Everything (19 page)

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Jody

Angel was discharged by nine o’clock the next morning. Morgan drove my tired ass home and put both Angel and me down for a nap the second we walked in the door. When I woke to Angel’s cries, I hauled my butt out of bed and collected her up. She was still pretty sensitive and fragile. I made sure to give her extra cuddles and attention as I went about the day.

She fed okay but couldn’t play on her own, needing my attention basically twenty-four-seven. I had no idea where Leo was. He hadn’t popped over, and I didn’t have the strength to go and knock on his door. I’d seen his face when I told him we weren’t coming to New York.

If only he knew how much it was killing me, too, but I couldn’t let that show. He had to go. He had to take this chance. He wanted Broadway more than anything, and he was a good enough guy to give that up just to keep me happy. Well, I wasn’t having it.

I loved him enough to send him across the country so he could get everything he’d ever dreamed of.

My fingers tapped on the kitchen counter as I held Angel on my hip and looked around the apartment. It was going to be so lonely without him. So quiet. So depressing.

The phone rang, snapping me out of my stupor. I picked it up and noticed Ms. Thornby’s name flashing on the caller ID. I closed my eyes with a sigh. I had no idea what she wanted, but I did know that I couldn’t handle it. I didn’t want to hear her complaints or try to figure out how to solve them. Placing the phone on the counter, I let the call go through to voicemail.

I turned to Angel, twisting one of her soft curls gently around my finger. “Hey, do you want to move back in with Grandpa?”

She looked at me with those big blue eyes of hers and said, “Ba-ba.”

I grinned, kissing her nose. “Yeah, it’s a good idea, isn’t it?”

He’d offered it to me that morning, when he’d called to check in. I was busy trying to sign Angel’s paperwork, so had rushed through the conversation, telling him I’d think about it…and I had...all day.

It was time to go home.

The phone started ringing again. Pulling in a slow, defeated sigh, I ignored it and walked Angel through to my room. 

“Time to get packing.” I forced a cheery note that I’m sure even my one-year-old could see through. She was gracious enough not to let me know as I sat her down in the middle of my bed and pulled out a suitcase.

*****

I lugged the second suitcase over to the door. Sean and Morgan were due to arrive in the next hour or so. I had everything except Angel’s crib and changing table packed up. The rest of the furniture had come with the house, so it was a pretty easy move. If Leo was okay with it, I’d come back for the table and crib the next day when I could borrow Dad’s truck. She’d sleep in the little portable crib for the night, which Morgan said she’d set up before she came to collect me.

I fought tears the entire afternoon. Angel ended up falling asleep on my bed, making the second half of packing a million times faster. I still had no idea where Leo was and felt bad I was leaving without even telling him. I knew I was shirking my responsibility, but he’d already arranged for someone else to take over the care of the building while we were in New York. They were moving into Leo’s apartment the next day.

My face puckered. We’d had it all planned so perfectly. He’d walk in, we’d walk out and fly to NYC.

I rubbed the heel of my hand between my breasts, trying to dull the ache.

A soft knock at the door made me flinch. Angel crawled toward me and used my pants to help her stand. I picked her up and moved to the door.

“Please don’t be Ms. Thornby,” I murmured.

The second I opened the door, Angel squealed and stretched out, wriggling her fingers and begging our visitor to take her. My smile was sad as I handed her to Leo, who gently nestled her against him.

“Hey, cherry blossom.” He kissed her forehead and ran his finger down her pudgy little cheek. She nestled her head against his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his neck.

He gazed at me, his green eyes begging me to reconsider.

I bit my lips together and looked to the floor, kicking at the corner of my suitcase.

“Where are you going?” His voice sounded kind of lifeless.

I couldn’t look at him. Crossing my arms, I shrugged. “Back home. I figured what’s the point of staying when you won’t be here.”

“They might not take it. I might be back by tomorrow night.”

“Leo.” My chuckle was soft and shaky. “You wrote it...of course they’ll take it.”

“I wrote it for you,” he murmured.

My head shot up, my gaze colliding with his. The sad smile dancing within them melted me. I couldn’t breathe as he stared down at me, his lips forming that little half grin of his. Holy heartbeat, I was going to miss that face.

Without a word, he unzipped the satchel sitting across his shoulders and, one-handed, wrestled a thick wad of paper out. It was tied with a red ribbon.

I took it off him and shifted the ribbon aside to read.

Dream Chaser

A musical by Leo Sinclair

“I know you’re going to shake your head at this, but it was Jody inspired. It all started that day I saw you singing ‘Defying Gravity’ in this kitchen.” He pointed to the spot I’d stood with my arms outstretched, blissfully unaware of his eyes on me.

“I was your muse?”

“For every song.” His voice cracked.

I gripped the musical in my hand, running my thumb lightly over the cover page. I held gold. Leo gold—the most precious gift anyone had ever given me.

“I know you haven’t heard the whole thing in order yet, so I wanted you to have a full copy, including the alternate ending.”

“Why did you need an alternate? The one you have now is so perfect.”

“Is it?” His wistful question was broken, the heartache cresting over his face enough to fold me in half.

I pinched my lips together, refusing to utter the words I so desperately wanted to say.

All I could do was stare at those beautiful green eyes of his. They were telling me so much. I knew he had a song for this moment, but I was too scared to ask what it was. Knowing would make me cry, and I was scared that if I started now, I’d never stop.

The elevator doors pinged open and Morgan and Sean appeared behind Leo, breaking our spell. Angel grinned at her aunt and uncle while I rubbed a hand over my face and tried to be brave.

“Hey, guys.” Sean nodded at us both. With an understanding smile, he lifted the two suitcases at my feet.

“C’mere, you.” Morgan grinned, holding out her hands for Angel.

She shook her head, clinging to Leo.

“I’ll carry her down to the car if you like.” Leo’s voice cracked.

Morgan nodded, her expression sorrowful as she stepped toward me and wrapped her arm around my shoulders. I squeezed her back, but quickly pulled away before I lost it. Grabbing up Angel’s box of toys, I handed them to Morgan and then flung the diaper bag and my purse over my shoulders before hugging the musical to my chest.

When we reached the car, Leo had already buckled Angel in and was kissing her little knuckles goodbye. He closed the door as I approached, taking the things off me and gently laying them in the trunk. Sean and Morgan got into the car. I crossed my arms in time with the clicking doors and leaned my butt against the car.

“Well, have a safe trip and let me know how it goes.”

“I will.” Leo rubbed my arms, stepping into my space and kissing the top of my head.

Unable to resist, I wrapped my arms around him, pressing my forehead against his cheek, breathing in his scent. “I’m going to miss you.”

“I’ll come back whenever I can.”

“Okay.” I nodded.

He pulled back, holding my face in his hands. “I love you, foxy pants.”

He kissed me before I could say it back, his hot mouth making my knees weak. My head spun as I clung to him, holding it all in.

After a few scorching moments, he let me go and stepped back, jerking onto the sidewalk and crossing his arms. I got into the car and slammed the door behind me, gripping my elbows as if that would somehow diminish the aching pain.

I swallowed, locking the tears inside.

“Let’s go, Sean,” Morgan whispered.

As he pulled away, Angel sat up in her seat and started waving. “Ba-bye, we-O.”

Her soft voice undid me.

Slapping my hands over my face, I bent in my seat and quietly sobbed as I let go of a dream I never deserved. A fleeting moment in time that was pure magic and I knew, down to my core, I’d never have again.

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Leo

The rest of my night was total shit. I tried to pack for New York, but my mind was numb and fuzzy. I threw in the clothes I thought I might need, but wasn’t really sure. I had my laptop, my music, and the full score—all the things I
really
needed. I ran through the songs again, hating that I was the one who had to sing them all now. I could do it, but I’d never sound as beautiful as Jody.

I got to the alternate ending, wondering if I’d even sing it for them. It had consumed me over the past twenty-four hours, an ear-worm that wouldn’t let up. My mournful E-flat melody had become something else entirely. I should never have written the bloody thing—it was throwing me into total turmoil. It just came out, though, like somehow it needed to be written. A pure, true song that said everything I couldn’t...everything illogical inside of me.

I forced myself to play through it, but my enthusiasm waned and I didn’t even get to the end of the first chorus. I jumped away from the piano, walking around my apartment in morose silence. I didn’t even want to listen to music. There were no songs for my moment, just this low-lying despair. I’d felt it before, when things were falling apart with Gerry. Although, somehow this time seemed worse.

With Gerry, I felt bad that I’d be letting people down.

This time, I felt hollow.

A ringing phone woke me at ten the next morning.

“Yeah?” I mumbled into the device.

“Hey, little brother.”

“Aw, hey, Kev. How’s it going, mate?”

“Just wanted to wish you luck.”

“Oh, yeah.”

“Your plane leaves this afternoon, right?”

“Yep.” I sat up, running fingers through my tousled hair and rubbing at my blurry eyes.

“So, why don’t you sound more excited?”

I groaned, flopping my head back on the couch and filling him in. He listened quietly, umming and ahhing appropriately. Typical Kev.

“So, I’m flying solo and it, uh, sucks. It’s kind of hard to get excited.” I squeezed my eyes shut. “I mean, I know going is the right thing to do. I’ve passed up my dreams for a woman before, and look where that got me. Logically, leaving her and a kid who isn’t even mine makes all the sense in the world!” I slapped my hand against the arm of the couch. “I’ll regret it if I don’t do this. She’s right to make me leave and pursue this. It just shows how much she loves me.”

“Yeah, it does sound like she loves you.”

I sighed, my head drooping forward. “Then why is she telling me to leave her?”

Kev laughed. “What did you want her to tell you? Stay?”

“Yeah, maybe. I don’t know!” I scratched at my stubble. “If she did, would I resent her for it?”

“Sounds like the decision comes down to you, mate.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“What’s your heart telling you?”

“Both!” I pushed myself off the couch and started pacing. “That’s what’s killing me. I
want
both!”

“We can’t have it all, little brother.”

I gritted my teeth.

“Listen, why don’t you at least go to New York, do the audition, chat with the guys, and you can make your decision after that.”

“Yeah, yeah. That’s sensible and all that, but...”

“But what?”

I sighed. “I guess I’m just scared if I do, that I’ll get caught up and never make it back.”

“Well, then you need to ask yourself what you want more. I don’t know this girl, but is she worth sacrificing your ultimate dream for? You want Broadway, mate. That’s why you left Aussie, so you could go and see your work on a big, bright stage. To hear that audience cheering for something you’ve created. That’s what you wanted, remember?”

“Yeah, I remember.”

“I want you to get to the end of your life and have no regrets. You deserve this, Leo. You’ve got more talent in your little toe than half of us wankers. Don’t waste it because you’re cruising on a love-high right now.”

“But you and Deb, I mean, you guys are still in love, right?”

I heard the smile in Kev’s voice. “Mate, she’s my ray of sunshine, but it’s not always easy.”

“Do you ever regret marrying her?”

“Never. When you know, you know...you know?”

I grinned. “Yeah, mate.”

“If this Jody girl’s the one, she’ll still be waiting for you when you get back.”

They were comforting words. It took the edge off a little, made it easier to finish my packing, but they didn’t take away the ache, or that niggle of uncertainty as I slammed the cab door closed and said, “LAX, please.”