Effortless (34 page)

“Why don’t you stay at Kellan’s?” I asked before I could think
about it.

He looked at me oddly, then shook his head. “No, I don’t think
that would be a good idea.”

I cringed, nodding. No, probably not. The ghosts were there for
me, for Denny, who had had an awful situation explode in his face
without any warning…the ghosts would be even harder to handle. I
wouldn’t blame him if he never wanted to set foot in Kellan’s house
again. It was kind of dumb for me to even ask. I guess I was just
trying to be practical, like Denny often was, and Kellan’s place
was completely empty right now. Vacant, patiently waiting for its
owner’s return, just like me.

After explaining some of the campaigns he’d been involved in,
even one for a feminine hygiene product that he could barely talk
about with a straight face, I finally noticed the time on a clock
behind him.

“Oh crap, I’m gonna be late.” Denny glanced at the clock I was
looking at and scrunched his face. It was a cute expression and I
laughed before I remembered why I really needed to go. Standing up,
I collected my jacket and book bag. “We’ve been talking for longer
than I realized. I’m gonna be late for work.”

Denny nodded, standing and gathering his coat as well.

Pausing as I slipped mine on, I tilted my head at the door. “Do
you want to come with me?” Shrugging, I added, “I could get you
some dinner…just like old times.”

He looked down, smiling softly. “Just like old times.” When he
looked back up, he shrugged, his goofy grin returning. “Sure…why
not?”

Denny followed me to Pete’s in his company car, a sleek, black
thing that looked pricey. It made me smile that he was doing well;
I always knew he would. That was something I’d always been sure
about with Denny—he would have success at anything he tried. And
being in charge at his age…it seemed he already was going
places.

Pulling into Kellan’s unofficially reserved parking spot, I
watched Denny pull up beside me. He was frowning as he stared at
Kellan’s Chevelle, maybe wondering where his Honda was. I’d
probably have to mention at some point that Anna had nearly
confiscated the vehicle from me. Hopefully he wasn’t too bothered
by the news.

But he didn’t mention anything as he stood by his sporty car,
waiting for me. It was so weird to see him here, like I’d fallen
through a wormhole and been shoved back in time. Things were
different, but things were the same, too. As I stepped up to his
side, he twisted and we started walking to the doors. I felt a
split-second of loss that he hadn’t held his hand out for me. It
wasn’t that I wanted him to, or needed him to, more like I’d
expected him to.

When you’re around someone for so long, you learn to anticipate
their behavior, and in the past, Denny would have always smiled and
extended a hand to me if we were walking together. Him not doing it
was a little jarring, and I instantly didn’t feel like I was
reliving the past anymore.

I realized the flaw with my impromptu plan when Denny walked
through the doors with me—everyone’s jaw dropped as they all stared
at us together again. Rita, Kate, all the regulars…even Jenny
looked taken aback. Not many of them knew the Denny/Kellan
triangle, but they knew that Denny was my ex and Kellan was my
current.

That Denny was conveniently back in town while Kellan was away
was enough to cause a swirl of gossip in and of itself. That we
were suddenly hanging out was even weirder, by several people’s
standards from the looks on their faces. I’d probably have to have
the “don’t tell Kellan” speech with a few of my friends too. Just
for now. I needed some time first, a plan to keep Kellan from
overreacting.

Leaning over a little as he stood beside me, Denny murmured, “Is
it just me, or is everyone staring at us?”

I sighed and rolled my eyes, looking up at him. “It’s not just
you…I guess it’s been a slow week for news.” I laughed. “We’re now
the hottest story in town.”

He smirked at me. “Oh good, and I was worried that this would be
awkward.”

I laughed a little more and motioned for him to take a seat
anywhere he wanted. Surprisingly, or maybe it was just an
unconscious habit since he’d usually sat there, he chose the band’s
table.

I watched him for a moment before heading to the back to deposit
my stuff. I nearly had my second collision of the day when Jenny
stepped in front of me. Sidestepping just in time, I felt my heart
skip a beat. I really hated running into people.

Jenny frowned as she glanced at Denny. She leaned into me.
Speaking quietly, like she was afraid Denny could hear her all the
way across the room, she whispered, “What are you doing,
Kiera?”

I looked over her face, a flame of irritation starting to
flicker in me. Did everyone think I was incapable of just being
friends with a guy? “Well, I thought I’d start my shift, since I am
a few minutes late.”

I tried to continue on to the back, but Jenny grabbed my arm.
“No, with him, what are you doing with him?”

I looked over at Denny. Leaning on his elbows over the table, he
was looking around the bar, absorbing being back inside it. Maybe
he’d missed the place? Seeing his friend back in the city, Sam
started heading Denny’s way. I heard his booming greeting as I
twisted back to Jenny. “I ran into an old friend who is back in
town. I invited him here to buy him dinner, because I’ve missed
seeing him.” Carefully unfurling her fingers from my arm, I added,
“Why is that a problem?”

I knew why…and so did Jenny. Shaking her head, she murmured,
“He’s not just a friend, Kiera, he’s your ex, the ex you and
Kellan…”

She sighed and I bit my lip to hold back my comment. Yes, I knew
exactly what Kellan and I had done to him. I didn’t need it spelled
out. Glancing at my promise ring, she changed what she’d been about
to say. “Does Kellan know he’s here? Are you going to…see him…while
Kellan’s away?”

I tilted my head, wondering if she’d really just asked if I was
going to start carrying on with two men again. Shaking my head a
little more harshly than was necessary, I snapped, “No!” She
flinched a little at my reaction and exhaling, I made myself relax.
I looped my arm around hers and started walking us to the back.

She relaxed against me as we walked, and in a more controlled
voice I told her, “Yes, I’m going to probably hang out with him a
few times while he’s back in town.” She raised her eyebrows at me
and I quickly added, “No, I’m not ‘seeing’ him.” I glanced down at
the ring snug around my finger and smiled. “I’m Kellan’s…and that’s
not going to change, but Denny is a friend, and I’m not just going
to ignore that he’s here.”

We stepped into the hallway and Jenny nodded, looking
contemplative. Shaking my head, I added, “I’m not going back down a
road that ended…as badly as it did.” I sighed and dropped my head.
“I’ve learned my lesson, Jenny. I’m not that person anymore.”

She patted my back as we stopped in front of the back room. “I
know, Kiera. I guess I just didn’t want to see you mess up a good
thing.” She ducked down to meet my eye. “And you and Kellan are a
good thing.”

I smiled and nodded. As she gave me a swift hug and prepared to
leave, I grabbed her elbow. “Can you…when you talk to Evan, can you
not mention that Denny’s here?”

Her shoulders slumping, she gave me the exact same look Denny
had earlier. “Kiera…”

I shook my head. “Kellan won’t understand. He won’t believe that
nothing is going on. He will drop the tour and come home. He’ll
stay by my side until I’m done with school or Denny leaves,
whichever comes first.” I shook my head, slowly. “He’ll throw away
everything
, Jenny. His dreams…and Evan’s.”

Jenny sighed, holding my gaze. “You’re going to tell him?”

I nodded. “Yes…as soon as I figure out how.”

Closing her eyes, she shook her head. Opening them, she seemed
resigned…and irritated. “I hate lying, Kiera, especially to
Evan.”

Releasing her elbow, I looked down. I hated lying too, but
sometimes you had to fudge a little bit, to protect people. As
Denny said, sometimes the truth was cold. Why inflict someone with
the sting of it, if you didn’t have to? “I know, Jenny.” I peeked
back up at her. “Just don’t mention it, if you can help it.”

She twisted her lip, then nodded. Shaking her head a little, she
walked away. I called out a thanks but she didn’t look back at me.
I sighed, hating this small deception already. It was necessary,
though, for the time being.

When I got back out to the bar, Denny was still chatting with
Sam, only now Kate and a couple of the regulars had joined him.
They were all laughing as they sat around talking, and I took a
moment to just smile and absorb the fact that he was back here.
Watching his goofy grin, hearing him laugh, it brought back all the
good feelings from when we were together. It made me realize how
much I’d missed him this past year. I knew it was going to be hard
on me when he left again. And it had been pretty hard the first
time.

As Kate squeezed his shoulders and gave him a hug, he looked
over to where I was still standing and watching him. His goofy grin
changed into a warm smile and he nodded a little at me. Face
flushing a million degrees, I stopped reminiscing and headed
towards the bar to get him a drink.

Rita eyed me speculatively as she poured a beer for him. At just
high enough of a level for me to hear, she murmured, “When the
cat’s away…”

I rolled my eyes and grit my jaw. Snapping at Rita wouldn’t do
any good. She tended to think everyone was hooking up with
everyone. She saw sordid behavior in just about anything. She’d
even told me once that The Little Mermaid was darn near
pornographic. I still have no idea why…

Pretending that I didn’t hear her, and also pretending that I
couldn’t clearly see the top of her bra under her deeply cut
v-neck, I grabbed Denny’s drink and headed to the band’s table,
well, what used to be the band’s table.

The front doors squeaked open as I passed by and I halfheartedly
glanced over. Seeing someone that usually didn’t come into the bar,
I stopped. Rachel locked eyes with me immediately. Her tanned skin
seemed to glow and her almond eyes sparkled. Lifting a laptop
tucked under her arm, her long sheet of dark hair almost obscuring
it, her wide smile got even wider. “Oh, hey, Kiera. I’m glad you’re
here tonight. I wanted to show you and Jenny something.”

Seeing her roommate enter, Jenny walked over to us, curious.
“Did you get it up and running?” she asked, pointing her finger to
the machine Rachel was disentangling from her hair.

Nodding, she started walking back to Denny’s table. Natural, I
supposed, since her boyfriend generally sat in the same seat that
Denny was currently plopped in. Wondering what they were talking
about, I watched with bunched brows as Rachel set up the laptop
across from Denny.

As Sam and the regulars left Denny and returned to their own
evenings, Denny tilted his head at the newcomer at his table.
“Hello,” he said politely, not knowing who Rachel was.

She nervously tucked her hair behind her ears. Barely making eye
contact with him, she turned on the computer. “Hi,” she squeaked
out. “Hope you don’t mind if I borrow your table for a second.”

Denny laughed at her shyness, glancing up at me with a small,
knowing smile, like Rachel reminded him of me. “Not at all.”

Lowering my eyes, I flicked my hand between Rachel and Denny.
“Denny, Rachel…Rachel Denny.” They both made brief contact and
Rachel nodded her head a little at him. Wanting to laugh that Denny
sort of had a point, I added, “Rachel is Jenny’s roommate and
Matt’s girlfriend.” Looking back at Denny, I bunched my brows.
“Denny’s…my ex.” I shrugged.

Rachel’s eyes flew up to Denny’s. “You’re the ex?
The
ex?”

She immediately flushed and looked down at her computer. Denny
flushed as well, looking away. I bit my lip…I guess either Matt or
Jenny had filled Rachel in on all the drama that was Kellan and I
having an affair behind Denny’s back. Great. I guess I’d have to
have the “don’t tell Matt so he doesn’t tell Kellan” speech with
her, too.

More because I needed something to do with my hands than
anything else, I handed Denny his beer. He immediately took a sip.
Because we were supposed to, and, because I felt bad, I gave him an
apple lollipop. He twisted his lips and shook his head, laughing as
he took it. I wondered why until I considered what I’d given him…a
sucker. And just when he was probably feeling like a giant
sucker.

Sighing a little, I considered asking him what he wanted to eat,
but Rachel spoke again before I could. Logging onto the internet,
she typed in a phrase. “Matt asked me to set this up, so I thought
I’d do it while the boys were gone.” She shook her head, her smile
returning. “We just went live an hour ago, and people have already
sent me stuff to post.”

As the page she’d typed in loaded, my jaw dropped open. It was a
D-Bag website. I shook my head as she scrolled around through some
of the different pages. Everything seemed to be on there—photos of
the guys, a playlist of all their songs, their tour schedule, a
short biography on each of the members, feedback from the fans.

I frowned when she clicked over Kellan’s bio. At the bottom of
his description there was a photo of him on stage…without a shirt.
It was an older photo and I couldn’t see any trace of his tattoo,
just lean, toned, etched muscle. It was an incredibly hot shot.
Whoever had taken it had gotten him running a hand back through his
hair as he twisted towards the camera. His head was down, but his
eyes were up, looking right at the photographer. With eyes that
promised satisfaction, a soft, seductive smile played across his
lips. I was fairly certain that the person who’d captured this
moment, had gotten a very private performance later.

Wondering if these were Rachel’s personal pictures, I crossed my
arms over my chest. “Why’s Kellan the only one half naked?”
Glancing over the photos of the other boys, all of them dressed
normally, I frowned a little deeper.

Rachel looked back at me, her cheeks flushing. “Matt gave me
these pictures. He’s been collecting them from fans over the
years.” She pointed at Kellan’s body, then clicked back to the
homepage, where I finally noticed that his mostly bare image had
also been seamlessly blended into a good chunk of the wallpaper.
Shaking her head as she shifted her gaze from the screen back to
me, she quietly said, “Matt told me to work with what they’ve
got…to play up their best features.”

Shrinking away from my gaze, she muttered, “Kellan’s body is…one
of their best features, even I’ll admit that.”

Sighing, I shook my head and rolled my eyes. Denny stood up and
walked over to look at the screen. Chuckling a little, he nodded.
“She has a point.” Glancing over at me, he raised an eyebrow.
“Marketing-wise, it’s a solid strategy…sex sells.”

Hating that the “sex” being sold revolved around my boyfriend,
and sort of hating that my ex was the one defending it, I blurted
to Rachel, “You said people were sending you stuff? What
stuff?”

Rachel sat up straight and clapped her hands. “Oh, I’m so
excited to show you this part.” Giggling, maybe glad that I wasn’t
going to go off on her or anything, she headed over to a section
entitled “Videos.” I scrunched my face, confused. The band hadn’t
made any videos. At least, none that I’d seen.

Running past a few, she settled on a thumbnail of the boys on
stage. As she started playing the video, I laughed a little. It
definitely wasn’t a professionally done video, more like something
a fan had created on their cell phone. Slightly wobbly and almost
overpowered by the sound of screaming nearby, it looked to be taken
from a recent show. Rachel confirmed that when she said that the
footage was dated a couple of weeks ago.

Jenny giggled and leaned in, her eyes focused on her man in the
back banging away on his drums. Rachel sighed happily as she
watched Matt stringing through his guitar so fast that you could
barely register his fingers moving. And my eyes were glued on
Kellan. It seemed a lifetime ago that I’d watched him perform
onstage. Truly, it had only been three months, halfway through our
allotted separation, but it seemed much, much longer.

Leaning back on a hip, I sighed again, but contently this time.
Wherever this had been filmed, Kellan commanded the stage with his
presence. Just like when he did it here, on our comparatively
smaller stage, he seemed completely comfortable, perfectly at home.
It was still miraculous to me.

Not thinking about what I was doing, I leaned into Denny’s side.
He straightened, and took a half-step away from me. I muttered
sorry, but he wasn’t looking at me, his eyes were glued on Kellan
too. I had no idea how he felt, watching the man he’d lost me to,
thriving in his chosen profession.

Pushing it from my head, I turned back to Kellan strutting
across the stage, belting out lyrics as he interacted with the
crowd—reaching out for them or playfully holding a hand to his ear.
I swear he even winked at a couple of people. I tried to ignore the
twinge in my stomach.

When the song ended, I wanted to clap along with the crowd.
They’d all done so great, not that I’d really been concerned that
they wouldn’t—the guys always did great—but it was nice to see that
the constant traveling, and the tiredness that can come with it,
hadn’t hampered their talent at all.

Just when I started to ask Rachel how many more videos there
were, and if I could borrow her computer over my dinner break, the
cell camera focused on Kellan. I stopped talking, staring at the
image of him, so close, yet so far away. Smiling to the crowd, he
thanked them all, bowed and then blew out a kiss. He twisted to
head off the stage and the fan recording the footage followed his
progress. Apparently the fan found Kellan the most appealing one to
watch.

Just as Kellan started to round a corner that must have led to a
behind the scenes area, a woman darted out from around the corner
first.

She startled me, showing up on the screen like that, but Kellan
didn’t react to her appearance at all. Like he knew she’d be there.
He only smiled at her, his grin a breathtaking one. As I felt all
of the blood draining from my body, I watched Kellan playfully grab
both of her elbows. Shaking his head, his face still showing
nothing but joy, he animatedly said something to her.

The statuesque woman smiled back at him and nodded, her face
equally joyful. She wasn’t what I expected a band-following groupie
to look like. She seemed high class, well put together, with dark
ebony hair in a loosely held back bun and clothes that screamed
money. She had creamy, mocha skin, with perfect bone structure
beneath it and lips that were undeniably full and soft. She
was…gorgeous. Model gorgeous. Celebrity gorgeous. Halle Berry
gorgeous. Squinting my eyes, I wondered for a second if maybe it
was Halle Berry? Wouldn’t that just be my luck? If he’d hooked up
with an A-list actress already.

Just as she twisted her face and I saw enough of it to know that
it wasn’t the actress, Kellan leaned into her ear. I had no idea if
he was leaning in to tell her something, or if he was leaning in to
nibble on it. And I couldn’t tell what happened next, since the
video shut off. The screen now back to the tiny thumbnail of the
band, I blinked. Did I really just see what I think I saw? I didn’t
want to believe it, but it had looked…suspicious. Then there was
that odd text over Christmas that he wouldn’t let me read. He’d
said it was from Griffin. Was it?

Anger boiling in my stomach, I pointed to the computer. “Could
you…play that last part again please?” I asked, my voice short and
tight.

Rachel tucked her hair behind her ears repeatedly. “Kiera, I’m
sorry. That one just came in…I was so excited to show you guys, I
hadn’t watched it all the way through yet.”

Glaring at her, even though I didn’t mean to, I snapped, “Play
it again, Rachel.” Calming myself, since I really didn’t know what
I was seeing, I added, “Please.”

I felt Denny put a hand on my shoulder, but I couldn’t look at
him. I was sure he wouldn’t gloat, but I wasn’t equally sure that
he wasn’t that surprised. Maybe I’d been dreaming about having a
monogamous relationship with Kellan. Maybe that just wasn’t
possible. Closing my eyes tight, I shook my head. No, I couldn’t
leap to conclusions without talking to him. I couldn’t condemn him
without letting him fail first. Isn’t that what I’d convinced my
dad?

Feeling another hand touch me, I opened my eyes at Jenny. Biting
her lip, she shook her head. “I’m sure there’s a perfectly logical
explanation, Kiera. I’m sure that was nothing…really.”

I felt my eyes sting as I nodded at her. Sure, it may have been
nothing, we really didn’t know. But it was enough of something for
every single one of them to wonder about it. And that made my
stomach start to churn.

Jenny went back to work, excitedly telling Kate all about Evan’s
performance, while I watched the clip again. Denny stayed by my
side, not saying anything, but not making any move to walk away. I
shook my head as I watched Kellan lean into the beauty again.
Seeing it was riling up my stomach. I really should stop myself. I
really shouldn’t watch. But I felt frozen in place, staring at the
screen over Rachel’s shoulder.

After playing it again, Rachel tried to move to a different area
of the website, maybe to get my mind off it, but I was too deep in
my jealous fit to just let it slide off me. I was as patient as I
could be, and I’d grown a lot in the last year, but I still had a
lot of room for growth. I grabbed the mouse from her and clicked
the video again.

Sighing, she stood up, inching her way between Denny and I.
“I’ll just…give you a moment,” she murmured, walking away from the
table.