Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Acting (But Were Afraid To Ask, Dear) (33 page)
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Authors: West End Producer
Never judge an actor on how much work they’ve done. Judge an actor on
what
work they’ve done, dear.
Biographies
There always comes a time in the rehearsal period when an actor will be asked to send their biography to the company manager, so they can be formatted and put into the programme. This task can be very difficult and time-consuming – especially if an actor decides to lie.
Actors never want to look like they are inexperienced, so the temptation to make credits up, or write ludicrous essays about their upbringing, seems like a clever idea. It isn’t. In fact, lying on your biog is the worst thing you can do.
An actor’s biography should simply list where you trained, followed by your professional credits, and nothing else. Basically we just want to see an appealing and concise version of your CV. It really isn’t necessary to tell us how many GCSEs, A levels and degrees you have. Because in theatre these qualifications don’t make a jot of difference, dear.
It’s not the length of your CV, it’s what you do with it that counts, dear.
I have read many ridiculous biographies in my time. Of course, you can choose to write whatever you want – but you must always be aware that industry professionals, as well as your friends and family, will read it, so it is wise to make sure it doesn’t sound too foolish. This is a lot easier than it sounds, particularly if you cannot read and write. If this is the case I suggest you use some crayons and make a nice drawing. It would be a welcome relief to have some lovely colourful drawings next to a headshot, and would certainly make me remember your name.
The most useful thing to remember when writing your biog is that a potential director or agent will read it, so only write what you think is appropriate. Avoid using swear words, racist insults and sexist remarks. Spelling mistakes are also very off-putting. I recently read a biog that said an actor had been in the original cast of
Chitty Chitty Gang Bang
. Lucky him, dear.
I am also not a fan of actors writing how ‘thrilled’ they are to be in a show, and how they’d like to thank their mummy and daddy, Grandma Winifred and Grandpa
Geoffrey for their constant support. The only person they should be thanking is the producer for giving them the job in the first place.
Actors who don’t have many professional credits often make their biog longer by writing
every single character
they have ever played alongside the name of the production. It really looks very obvious, and isn’t recommended – particularly if you are including characters such as ‘Man Crossing Stage’, ‘Posh Lady Number 2’ and ‘Guy with Hat’.
Here is an example of a biog that breaks all the rules:
Candy Floss Candy trained at RADA, LAMDA and Sylvia Young (foundation courses). She has been involved in theatre since a young age, and was ‘bitten by the bug’ when she performed in her school production of At the young age of seventeen Candy was chosen to do a schools’ tour raising awareness of marine wildlife – entitled |
Her work in entertainment has taken her worldwide, and she has been lucky enough to perform in such places as Hull, Minehead, Tenerife, Tehran and Brent Cross Shopping Centre. Theatre includes: creating the role of Ophelia in |
Film: Fantine in TV: Radio: Various radio phone-ins. Her one-woman show – |
Candy’s theatre company, Shakespeare Not Stirred!, tours the good bits of Shakespeare’s plays around old people’s nursing homes. Candy also teaches, and loves nothing more than passing her experience and skills onto the young stars of tomorrow. Candy is thrilled to be making her West End debut here performing in the National’s new outdoor ‘Random Red Shed’ space, and would like to thank her parents for their continued and loving support. She would like to dedicate this performance to the memory of her grandma, Ethel, who inspired her to live her dream. And, of course, Nicky, her husband and director of this show – for giving her the chance to shine. And God. For giving her belief. And her best friend, Natasha, who has always been there for her. And not forgetting Flopsy – sadly missed, but never forgotten. |
For further information on Candy you can follow her on Facebook, Twitter, SoundCloud, Instagram and YouTube. For fan club details: |
Actors – having a degree doesn’t make you a better actor. And having your own album doesn’t make you a better singer, dear.
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| The Actor’s Timetable An actor, just like an athlete, has to make sacrifices in order to perform and maintain their professional physique at all times. There will often be horrendous demands put upon the actor and their family – and this is a fact that simply has to be accepted. Any actor will at some point be asked to work irregular hours, and be forced to go out boozing until 4 a.m. in the morning – followed by an all-day lie-in. Some people find this very difficult, but it is an integral part of being an actor. Of course, an actor’s daily routine varies depending on whether they are rehearsing or performing. Rehearsals will generally take place during the day, and performances during the evening. Unless, of course, you are doing a Theatre in Education tour. In which case, good luck, dear. | |
| Here are some examples of an actor’s daily timetable (both that of a A 6.00 6.15 6.30 7.00 | |
| 8.00 8.30 8.45 8.50 9.00 9.30 10.00–13.00 | |
| 13.00–14.00 14.00–18.00 18.00 19.30 20.00 21.00 22.00 | |
| A 9.40 9.45 10.00–13.00 13.00–14.00 14.00–18.00 18.00–22.00 23.00 23.30 00.59 | |
| 1.00 A 11.00 12.00 13.00 14.00 15.00 16.30 | |
| 17.00 18.00 18.25 19.30 22.00 23.00 23.30 00.00 | |
| 1.00 A 13.00 14.00–17.00 18.00 18.30 19.30 22.00 00.00 4.00 | |
| A 3.00 4.30 4.45 5.00 5.30 6.00 6.15 7.00 | |
| 7.30 7.45 8.00 8.30 8.45 9.00 10.00 10.30 11.15 11.30 | |
| 12.00 18.00 A It is not worth including a timetable for TV actors because their schedule is: arrive on set, go into trailer, sleep in trailer, do a scene, sleep in trailer, wait in trailer, eat in trailer, moan in trailer, go home. | |
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