Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Acting (But Were Afraid To Ask, Dear) (35 page)

The problem is that the cost of putting on theatre gets more expensive every year, and a very obvious way to help with this is by upping ticket prices – because someone will always be prepared to pay the premium price (unless the show is a flop – in which case no one will!). The worry is that this trend is making theatre, once again, something of an elitist activity. There are only a certain number of people that can afford to pay £60 a ticket – indeed, the average family of four would find it an impossibility. And this is not fair. To make relevant theatre for a current audience we need to make it accessible to everyone. Many people simply are not prepared to take the gamble of paying such enormous amounts of money to go and see a show, particularly when they have no guarantee that they will enjoy it.

Whilst I am well aware that some theatres offer cheaper seats – and you can purchase tickets for around £15 in the upper circle – these seats invariably are not that good. I am a big fan of places like Shakespeare’s Globe where £5 standing tickets are available, and theatres that offer £25 day seats – but not everyone is able or willing to stand outside in the bitter cold to get a couple of tickets, which even then are not guaranteed. There are also websites that offer reduced-rate tickets, but to find these deals can become
something of a challenge. Of course, it is wonderful that people are prepared to go to such lengths to see a show – indeed, it only shows the increasing demand for high-quality theatre – but these tickets should be easier and more frequently available.

We simply all need to start working together a bit more. All of us producers, all theatres and companies, particularly in the West End, should be trying to help attract new audiences, and work on getting ticket prices back down. Only when we are all fighting the same cause will this begin to happen.

And we need to be braver. We need to push forward and find the new artists, composers, and creators of tomorrow. The trend to employ reality TV stars or movie actors solely to get bums on seats is understandable – but until this current fad is ended then it will continue to gather speed. Look at some of our bravest and most modern theatre companies – Paines Plough, Kneehigh, Frantic Assembly, Punchdrunk – who, through the quality and strength of their work, have forged a faithful and exciting audience of their own. Their work is attracting a whole new and different theatre audience, which is thrilling. And with projects like NT Live – where theatre productions are broadcast live in cinemas – theatre is becoming accessible to anyone and everyone wherever they are. But, of course, the true thrill of theatre is seeing it live, being in a building with hundreds of others, all gathering to witness an event, a celebration, something which has been created to be viewed in a specific space, by a collective audience who are there for that purpose. And that is the joy of theatre.

Whilst TV is changing, and the internet is an extension of our everyday life experience, theatre has something unique to offer. It is not recorded, it is not on a screen in front of us, we cannot pause it whilst we take a phone call, or quickly scan over it and press the refresh button. It is something that demands our focus, our energy and participation – and with that come the rewards of being involved in a live event. And luckily for us all, this makes it an art form that will never die. It is something that has the power to move, to
affect, to challenge, and constantly to reflect humanity. And that is why I adore it.

Anyhow, I think I’ve kept you long enough now. Thank you for your time and patience. I must be off. My Jean Valjean teddy is waiting with a nice chilled bottle of Dom.

It’s been emotional. Wrap up warm, drive carefully, and have a safe journey home.

Bless you.

Kindest,

WEP

x

Nighty night. Don’t let the jazz hands bite, dear.

My Jean Valjean teddy

What the stars of stage, screen and Steps are saying about West End Producer’s book

‘Prepare to be shocked, rocked and mocked in this genuinely laugh-out-loud-funny, lovingly crafted, meticulously researched, spookily insightful and accurately spelled guide to all things thespian. Since reading it, my approach to auditioning, rehearsing and surviving in the West End has dramatically improved.’
Michael Ball

‘Don’t even consider putting your daughter on the stage, Mrs Worthington, until you’ve first consulted this wonderful book.’
Paul O’Grady

‘A deliciously wicked eavesdrop into the side of the business that is kept under wraps. Uber-hilarious and unputdownable.’
Frances Barber

‘Scabrous, scurrilous, hilarious and at the same time informative, perceptive and essential reading for the professional and enthusiast alike. Irresistible.’
Colin Baker

‘Highly amusing, brilliantly blunt, surprisingly informative… Everything you
really
need to know about theatre.’
Bonnie ‘Three Kills’ Langford

‘In an industry where 99% of your time is spent working out the difference between what is being said and what is actually meant (the other 1% being spent removing pubic hair from between your teeth), it seems that one man – a man of integrity, experience and with nothing to hide – has penned a definitive translation. He handed me my copy with the words, “What you hold in your hand now could well be the making of you.” And although not the first producer to have uttered those words to me, he was the first to say them whilst I was holding a book.’
Rufus Hound

‘Toss off your Stanislavsky, your Meisner and your Strasberg. Slip this into your doublet and hose; it’s all you need to know about this business called show.’
Brendan Coyle

‘To be able to walk, talk and act all at the same time is something I could only dream of. West End Producer has shown me that dreams really can come true.’
Jill Halfpenny

‘If you can stop yourself from laughing at the many wise and pinpoint observations about this crazy business, you will actually find some genuinely good advice for a career in the theatre. Whether you’re a beginner or an old ham like me, there is much to amuse and enlighten.’
David Harewood

‘West End Producer is the Invisible Man of Theatreland. Whether savagely sloshed or nursing hangovers at auditions, his insights are always wickedly funny.’
Reece Shearsmith

‘West End Producer is the naughty little man who dares to tell the truth. If you want to learn about the real life of an actor, this book is for you.’
Melanie C

‘Outspoken, biting, merciless… and I absolutely love it!’
Ruthie Henshall

‘West End Producer is the naughtiest man in theatre. What he doesn’t know about acting isn’t worth knowing.’
Stephen Mear

‘Hilariously honest. It made me cry with laughter!’
Andy Nyman

‘West End Producer has caught the eyes of the whole West End Twitter world. Now
that’s
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Kerry Ellis

‘The jazz-hands master of showbiz tweets.’
Susan Penhaligon

‘West End Producer’s words of wisdom have taught me how to walk, talk and act all at the same time.’
Al Murray

‘Without West End Producer I’d never have discovered the “squint your eyes and look intense” look. A crucial part of my performance now.’
Louise Dearman

‘Everything I know about acting I learnt from this book… and a pissed tramp living in the car park under the National Theatre.’
Con O’Neill

‘West End Producer is a fountain of theatrical knowledge. If you want honest, brilliant advice about the business, he’s your man, dear!’
Aled Jones

‘West End Producer taught me that the casting couch is the only way to get a job.’
Ian ‘H’ Watkins

About the Author

West End Producer – or WEP – has been involved in the entertainment business all his life. From the moment he was born onstage during a performance of
Titus Andronicus
, he knew he was destined for a career in showbiz.

Firstly working as a volunteer, and then becoming an assistant stage manager, WEP got a hands-on training at his local theatre. It was here he learned the importance of biscuits in the rehearsal room, lager in the stage-management fridge, and a willing young man in the leading actor’s dressing room. However, after being bitterly disappointed by a particularly poor production of
My Fair Lady
, where Eliza was totally incapable of ‘dancing all night’, he decided that he could produce much better shows himself. And the rest, as they say, is history…

WEP’s life these days revolves around producing, writing, tweeting, blogging, playing with his Andrew Lloyd Webber glove puppet, and supporting emerging talent. He is hugely passionate about new work, new talent and new bottles of Dom Perignon. In 2012 he produced Search for a Twitter Star, the first online competition devoted to finding musical-theatre performers. The live final was held at the Lyric Theatre in the West End, and was the first ever completely Twitter-friendly theatre event, with the entire audience tweeting throughout.

WEP followed this with a competition for new composing talent – Search for a Twitter Composer – with heats and a live final at Soho Theatre. WEP can regularly be seen attending theatrical first nights with his Jean Valjean teddy bear. He adores seeing theatre, in particular
musicals – and always tries to ensure that opening nights run smoothly by throwing nuts at Sir Peter Hall to keep him awake. At home, WEP loves spending quality time with his
Miss Saigon
blowup doll and listening to original cast recordings of anything apart from
Love Never Dies
.

@westendproducer

A NICK HERN BOOK

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Acting
(
But Were Afraid to Ask, Dear
)
first published in Great Britain in 2013
by Nick Hern Books Limited, The Glasshouse,
49a Goldhawk Road, London W12 8QP

This ebook edition first published in 2013

Copyright © 2013 West End Producer

West End Producer has asserted his moral right to be identified as the author of this work

Designed and typeset by Nick Hern Books

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available
from the British Library

ISBN  978 1 78001 291 9 (ebook edition)
ISBN  978 1 84842 347 3 (print edition)

CAUTION   This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights, and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.