Fallen Desire

ONE

He’s standing only two feet away from me looking into my eyes with such desire, passion and pain at the same time. I don’t recognize the man in front of me, but his eyes are piercing and as black as an empty night sky; I can feel them looking into me, into my soul.  The sound of running water nearby is the only noise around us, so I move my gaze from his taking a short moment to take in my surroundings we’re standing on a grassy hill and below us is a small creek.  A creek I easily recognize.  We’re behind my house.  Now that I know where I am I look back to the stranger standing just a foot in front of me and our eyes reconnect.  He continues to gaze at me intently, his eyes never leaving me.  I take advantage of the lack of conversation, taking in his appearance noticing how perfect his complexion is even in the evening light.  He’s tall, standing probably a foot over me looking down with his black eyes and dark brown hair that flows smoothly in the soft breeze.  Still nothing but silence between the two of us, but the pull I feel is unexplainable.  My eyes move down his body, which is broad and strong; he’s fit and undeniably sexy.  There’s a crease that appears between his eyebrows and his black eyes are fixated strictly on me.  His expression is stern, no smile, as if he’s in pain.  Oh, if I only knew what this man was thinking then I would know if I should run from this sexy man who may be a serial killer or if this is a dream come true and I’ve been blessed with this gorgeous being.  Either way, I can’t deny how I feel and standing next to him – I feel safe.  Something inside me just knows he won’t hurt me even with the darkness I can see in those black eyes and the mystery of the unknown.  My body wants to react by throwing myself into his arms, giving him comfort.  He looks the same age as me but as I stare into his eyes I see so much wisdom, not knowing what secrets he holds is exciting.

His eyes give him a sage and mysterious appearance.  My breathing becomes more rapid and I can hear his change as well.  He wants me, and he knows I want him.  My fingers begin to twitch as if I don’t know what to do with my hand and I start to feel uncomfortable, too much time has passed with nothing being said.  Before I know it, he moves closer.  He puts his hands on my hips and moves my body into his gently and with every move and every touch I know that this is meant to be.  I can see that something inside him is making it hard for him to accept this bond but I’m so caught up in his warmth that I can’t find the words to tell him that it’s okay.  His hand moves up to my cheek, and he slowly caresses it with his thumb.  I feel my blood rush to my face, and I can feel myself turning red flushing with passion.  In one swift move his soft lips are on mine taking my breath away.  The warmth of his body against mine and the sweetness of his lips send chills down my spine.  I don’t want him to stop so I pull myself into him, our bodies pressed as close as they can be.  His hands grip me tighter and he lifts me by the waist without any hesitation and lays me on the cool evening grass below.  Our lips never stop touching, and my eyes are open the whole time.  I don’t want to lose a moment with him, and I fear that if I close my eyes all of this will simply disappear.  I’m on my back and he’s holding himself up just above me, moving his hand along my hip and up my side and then caressing my breast, feeling every inch of me through my clothes.  I can’t stop him and I don’t want to.  I’m not sure what’s come over me, but I never want him to leave.  I never want him to stop kissing me.  I want to feel his touch, always.

“Lindsay,” The word ripples through my mind, ruining the moment. “Lindsay.”  I recognize the voice as I open my heavy lids and see the light shining through my window.  I’m no longer outside; I’m back in my room.  My mother is standing at the door patiently waiting for me to wake.  Little does she know that she just spoiled a perfect moment, even if it was a dream.  I stretch my legs and yawn, allowing my mind to take in the reality that the mysterious man was only a dream.  My mom stands at the door with a cup of orange juice.  She looks gorgeous as always with her wide perfect smile and bright eyes, she is so beautiful.  Her long straight blonde hair is pulled up into a bun and she looks professional in her black suit.  She’s always so well put together and she only ever lets her hair down for bed. 

“Morning, I hope it didn’t take you long to wake me.  I was having the most amazing dream.”  My mom speaks in her usual sweet voice and it brings me back to the reality of my life and gives me that warm feeling from having such a caring mother.  “It’s always good to start your day by waking from a wonderful dream, Lindsay and it puts you in a good mood.  I brought you some orange juice, your breakfast is downstairs, so why don’t you get up and get ready for school so you can come eat?”  She places the orange juice on my nightstand and kisses my forehead before turning and walking back down stairs. 

“Okay Mom, thank you.  I’ll come down in a bit.”  I want her to leave so I can process the dream I was so abruptly awakened from.  It felt so real, and I still feel like I can touch him, smell him, feel his lips on mine.  My lips are still tingling from his kiss; I still taste him on my mouth and feel his hands on my body, exploring me, mapping me.  But it was just a dream.  Wasn’t it?  I mean, obviously I’m here in my room, but I’ve never experienced a dream like that before.  He’s all I can think about, all I can feel and smell.  I crawl out of bed and walk to the mirror over my dresser.

My face is pale and my eyes are drooping and my mascara is smeared, I realize I forgot to wash my face before crawling into bed last night.  My straight brown hair clings to one side of my head and the rest of it is frizzy and standing straight up.  Not a good look for me.  I didn’t get my mother’s long beautiful blonde hair and piercing green eyes.  I got my looks from my paternal grandmother – straight brown hair and large brown eyes, nothing stunning, just normal.  I should probably get myself in the shower and wake up.  I’ll just have to forget about the dream because that’s all it was.  I’m just going to focus on the fact that today is the last day of school.  I’ll be a senior at Angelic High next year.  I can’t wait for summer break.  This is going to be a quiet summer since my mom, dad and I just moved to Oregon less than two months ago.  I have a couple of friends; Derrick and Kim from school, but I’m definitely missing my old friends. I don’t miss the big city life though.  I’m glad to be able to have a quiet summer out here on my own, and I know that even though I don’t have my old friends around anymore, I’m going to make the best of this first summer in Oregon.  I have Kim and Derrick to keep me company when need be.  Derrick has always been really sweet in his own flirtatious way and Kim is a good friend.  She’s really been there for me and of course she’s always ready to let me know the latest gossip at school.  She keeps my life entertaining; everyone needs a friend like Kim. 

Breakfast is great as always.  My mom is so good at taking care of me.  Dad puts in a lot of hours at work but he always makes time for me when I need him.  When you have a father that works for a large law firm, you don’t really get to see him too much.   That’s actually why we moved here to Oregon.  My dad was relocated to a branch that the company just opened.  We live just outside Portland in a small town, so my parents have to drive about an hour to and from work, but my dad moved out here for me since I always complained about living in the city.

I hate not being able to think or take a break from the fast paced life and all the people and noise that surrounded me.  I have a more “peaceful” soul; I enjoy the quiet and would prefer to avoid the hectic chaos of New York City.  This new position of my dad’s was the best thing that could happen to me even if I did have to leave all my old friends.  I was the first to be okay with it.  Now, I go to a small town high school that’s a pretty short walk for me from our house.  My mom works as my dad’s secretary, which allows her to be with me when necessary, but most of the time they’re both working long hours, which I don’t really mind.  I’ve always liked being alone and I’m not exactly little anymore so I don’t need my mom as much as I used to.  I’m an only child and therefore a lot of my parents’ attention goes to me when they’re not busy with work.  They really are the best parents a girl could ask for. 

The walk to school this morning was extremely satisfying since I thought about my dark-haired, dark-eyed sexy man the whole way there.  The bus could pick me up, but I prefer to walk since it gives me time by myself to think and enjoy the beautiful scenery out here.  I don’t know anyone who would say they don’t love the beauty of Oregon.  There are small creeks and lots of forest around, creating the sounds that I love spending time just listening to.  The rustling of the tree branches in the breeze and the water running in the rocky creeks. I could never pass that up.  I’m not a loner but I’ve always appreciated my quiet time.  I enjoy writing in my journal, and last night’s dream will be one more event added.  Usually when I dream, it’s something that I can only remember bits and pieces of but this time was different.  I can remember everything from how it felt when he touched my skin to the smell of his body.  I can taste his honeyed lips on mine even now.  I continued to replay it in my head all day.  I wasn’t very social during class or lunch.  Every time someone tried to talk to me, I was busy imagining a man that doesn’t even exist; the day went by fast with all the daydreaming I was doing.

Kim kept talking and tried to get my attention, but it was hopeless.  I was giving her nods and smiles here and there during lunch but I wasn’t really responding thoughtfully.  She’s always so perky and her shoulder length, blonde, perfect spiral curls bounce with her every movement. 

She’s one of the prettiest girls at school; I guess you would say with those curly blonde locks and her big beautiful blue eyes and even though she loves her gossip, she really is a sweet girl.  Unlike some girls that realize they’re gorgeous and take advantage of it, she’s just the opposite.  She always looks lovely but she just doesn’t seem to realize it or she’s too modest to admit it.  I became friends with her because I could tell that she was a person worth getting to know, I’ve always been a good judge of others.  Behind all her beauty and popularity, is a good girl and a genuine friend despite her gossip. 

Derrick was flirting with me and telling me about some “year-end party” that’s going on tonight.  He’s one of the cutest boys in school and he’s always gone out of his way to be nice to me, but I had to tell him that I wasn’t sure if I was going or not.  It isn’t that I don’t want to go with him; I’m just too wrapped up in the dream I had and I don’t feel like socializing.  Derrick is undeniably one of the hottest boys in school.  There is definitely an attraction between us – but nothing has ever happened, at least not yet.  He’s tall and his body is defined and muscular from all the sports he does.  I think he’s on every team possible in the school which probably has a lot to do with us never becoming too close, he’s always busy.  The most attractive part about him is his eyes.  I’ve never encountered anyone with eyes as blue as his and his dark black hair makes them stand out that much more.  But unfortunately for Derrick at the moment all that’s really on my mind is the guy from my dream, so it’s hard for me to truly focus on what he’s talking about.  It’s almost as if I can still feel his presence in the room with me.

I keep picturing those large black eyes penetrating me with the passion of his expression, the brown hair slightly brushing against his cheeks and his beautiful rock-solid form, but mostly I can’t stop picturing the look in his eyes when he was standing there in front of me, staring at me, never releasing me from his gaze.  It was like he was fascinated by me.  As if he fiercely wanted and needed me, and honestly I felt the same way about him.  I didn’t want him to stop kissing me or even to take his hands off me.  All I wanted was his touch cooling my flushed and over-heated skin.  I shivered and rubbed at the goose bumps on my arms. 

Fifth period came and went quickly and then school was out and I was saying goodbye to the handful of friends I had made.  Walking home is my favorite part of the day.  It takes me about 30 minutes depending on my level of distraction.  I am so distracted today.  Every step I take his image flashes in my mind and I have to stop to pull myself together more than once.  The day flew by, it was like nothing else was important only the thoughts of this man from my dream racing through my mind.  I’m obsessed with this nonexistent boy.  “What’s wrong with me?”  I whisper to myself trying to pull it together.  He isn’t real.  Yet I can’t get him out of my head.  I feel him, his presence, his scent and everything about him surrounds me in this very moment. 

“Lindsay…”  I don’t recognize the voice coming from behind me. 

It’s deep, smooth and sensual and my goose bumps return.  I pause; I’m standing on the side of the street since there are no sidewalks on the way to my house.  No one is around, we live in an area with mostly creeks and woods and as I am now very aware, very few houses.  I slowly turn around and find myself blinking and rubbing my eyes as I’m not sure if what I’m seeing is real.  I blink several times more thinking I must have seriously lost my mind but the image doesn’t fade.  The dark hair, the black eyes and his stunning appearance cause me to become lightheaded for a moment before I can regain my composure.  He’s more beautiful in person, if that’s even possible. 

“It’s you!”  There’s no way. 

It can’t be him standing here in front of me.  I’m dreaming again.  I’ve got to be.  It must be my imagination getting the better of me.  He looks exactly how he did in my dream.  He’s impressive, muscular with gorgeous deep, black eyes and he’s staring back at me with an expression of uncertainty.  I want to reach out to touch him but I’m afraid he’ll disappear if I do.