Emily Post's Great Get-Togethers (2 page)

• F
  ARMERS
  ’ M
  ARKETS
  : The best for fresh and local foodstuffs, farmers’ markets offer an amazing variety of produce, baked goods, flowers, cheeses, and more.
  
• S
  PECIALTY
  S
  TORES
  : Shop for great guestworthy products: cheeses, cured meats and fish, olives and tapenades, artisanal breads and crackers, freshly prepared sides and salads, and main dishes, such as soups and chilis.
  Always
  ask for a taste. Wine, cheese, and gourmet food shops can offer more than just great products. Owners and staff are usually enthusiasts, willing to answer questions and give advice.
  
• S
  PECIALTY
  W
  INE
  S
  TORES
  : You don’t have to be an expert to know good wine, but an expert at a wine shop can help you pick out the right wine at the right price for your party. If you’re looking for a good wine pairing in your price range, bring along your menu. Look for a shop where the staff really know their stock and aren’t saying things like, “Oh, pinot goes with everything.”
  
• G
  ROCERY
  S
  TORES
  : You may need to check around at more than one store to get the best-quality foods. Find out who has the best meat, fish, produce, cheeses, breads, and selection of staples, like olive oils, vinegar, quality pastas, grains, and odd ingredients. If you’re lucky to have a good all-around market in your neighborhood—especially one that also carries flowers and a decent beverage selection—it can be a big time-saver.
  
• W
  AREHOUSE
  S
  TORES
  : You can save by buying your food, beverages, and party goods at one of the big chains (Sam’s Club, Walmart, Costco, Trader Joe’s), most of which also offer a solid array of frozen foods—pizza, desserts (tiramisù, cheesecakes, mini éclairs), and appetizers (mini quiches, bacon-wrapped scallops, crab cakes)—as well as large jars of salsa and pesto, dips and sauces, meat, vegetables, fruit, wine, and beer.
  Be sure to read the ingredients and check out their source. Never serve guests something you haven’t first sampled yourself.
  If it passes the quality and taste tests, consider adding extra spices or garnishes to make it your own.
  
• T
  AKEOUT—THE
  U
  LTIMATE
  DIY C
  ATERER
  : You’d be amazed at the number of restaurants that offer takeout. Think beyond Thai, Chinese, and pizza—although they’re great, too. Your favorite barbecue restaurant might supply ribs or pulled pork, and a local bistro may be a good source for main courses. Prepare your own fresh salad to serve with the main course and learn to make a good, reliable vinaigrette.
  
• A S
  TATIONER
  or P
  ARTY
  S
  TORE
  : When the party calls for more than a phone or e-mail invite, you’ll want a fun source for invitations. While you’re at it, you can also buy cocktail napkins and other paper goods, as well as decorations for theme parties.
  

Our Favorite Vinaigrettes

A few good vinaigrettes will greatly expand your salad repertoire.

Basic Vinaigrette

Makes just over ¼ cup, enough to dress a salad for 6 or 8. Make more if people will be dressing their own.

1 teaspoon Dijon mustard

1 tablespoon red or white wine vinegar

¼ teaspoon kosher or ground sea salt

Ground pepper, to taste

Optional: ½ teaspoon minced garlic or shallots

3 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil

Herbs of choice: 1 teaspoon chopped fresh parsley, chervil, thyme, or tarragon

In a small bowl, whisk together the mustard, vinegar, salt and pepper, and optional garlic or shallots. Continue whisking and slowly add the olive oil. Dress the salad and sprinkle with the fresh herbs and additional salt, if needed.

Champagne Vinaigrette

Makes 1¼ cups

¼
cup Champagne vinegar

1 teaspoon Dijon mustard

1 teaspoon minced shallot

½
teaspoon salt

¼
teaspoon sugar

¼
teaspoon ground pepper

1 cup neutral oil such as extra virgin olive oil or canola oil

Whisk together all the ingredients except the oil. Continue whisking and slowly drizzle in the oil until all of it is incorporated. Taste the dressing—if it seems too tart, drizzle in a little more oil. For more bite, add a little more vinegar. Keeps tightly covered in the refrigerator for up to 1 week.

Balsamic Vinaigrette

Makes 1¼ cups

¼
cup balsamic vinegar

1 teaspoon Dijon mustard

1 teaspoon minced shallot

½
teaspoon minced garlic

1 teaspoon honey

½ teaspoon salt

¼
teaspoon ground pepper

1 cup extra virgin olive oil

Whisk together all the ingredients except the oil. Continue whisking and slowly drizzle in the olive oil until all of it is incorporated. Taste the dressing— if it seems too tart, drizzle in a little more oil. For more bite, add a little more vinegar.

Caesar Dressing

This eggless Caesar dressing really flatters beans, especially something as simple as a big platter of cool, crisp-cooked garden green beans. Upon the good base of two, three, or four types of beans and the dressing, other summery salads can also be built: Consider adding halved red or yellow cherry tomatoes, tender hearts of romaine, boiled new potatoes, or sweet corn cut off the cob. For a picnic salad, omit the lettuce.

Makes about 1½ cups

1 tablespoon red wine vinegar

1 tablespoon chopped anchovies

2 tablespoons Dijon mustard

1 tablespoon chopped garlic

1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice

1 cup extra virgin olive oil

Several dashes of Worcestershire sauce

1.
Combine the vinegar, anchovies, mustard, garlic, pepper, and lemon juice in the bowl of a food processor. Pulse to combine. With the motor running, add the olive oil in a steady stream until incorporated. Season to taste with the Worcestershire sauce.

2.
Use immediately or store, tightly covered, in the refrigerator for a week.

T
here’s an art to being a good host. It’s like being the producer, director, and star of your own show. As producer, you’re responsible for all the details of party prep, from invitations to last-minute errands. Just before the doorbell rings, you take off your producer’s hat and step into the roles of director and star. As the director, you guide the action, letting guests know when it’s time to come to the table and when it’s time to say goodbye. As the star, you add the sparkle and set the tone of the party. Successful hosts make this transformation seem easy; guests have no sense of the planning and work that’s gone on behind the scenes. Their time is spent wrapped in your kind attention, stimulated by conversation, and cheered by a meal created for their enjoyment—all of which leaves them feeling, well, entertained.

Being a good host isn’t all that difficult, but it does take forethought, practice, and a little talent for multitasking. Above all, you want to make sure your friends feel comfortable and welcome. The following suggestions will help you hit all the right notes:

• I
  NVITE CLEARLY.
  Make sure your invitation lets your guests know what to expect. Whether you invite by phone, e-mail, or written invitation, let your guests know:
  
  • Who:
    Host(s)
    
  • What:
    Cocktails
    
  • When:
    6
    P.M.
    , Saturday, May 6
    
  • Where:
    Burlington Country Club
    
  • Why:
    Jane and Ben’s Engagement
    

Add how and when to respond, and any special info your guests should know, such as what they should wear or what they should bring.
(See Chapter 4, The Invitation Tells All, page 35.)

• P
  LAN
  w
  ELL.
  Prepare as much as you can
  before
  everyone arrives. Have your meal ready and your table set and be dressed at least fifteen minutes before party hour.
  (See Chapter 3, Planning to Have Fun, page 25.)
  
• D
  RESS FOR YOUR EVENT—OR ONE NOTCH UP.
  After all, this is your party and you’re the star! Just don’t tell guests “casual” and then open the door draped in an evening dress and dripping with bling.
  
• R
  EMAIN CALM.
  Your mood sets the tone. Take five minutes simply to enjoy the beauty of the stage you’ve set before the guests arrive. And no matter what happens, never let your guests think you’re stressed out—it will make them feel anxious and uncomfortable, too.
  
• B
  E WELCOMING.
  Making your guests feel at home and seeing to their comfort are what being a host is all about. Greet them enthusiastically as they arrive, even if it means excusing yourself from a conversation with another guest. (
  Note:
  If you’re hosting with a partner, only one of you needs to greet guests at the door.)
  
• B
  E THE SPARK
  . Circulate among all your guests. Be sure to introduce newcomers and stay with them long enough to get a conversation going. If one of your guests doesn’t know any of the others, enlist a friend to make introductions and make sure he isn’t left on his own.
  
• B
  E MINDFUL.
  Keep an eye on guests’ drinks and offer refills before they have to ask. (At the same time, keep an eye on the guest who’s had one too many!) Rescue others from being trapped in overly long conversations, and make an effort to gently draw out the shy ones. Above all, be sure to spend time with each guest.
  
• B
  E THE LEADER/DIRECTOR.
  It’s your job to call guests in to dinner and to raise your fork so they can begin eating. If you plan to serve yourself last, say, “Please begin” once three or four guests have been served so their meal doesn’t get cold. It’s also up to you to signal when it’s time for the next course, and to get up from the table to indicate when the meal is over.
  
• M
  AKE A TOAST.
  To many people, making a toast seems like a daunting prospect. But it’s really as simple as welcoming your guests, thanking the chef (if it wasn’t you), or wishing health and happiness to the guest of honor or to your friends around your table. A thoughtful toast transforms any gathering into an occasion, and is a wonderfully special way to extend a warm welcome to all.
  (See Chapter 12, Traditions and Special Occasions, page 173.)
  
• B
  E APPRECIATIVE.
  Let your friends know how much you enjoy spending time with them. Thank them not just for coming, but also for any gifts or contributions to the meal. Guests who’ve experienced your enthusiasm and appreciation for their company are sure to want to return.
  

Greetings and Introductions

A
s the host, it’s your job to greet your guests and introduce new and old friends. Before the party, take a little time to think about each guest. Does everyone know each other? Is there someone new who needs to meet everyone? Do you have some shy guests who may not be comfortable introducing themselves to people they don’t know? Think about your guests’ interests and general background information—who likes music, films, wine, sports, trekking, finance. Offering a point of common reference between two people is an easy way to get a conversation going when strangers meet. At a large party, be on the lookout for guests who are sitting quietly on the sidelines, and make it a point to draw them into a conversational group.

“I’d Like You to Meet...”

Making an introduction is easy: Simply speak to the person you wish to honor first—the guest of honor, your grandmother or other elderly person, your client, your boss. “Samantha [your guest of honor], I’d like you to meet John Parker. John, this is Samantha Evans. Samantha’s just moved here from Seattle.”

Lively Conversation

In the same way that you keep an eye on your guests’ glasses, keep an ear tuned to the conversation. As the host, you’ll need to fill in the gaps or redirect a discussion that’s gone astray. Small talk is a characteristic of the cocktail party, where conversations tend to be short exchanges of information or light give-and-takes about what’s going on.

Dinner parties lend themselves to more in-depth discussions. Even though the classic advice is to steer clear of the four unmentionables (politics, religion, sex, and money), our present society loves to talk about politics, religion, sex, and money! As the host, it’s your job to make sure the discussion remains friendly and respectful, no matter what the topic. In some circles, a really heated debate is a sign of a great evening. That’s fine, if everyone’s in on it and understands the (often unspoken) ground rules. If that’s not the case, then you’ll need to change the subject if the sparks start flying. Stepping in with “How ’bout those Red Sox?” (or some other completely off-topic comment) is a clear way of saying to guests, “We’ve hit the uncomfortable zone.” At the same time, it injects some humor and lets another discussion begin. Then, again, if you’re in Yankees territory, that quip might set off an explosion, so be aware of your context.

Avoid the Awkward Moment

Whether you’re enjoying the company of new friends or old, it’s never a good idea to bring up deeply personal issues at a party. It’s one thing if your dinner partner chooses to divulge a bit of personal info, but you shouldn’t be the one to go down that road (“So, Karen, how was rehab?”). The top ten one-liners to avoid are:

1. “When are you getting married?”

2. “Why aren’t you married?” (or its corollary, “Why don’t you have kids?” or “So, are you going to have kids?”)

3. “When are you due?”

4. “You look great—have you lost weight /had an eye lift/been getting Botox?”

5. “You look awful—are you okay?”

6. “How much does someone in your line of work make?”

7. “How much did that cost?” or “Wow, is that real?”

8. “That can’t be right.”

9. “Should you be eating that?”

10. “As my good friend ____________ was telling me the other day...”(fill in name of celebrity).

Making Small Talk

T
o engage in small talk with your guests, you’ll need to have something to talk about besides the weather. Here are some tips to help you jump-start the conversation:

• K
  NOW YOUR CURRENT EVENTS.
  Make an effort to know what’s going on in your community, your state, the world, and current sports and entertainment. Take a little time to think about the topics you’ve come across in newspapers and magazines and on television and you’ll be surprised at how naturally you can get a conversation going.
  
• K
  NOW YOUR GUESTS.
  Consider their interests, hobbies, jobs, and accomplishments. This gives you lots to talk about—plus your guests will be flattered by the attention.
  
• A
  SK PEOPLE’S OPINIONS.
  Asking questions is the easiest way to start a conversation and/or to keep one going. People
  love
  to be asked for their opinion—so instead of simply giving your own take on the latest sports or celebrity gossip or that weird new diet you just read about, bring the topic up and ask your guest for
  her
  thoughts on the subject.
  
• B
  E A GOOD LISTENER.
  Focus on the person you’re talking to and maintain that focus. Wandering eyes make the other person feel as if you’re just killing time. As you talk, respond with comments and questions to show you’re engaged.
  

Accidents Will Happen

S
ometimes being the host means coping with accidents, mishaps, or even bad behavior. It’s inevitable that at some point red wine will be spilled or something will break. For starters, if you’re worried about having your heart broken over an accidental mishap,
don’t
use glasses or dishes that are beloved heirlooms, or vases so valuable that a guest couldn’t possibly afford to replace one if he breaks it.

The truly good host is gracious and unflappable, no matter
what
happens. This is where a sense of humor and an awareness that “stuff happens” come in handy. So does a supply of OxiClean and paper towels. Stay relaxed and look for creative solutions if an accident occurs. The more you take things in stride and handle them gracefully, the better your guests will feel.

Staying Flexible

It’s not easy to keep calm when you’ve been thrown for a loop, but by maintaining your cool you can turn even the most socially awkward situation into a success. Let’s look at a common scenario: You’ve invited three couples for dinner. The table’s perfect: flowers, place cards, candles—the whole nine yards. You open the door to find that Katherine and Rob have unilaterally taken the liberty of bringing along their friend Jane, who’s visiting. You could say,

(A) “What were you
thinking
, bringing an extra person to my dinner party?! I don’t know how I’m going to cope. My menu, my seating plan—
everything
is ruined!”

And you’ll be absolutely right—because while it’s true that Katherine and Rob never should have brought Jane without asking you first, your reaction has now ruined the evening for everybody.

Or you could say,

(B) “Jane, it’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m so glad Katherine and Rob brought you along! Let me get you something to drink while they introduce you.”

Make sure your facial expression, tone, and body language match your gracious words or the whole effect will be lost.

Sure, you’ll have to rearrange a few place settings and fiddle with portions, but your gracious welcome has smoothed over what could have been a very uncomfortable moment. In fact, the other guests may not even notice that Jane wasn’t on the original guest list! (By the way, it’s okay to call Katherine and Rob the next day and let them know how much you enjoyed having Jane at the party, but that if this kind of situation comes up again, you’d really appreciate a call ahead of time.)

Friends Don’t Let Friends...

The one thing you can’t ignore is a guest who’s over the limit. First, stop serving him alcohol, and second, take away his car keys. Offer a bed or a couch for the night or take on the responsibility of seeing Mr. Not-So-Sober safely home—but whatever you do,
never
let him drive. And remember, calling a cab or asking a friend to take the drunk person home only makes him someone else’s responsibility.

CONTINGENCY PLANS

Some guests are late

Wait 15–20 minutes, then start without them.

A guest breaks or spills something

Smooth over the incident and clean the mess up quickly. The guest should apologize and offer to do what he can to resolve the situation—but if he doesn’t, chalk it up to the cost of entertaining a less-than-considerate guest.

A guest makes an ethnic slur or an offensive joke

Interrupt and change the subject, or ask for his help in another room, where you can tell him that his off-color jokes or remarks are making others uncomfortable. Be sure to apologize privately to anyone who might have been offended.

Unexpected guests show up at your door

Greet them graciously and do your best to include them. Set extra places at the table if possible (even if your place settings aren’t an exact match). If all else fails, eat on laps in the living room.

A guest has had too much to drink

Cut off the alcohol and take away the car keys. Offer him a place to sleep for the night or drive him home yourself.

There’s not enough food

Plate the food, using smaller portions of what’s short and larger ones of what’s in good supply. Augment the salad and add bread if possible. Signal “FHB” (Family Hold Back) to family members.