Enjoying Trouble (Trouble #3) (2 page)

I had forgotten actually, but the idea of the festival made me a little excited. We had all been going to the same metal festival for years. It was a long-held tradition amongst us to have a full day and night of metal bands, drinks and fun.

Janey –
I’m in

I stopped walking and waited for Ava. I would catch up with their lives and everything I had been missing out on. After all, they were all I had left in this pathetic thing I called life.

I closed my eyes for a moment and felt the crisp morning air breeze over my bare arms and face. I imagined clearing my head, trying my hardest to forget the night I had just had and what could have been. I had made a good decision for once. I breathed in the air, seeking a solace that I was never able to fully grasp.

I heard the car before I saw it; its rumbling engine breaking the morning silence. I could count on one hand how many times Zac had ever let anyone drive his car and seeing Ava in the driver seat coming towards me made me smile. My brother was so ridiculously smitten and the thought that he would always have someone to love him like I knew Ava did made me breathe a little easier for his future. At least one of us had succeeded to get out of the vortex of darkness and despair that had been our lives.

I stepped over to the car as it came to stop at the kerb and climbed in.

“You must be freezing,” greeted Ava, turning up the heat in the car.

“Positively numb,” I replied, as I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. She smelt like vanilla, and I let it linger around me for a minute, soaking up the goodness. “Good to see you.”

“It’s even better to see you,” she said, accelerating off down the street. “So where have you been?”

“Up in a skyrise, at a party, swapping spit with a guy,” I replied, changing the music.

“Anyone we know?” she asked tentatively as we drove past a familiar city building. Will owned a penthouse suite up there and I was still the only one besides him with a key.

“Wrong skyrise,” I returned, leaning my head back on the seat and closing my eyes.

“Can you stop disappearing on me? I fucking miss you. I miss us,” she said next.

Emotion choked at me for a moment before I swallowed it back down and changed the subject.

“So that rock on your finger – you’re definitely not engaged? You didn’t celebrate without me?” I had come home from rehab to a great big shiny rock on her finger and the horrible feeling that I had missed out on something special.

“You think I would do something like that without you?” she asked.

I shrugged. I didn’t know what I thought anymore, that was the problem.

“And do you really think your brother is the engagement type?” she asked with a laugh.

“Nothing would surprise me anymore.”

“He wanted to buy me a present and prove how much he cared. But we all know he didn’t have to do it with jewellery. I told you this when I spoke to you in rehab. I don’t lie, Janey.”

I nodded and looked out the window. Subject change time.

“So how’s Noah & Ivy?” I asked. I don’t think I had seen Noah this content and it warmed my heart that my brother from another mother was happy.

“Totally loved-up. Will is still staying with them.”

“Oh,” I said trying to feign disinterest.

“Yeah, it’s working out well for them all actually.”

“Good,” I said, seeing that we were near our house.

“Will really misses you Janey. He’s so unhappy without you.”

“So how long do you think Noah and Ivy will take to get engaged?” I asked, swiftly changing the subject again.

“I’ll let the whole changing the subject thing slide for the moment as the sun hasn’t even fully risen yet and I haven’t had a coffee,” said Ava as she drove up to the house. “But just know this; I am fully aware of your apparent need to not discuss Will. I still have no idea as to why but I will find out. You’re my best friend Janey, and it hurts that you’re shutting me out.”

“Fine. What about if I say Will deserves better?”

She shrugged as she turned the engine off and said, “Then I call bullshit. You were it for him. We all saw it with our own eyes.”

“That was then. Things have changed,” I said, deliberately focusing on my hands in my lap instead of on her.

“But what has changed? You went to rehab and decided that Will was not for you! He even went to visit you and was told to leave,” she said raising her voice.

I knew she was angry with me. I knew that they all were and it was one of the many reasons as to why I was keeping my distance.

“Just leave it alone,” I snapped, climbing out of the car and slamming the door closed.

She followed me to the front door as I stopped and realised I didn’t have my key. Where the hell had I lost that?

“Just tell me one thing,” said Ava softly behind me.

“I’ve lost my key,” I mumbled as I felt inside each pocket, focusing on it to deflect what I knew was coming.

“Are you happier without him?”

I closed my eyes for a moment, letting the question wash over me. It hurt to think about it, let alone answer it. Of course I wasn’t. The front door opened, saving me from answering the obvious question. Zac stood there, shirtless, eating an apple.

“Morning,” he said with his mouth full.

“I used to know you when you snacked on the blood of mere mortals,” I said walking past him into the warm house. “Now it’s apples.”

“I used to know you when you actually lived in your own house,” he returned.

I rolled my eyes as I headed into the kitchen, suddenly starving. I heard the kiss of lips and then more apple biting as I opened the fridge. Lots of food stared back at me but I was suddenly at a loss of what to think, let alone eat.

“So where have you been?” asked Zac, taking another bite.

“Around,” I replied. He was fully aware that I had been keeping my phone turned off so he couldn’t track my whereabouts. I had been coming and going for a while now, deliberately keeping my distance and they all knew it. I heard Zac let out a resigned sigh.

“Don’t do this,” I said closing the fridge door harder than I wanted as bottles rattled together inside. “You’re not my parent. I can look after myself. I don’t need your disappointment this early in the morning; I’ve already had a fucking gut full.”

“Fuck, Janey – I’m not trying to be your
parent
,” said Zac. “You’re my sister and I worry if you’re okay. Is that so fucking hard to understand?”

“You need to stop worrying about me all of the time!”

“Because you’ve got it all together? Is that it? Because from where I’m standing you haven’t got anything together. You’re hell bent on pushing all of us away. You got out of rehab early and the medication you are meant to be taking has sat in your room untouched.”

“Leave it alone Zac,” I growled.

“Fine,” he snapped, before storming out of the kitchen.

I glanced up at Ava to see her watching him head upstairs with sadness in her eyes. Once again, I was the reason. I grabbed a cigarette from the packet on the bench and stormed outside to light it. I inhaled it sharply and then let the smoke exhale from my lungs as I sat down on the steps outside. It wasn’t long before Ava appeared beside me, passing me a mug of coffee. I took a grateful sip in silence.

“Nothing he says comes from disappointment in you,” she said softly beside me. “It’s only because he loves you. Just like I do. I miss my best friend. I miss having you in my life; I miss the fun and wildness that only you can give me. That’s it. It’s that simple.”

“I miss you too,” I whispered. “It’s just too hard to go back to where I was before, with all of you. I’ve done too much damage.”

Ava’s hand found mine and squeezed it as we both sat there together in silence. I appreciated the gesture, more than I would ever let her know. I finished my cigarette and then took another sip of my coffee, taking a moment in the silence to enjoy just being together.

“So tell me about the guy who was swapping spit with you tonight – was he hot?” she asked.

I smiled and shook my head.

“Maybe, but then he started to dirty talk me and call me ‘baby’, which made me want to vomit,” I said with a shake of my head. “I just know that he would have been a waxer.”

“A waxer?”

“You know, one of those guys who gets everything waxed – balls and crack, the whole shebang.”

Ava choked on her own coffee and started to laugh.

“There is a type. He was it,” I said.

Ava wiped the coffee from her mouth and gave me a warm smile. “See? This is what I miss.”

“You want bad sex stories?”

“I just want your stories,” she said squeezing my hand again.

Past

Janey

I noticed him within minutes of arriving at the college party that night. It was hard not to when he clearly stood out amongst the polo-wearing guys drinking their watered-down keg beer. He was built like a tower of strength, his muscles packed tightly under a black t-shirt with arms covered in tattoos. I knew of him but had never met him. His name was Will and he was one of my brother’s closest friends. He hadn’t met me as yet and I had no doubt that Zac had been deliberately keeping him away from me, trying to protect me like he always did. The best plans often crumbled, though and we were both now paying the price for the one time he hadn’t been able to protect me. He was fresh out of juvie, having been locked away for beating a sick fuck almost to death. The same sick fuck who had destroyed me and made sure I was emotionally damaged for the rest of my life. Zac didn’t need to protect me from players like Will, who looked like he enjoyed life and only wanted girls to enjoy it with him. He wasn’t a sick fuck deliberately plotting my demise; he didn’t think about hurting me and taking what didn’t belong to him.

As I looked around the party that night, I had to wonder why I had gone to the effort of even coming. I was still so fresh with scars that no-one in their right mind would want to be near me. I was full to the brim with darkness and anger and I wanted to lash out at anyone who came close enough. I watched them all drink, dance and laugh without a care in the world and I despised each and every one of them. I could taste the hatred I had for them on the tip of my tongue and I suddenly had aspirations to cause someone pain, to give them a taste of what I was feeling. I envied their dumb, innocent minds, full of lust and bravado; only thinking about drinking themselves stupid and getting off with each other. They were not weighed down with darkness, their minds never being able to escape the torture. I had suffered from the hands of a sick fuck, who would always be inside my head, stealing my future and taking what sanity I had left in me.

I had been an empty shell for months; living on friends’ floors and couches. I had hidden away while Zac had done his time in juvie and now I just moved from place to place, waiting for the sick fucker to be found. Zac was doing everything he could to try and find him but it seemed that he had disappeared into thin air. Zac had his hacker abilities that could always get him any information he needed, but this one despicable guy had deluded both of us. He had gone to ground and disappeared, leaving behind my furious brother and my lost soul.

Zac would be pissed once he realised I was here tonight; he knew I wasn’t right. He knew I hid my insecurities with an arrogance that wasn’t real. Loud shout outs amongst the party made me cringe inwardly. The guys pushing past me made me want to turn away and go home, or shove them back as hard as I could. I felt the anger pressing at my skin, making it hard to keep up a calm exterior. I was no longer stable and knew my whole life was unravelling before me. I saw his face wherever I went, watching me, planning his next move to finish me. Alcohol helped. So did drugs. I had to rejoice with any substance that made me numb and in turn made me forget, just for a while. But there was always the comedown; the reality, knowing I would never be able to forget the step-brother that had moved in to our house one fateful day with a smile on his face and a twisted darkness behind his eyes.

The guy currently beside me had latched on to me the moment I had walked into the party and it was obvious that he hoped to get lucky
that night
. He had passed me a beer and I took a sip wondering if he had slipped drugs into it. Part of me hoped he had, so I could black out for a while.

“So are you a freshman?” asked the unlucky guy beside me.

“No, I’m your worst nightmare,” I said into my beer cup.

He leaned in further and asked, “What was that?”

“Do I look like a freshman to you?” I asked taking another gulp of beer.

“No, it’s just I haven’t seen you around here before.”

Instead of continuing the boring conversation, I threw back the rest of the beer and looked around the party again. My eyes went back to Will and this time collided with his own. He now seemed to be intently watching me from across the party.

I stared back at him, almost defiantly, daring him to look away.

He didn’t.

He continued to stare at me; his body now turning to me, an interested spark in his eyes. The guy next to me said something into my ear but I didn’t process his words, my focus solely on Will. He had a body made for hot sex and a smirk that I was sure could melt a girl’s underwear clearly off in seconds. I felt a curl of lust within me, something I hadn’t felt in a very long time, along with a spark of excitement, before I crushed the feeling immediately and looked away. I didn’t want to feel anything. I focused on my empty cup, hoping for the weightlessness to take over and the blackness to swallow me up. I felt nothing. I had just had a normal watered-down beer and had the empty cup to prove it. What type of college party was this?

Damn.

I needed to escape.

I needed to move away, especially from the six foot of muscle that was now starting to move towards me. His eyes were still eating me up and I suddenly felt the panic rise in my throat. This was one guy I didn’t want to hurt. He didn’t need my darkness. I had spent the last few months living in an emotionless state, switching everything off inside so nothing could hurt me anymore. His eyes were devouring me, stirring the unwanted feelings inside me and I needed to smother it immediately.

For just a split second, I wanted to imagine the possibilities, if we had met only months earlier, before my life had changed for the worst. I would let those eyes that were full of interest and mischief sear into me. I would welcome him with my own interested eyes and openly flirt with him. The night would be ours, free to do whatever made us happy. But that was before, and this was now. He was heading towards a different version of me, a girl he wouldn’t like once he met me. I wasn’t worth his time or effort. He needed to stop making his way over to me.

I suddenly felt at odds with myself. I had never wanted to run away and stay all at the same time.

Will

The moment my eyes landed on her for the first time, I was completely blindsided. Through a crowd of drunken party people, she stood out to me like a desirable beacon of beauty. I was never one to wax lyrical about romance and shit, but for the first time, I felt something; a certain zing when my eyes found her. Maybe even one of those zaps you get when there is too much friction, but not as painful.

Within an instant I wanted her. I wanted inside of her. I wanted to know everything about her. Who was this gorgeous creature and why wasn’t she beside me right now, or already underneath me screaming my name? I watched her assess the party and the people around her, like she was debating whether to get into trouble or not. I wanted her to get into trouble with me, before she set her eyes on anyone else. I was usually the trouble-maker in these situations. College parties were full of girls who liked to get into trouble, especially with a player like me. They smiled, I smiled and then their clothes were off and we were having fun. I never had to try too hard. 

This girl was different from the others around her and I couldn’t immediately figure out why. She was clearly the hottest by a mile but there was something else about her that called out to me; made me want to make a bee line to her and claim her as mine. She didn’t belong at this party, amongst the football champs and cheerleaders. For starters she had a tight metal band t-shirt on that she had cut the sleeves off herself and heavy eyeliner that made her eyes almost glow in the dark. She looked angry and really fucking sexy and I wanted her with a desperation that I hadn’t felt in a very long time, if ever.

I was always spoilt for choice at these parties. There was always an array of popular girls on offer with their perfect bodies and dirty mouths. These girls enjoyed the fact that I didn’t go to their college. I was new blood and could quite clearly hold my own. They were like a certain type of candy, fucking delicious, but at some point you just got a little fed up of having the same type of candy all of the time.

This girl wasn’t that type of candy.

As I got closer I noticed she had some ink, which in turn made my interest levels peak even higher. As she turned away from my gaze, a small diamond nose-ring caught the light and I was suddenly wondering if she was pierced anywhere else interesting.

I took a moment to size up the guy next to her, seeing he clearly didn’t stand a chance with her. He was hungrily eyeing her over and planning to take advantage. He was a fool if he thought she would let him. Unless of course he had spiked the beer she was holding and then I would end his night with my fist. I hated scum who took advantage of girls. I was a player, but I was an honest one. Any girl who got past my zipper always knew that I had no intention of anything but a hot fuck. I wouldn’t treat them badly while they had me and I would always make sure they reached their fullest potential in the fun department.

I kept making my way across the party, heading to a girl who made every other girl around her pale in comparison. She was deliberately not looking at me, knowing I was coming to her. She was playing hard to get and that was fine because I played even harder to get what I wanted. Her eyes connected with mine once more and I was blown away by her stare. She was beckoning me to come to her and telling me to fucking stay away all at the same time.

I took it as a dare and kept walking towards her.

She was perfect and the hottest girl I had seen for a very long time, if ever. Her sinful body had curves in all the right places, making me want to discover her slowly, inch by inch. Her blonde hair was like a homing beacon, her dark beautiful eyes luring me in. As I got closer, I felt those dark eyes burn into me before they left me again. I felt the loss instantly and wanted them back on me. They were troubled, all knowing eyes and I wanted to know more.

This one girl had zapped me with a dark glance, across a college party. Little did I know back then that she would awaken the true heart and soul of me.

She was perfect.

My type of perfect.

Janey.

One troubled, hot, perfect mess.