch. It was starting to get a bit hot and
heavy. I suggested we go to the bedroom.

One good thing about being a writer was that
I was good with my Longfellow. After getting undressed, I started
to pen the great American novel. Several hundred pages later, the
masterpiece was finished. Her runway would never be the same.

From then on, we were the average couple. I
treated her as an equal. She made me feel special. Finally, I had
everything I had wanted in my life. For the first time in years, I
was truly happy.

Sometimes it’s better to be the best man in a wedding
than the groom. At least for Jeff it is.

About six months ago, my friend Peter asked
me to be the best man in his wedding to his longtime girlfriend
Morgan. Of course, I said yes. I knew he was making a mistake, but
he was happy.

I was involved in the planning as much as he
was, picking out the ring, the tuxes, everything. Seeing as I was
not planning my own wedding anytime soon, I treated it as my
own.

A week before the wedding, we took him on his
bachelor party. Of course, we had to embarrass him at a strip club.
With all of us chipping ten dollars, we got the ultimate bachelor
party service.

They called Peter up on stage. He sat in a
chair. The two prettiest dancers, Serenity and Divinity, handcuffed
him to the chair. They poured a double shot of Jack Daniels down
his throat. They stripped in front of him. He got a lap dance from
both simultaneously. We were screaming. To top it off, he got a
Polaroid of him tied up with both girls sitting on his lap.

Okay. He had his fun. Now it was our turn. We
tipped every dancer that came out. Brendan, one of the ushers, got
a private lap dance from Ecstasy, who more than lived up to her
name. By the end of the evening, we didn’t have two nickels to rub
together.

The following Friday was the rehearsal. I was
paired up with Wendy, Morgan’s younger sister. She was even cuter
than Morgan, and she was single. After figuring out where we were
supposed to go, we had the rehearsal dinner. Her aunt did all the
cooking.

As was customary, the bride and groom stayed
in separate places the night before the wedding. Peter got a hotel
room. She kicked him out.

I was not home five minutes when the phone
rang. It was Morgan.

“Jeff, could you come over now? There’s some
things I need to go over with you in private.”

Thinking nothing of it, I did. She answered
the door wearing only a bathrobe. She invited me in.

“Now about that business.” She slinked toward
me.

“Wait a minute. What’s Peter going to
say?”

At one time, I had a thing for Morgan. I even
got Peter’s approval to ask her out if anything ever happened
between them. Now that they were getting married, those feelings
were gone. Or so I thought.

“About what? He doesn’t have to know.” She
untied the rope.

“But he’s my best friend.”

“So? Friends keep secrets from friends.” She
moved ever so much closer to me.

“I still don’t know.”

“Well, let me make up your mind.” She took
off the robe. Wearing nothing underneath, she wrapped the rope
around me and drew me in. She kissed me hard and long.

While I tried to catch my breath, she dropped
to her knees. She unzipped my pants. They fell to the ground.
Reaching inside my drawers, she caressed my sack. I gasped in
arousal.

With the cord still wrapped around me, she
dragged me to the bed like a leash. She tied my hands to the
bedpost with the cord. She mounted me like a jockey to a horse. She
rode me like she was in the Kentucky Derby. As I started to slow,
she went to the whip. I didn’t know who’s screaming louder, me or
her.

After ten minutes of intense pleasure, both
of us were exhausted. Our bodies glistened with sweat.

“So, why did you invite me over for this? Why
me?”

“Well, he had one last fling. Why shouldn’t
I? And since you’re his best friend, I figured, ‘Why not?’ I now
know why you are the best man, at least the better man.”