Everything I've Never Had (17 page)

I glance up and get lost in Bradford’s look of sincerity for a moment. “Thank you. Would you like me to show you around before we go?”

“Yeah, absolutely.”

I lead him through the living parts of the house and avoid the bedrooms. When I show him my office, he gets really interested. My heart expands and glows from within. “Celeste,” he says as he fingers my sketches tacked all over the board, “you are really talented. These are amazing. And your whole house is just beautiful. I don’t know much about design, but yours has a homey feeling, yet it’s aesthetically pleasing as well. If that makes any sense.”

I laugh and tell him, “It makes perfect sense because that’s exactly what I was going for.”

As I lead him back out and to the main part of the house, he continues, “You seriously need to look into how to get started with your own designs. Those few that I saw are inspired. Really.”

Could this guy get any more perfect? I beam. “Thank you so much. That means a lot to me.”

WHEN WE ARRIVE at the House of Blues, we meet up with practically everyone I know. We are that excited about our guys, our homegrown heroes hitting it big time. Bradford fits right in with everyone. He’d met most of them before. Even Louis and a friend have joined us. I happen to know Louis hasn’t gone out in forever—being a junior associate certainly puts a damper on your social life. It’s so good to see him loosen up.

After taking a sip of my mojito, I grab Louis’s arm and drag him to the dance floor. “So who’s your friend, honey?”

“Oh, yeah, just an associate at Teller and Brooks.”

“He seems nice and funny too.” I bite my lip a little as Louis throws a look over his shoulder at Lance.

“Yeah, he’s a good guy.”

Searching Louis’s dark chocolate eyes for moment, I can clearly see how uneasy he is, so I switch topics. “It’s good to see you out, enjoying yourself. You work too much.”

He bobs his head in time with the music. “Yeah, you too, Cel. It’s good to see you have a little fun. How about you and Bradford? He’s a good guy. You see it going anywhere?”

Now I’m the one feeling uneasy. My eyes fly to Bradford’s and the scorching look he’s giving me causes me to falter in my step a little. Umm…wow! Taking a deep breath and giving him a little smile, I turn my attention back to Louis. “I like him. He reminds me of Tripp in many ways, but he’s extremely thoughtful. Not that Tripp wasn’t, you know? He was just very busy. I just mean his easy-going demeanor reminds me of Tripp. Bradford is really sweet, though, Lou. He’ll send me text messages in the middle of the day for absolutely no reason. We’re taking it slow, you know? But one day I told him I was exhausted from photo shoots and running the boys. Shortly after I got home, there was a knock on the door—delivery from Pho’s.” I raise my brows and grin.

“Nice. He’s got tricks.”

I smack Louis on the chest. “They’re not tricks, Louis. He’s thoughtful and considerate.”

“And only that way in hopes to get that one thing.”

I smack him again. “That’s not true, Lou. Not every guy is after that.”

“Umm…yes, yes we are. If we’re not thinking about it, we’re dreaming about it. If we’re not dreaming about it or thinking about, chances are we’re doing it.”

I chuckle and grabbing his chin, give it a shake. “Louis! Why are you being so inappropriate?”

“What? You’re almost forty years old. You should be well aware of how we operate.”

With that little comment, my face falls and I no longer care what guys think—ever. “Did you just say I’m almost forty?” My voice rises an octave with each word, and Louis’s eyes widen.

“Aww…shit!”

“You better be glad we’re in the middle of a club, Louis Mathias Vigier Hebert,” I say with a laugh, “or I would claw your eyes out.”

Louis’s eyes shimmer with mirth. “I’d like to see you try. I’m your baby, remember?”

“Aww…Lil’ Louie…Yes, I remember.” I grab him and hug him tight. He was my baby. I’d been seven when my parents had brought him home. I’ve doted upon his cute, little self everyday since. When he went off to the Naval Academy, I’d felt like a piece of me had died. “Love you, baby boy.”

I hear him groan at my endearment, which causes me to chuckle and hug him tighter. “Love you too, Cel.”

About that time, I hear them announce our boys. “Ladies and gentleman, the House of Blues is proud to present local talent and rising artists, the Dog Tags!” I quickly release Louis and spin around, clapping with everything I’ve got. When that’s not loud enough, I form a megaphone with my hands and shout into it.

I feel hands on my hips and turn to take in Bradford. I smile at him before my eyes drop to his lips. They move in and he places a lingering kiss just under my ear, causing me to shiver. He grins against my skin, and I relish the feel of his hands giving me a tight squeeze. I lean in to him as the guys make their way onto the stage.

Garner is the first to take the stage, so I turn and give Bonnie a huge grin and a thumbs up. She, of course, barely glances at me because she’s so mesmerized by the sight of him. He is good looking. Well over six feet, he towers over the rest of the Dog Tags. And I’m still astonished at the fact that he can get his mohawk to stand that high. He’s clearly in his element as he jogs onto stage and then starts a rousing drum cry for the rest of the band to enter to.

Next up, Tracy, the bassist, appears. Clearly out of his element, he just gives a little wave and heads straight for his instrument. He’s so adorable. I chant his name a little like I did Garner’s and spot a blush spreading over his face.

My laughter dies and my breath catches as my favorite Dog Tag and obvious obsession graces us with his presence. And that’s exactly what it looks like. He saunters downstage, doing his little praying bow; and I feel like I’m going to hyperventilate. Just by entering the room, he’s sucked all the oxygen out of it. I just stare. I don’t chant his name. I don’t look as Chris and then Zach take the stage. I can’t look away. I watch him strap his guitar on and warm up the crowd and am just enthralled. He has on his signature faded and frayed blue jeans and a tight, black, v-neck t-shirt. He’s wearing his black scuffed up boots. And his only embellishments are his heavy crucifix necklace and dog tags. I love the way his hair flops around as he bounces his head in time with the music. They’ve already spoken to the crowd a bit and begin the intro to their first song when I finally break the spell he unknowingly has over me.

When I feel Bradford moving in time to the music behind me, I close my eyes and chastise myself for being such a horrible person that I could have a good man’s arms, around me and be fantasizing about another man—and an unattainable one at that. Looking over to the side at our little group, I see his date, the doppelgänger. She’s blown away too, and she gets to go home with him. Jealousy licks its fiery tongue all the way up my body and tears spring to my eyes.
What the hell?
I’ve never been jealous of anyone. And I am OVER feeling like this about a man I cannot have.

Spinning in Bradford’s arms, I lace my hands around his neck and give him an inviting look. His look of surprise isn’t lost on me. I know I’m acting out of character, but I can’t seem to help it. My survival instincts have kicked in. I have to do something about all this…this angst. I let my eyes drop to his lips, and I lick mine. When his lips crush mine, I moan and tighten my hands in his hair. Coaxing my lips open with his own, I feel his tongue, insistent and warm, thrusting against mine, and I try to lose myself in his kiss. I swallow his groan and savor the feel of having him inside my mouth. His kiss catches me completely off guard as it is unexpectedly delicious. Then I’m not trying to lose myself. I have lost myself.

Making out like teenagers in the middle of a dance floor is a new one for me. I try to pull back a little, but Bradford’s having none of that. His hands snake from my hips all the way around me until I’m pulled tight against his front and evidence of the effect I’m having on him is quite clear. Finally, his kiss changes to a slow, sensual one and I let myself go and enjoy it for what it is and who it’s with. “Geez, Celeste,” he murmurs against my lips and places another sweet little kiss on the corner of my mouth. “What have you done to me?”

I open my eyes and find his pretty blue eyes, heavy with arousal, staring at me and realize I don’t deserve him. I don’t deserve this good man giving me this incredible look like I’m this amazing person. I whimper a little at this revelation. If he knew I’d kissed him because I was so turned on by Adrian, it would hurt him, and I don’t want to hurt him. I can tell he’s falling for me, and falling for him would be as easy as putting one foot in front of the other if I didn’t already have the heavy weight that is Adrian pressing down on me. I envision myself walking out of here hand in hand with Bradford and not seeing Adrian again, and my heart protests violently.
I’m starting to piss myself off!
I need to figure this out and quick.

“About a hundred emotions just passed over those gorgeous eyes of yours, Celeste. So which is it? Are you happy? Do you want us to pursue this? Or is it one of the others? Regret? Fear? Anger?” he asks perceptively.

Unfisting my hands, I smooth his hair and run my hands down his shoulders; his muscles jerk as I do. “What’s wrong?” I ask.

“It feels good. Too good.” He laughs. “You’re making me nervous.”

So honest. And I’m such a liar. “I think it was a terrific first kiss, so I’m hopeful. But, like you, I’m nervous.”

“I would say you can trust me. But isn’t that the first thing that someone who can’t be trusted says?” He gives a slight laugh before he continues, “How about I say that I’m completely into you and haven’t been into anyone in a very long time. I don’t do casual, and I don’t play around.”

I hear my sharp intake of breath and squeeze his arms as I respond, “I can’t believe we’re talking about this right here, right now.”

“Yeah, me either. It wasn’t how I saw it playing out in my mind, but I don’t want you to be scared of this, of us. And the kiss we just shared scared you. You can’t be rehashing that and coming to false conclusions before we have a chance to sort things out.” When his hold tightens on me possessively, I make a split-second decision. My heart crumbles with it, but amidst the rubble, the potential in the ruins for it to come back together into something beautiful with Bradford shines bright.

I run my hands back up his arms, his neck, and to his jaw. Bringing his face down to mine, I kiss him with everything I have. Every thought, every part of me focuses on him and this kiss. I hope he’s as intuitive as I think he is.

When he pulls back, I see nothing but relief and acceptance on his face. He understands. I spin back around in his arms as the band strikes up another song, and I don’t look at their rhythm guitarist for the rest of their set.

WHEN THE DOG Tags thank everyone for coming out, I’m ready to go. My feet are hurting, and my leg is throbbing. What was I thinking wearing these shoes? And now, I’m curious to spend some time with Bradford now that all of my attention is focused on him and him alone. Bradford has other ideas as does the rest of my group. They’re in it for the long haul. I need some air and the restroom so I head toward that area. Of course, when I make my way through the throng, the line for restroom is spilling into the hallway and the door says emergency exit only. Standing with my back to the hall, I decide I’ll wait in line and just people watch. One of the naughtiest songs ever comes on while we’re waiting for the main act, and I can’t help but move my hips in time with the rhythm.

Maroon 5’s “Kiwi” lyrics permeate my brain and flood it with vivid imagery as I wonder what it would feel like for me to make him moan. No, no, not
him
. I shake my head. I’m done with that. I try to lose myself in the music and forget about him and all that makes him
him
when I feel his warm breath on my neck and his rough hands on my thighs through the slits in my genie pants. My head falls back and a throaty moan escapes my lips. “Adrian, no,” I half-protest. “We can’t—”

“I know, Celeste, I know,” I hear him mutter. “Babe, I couldn’t take my eyes off of you all night. Don’t you know that I know. I don’t…don’t want to want you like this. But geez, babe, I’m only human and watching you dance with him when I knew you were thinking of me…”