Enjoying Trouble (Trouble #3) (5 page)

“So, come back with us tonight,” said Ivy, looking to me. “I think the pool is just what we need after today.”

Would Will bring someone back with him? Would I survive it if he did?

“I need a swim,” said Ava, looking down at her phone. “They’re at the main stage if we want to go meet them now.”

Ivy was still watching me, waiting for an answer that I couldn’t give just yet. She suddenly winked at me and tapped her cup to mine.

“I have a new bottle of tequila back home and no class tomorrow. I’m up for it. Are you?”

I looked down at my soft drink and then back to Ivy.

“Shit,” she said, smacking her forehead. “Sorry Janey, I keep forgetting that you’re not drinking, I’m a terrible person.”

“It’s okay, really,” I said with a smile.

“It’s lucky she’s not, she would have drunk both of us under the table by now,” said Ava with a wink at me.

“True,” I said with a nod of my head. “I was always up for tequila.”

“Please come back anyway,” said Ivy. “I promise not to offer you any more alcohol.”

I smiled at her, liking the girl that had taken Noah’s heart.

“Sure,” I said. “A swim sounds good.”

“Sorted then,” she said finishing her drink.

“That was such a Noah saying,” I said with a laugh. “He’s rubbing off on you.”

Ivy let out a laugh and flung her arm around my shoulders. “In the most perfect way too,” she said into my ear. I had never seen her touch anyone other than Noah. I laughed with her as we started to make our way over to the main stage.

“I like you, Janey,” she said as we walked. I wondered just how much she had had to drink.

“This isn’t the vodka talking either,” she said. “You’re a cool cat. I think we would be good friends.”

“I can be a pretty shit friend,” I warned.

“Me too. Sometimes life makes it that way, but I’m keen if you are.”

“Sure, the three of us can be tequila sisters,” I offered. “Without the tequila for me I guess.”

“Perfect,” she said. I wanted that feeling of having sisters around me, but I knew it wouldn’t last long before I pissed them off. I’d fail them both in some way; Ivy had no idea of what she was getting into.

“There they are,” said Ava beside me. We all followed her line of sight to see them sitting on the grass, drinking their last beers as the last band played their set. I saw Will before any of the others. He had his skank sitting astride his lap and she was currently eating his face off.

My breathing stopped. I had no alcohol in my blood to numb the sight of them and I couldn’t contain my emotions. I felt the pure jealously surge up, spreading tingling anger all over my body and through my limbs. I had visions of going over there and tearing her off him and then beating her stupid head in.

But I did none of those things.

I continued to walk with the girls, reaching the group and not even looking in Will’s direction. I felt the volcano inside me, spurt its lava through my veins. I greeted the others before turning my focus onto the band. I had the urge to find the closest guy to me and kiss him senseless. Show them all that it meant nothing that the love of my life had his tongue down another girl’s throat. I looked around me, daring myself to go and do it. The guy in a cap, five steps away from me. He looked cute. He would do. No wait, he had a girl beside him. The guy in the black singlet, he was built. Perfect.

“Maybe us girls can go for a final mosh?” said Ava taking Zac’s beer from him and taking a sip. Her eyes looked at me knowingly, offering her support because she knew my heart was hurting from the sight of Will and his girl.

“I’m up for it,” said Ivy, suddenly grabbing my hand. She pulled me past the group, probably seeing that I was ready to erupt. Just the idea of these two girls understanding the situation and trying to help me made my emotions burst. Without any warning, I felt my control snap - I was suddenly taking the beer from Ava’s hand and storming back those few steps to the group. The beer accidently-on-purpose, fell from my hand and the foamy liquid fell over a certain girl’s hair and down her back. There was a shout and movement before I turned away and headed into the moshing crowd. I left the commotion behind me and shoved my way into the throng of bodies. I knew the beer would have ended up on Will too, maybe she would want to lick his skin clean. Win-win for him.

I moved further into the moshing bodies, feeling the excitement and the scent of sweat and good times. I lost track of Ivy and Ava behind me as I pushed my way in further, closer to the stage. I wanted to become one with everyone and forget everything else around me. I wanted the hardcore beat to throb through my body and take me away.

I was suddenly shoved hard and yelped in pain. I couldn’t turn my body around to see who had done it and kept moving. I had nearly made it to the front of the stage in my determination to escape, before I realised I was in the middle of the makings of a death wall. I had never been part of the death wall, always watching them from a safe distance. Everyone in the pit was starting to separate into two groups, making a large empty space in the middle of the mosh pit. They were pumped and ready to run at full speed towards each other on the band’s call. Will had never let me do this and now I was going to be crushed to death in an explosion of bodies and metal mayhem.

And I suddenly didn’t care.

I heard the singer shout over and over to keep going, to keep separating into two sides. The open space started to become even wider as the drummer kept a constant rhythm, preparing everyone for the onslaught that was to come. I felt the adrenalin spike in me, knowing this was going to hurt.

The guitar then started, the singer screamed and the music exploded. I ran blindly, covering my head with my arms as bodies thumped into each other. I think I screamed. I felt the impact with other bodies and the music get crazier. Someone grabbed my hair and pulled sharply. I screamed again. My feet went in one direction, my upper body in the other. I was suddenly trapped, pulled in two opposite directions. I refused to panic as I struggled to breathe amongst the crush; I could do this. I imagined that this would be like hell and we all knew that’s where I was going in the end anyway. Through the struggle, it dawned on me that there was no-one here to help me anymore. Will was no longer by my side, getting me out of my sticky situations. Neither was my brother. It was up to me to sort myself out. This is what I had to do from now on. Get by, by myself.  It was time to look after myself, time to get my life in order and do something. Whatever the fuck that was. I was in charge of my own destiny.

Fuck. I just had an epiphany in a mosh pit.

I pulled on the guy next to me and motioned upwards with my free hand. It was time for air and to get out of this crazy, sweaty hell. He grabbed my arm and pulled me up, his hands then finding themselves on my waist and then my butt as he ripped me out. I couldn’t help but laugh like a maniac as I found warm air, letting it seep into my lungs. Other hands held me as my body was carried across the crowd. I moved closer to the stage, knowing my time was nearly up. A meaty arm suddenly grasped around me and I was pulled over the barrier in front of the stage. The security guy righted me onto my feet and then let me go, motioning to the side exit. I stumbled towards it with a smile still on my face. I felt lightheaded as I made my way, moving my hair out of my face as if in slow motion. My limbs were heavy and I felt a whoosh of blood inside me. Maybe I was going to faint. Maybe I was having a heart attack. That’s right. It would be just my luck to die after my epiphany inside a mosh pit. I reached the exit and walked out onto the grass, trying my hardest not to step on people who were sitting and catching their breath. I needed water. I needed to get my blood pressure under control.

“You finished?” asked a familiar deep voice, his hand taking my arm.

“Never,” I gasped, not allowing myself to feel any relief that he had actually come to get me.

“The Wall of Death now, Janey? What’s next?” asked Will, leading me through everyone.

“It was on my bucket list,” I returned.

“What else is on this bucket list?” he asked me.

You. To have you forever and ever.

“I need a drink,” I said instead.

“I have beer all over me – wanna lick?” he asked.

“She needed to cool down, she was eating your face off,” I mumbled.

“I get that reaction a lot,” he returned.

“Well, where is she now? Don’t let me stop her eating anything else of yours.”

“She’s with the others, waiting for me.”

“Well, off you go then. I’m fine.”

“You needed a drink.”

“I’m quite capable of getting my own drink.”

“I know how capable you are Janey, but I’m getting you one. Deal with it”

“She might get jealous!”

“I think you’ve taken that title tonight.”

I shrugged his hand off my arm in annoyance.

“Oh please. I just had an opportunity and took it. Just forget it happened. It meant nothing. I’ve obviously had too much to drink”

“Liar. You haven’t touched a drop of alcohol all day.”

“Can you just leave me alone?”

He stopped to face me and angrily asked, “Is that what you want? For me to leave you alone?”

I didn’t answer.

“How come this is the most we’ve spoken in months, Janey? Why the fuck are you treating me like I’ve got some venereal disease?”

“What do you want from me, Will?”

“I thought that was obvious. Everyone else seems to get it, except for you.”

“You need to move on. I need to move on,” I said, hating the words as they came out of my mouth.

“Did some shrink tell you that?”

“Fuck you,” I said angrily, shoving at his chest. He stepped closer to me, his body blocking everything around me.

“Why am I so bad to be around? What is it about me that is so wrong for you? I’ve been there for you, Janey. Since the fucking beginning.”

“I just need…a change. You need a change as well.”

“Do me a favour,” he requested.

“What?”

“Don’t even begin to tell me what I need. I know what I need.”

I looked away from his eyes as I said, “It’s just better for both of us if we are not together.”

“Says who?” he demanded quietly.

I swallowed and said, “Me.” I kept my eyes diverted from his, knowing if I didn’t that he would see the lie I was spinning. He stepped back from me, a cold, empty space now between us.

“Fine Janey, you win,” he said in resignation. I felt my heart ache. I felt the urge to plead to him, beg him to take me back. I hadn’t won anything - I was officially losing the most important thing I had.

“So, we go on with our lives separately. We forget everything we have been through, the good and the bad. We move on.”

I didn’t answer. I didn’t have anything left within me to lie anymore. I would never agree to forget our lives together; it was all I had left in me. He stood there waiting, daring me to agree with him. I felt the most unimaginable pain and I needed to strike back.

“Go and enjoy your new friend,” I said, trying to hurt him. He shook his head and then stepped even closer to me again. He pulled my chin up and forced me to look at him.

“Not once have I lied to you, Janey. You and I - we were always honest with each other. We accepted everything our lives had given us and not long ago we decided to change our lives for the better, together.”

His words hit me straight in the heart. He was right; we were going to face the future together, before I ruined everything. I forced the tears back and used every bit of the strength I had left to hide my bleeding emotions. I stared back at him, cold and defiant.

“But you know what, Janey? I think you’re lying through your ass right now. You’re fucking scared. We had something good and you’re deliberately killing it for some fucked up reason.”

I didn’t take a breath as he searched my eyes.

“I want to know the reason. I deserve to know the reason,” he said quietly. I wished I could tell him. I craved to fall into his safe arms and just breathe again but I kept silent, just staring at him, attempting to hide it all. He stopped searching my eyes, his own now hooded.

“I’ll take my new friend home tonight and screw her senseless.” I couldn’t hide my painful swallow as the thought speared me, sending out a thousand darts of pain in my chest. Anger made me break my silence.

“She already looks mindless, so don’t try too hard.”

His eyes narrowed and pierced into mine. He came even closer; our bodies flush against each other, his lips a breath away from mine.

“But it will be your body I will be imagining tonight. Just like every other nameless fuck I’ve had since you ended us,” he said gravelly. His words made me shudder as his eyes looked into mine one last time. I could see the hurt and love he had for me and I wanted to let out a sob of despair. Then he was gone. I suddenly felt untethered and ready to fall. I watched his back as he walked toward to the group and I stopped myself from calling out to him. I wanted to go and jump on him and tell him to never let me go. To never forget me. Ivy appeared beside me.