Fallen Desire (11 page)

“Sure honey, that’s fine with us.”  My mom understands me without me having to beg.  She probably thinks I need some girl time with Kim; she doesn’t have a clue what this is really about.  Ever since Ethan stepped into my life, this whole new world has opened up. 

“What’s this about a date?  Is this with that Ethan boy that you went to the party with?” 

My mom starts to apologize, “Oh, Gregg, I’m sorry I forgot to tell you.  She asked me the other day and I told her it was fine.  She’s just going with a friend from school.”  My mom quickly covers up for me. 

I had forgotten to ask her.  “Derrick from school asked me out to dinner, just as friends,” I say.  “I haven’t really talked to Ethan recently.  He’s been kind of busy lately and anyways right now we’re no more than friends.  We don’t really know that much about each other.  Derrick just wanted for us to take some time to get to know one another.  Sorry I didn’t ask you myself, Dad, it’s just that you’re always working and I forget by the time you get home.” 

“Okay well I guess
its fine then.  I mean going to the mall with Kim.  The dinner tonight is fine too; I just don’t want you out all night.  Try to be back by eleven.  We can drop you off at the mall if you’d like?” he replies.

I bend in to kiss him on the cheek, “Yeah Dad that would be great.  Thank you so much.  I’ll be
back home as soon as we’re done at the mall and well before it’s time for Derrick to pick me up.”  I give my mom a smile letting her know I was grateful for her saving me on that one.  Dad probably would have let me go anyways but he appreciates me asking first and not just telling him what I’m doing.  I excuse myself to the restroom to give Kim a quick call, thank goodness she answers.

“Can you meet me at the mall in like fifteen minutes?” I ask. 

“Actually Lindsay, I’m already here.  I came to get some make-up.  I’ll be by the waterfall, meet me there.”  She hangs up before I even say okay.  She sounded almost like she was already expecting my call.  Once I get back to the table, my mom and dad are already prepared to go.  As we walk to the car I begin to feel a presence of someone watching me so I stop to look around but don’t see anyone looking at me or anyone I notice but I still can’t shake the feeling of being watched.  I shrug it off and get in the vehicle.

***

As I walk toward the waterfall in the mall I see Kim sitting on a bench that faces the water.  There are tables and chairs arranged in an organized manner all around the waterfall and as the food court is surrounding us the air is filled with the smell of grease and food being cooked on the grill.  Nearby are large flower pots filled with violet, yellow and blue colored flowers.  It fills the area with a refreshing feeling, gives it that outdoor/in kind of vibe.  Kim is rummaging through her bag and it looks like it’s full of makeup and different brushes.  She’s dressed in a summery mini dress that’s white with yellow flowers and wearing a pair of white sandals.  She always looks camera ready.  “Kim!  Thanks for meeting me!”  I’m so happy to see her and to be able to talk to her about the strange black-haired lady from the coffee shop and my date tonight with Derrick. 

“So what’s up, Lindsay?
  It’s not very often you ask me to meet you at the mall.  I mean we both know this isn’t your usual hang out.  You’re usually reading or spending time with your boyfriends or I mean friends that are boys.”  She gives a little chuckle to go along with her sarcastic remark and then proceeds to give me a hug, as if it washes away her sarcasm.  It does.  I love having a girl my age I can talk to.  There’s no way I can talk to my mom about all this boy trouble and the strange lady from the coffee shop leaving me to contemplate her crazy comments. 

“Well there’s a lot that is up!  I was at the coffee shop with my mom and dad just a bit ago and this extremely creepy lady with the blackest hair and the palest skin grabbed my wrist and said this to me.”  I pass the napkin to her that I pull from my purse.  She reads it smiles
and gives me a look like I’ve probably lost my mind in all this drama and I’m making more out of everything than necessary. 

“Just some crazy lady giving you crazy messages that no one understands.  Why are you letting it bother you?”  Even though she’s probably right, the look on the woman’s face and her words are hard to let it go.  The lady really didn’t seem all that crazy, and she didn’t look crazy.  She actually looked really normal and sort of pretty and when she spoke to me it seemed like she was just trying to help me, which makes her creepy but not crazy.  Maybe I’m the one going insane.  The only thing that was odd about the situation is that I don’t know her and she doesn’t know who I am and yet she seemed to know what I’m going through. 

It’s as if she could read my mind about Ethan and him having a secret that he’s hiding, and maybe I am supposed to help him.  I guess Kim isn’t going to be much help with this after all.  “You’re right.  I don’t know why I let it bother me.  She was just some crazy lady, I guess.  I just thought that maybe she was referring to Ethan.  I feel like there’s something he’s hiding from me and maybe I am supposed to help him work his way through it.  I don’t know.  Crazy right,” I hope she doesn’t think so.  

“No, not crazy, Lindsay, but I do think you’re reading into things a little too much.  Obviously Ethan has some secrets and I don’t know him, but I’m going to stand on the side of the fence that tells you to be careful.  And I’m trying to be nice because I don’t know him, but I get a bad vibe from him.  Derrick likes you too and you seem to have a thing for both of them.”  She pauses, probably for dramatic effect.  “In my professional opinion, as a typical 17-year-old girl, I think that you’re making a big deal about this because you feel like you can’t decide what to do; by the way I don’t think that this is trouble at all.  I wouldn’t mind having two boys duel over me.” 

She gives me a big smile and nudges me with her shoulder.  It’s true, I should be happy to have any boy’s attention and I should feel like the luckiest girl alive to have attention from two superhot guys.  I guess I just feel guilty for leading both of them on when I’m not sure what I want.  I do know one thing though; I want them both in my life in some way.  I don’t know if I want Derrick as a friend or something more but maybe I just need to give myself time to figure it out.  I also know that I don’t think I can be without either one of them; they both seem to fill my heart with love.  They both feel so right. 

“Well then, I guess I should ask you if you can help me find something to wear for my date tonight with Derrick,” I say shyly hoping she won’t scold me for making things even more complicated. 

“I guess.  I don’t know if you noticed, but I like Derrick.”  She let a little pout show on her face.  “I’m not going to try and deny it but because I like shopping even more I will definitely help you find something to wear.  In all the time I’ve known Derrick, he’s never once looked at me the way he looks at you.  So does Ethan know you’re going on this date?” 

“No.  Actually I haven’t even talked to Ethan since that night out with you.  He said he’d be in touch when he could, but Derrick and I are just friends.  I don’t see why Ethan would care if we go to dinner, it’s not like Ethan and I have become exclusive.  I don’t even know what it is that we have yet.  All I know is what I feel with Ethan is beyond description.” 

“Okay well it sounds like you have it figured out.  If I were you, though, I wouldn’t tell Ethan, just in case.  It will keep things more simple for you.”  I just smile, but deep down I know she’s right.  I love Ethan, and I know he feels the same – but I also care about Derrick, and when I’m with him my emotions start to change.  I start feeling strongly for Derrick and no longer think about Ethan.  I want to keep my friendship with Derrick and see what happens.  I’m sure if Ethan loves me then he will understand and trust me.  I definitely don’t want to make any promises or commitments I can’t keep. 

Going through the mall with Kim is insane.  We’re in and out of stores and trying on several outfits in each store and probably twenty different pairs of heels before she finds the perfect pair.  My reflection in the mirror doesn’t even look like me.  Well, it looks like me but not how I would normally dress.  Don’t get me wrong, I like looking pretty and sexy, but normally I’m so much more comfortable in jeans and flats.  Plus I’m scared I might give Derrick the wrong impression.  Kim has put me in a pair of closed toe pumps that have to be four inches and are some shimmery black material with silver rhinestones all around.  Then she puts me in a dress that’s loose on the top and tight on the bottom and has barely enough fabric to cover my butt.  The top is halter, which I do like, but the back of the dress is open, exposing my entire back and shoulders, stopping at my lower back right above my butt.

The dress is black and shimmery silk fabric like the shoes but without embellishment.  It’s just straight black showing every curve in my body, a true black mini dress.  It’s definitely gorgeous, I’m hoping Derrick will think the same.  I guess I’ll buy it as I have to say I do look really hot.  My dad gave me his credit card and he never gives me a limit so even though the total is three hundred for the dress and shoes I know he won’t mind.  With all the time my parents spend working they tend to spoil me a little to make up for it.  Though I still can’t convince them to buy me a car.  Kim drives us home and the whole way she talks about how cute I’ll look tonight, all due to her good taste.  We don’t talk anymore about Ethan or even Derrick really – which I’m kind of glad for because I’ve been overloading myself with images of Ethan, which drives my emotions all over the place.  Kim drops me off at my house but can’t come in because she says she has things she “still has to get done.”  I go straight upstairs to my room, drop my bag on the floor and flop myself on my bed.  My alarm clock by my bed says three o’clock.  I still have a while before Derrick is coming to get me, so I guess I can just take a little catnap and then get ready before he comes.  As soon as my head rolls over, I’m out.  It was instant.

***

I’m back in the same spot as always – the creek behind my house – and I can see two guys standing face to face and not looking too happy about whatever it is their talking about.  I step a little bit closer in the hope that I can make out their faces.  When I realize it’s them, Ethan and Derrick they’re facing each other and obviously arguing.  The strangest thing is that there’s something else behind each of them.  Something I’ve never seen in these dreams.  They each have these large and I mean enormous wings behind them.  I can’t see that clearly but it looks like they each have their own pair of wings.  Almost like angels.  Ethan’s are sleek and darker then night while Derricks are as white and fluffy as a cloud in the sky. 

I have to get closer so I can really see them and hear what they’re saying.  Moving toward them I’m trying to be as quiet as I can so that they don’t hear me but as soon as I start moving Ethan turns and faces me.  I don’t know what to do.  His wings are almost frightening, but when I look into his face I see him, the real Ethan.  I see the love that he holds inside for me and I know with all my heart he would never harm me.  I start running to him, just wanting to hold him.  I feel like it has been so long since I’ve seen him last.  My arms wrap around his shoulders brushing the tops of his enormous wings. 

“Lindsay!  I didn’t want you to see me like this.  Not this soon.  You have to know who I really am and that I love you and no matter what he thinks I wouldn’t do anything to harm you.”  His voice is reassuring and soothing. 

“What he thinks?”  I almost whispered to myself and then I remembered that Derrick is standing here too with those enormously white wings hovering behind him.  “Derrick!”  As soon as I say his name and look into his eyes I can’t help it.  I let go of Ethan and jump into Derricks arms.  He always feels so natural.  Like we belong together and it would be effortless.  His lips brush my cheek with such seduction that I almost forget Ethan is here.  I pull away as quickly as I jumped in and stand back to take them both in.  Examining their glorious wings spread out behind them at least eight feet wide.  Not feeling frightened at all by their overwhelming appearance.  “What is going on?  What are you guys?”

***

As soon as the dream started it is over.  At least that is how it feels but looking at the clock I guess I was sleeping for a while because it’s already five o’clock.  This dream was strange.  I would never
have imagined Ethan or Derrick with wings.  My dreams are seriously getting weirder and weirder each time.  Well, I don’t really have the time to go finding answers about dreams and what they mean.  I have to get ready for my dinner date with Derrick. 

NINE

“Derrick.”  He looks just as handsome as always.  He has on black slacks with a black button-up shirt.  His tall fit body wears it perfectly and he looks like a model.  It’s kinda strange how we both ended up wearing all black but we sure look good together.  Since the back of my dress is open I decided to wear my hair up with a cute black rhinestone clip. 

“You look absolutely stunning, Lindsay.”  His eyes move up and down my body, and my cheeks flame and I look down at the ground feeling shy under his gaze. 

“Thank you.  You don’t look so bad yourself.”  He reaches for my hand and he walks me to his car.  Of course he opens the passenger door like a gentleman.  Then he walks around the front of the car to the driver side.  It briefly reminds me of the last time I saw Ethan when we were in his car.  Both of them appearing so confident.  I guess if any guy looked like them they would be sure of themselves too.  Even though I feel different around him than when I’m around Ethan I can’t help but notice something so similar about them.  It reminds me of the dream I had this afternoon and them both standing there by the creek.  Ethan with his dark and mysterious wings and Derrick with his comforting white wings both spread out from behind them.  It must mean something?  Symbolize something?  As soon as Derrick is in the car, I forget what I was even thinking about.  His closeness seems to have that effect on me.  I haven’t got a care in the world, not even Ethan.  His beautiful blue eyes glance at me every chance he gets, and I can’t help but stare at him constantly admiring his every perfection.