Enjoying Trouble (Trouble #3) (7 page)

“Go back to the party, Will,” she said.

“You seem to be more entertaining,” I returned.

She stopped and swung around, “I’m not going to get you off, so you can stop following me,” she said.

“Do you see my cock out?” I asked, pointing down to my zipper.

“No, but we agreed earlier that it’s so tiny, I wouldn’t see it even if it was out.”

“Cock jokes are funny, but when you’re hung like a horse, they’re kind of redundant.”

She stared at me across the lot, before cracking a smile.

“I happen to like you Will, always thought I might,” she said.

“I happen to like you too.”

“From just a conversation? Impossible, really.”

“Not impossible. I like you. You take sarcasm to a whole other level and it’s kind of sexy. I also like the way you pretend not to have a deep sense of sexual interest in me.”

“Oh please,” she said rolling her eyes.

“There you go again - pretending,” I said with a smirk.

“I’m not pretending. I’m really just not interested.”

“Liar.”

She huffed, turned around again and started to walk away. I followed her, not liking the fact she was walking home alone. She headed over to the train tracks and started to walk along them. I quickly looked up and down the tracks as I reached them, already knowing her fearless attitude towards cars along the street.

“Trains are still running, probably best not to walk on the tracks,” I said.

“Ever played chicken?” she asked next, putting her arms out and doing a twirl in the middle of the tracks.

“No, I kind of like living,” I said, trying to keep my head straight while this beautiful girl twirled in front of me.

“I don’t. I hate it.”

“What? Living?” I asked with a frown.

“Yeah.”

“Living is a good thing. Bad shit happens but hopefully the good wins out in the end.”

She stopped twirling, a serious frown on her face as her eyes zeroed in on me.

“You really believe that?”

“Yes,” I confirmed. “Now let’s get off the tracks and I’ll walk you home.”

“I’m not a girl who needs to be walked home, Will. I’ve already taken all the bad I can get, everything else that happens now will forever fall into the realm of my own numbness. Nothing more can hurt me. I’m done.”

“Well, I want to walk you home,” I said holding out my hand. “Let’s get off the tracks.”

“You need to leave me alone if you know what’s good for you,” she said, looking past me and starting to smile. I turned to see the lights of the train in the distance.

“Let’s go,” I said turning back to her. She shook her head slowly, focusing on the train lights.

“I’ll just pick you up and throw you off the tracks then,” I said.

“Come near me and I’ll punch you in the throat. My brother has recently taught me to defend myself.”

I shrugged, trying not to show my unease of the situation.

“I’ll take it. At least I’ll get you off the tracks.”

“Just leave me alone,” she breathed out, focusing on the train. It sounded its horn in warning.

“I can’t do that.”

“Get off the tracks, Will.”

“No, we’ll do this together then.” The train sounded its horn again, this time for longer.

“Get the fuck off the tracks, Will.”

“So you care if I die with you?”

“I don’t care about anybody.”

“Liar.”

“You don’t know shit about me!” she shouted angrily.

“I know you’ve been hurt badly and I know that I will do everything in my power to hunt him down to make him pay.”

She took her focus off the train and stared at me.

“Take my hand,” I said, holding it out to her. The train blared its horn. I felt the tracks vibrate and an imminent death if I didn’t move. The light from the train lit up her face and I saw the tears in her eyes. I saw the conflicting emotions and I knew I had to save her. The horn behind me deafened me as she suddenly screamed. I grabbed her and threw my body to the side as the wind from the moving train whipped around us. I rolled and hit the ground, making sure she landed softly on me. The train blared past us, still sounding its horn as the wheels on the tracks squealed in protest. Feeling winded, I concentrated on getting my breath back as it rolled past us. She lifted her head up and looked directly at me, the force of the train blowing her hair around. We shared a moment, something just between us, where the rest of the world didn’t exist. Our eyes didn’t move from each other, our breaths the only noise left now that the train had gone into the distance.

Then the moment was gone.

Her walls went up and she looked angry.

“If you wanted to get me under you, all you had to do was ask at the party,” I said.

She scrambled off me and muttered, “You wish.”

“Yes, you’re right. I do,” I said getting up from the ground and unsuccessfully hiding my smirk.

“See you around, Will,” she said, crossing the tracks and walking away.

“I can still walk you home.”

“No, thanks.”

“Well, let’s play chicken again sometime,” I called out to her. She didn’t turn around but her middle finger went up in a salute as she continued to walk away. I couldn’t help but laugh. I liked her and if I had my way, I’d be seeing her again very soon.

Present

Will

I waited until the girl from the festival fell asleep before I slid out of the single bed and shoved my jeans back up. It was time for me to get the hell out of there. It had been a while since I had been inside a college dorm room and I had forgotten how small and fucking uncomfortable the single bed situation could be.

I had gone back to her place, just in case Janey had gone back with the others to Noah’s. Doing the business with Janey in the other room just didn’t sit right with me. I knew that if the tables were turned, I’d rip the other guys head off before he even got to second base, but I couldn’t think like that anymore. Janey was ending us and there was fuck all I could do about it. I had to somehow move on, like the years we had spent together meant nothing. Yeah, right.

With a yawn, I checked my pockets for my wallet, keys, and phone then headed out. It had been fun, but it was time to go. As I closed the dorm room door behind me¸ I looked up and down the hallway making sure I could leave without being detected. I had already well and truly broken the rule of being an outside visitor past the allowed time. I headed down the hallway, noting how quiet it was for a college dorm. Everyone seemed to be tucked up in bed and sleeping the early hours of the morning away. Didn’t anyone have parties anymore? I found the stairwell and made my way down, my boots reverberating against the concrete steps in the enclosed space.

Shoving open the main door, my eyes landed on my bike. I would never stop looking at it in adoration, even though I had been riding it for years. It was the one thing that I truly owned. The one big item I had bought using my own hard-earned cash. It highlighted my freedom and what was possible, away from the grasp of my family’s money. I drove lots of different cars; expensive ones, limited editions, but they weren’t mine. Not like my bike. I climbed on and looked around me. I knew it was going to make a big rumbling racket once I started her up. All the nerds asleep in their dorm rooms would be wondering what the hell was going on. With that thought, I started her up and grinned to myself.

Hear that, girls. That’s called power and fucking lust!

With a grin still on my face, I pulled out of the college car park and went full throttle down the main street. I knew I was breaking the law by speeding, but at this time in the morning, I didn’t care. I needed the power and adrenaline to soothe me. Burying myself between a girl's legs tonight hadn’t really helped. I went faster, the cool wind biting my face. My eyes searched for police as I went, living life on the edge as I went even faster.

Janey

I heard his motorcycle as it entered Noah’s street and paused, wondering if I should run back to the couch in the living room and pretend to be asleep. Unlike everyone else at Noah and Ivy’s, I still hadn’t managed to fall asleep. I had gone to the kitchen with a desire for a hot chocolate, happy to see that Ivy was very much like me and was well-stocked with chocolate and marshmallows. I had been stirring my hot chocolate and popping a marshmallow into my mouth as I heard his motorcycle.

I swallowed the marshmallow and tried not to panic. Did I stay here in the kitchen or go to the living room? I had no idea on what we would say to each other now after what had been said at the festival. I sure as hell did not want to see his ‘just had sex’ face either. That face used to belong to me, and only me.

I heard the bike arrive at the house and heard the extra rumble of the engine before it turned off. I hated the fact that another girl had been on that tonight. It had been our thing for so long that I probably loved the bike just as much as he did. I looked down at the mug on the kitchen bench and knew it would give me away if he came into the kitchen. He knew me better than I did myself and would know that it was mine. Sharing a hot chocolate together after everyone went to bed used to be our thing.

I heard the internal door from the garage open and then close. Clearly not thinking straight, I dived across the kitchen to turn the light off, cloaking the room in darkness. I went to hide next to the counter, crouching down and listening out for him. I couldn’t survive his satisfied sex face. Not tonight. I was just barely holding on as it was.

His footsteps started their way up the stairs and then stopped. I stopped breathing and shut my eyes in frustration. He would have smelt the chocolate as soon as he had come in. I waited in silence, wondering whether he was coming into the kitchen or continuing on his way to bed. I shouldn’t have come back here tonight. Our words had been so final tonight that I just knew I should have stayed far away.

Not hearing any more movement, I opened my eyes in the darkness and was then blinded by the switch of the kitchen light. My head popped up and I looked over the top of the kitchen counter to see him leaning against the kitchen entrance, watching me. Embarrassed, I stood up from my hiding position and didn’t meet his eyes as I curled some hair behind my ear. I had been caught out and I felt so damn silly.

“You never used to drink your hot chocolate in the dark and on the floor,” he said, breaking the uncomfortable silence between us.

“Don’t knock it until you try it,” I mumbled, still not looking at him as I picked up my mug and took a sip. He continued to watch me as he leaned casually against the door frame, his thick arms folded across his chest. I took another sip, looking anywhere but at him.

“Can’t sleep?” he asked next.

“Nope,” I said into my mug.

“Fuck, is that a spider?” he said suddenly. I instantly looked over to him to see where he had found a spider. I hated spiders. None of them deserved to live and I planned on killing every single one that roamed the earth. I only found his amused grin as he continued to watch me. There was no spider, only a six foot god making me crazy. I took in his eyes that were alight with adrenaline. He had driven home fast. Someone else had made those eyes burn tonight. Had she satisfied him? Why was he home and not wanting another round with her? Angry with myself and the situation I had put us both in, I suddenly wanted to hit out at him and wipe that gorgeous grin off his face.

“Was she a dud in bed?” I asked cattily.

“So this is how it’s going to be from now on? We’re going to bitch at each other and just throw away the awesome friendship we had?”

I concentrated on my mug of hot chocolate, feeling stupid. Of course I didn’t want that. I was being bitchy because I wanted him and couldn’t have him. I wish I had the balls to just come out and say that to him.

              “But for your information, she wasn’t a dud. I just wasn’t in the mood for a second round in a single bed in a dorm room,” he said, stepping into the kitchen. I watched him from the corner of my eye, move over to the fridge and grab the milk. I suddenly wanted to be in a different time from here, where hot chocolate was our thing after a big night of clubbing or a hardcore session of sex. Where we used to talk and laugh about everything and nothing in those early hours. He started to make himself a mug of the chocolate goodness, eating a marshmallow as he went. I watched his familiar routine of scooping sugar into his mug along with the chocolate, knowing he liked it extra sweet. I swallowed and stood silent, holding my mug tightly, wanting to say so much but not saying anything.

He stirred his mug, then picked up another marshmallow, tossed it up and caught it with his mouth. Just as I tried to hide my amusement, he tossed another one up, this time for me. Just like I had been pulled back into the past, I leaned over and caught it with my mouth. I started to chew on it, smiling slightly before hiding it in my mug as I took another sip.

“There she is,” he said quietly, almost to himself as he sipped from his own mug. I was still here. The same girl that he had loved was here. I just couldn’t be her anymore around him.

“Where are you sleeping? Or not sleeping?” he asked.

“The couch in the lounge room,” I replied. He nodded and then asked, “What time did you all finish up?”

“About an hour ago,” I said, stretching my legs, feeling the ache of being on them for an entire day and night. “They all got wasted on tequila.”

“Did you go crazy on soft drinks?” he asked.

“Yep, went all-out and knocked that fizzy sweetness back like crazy,” I muttered, putting my mug down and pulling myself up on top of the kitchen counter.

“You’re so hard core,” he said, taking another marshmallow, throwing it up and catching it again with his mouth.

“Completely hardcore,” I mumbled.

“I know it probably doesn’t mean much right now but I’m proud of you,” he said quietly, focusing on the spoon on the kitchen counter between us. His words wrapped around my heart and I had to swallow the sudden lump of emotion that was stuck in my throat. He meant everything to me and I had ruined it all - because of her, because of me. I wanted to hear more of his words, I wanted to lean against him and soak up his strength, even if I was no longer allowed. I wanted to crawl inside him and just breathe, knowing he was protecting me. Knowing he always had my best interests at heart.

“It’s tough to give it up when everyone seems to be doing it around you all the time,” he said next, still not looking at me. Giving up the things that numbed me was nothing compared to giving him up. I had left a whole chunk of myself with him and I missed both of them.

“So where have you been staying lately when you haven’t been at home?” he asked quietly. I knew it drove Zac crazy when he couldn’t find me and it had obviously been annoying Will too. On those nights I needed to escape the ones closest to me, the ones that I had failed in so many ways. Without a phone trace, Zac couldn’t find my whereabouts and I was truly alone.

“Different friends’ places,” I said vaguely.

His eyebrows drew together and he flicked the spoon over with his finger. It clattered on the kitchen table between us, cutting into the silence. I could tell he wanted to say more and get more questions answered but I turned the questioning to him instead.

“So you have your own room now - what happened to your famous couch?”

“Went into the Hall of Fame,” he said, casually leaning against the kitchen counter. “They begged me to give it to them in the name of science and world records.”

I couldn’t help but smile before I hid it again, hoping he hadn’t seen it.

“Whoa, I think I just saw you smile again,” he said with a smirk.

“It was a wince,” I said, putting my hand in the bag to get a marshmallow.

“Thought so,” he said with amusement. I chewed the marshmallow slowly, savouring the gooey sweetness while secretly soaking up the guy next to me. I could smell him and feel his warmth, his body even closer to me than it was before. I hadn’t sensed him move closer, but he obviously had, if deliberate or by instinct I didn’t know. I wanted to close my eyes for a moment and just get lost in his warmth. He would always have this effect on me.

“Did you enjoy the festival?” he asked next.

“I did.”

“Now you’ve popped your cherry with the Wall of Death, the sky’s the limit.”

“I survived it, it wasn’t a big deal.”

“Once you put your mind to it, you’d survive anything,” he said, turning slightly so both of his elbows were on the kitchen counter, his body even closer to me.

“Is that just a 5am metaphor or are you specifically talking about me?”

“I’m talking about you. Janey the Invincible.”

I huffed and took a sip of my milk. He was so wrong that it was almost hilarious. I was a ball of contradiction wrapped up in regret and anxiety. I had nothing together. I felt so uneasy with life that I was a moment away from it all ending. My skin was tired of keeping all of the mess inside. Some days it felt like it would finally just give up and I would come apart, my entrails the only thing left of me. The last thing I felt was invincible.

“So rehab helped you,” he stated. It wasn’t a question. Well, I didn’t think it was anyway.

“If you want to think it did,” I returned, not really knowing anymore if anything was helping me. I felt more lost sitting here next to him than ever before.

“I’ve kind of given up on thinking about it,” he said with a sigh, standing up from his leaning position, but not moving away. “The whole situation is like a weeping sore and I guess now all I’m hoping for is that it heals into a scab.”

I heard the words ‘given up’ and felt them slay me inside. I had done this. I had given him the bleeding sore.

“It will scab over once you move on,” I said, hating the words but forcing them out. I had to stay away from him, even though every fibre in my body was pulling me back towards him. It was his turn to softly huff before shaking his head slightly.

“If that’s part of your plan then I guess I will.”

Those words dripped of finality and sat heavily between us in the now silent kitchen. I wanted to jump on him and shout that I was lying. I was living a lie and I missed the hell out of him. I wanted to beg him not to move on because it was the worst possible thing he could do to me. I felt the raw pain of being this close to the man who I wasn’t allowed to love anymore.

“I’m sorry for ruining everything,” I suddenly whispered.

He frowned for a moment, concentrating on something before his hand tentatively took mine. He focused on it, not looking at me as he smoothed his thumb over my skin.