Everything I've Never Had (37 page)

HOLDING THE CLIPPERS in my hand, I try to work up the nerve to shave his head.

“Baby, just do it. It’s just hair; it’ll grow back. I know you like to have something to tug on, but my hair grows fast,” Adrian says as he holds the towel around his neck and peers at me in the mirror.

I give him a rueful smile. “I know. It’s just…I was thinking about the first time we met. You were still active duty and had a high and tight, remember?”

“Yes, I came to see y’all when y’all were stationed in DC and I was passing through to report to my next duty station. Best idea ever to stop and catch up with Tripp.”

I blush because it was then that I’d been so attracted to him, but I’d also been married, of course. “I felt so guilty over my reaction, but I couldn’t help it. I’ll never forget it either. I walked into the room and you were facing away looking at some of Tripp’s plaques, and I felt a little…hum. When you turned around as Tripp was introducing you, it was instantaneous. My entire body sang. No thought. My body just knew that it was attracted to everything about you.” I shake my head, staring at the clippers as if they held all the answers. “Once you’d gone on your way, I was able to put that physical attraction out of mind and carry on. I wasn’t harboring any feelings toward you. Then, when you moved back home and after Tripp died, I got to know you, and it got harder and harder not to imagine myself with you. I’d always find my thoughts drifting there.” I hear him laugh and my head snaps up to catch him grinning.

“Not just sexually!” I say with a laugh. “Men, I swear. What I’m telling you is the physical attraction I could ignore. It was everything else about you that made ignoring you impossible.”

He clears his throat. “It wasn’t like that for me.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I loved you as soon as I spoke to you. Have you not noticed that about yourself? How people tend to fall in love with you immediately? First of all, you’re gorgeous. That draws us in, of course. But that ability of yours to make the person you’re talking to feel like the only person on the planet seals the deal. You listened to me like you were born to listen to me. That’s what you do. You’re completely selfless like that. So, it was different for me because I fell for you in every way possible almost immediately.”

I lay the clippers down and sit sideways in his lap, running my hands through his hair one last time. Staring into my blues, I kiss him softly. “I hope you never get sick of feeling that way, Adrian, because you and our boys are the most important people on this planet and I’m never going to let you forget it.” I promise.

I pretend the head I’m working on doesn’t belong to him. I’m nervous but excited. Excited that I’ll get to see him as I first met him. Nervous that I’m going to screw up his hair. He assured me that making him look like a Jarhead was a no brainer. I trim the little hairs on his neck and ears and step back to admire my work. Damn, I did a good job.

“It’s ridiculous that you are still so good looking,” I joke. I reach out and run my hand over his short, now prickly, hair. “You’re head is flawless. That’s crazy. It is absolutely the ideal shape. Oh, you have a little scar here.” I say as I rub my finger over the indentation. “What do you think?” I ask as I set the clippers down.

He runs a hand back and forth over his head. His eyes meet mine in the mirror. “It looks great. I’m impressed. Now, for the fun part, he says as I roll the towel up with all the hair on it.

“What’s that?” I look back up at him.

Mirth dances in his eyes. He wiggles his eyebrows at me. “You get to work on getting all these little hairs off of me in the shower.”

“Mmm…I like the sound of that.”

“BABY, I NEED you to wake up,” Adrian calls softly while moving his hands and mouth over me.

“Already?” I felt like I’d just gone to sleep. I pry my eyes open a little and notice the room is still blanketed in darkness. “What time is it?”

Adrian pulls back a little from lavishing my breast to mumble, “Four.”

“Adrian, we don’t have to get up yet. We just went to sleep three hours ago, and you need your rest,” I whine.

“I want to make love to my wife, and I can sleep on the plane,” he mumbles before switching breasts. His actions along with his claim have me stirring again.

“OK, baby,” I say as I run my hands over his shaved head.

He pops up and whispers, “And I want to talk to the boys.”

I smile. “Good plan.”

I CARRY A sleeping Finn into Archer’s room while Adrian follows behind me with a half-asleep Paris. I kiss Finn all over his head. “Wake up, Finny Finn Finn,” I chant.

“Mom?” he mumbles.

“Yes, honey?”

He lifts his head and looks around, those big brown eyes half-closed. “Why are you waking me up at the butt crack of dawn?”

“Finn!”

“What?”

I roll my eyes. “Nothing.” We’ll chat about language later. “Adrian wants to talk to you before we take him to the airport, OK?”

He turns in my arms and spots Adrian. They grin at each other. “I don’t want you to leave,” Finn tells him.

“I know, buddy.” My heart crumbles and tears spring to my eyes, so I take a swift breath in and release it quickly to keep from losing it.

“It’s OK, Ma,” Paris says, “you can cry if you need to.”

This makes me laugh instead. “Thank you, Paris. I think I can hold it together for a little while,” I say, grinning at my sweet son. Finn puts his thumbs at the corners of my eyes and swipes. “Thanks, sweetheart.”

I place Finn on the bed next to Archer, which finally rouses him. Archer doesn’t even open his eyes; he just peels back his covers for his brother to climb in beside him. Paris climbs up on the other side and squeezes in. I catch them like this in the morning all the time. It never fails to warm my heart and have me counting my blessings.

“Boys, I need you to wake up. We want to tell you some things before we go.” I watch in fascination as all their eyes pop open. If only they would get up for school so easily! Hmm…maybe that will be Adrian’s permanent responsibility when he’s living with us full-time waking up my morning monsters. “Mornin’, guys.” They mumble their responses. “You know how I told you I was going to ask your mom to marry me?” They all nod. “Well, I asked her, she said yes, and we got married.”

Well, that certainly cut to the chase.
I told him I was nervous about telling them because I didn’t want them to feel left out, and he told me to let him handle it, telling me he knew how to word it for guys. I stare at the boys, waiting for some reaction. Paris’s eyes get big. Archer grins.

It takes a few seconds for it to sink in before Finn shuffles from under the covers and throws himself at Adrian, hugging him tight around the neck. “Can I call you Papa?” he asks. Adrian chuckles.

“If that’s what you want. I like Papa.”

“It’s the only French word I can remember besides
merde
.”

My breath swooshes out before I spit out, “Finn Thomas Hebert! Do you even know what that means?” When his little mouth pops open, I throw my hands up. “No! Don’t even say it. I don’t want to hear that word come out of your mouth again, young man.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he says as he tries to hide behind Adrian’s shoulder. Mmm hmm, he knows he’s crossed the line.

“I like Papa,” Paris says, bringing our attention back to the subject at hand.

“Me too,” Archer agrees.

“Well, that settles that then. I’m Papa,” Adrian says with a smile that he shares with each of us before speaking again. “All right boys, here’s the deal. I can’t go into detail now, but your mom and I are going to keep this to ourselves for a while. OK? I’m not asking you to lie to anyone, mind you. Just keep this our business for now. But if anyone asks, you should tell them to talk to your mom and let her handle it. OK?” They all nod. “Last thing I want to talk to you about.” He blows out a deep breath and runs his hand back and forth over Finn’s head. “I know you boys already know a lot about what is going on over there with the war and all, but you need to know that I’m very good at my job. It has been my honor and privilege to take care of my brothers, so you can bet I’m going to be taking care of business. I’m going to be extra careful now that I have you guys counting on me, OK?” Nods all around. “If you get scared, talk to your mom. Don’t worry about me, though. This is my fifth time going to war if you can believe that. I’m experienced and smart and fast. Got it?”

“I want to join the Marine Corps, Papa, and be just like you,” Archer says with a little hiccup. I have to look at the ceiling and swallow hard.

“Right now, Marine, I want you and your brothers to take care of your mom. You already do a great job, but you’re really going to have to step up now that I’m not going to be around. Everybody good with that?” I look back down to four sets of eyes glued on me and lots of “yes, sirs.”

“All right,” Adrian says as he stands up and tosses Finn on the bed before picking him up by the ankles and dangling him over the bed. “Finn, quit messing around and get dressed,” Adrian says over the boys’ giggling.

WATCHING MY SWEET man move around the airport saying goodbye to everyone is heartbreaking. His parents don’t show, and I’m beyond pissed. I mean, even if they’re awful, they are his parents. The boys are keeping everyone entertained while we and the other families wait. Adrian’s bandmates show up in full force and lighten the mood by alternating between their crude humor and touching remarks. Farah and her husband show up, of course. When Garner walks in and grabs Adrian and lifts him in the air, we all crack up. Garner drops him back to his feet but not before giving him a huge, sloppy kiss on his cheek that has Adrian giving him a kidney shot. I thought Garner was being his usual over-the-top self until he turned to Bonnie and I saw her wipe his eyes and then give him a small kiss.