Emily Post's Great Get-Togethers (22 page)

Other Yummy Kid-Friendly Party Food

• Macaroni and cheese
  
• Spaghetti and little meatballs or just meatballs in sauce with French bread or garlic bread
  
• Mild chili with grated cheese and sour cream
  
• Quesadillas: The cheese can be a blend of jack and Cheddar
  
• Tacos: shredded chicken or ground beef with sliced romaine lettuce, sour cream, shredded cheese, mild salsa
  
• Cheesy twice-baked potatoes
  
• Cheese fondue with bread cubes, apples, and little potatoes for dipping
  
• Chocolate fondue with strawberries and cake squares
  
• Cake, cupcakes, cookies, and ice cream sandwiches
  

Party Favors—or Not?

F
avors aren’t a must, but they are popular at birthday parties—and if it’s a tradition in your neighborhood, it’s probably a good idea to follow suit. Party favors certainly don’t need to be expensive or elaborate—in fact, most parents agree that extravagant favors are out. Simply put together a goody bag with treats and a couple of little toys, or something more lasting, like a T-shirt or hat, a mini flashlight, crayons, jump ropes, or simple kites. One host we know handed out real but quite inexpensive harmonicas—a huge hit! If the party occurs around a holiday, such as July 4 or Halloween, include favors and toys around those themes.

Putting together goody bags is also another way to involve the birthday child in the preparations
(see Fabulous Favors, below)
. Decorating the bags with markers or stickers and filling them will keep him busy before the party. Favors can be put at each child’s place at the table, or the birthday child can give them out when saying thank you and good-bye to each guest at the end of the party.

Fabulous Favors

T
ake your child to the dime store or a toy store and give him a budgeted amount to spend on each bag. This is a great way for you and your child to get creative with your goody bags. Among the fun, inexpensive toys and favors you can find:

• Fun erasers
  
• Stickers
  
• Disguises: fake mustaches, wax lips
  
• Anything miniature: tiny art supplies, mini notebooks and pencils, little games or books
  
• Tiny windup animals or little rubber ducks
  
• Surprise balls
  
• Noisemakers, party poppers
  
• Glitter vials or pens
  
• Sponge capsule animals
  
• Candy: at least one piece of wrapped and lollipops for little ones (ages 3+)
  

Opening Gifts: During the Party or Later?

T
here’s no definitive rule of thumb regarding this issue. Here are some things to consider, especially for children less than six years of age:

Open at the Party

Pros:

• Kids get to see the birthday boy open the present they brought.
  
• The birthday boy thanks everyone in person at the time he opens the gifts.
  

Cons:

• The guests get bored.
  
• The guests want to play with the presents right away, before the birthday boy has his turn first.
  
• The birthday boy goes into sensory overload and has a meltdown in front of his guests.
  
• There’s the potential for fights or jealousy.
  

Things to Consider:

• Bring some order to present opening by having everyone sit in a circle so they can see and hear what’s going on.
  
• Remind the kids they’ll be getting their own party favors later.
  
• Put the new toys or gifts away and out of sight until after the party.
  

Open after the Party

Pros:

• The emphasis is on the party and everyone having a good time and not on the gifts.
  
• Your child has the chance to open the gifts slowly and appreciate each, one at a time.
  
• You avoid any negative comments about gifts either from the birthday boy or the other guests.
  

Cons:

• The guests don’t get to make the connection between their gift, the joy of giving, and the reaction of the birthday boy.
  
• The birthday boy doesn’t have the opportunity to thank the giver right there in person—an important skill to be learned.
  

Things to Consider:

• As guests arrive, have your child thank them for the gift—unopened—and put it away on a shelf or table out of reach and even out of sight.
  
• Write thank-you notes with your child as he opens gifts. Some parents won’t allow their kids to play with the gifts until the note is sent!
  

The Perfect Combination: Pizza-Putt and a Birthday

M
ini golf, pizza parlors, pool venues, movie theaters, roller- or ice-skating rinks, and craft centers often offer children’s parties. No mess, no fuss, and kids over six love them! Here are some tips to make it a success:

• Be sure the facility can accommodate your group.
  
• As the host, you’re responsible for all costs: tickets, equipment, supplies, and food. (Call ahead to see if there are all-inclusive group rates.)
  
• Choose the menu or arrange for the food ahead of time.
  
• Get an accurate head count—you’ll be charged for the number of participants you contract for.
  
• Have enough adult supervision—one adult for every four kids.
  
• If you aren’t providing transportation, make sure each child has reliable transportation to and from the party site.
  
• Always
  carry contact information for parents or caregivers.
  
• Save gift opening for later—even though that means a thank-you note for each gift.
  
• Stay on-site until the last child is picked up.
  

Perfect Party Manners: How to Help Your Child be a Gracious Host and Guest

B
irthday parties are a great training ground, both for the birthday child and her guests. Parents can use these opportunities to help their children absorb and learn good party manners—which are really nothing more than everyday manners bumped up a notch, or a chance to use
all
our manners at once. Here are your goals:

The Good Host or Hostess

• Is ready and greets everyone at the door.
  
• Includes everyone in the activities.
  
• Offers refreshments.
  
• Says “Good-bye” and “Thanks for coming” to each guest as they leave the party.
  
• Sends a thank-you note for presents that weren’t opened at the party or if thanks weren’t given in person.
  

The Good Guest

• Replies to the invitation right away. (Parents, you may have to help out here, but be sure to involve your child.)
  
• Arrives—and leaves—on time.
  
• Is prepared to join in, whatever the activity.
  
• Is careful and respectful with the host’s house and belongings: no jumping on couches or feet on furniture; no touching of electronic equipment or objects on display.
  
• Follows the directions of any adults at the party.
  
• Lets an adult know if something spills or is broken.
  
• Gives—and
  leaves
  —a birthday present for the birthday boy.
  
• Says “Good-bye” and “Thank you” at the end of the party.
  

Gifts and Thank-Yous

E
xcept for one- or two-year olds, all kids should be able to accept a gift and say “Thank you.” You’ll say it for your one- to two-year-old, and you’ll prompt your three- to six-year-old, if necessary, but a seven-plus should be able to say thanks automatically. And what if your child receives a gift he doesn’t like or already has? For the brutally honest three- to five-year-old, you’ll have to be vigilant and nip any comments in the bud—stopping them at “Thank you.” Before the party, talk to your six- to eight-year-old about how to react to a gift he doesn’t like: Tell him to think of one positive thing to say about the gift, and be sure to say thank you! “Thanks for the sweatshirt. I really like this color blue.”

Kids’ Parties: Avoid the most Common Parent Pitfalls

• Don’t ask guests to pool for an expensive gift, like a swing set.
  
• Follow up on invitations. Speak with each parent before the party to review some basic information:
  
  • Drop-off and pickup times—be very clear!
    
  • Phone number where they can be reached during the party.
    
  • Any issues, like allergies.
    
• Call anyone you haven’t heard from or anyone who’s left a “yes” on your voice mail.
  
• Have enough food for unexpected guests (like an older or younger sibling of one of the guests).
  
• Don’t invite all the parents. They end up partying and not helping. Usually, you’ll want about one adult for every four kids.
  
• Be prepared for a meltdown—whether from a guest or the birthday girl.
  
• Have a backup plan in case a parent doesn’t show up on time to pick up her child:
  
  • A phone number where parents or a caregiver can be reached.
    
  • Quiet activities for the kids.
    
  • Plans for a meal or a nap.
    

Mrs. Pettigrew’s Lemon Cake

From
Tea, Recipes & Table Settings
, by Tricia Foley.
Makes one 7-inch round cake or 8-inch loaf

2 lemons

¾ cup sugar

8 tablespoons (1 stick) salted butter or margarine, softened

2 large eggs, beaten

¾ cup all-purpose flour

6 tablespoons milk

3 tablespoons sugar, for topping

1.
Preheat the oven to 325°F. Grease and line a 7-inch round cake pan or 8-inch loaf pan with parchment or wax paper.

2.
Grate the lemon rinds and set aside. Combine the juice of 1 lemon with 3 tablespoons of the sugar in a bowl and set in a warm place until the sugar dissolves and forms a syrup with the juice.

3.
Cream the butter or margarine and the rest of the sugar together until light and fluffy. Add the beaten eggs, a little at a time, beating well after each addition. Stir in the grated lemon rind and flour; beat again thoroughly (the longer you beat, the softer the cake). Add the milk and beat again.

4.
Pour into the prepared pan and bake for at least 1 hour; the cake should spring back when pressed gently in the center.

5.
Immediately upon removing the cake from the oven, prick the top with a long-tined fork or thin skewer and pour the lemon juice–sugar syrup all over the top until completely covered.

6.
Cool in the pan to allow the syrup to be soaked up and create a moist and tangy cake. Sprinkle with the 3 tablespoons sugar.

When we make this, we always use the loaf pan, dust the cake with confectioners’ sugar, and slice it thinly to serve. It will serve about 8 when sliced ¾ inch; more if thinly sliced.

H
aving a guest stay in your home overnight is a chance to have a more personal visit. You can share your morning coffee, enjoy laid-back dinners or sophisticated nights out, or spend an afternoon by the pool catching up on each other’s lives and sharing the good old days. A weekend with a good friend may be the ideal houseguest scenario, but in reality you’re just as likely to find yourself hosting family members or your significant other’s friends and family.

Successful visits hinge on communicating expectations. Clear communication between host and guest makes the visit a success, while ambiguity can cause tension and awkward moments.

Arrival and Departure

A
s the host, ask your houseguest when he plans to arrive and leave. Otherwise, saying, “Stay as long as you like!” may be taken literally. It’s not rude to set boundaries; it’s practical. “Of course you can come for the weekend! I’m booked for Friday; can you plan to arrive on Saturday morning? Will you need to be home Sunday night for work on Monday?” This direct approach lets both guest and host know what to expect—the host isn’t left wondering if she needs to plan another day’s worth of meals and activities. Conversely, if you’re a guest and your host doesn’t set a date or time, be sure to ask, “What dates would work for you?” or “When’s your next free weekend?” Regardless of who sets the date, avoid extending your stay beyond what’s been put on the calendar.

Once you’ve agreed on dates and times, follow up with an e-mail or a note to prevent any confusion. This is the time to let guests know what, if anything, you have planned for their stay. That way they can pack appropriately for a day of hiking, say, or dinner at a nice restaurant.

If your guests are coming by car, give them solid directions. Write the directions down and send them in advance—or provide your street address and zip code for a MapQuest or Google search or GPS coordinate. If guests are arriving by train or plane, discuss the options for getting to your house—being picked up by you or a car service, or taking a taxi or public transportation.

Tour Guide, Chef, and Innkeeper?

A
s the host, you’re the inside source on what activities and attractions are available in your area. The best agenda is a mix of things that both you and your guests enjoy. Have some ideas in mind before your guests arrive, rather than just saying, “What do you want to do?” when they show up. Local points of interest, parks, beaches, hikes, and bike rides are all things you can enjoy together or your guest can do separately. By suggesting options, you and your guest can create a schedule that includes “together time” as well as time for her to be on her own. Plan for some downtime too; guests will need it—and so will you!

Besides activities, plan your meals and make any restaurant reservations in advance. If you intend to cook, plan out your menus and stock your kitchen with whatever ingredients you need, and prepare as much food ahead of time as you can. This way, you’ll be able to enjoy your guests rather than worry about what’s for dinner.

The meal that’s easiest to organize in advance is breakfast. One of the joys of a weekend away from home is being able to sleep late. Invite your guests to sleep in if they’d like, but if they’re early risers, explain that they can just press the Start button on the coffeemaker and help themselves to cereal, toast, or any other breakfast items you have ready. Of course, if you’re up before your guests, it’s fine to go ahead and eat; just be there to greet them when they come to the table.

Set out the “help yourself” breakfast on the kitchen counter before you go to bed: Have all the bowls, plates, and utensils arranged like a mini buffet so your houseguests don’t have to go rummaging through your cupboards. Write a little note: F
RESH
OJ
AND MILK IN THE FRIDGE’HELP YOURSELF!
Something special like a coffee cake, favorite muffins, or a bowl of fresh strawberries makes breakfast more of a treat. If guests are staying two nights and leaving on Sunday, plan a real brunch as a send-off and ask if they’d like to join you at 10:00 or 11:00
A.M.

Lunch is also easy to organize. It can be as simple as arranging breads, meats, cheeses, lettuce, tomato, mayo, and mustards so that everyone can make their own sandwiches. You might buy lunch on the go if you’re out exploring, or pack a picnic to take on a hike or a sail, to a park or the beach.
(For picnic menus, see Chapter 11, A Breath of Fresh Air, page 151.)

That leaves dinner. Unless you wish, don’t feel you have to cook dinner each night. Depending on when your guests arrive, it might be simpler to eat at a restaurant the first night, and plan something special at home for the second night. Often guests like to treat their hosts to a dinner out. If that’s the case, thank them graciously, suggest some restaurant options, and offer to make the reservation for them. Otherwise, you can either treat your guests or split the bill, but this should be agreed upon ahead of time. If you’re dining at home, choose a menu that won’t keep you tied up in the kitchen all day. Stews, braises, lasagnes, and casseroles can be made ahead of time and reheated before serving. Add a salad and artisanal bread, a purchased pie or tart, and voilà, dinner practically takes care of itself.

Once your guests arrive, show them their room or sleeping area and the bathroom they’ll use. If they’re unfamiliar with your home, give them a quick tour: cabinets for towels and other items, light switches, the telephone, and kitchen appliances. Show them how to adjust the air conditioner or heater, if necessary. Then give them a chance to unpack and get settled. Also, let them know if they can use your washer and dryer, exercise equipment, bikes, TV, or Internet connection. Invite them to help themselves to snacks or beverages from the fridge during their stay, noting any foods that are off-limits: “Please help yourself to anything you see except the blueberries—they’re for the pancakes tomorrow morning.”

The Guest Room

G
etting a guest room ready is one of our favorite things to do—it’s like wrapping a present for your guests. The best way to know how comfy and well equipped your guest room is, is to spend a night there as a guest yourself. There’s nothing like firsthand knowledge to tell you the blind is broken, the mattress is sagging, or the closet door is squeaking. Here’s a list of basics that every guest room should have, as well as a few extras that we think make guests feel especially welcome:

In the Guest Room or Sleeping Area

• A bed, sofa bed, futon, or air bed, made up with clean sheets and pillowcases
  
• An extra blanket at the foot of the bed
  
• A good reading light
  
• An alarm clock
  
• Good curtains or blinds on the windows
  
• A water carafe and glass on the night table
  
• A box of tissues on the nightstand
  
• An empty wastebasket
  
• Wooden coat hangers with bars or pressure clips for trousers; plastic hangers for dresses
  

In the Bathroom

• Fresh bath towels, face towels, washcloths, bath mat
  
• Fresh soap
  
• Glasses for brushing teeth and drinking water
  
• New roll of toilet paper in the dispenser and an unopened one in the cabinet
  
• Box of tissues
  
• Shampoo, bath oil, bath powder, and hand lotion on the washstand
  
• New toothbrush, just in case your guest has forgotten her own, and toothpaste
  
• Headache and stomachache medications in the guest bathroom medicine cabinet; extra feminine supplies in a drawer or cupboard
  

Nice Touches

• A welcome note
  
• A small vase of flowers
  
• Candle and matches
  
• A plate of little cookies or a few chocolates
  
• A book you think your guest might enjoy—local history, fabulous gardens, short stories
  
• Current magazines
  
• Two pillows for each guest—one medium-firm and one soft
  
• A clothes brush, lint roller, and mini sewing kit
  
• A luggage rack
  
• A bathrobe and slippers
  
• A television with remote
  
• An area map
  
• A calendar
  
• Games and toys for kids
  

No Guest Room?

I
f you live in a one-bedroom apartment or a house with no guest room, you can still play host. A sofa bed, futon, or air bed can be set up in the living room or den or, if the visit isn’t lengthy, children can be doubled up to free up a room. Don’t move out of your own room so you can give it to your guests, though—it could make them feel they’re imposing.

You should also warn guests in advance that they won’t have a separate room or will have to share. Some guests may be perfectly fine with sleeping on a sofa or air bed in the den, while others may decide to stay at an inn or hotel instead.

When You’re the Guest

B
eing a guest in someone’s home calls for a little extra sensitivity and awareness. Respect the agreed-upon arrival and departure times. While your host is sure to want you to feel at home, remember that it’s
her
home: Don’t use or borrow without permission, keep your room and bath tidy, and don’t snoop. Be an enthusiastic participant and offer to help out, especially at mealtimes. And be a little self-sufficient—don’t expect your host to entertain you every minute. It’s a long-standing tradition that overnight guests bring or send a gift and follow up with a bread-and-butter letter (aka a thank-you note).

The Golden Rules for Houseguests

Definitely Do:

• make your visit short and sweet. Tell your host when you’ll arrive and when you’ll depart. Take cues from your host, but keep your visit to no more than three nights.
  
• bring your own toiletries.
  
• make your bed and clean up after yourself. Keep your bathroom tidy, especially if you’re sharing it with other people. Clean up any ring in the tub, shaving cream residue in the basin, hair on any object or surface, or dirt on the soap.
  
• offer to help out, especially in the kitchen (unless your host objects).
  
• be adaptable. Be ready for anything—or for nothing. Whatever agenda the host sets, follow along happily.
  
• act like you’re enjoying yourself.
  
• offer to pitch in for groceries if you’re staying more than two or three nights.
  
• double-check to make sure you have all your belongings before you leave.
  
• bring or send a gift, or treat your host to a night out instead.
  
• send a handwritten thank-you note following your visit.
  

Definitely Don’t:

• ask to bring your pet. If you must travel with your pet, inquire about a good kennel in the area or offer to stay in a hotel. This also gives your host an opening to invite your pet if she wishes.
  
• accept an invitation from someone else during your visit without first checking with your host.
  
• use your host’s phone, computer, or any other equipment without asking.
  
• use more than your share of hot water.
  
• snoop.
  
• leave the toilet seat up.
  

How to Leave the Bed

R
emove the sheets, fold them, place them at the foot of the bed, and pull the blanket and spread up neatly so that the bed will look “made.” This will make life easier for your host. If you’re close friends, ask for fresh sheets and make the bed. It’s a nice gesture and it saves your host from having to do it later.

Saying Thank You

R
egardless of how you do it, giving a gift to your host is a must for any houseguest. For an overnight stay, something simple like a bottle of good wine is fine. A longer stay merits something a little more elaborate. You can bring the gift with you and present it to your host when you arrive, or buy it during your stay once you’ve gotten a better idea of what your host might need, or send it as soon as possible after you return home.

In lieu of a gift, you could also treat your hosts to a dinner out if you think they’d prefer it. If you decide to do this, let your hosts know in advance of your visit so it becomes part of the game plan. Let them suggest a restaurant; they can also make the reservation if that’s more convenient for everybody.

The other must for overnight guests is to send a handwritten thank-you note afterward. An e-mail or a phone call once you’ve returned home is fine, as long as it’s followed by the note.

Twenty-Five Great Gift Ideas for your Host

Y
ou can take these gift ideas and adapt them according to the length of your stay. For example, you might give a houseplant in a pretty pot for an overnight stay, but bump it up to an orchid for a weekend visit. Give martini glasses and a shaker for a two- to three-night stay, and for a longer stay add gin (or vodka) and vermouth.

FOR AN OVERNIGHT STAY

• Book of interest to the host
  
• Set of nicely packaged herbs and spices or a selection of peppercorns and sea salts
  
• Picture frame with a picture taken during your visit and sent later
  
• Packages of cocktail napkins with a serving tray or wineglass charms
  
• For an avid cook, a collection of specialized kitchen tools
  
• Twelve-pack of the best local microbrew
  
• Set of monogrammed soaps
  
• For a golfer, a dozen golf balls
  
• Houseplant in a permanent, decorative pot