Read Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Acting (But Were Afraid To Ask, Dear) Online
Authors: West End Producer
Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Acting (But Were Afraid To Ask, Dear)
Contents
A Quick Scene Change in the Middle of Act Three:
Touring
For
My Jean Valjean teddy – who is there for me every night, ensuring I am never ‘On My Own’
and
My dear family – who are a constant source of inspiration, surprise, and unending support
Acting is problem-solving. Directing is helping with the problem. And producing is paying to make the problem look good, dear.
Acknowledgements
Firstly, I would like to thank everyone who has supported me whilst working on this book. I have a tendency to get very moody after long hours staring at my laptop – so I must send sincere love and thanks to my loving and understanding partner. Thank you for going through this journey with me.
I must also thank everyone who has helped keep the mystery of WEP still a secret! There are times when the temptation to ‘out me’ must be excruciating, so I sincerely thank you for your kind support, humour, and constant help in making this possible. To my dear friends who have given up so much of their time to help, assist and advise – I cannot thank you enough. You know who you are…
To my wonderful Twitter followers and family – people who have become dear friends and colleagues as a result of the internet. To the ‘angels’ who firstly took an interest in my work, and to everyone else who has come along and enjoyed the fun. To Anne, Susan, Lynne, Linda, Gemma, Dompy, Mike, Robert, Rebecca, Janie, Julian, Steve, Adam – and especially Trevor, who has been a constant guide – thank you.
To Michael and Tony, who have a passion for new talent like myself – thank you for your ongoing enthusiasm.
Humble thanks to all the well-known faces and showbiz friends who have dedicated their time and energy to read my book and let me have their thoughts. You are all living proof that there are ‘no people like show people’.
Thanks to my editor, Matt Applewhite at Nick Hern Books, who has made the creation and development of this book such a joy. For your patience, understanding and intelligence, you have my sincere thanks – and Dom to follow! Also everyone else at Nick Hern Books, who are a delight, a joy, and constant source of inspiration – thank you.
And, of course, to my dear parents – without whom none of this would have been possible. With love.
WEP
The Overture
My dears! Welcome to my little book, all about acting, theatre, entertainment, and the business of show. I do hope you enjoy it.
I spend many evenings discussing the theatre, and felt it was about time I wrote all of my thoughts and experiences down. I wanted to write something that reflected how it is to work in theatre and entertainment in the present day. The truth is that the art of acting and showbiz is, sadly, not all glitz, glamour and jazz hands.
A few years ago I was struck with a sense of doom as I worked alongside some people who took their job far too seriously. Acting and entertainment is, of course, a business, and like any business has to be taken seriously. But this business is also about creating joy and entertainment. There is nothing as rewarding as observing a creative company coming together to put on a show. They are a family, a community working towards one shared goal and often for no money. What other profession can make such a claim? And this is what makes theatre so magical: the astonishing combination of energy, enthusiasm and commitment at the heart of everyone working in it.
I hope this book dispels some of the myths and fears about acting, and provides an honest guide to the realities of
entertainment in the modern age. There is a lot of fear in the business. People, especially actors, often feel that they can’t voice their true opinions because they don’t want to get a bad reputation. There are whispers in corridors, murmurs in The Ivy, and speculation in Andrew Lloyd Webber’s office, but a lot of what happens in theatre stays in its own little world. I am not attempting to ‘dish the dirt’ on theatre at all – I just want to open the door a little wider.
As you read this book I suggest taking the time to practise your jazz hands and do the odd ball-change in between chapters. It will give you a great sense of theatre wherever you are. And theatre is the one thing we could all do with more of. So come inside, have a read, take from it what you will, and enjoy, dear.
According to
Fame
, ‘Acting is the hardest profession in the world.’ Personally, I think brain surgery ranks quite high up there as well, dear.
Stanislavsky called. He said forget about his books – it’s all about tits and teeth, dear.
Training
Drama schools are marvellous places. They are filled with eager young performers and talented staff who want to share their wisdom, knowledge and phone numbers. But is it essential for an actor to go to drama school? In my mind, a drama-school training is very important – it provides actors with a solid basis and foundation in all aspects of a performer’s life. They teach everything from walking and talking to singing and shouting – and importantly provide you with useful contacts in the professional world. Of course, I am not saying that to be a successful actor you
must
go to drama school – there are many marvellous performers who have never stepped foot in one. But it is just a lot tougher to do it that way. Going to a good drama school implies that you have trained to a high standard and can enter and exit the stage without getting an erection.
Auditioning for drama school is a long and arduous process, and requires years of research and development. There are many things to consider; for example, what kind of actor do you want to become? All drama schools offer different specialised courses – ranging from musical theatre, acting, dancing, and reality TV technique. So you need to decide what kind of an actor you want to be. You will find very early on in your career that you are typecast as a certain type of performer straight away. Which is why I suggest that pole-dancing is not your first professional engagement.
There are many types of drama schools. Whilst some are based in lovely big mansion houses in the middle of acres of land, others can be found near brothels in King’s Cross. Of course, this does not mean that one is better than the other – it just means that at one you can expect a more varied and fulfilling personal life. There are currently twenty-one drama schools which belong to Drama UK (formerly the Conference of Drama Schools), and also many others – and the task of deciding which one is right for you can lead to decades of uncertainty, dizziness and celibacy. It is essential you do your research and discover which ones have the best-looking staff, cleanest toilets and cheapest bar. These tiny details will make all the difference in your drama training.
You should also do your research and discover which famous actors and celebrities attended each school. It is always very telling when a school is proud to advertise that they have a recent graduate who is fronting the new Durex advert, or appearing in a nursery school’s tour of
Trainspotting
.
Most drama schools have the words ‘dramatic’, ‘art’ or ‘academy’ in their title (some are very greedy and have all three). A few have the word ‘Royal’ in them – which simply means that Prince Edward goes there at weekends to work on his drag act. Occasionally you will even find a school that has the word ‘music’ in it. This means that, as well as a couple of hours of drama each week, you also get a few minutes to play the recorder and practise your fingering skills.
Choosing a Drama School
In honesty, if a casting director has two identical CVs in front of them and one actor trained at RADA and one trained at the Louie Spence Academy – the actor who went to RADA would get the job. This rule doesn’t apply if the other actor happens to be sleeping with the casting director, or has a famous parent. Famous parents are very useful for both getting into drama school and finding work in the
industry. I have heard countless stories of actors refusing to use their parents’ names and contacts when starting in the industry. This is a mistake. If your parent is famous then they will have lots of contacts – which will inevitably save you years of waking up next to old, smelly directors.
A few years ago I knew an actor who changed his name so he could pretend to be Judi Dench’s son. For some reason everyone presumed he was telling the truth – and as a result he got lots of nice theatre and television work. But eventually someone worked out he wasn’t in actual fact her son – and was forced to revert back to his real name: Lenny Henry. Bless him.
It is also important to consider where the drama school is. A drama school in central London is marvellous as it is easy for agents to come and watch you perform. A drama school in Essex is not so handy – unless you are particularly keen to appear on
TOWIE
.
Another factor you have to think about is the expense of living in certain areas. For example, RADA is based near lovely Bloomsbury – so accommodation is very expensive. On the other hand, Mountview is based in Wood Green – which is a much cheaper area to live. Although the chances of getting stabbed there are a lot higher, dear.
What is the difference between a one-year and a three-year acting course? About twenty thousand pounds, dear.
There is also the question of whether to do a one-year or a three-year course. Both are full-time courses, and offer a thorough practical training in drama. A one-year course is basically a three-year course condensed into a year, and is aimed at older students, people who have already been to university, and people who can already speak without dribbling. In truth, although a one-year course gives a good
training, in the business they are not looked on as highly as a three-year course. You will obviously have a showcase at the end of the year, but far fewer agents and casting directors go to them. This is primarily because agents think that someone who has trained for three years will be better as they have far more experience. However, if you can’t decide between a one-year and a three-year course, some drama schools offer a two-year course. In my mind, though, the more training you can get, the better. Most drama schools charge around nine thousand pounds a year. And on top of this you also have to pay for maintenance, as drama schools tend not to offer student accommodation. Of course, you may be lucky and get a scholarship or a DaDA (Dance and Drama Award), which will help with tuition and maintenance. And then the only thing you have to worry about is beer money, dear.
New acting graduates have a very big advantage over other actors: no reputation.
The Drama-school Audition
There are usually two different types of auditions: private/individual auditions – where you audition on your own for the panel. And group auditions – where a group of auditionees go in together and perform in front of each other. The panel will always consist of drama-school tutors, successful graduates, and a dinner lady.
These days you have to pay a fee to audition for drama schools. These can vary, but are normally about £50 each. The money made from the auditions goes into a savings account for the staff Christmas party. Some people think this is a naughty waste of school funds – but these people obviously have no idea how expensive Stringfellows is.
Because of the expense involved in auditioning, it is vital you choose wisely when considering which schools to apply
for. As well as the expense of the audition itself, you have to consider the additional expense of travelling to and from the audition – which you will have to pay for again if you get a recall. It’s all money, money, money before you’ve even got a place! In truth, auditioning for a drama school is like a full-time job, and with the ever-increasing costs the time will come when potential students will need a grant to just cover their audition expenses.