Fallen Desire (5 page)

“It’s okay.  Actually, I just met him.  I’d never seen him around town before.  I guess he kind of caught my eye and then he asked me to go to the party, so I figured why not.  We aren’t dating or anything, though.  Just friends, I guess.  I’m not even really sure if you could call us friends, he did leave me stranded.  Let’s not talk about Ethan.  How about you?  I mean I haven’t heard any rumors about you dating anyone but I know Kim’s always had something for you, ever since I met the two of you.  At least it seems that way, you guys are always together.”  I hope I’m not being too pushy or jumping to conclusions but I really do wonder. 

Abruptly he stops and turns to look at me
, those sensual blue eyes gazing into me. “No.  I’m not dating anyone right now and really the only person I’m interested in is you, Lindsay.  There’s something about you that’s so pure and beautiful.  I’ve never felt it with any other person.  It’s as if you’re made for something special.  I thought you knew, I’ve been trying to show you ever since you came to town.”  Wow, I think I can feel the tension coming off of him.

“What do you mean?”  He’s always been a flirt with me but he never really showed any signs of true feelings, he never tried to be anything more than friends.  I’m sure if he had I would have said yes right away because there is no way to deny those stunning looks of his.

“Lindsay, when I’m with you I feel something special – something different that I’ve never felt with anyone else.  I know that I haven’t known you for very long, but there is something special about you.  I just feel like you have this amazing destiny waiting for you.  I don’t mean to sound weird or anything, but I feel like you’re a very good person and I want to be a part of your life if you let me.” 

I giggle trying to divert his attention from the fact that I think he just won over a small piece of my heart.  “Wow Derrick!  Kind of intense for an afternoon walk, don’t you think?  No one has ever said anything like that to me before.  Thank you, I guess.”  I start walking again following the creek down into the woods, trying to avoid the fact that he just revealed his feelings for me, and I really don’t want to act on it right now.  Complications are not what I need today. 

The flowers are blooming and the world around us is filled with color and life.  My heart is beginning to race a little and I’m blushing.  I can feel the heat rising to my cheeks.  He always knows how to make me feel special.  Derrick has always been good at that and now I know that he likes me.  I guess I always thought he might but I just tried to not make a big deal about it.   I never realized it was this serious to him.  It’s taking everything I have to avoid giving any sign that I might have some sort of feelings for him.  Instead of trying to avoid the conversation though, I figure I might as well just let it all out now. 

“I know this might sound strange, but I’ve always felt like I was meant for something more.  I think that’s why I’ve always enjoyed being on my own and observing the earth and life around me.  I just know that there’s something waiting for me, but I’m not sure how to get to it.  This might sound crazy, but being out here with you today out in the forest, just feels so right.  Sorry, it’s hard to explain.  I guess I don’t even understand my own feelings.  You bring me peace and I feel safe.  I can’t really explain it but it just feels right.  I’m grateful to have a person like you in my life.  You’re a good friend.”  Ugh, that is so hard to say.  I hope I didn’t give too much away. 

Now I feel even more embarrassed.  I might as well not even worry about the pink in my cheeks because I think my whole body is burning and all I can do is look straight ahead avoiding Derrick’s blue-eyed stare.  It is true, though.  When I’m with him I feel safe, as if nothing could harm me, neither emotionally or physically.  He’s more attractive to me now then he has ever been.  He glows in the sunlight.  The flowers and trees surrounding us are no comparison to gazing at him.  Images of us touching and his long fingers on my skin begin to flit through my mind and I shake my head with a subtle movement, willing them to leave.  Then before I can finish my thoughts, he stops in front of me, abruptly blocking my path and putting his hands gently in mine.  The sensation causes tingling from my fingertips all the way up my arms.  We’re just inside the forest on a hiking path that was here long before I ever came around.  I’m caught off guard by his sudden action and I’m not sure what to say to him.  I’m not really sure what he’s doing but I can’t find the words to reject him, my body seems to be immobilized by the mere touch of his hands.  He leans in and starts kissing me.  His touches and kisses are so gentle and soothing.  His lips slowly press against mine catching me off guard but I don’t want it to stop.  I want to just fall into him and give myself over to him.  His lips are warm and I can feel the pleasure from the kiss flooding through my body.  I can feel my temperature rising with every movement of his mouth on mine.  His lips lead mine; directing our kiss and I can feel my heart racing.  I’m dizzy and feeling besieged by my emotions while in his arms.  It’s like he’s reading my mind or maybe my emotions, he knows exactly what I want.  He doesn’t hesitate to kiss me and pull my body up to his.  We’re standing here pressed together with desire flowing between us, and suddenly I get this incredibly strong feeling inside me.  Someone is watching me and not just watching, there’s almost a feeling of a presence from within.  Opening my eyes, I look over Derrick’s shoulder and pull myself back slightly releasing his mouth. 

“Ethan?”  The words barely leave my mouth. 

“You okay?  I thought I heard you say Ethan.”  I must be going crazy.  I’d swear he was standing right behind Derrick watching us from beside a tree. 

“Sorry, I’m fine.  I just thought I saw someone standing over there by that tree and I guess I got a little frightened.  It was probably an animal or something.”  I got that strange feeling inside me again and when I looked over Derrick’s shoulder, Ethan was standing there.  The hurt was evident on his face and then he was just gone.  My mind must be playing tricks on me. 

“Here let’s sit down for a minute, and I’ll get you some water.  Maybe you’re just feeling a little dehydrated from the sun.  Here, drink this, and I’ll walk around for a minute and see if anyone else is out here.  Oh, and Lindsay, I hope I didn’t come on too strong.  I shouldn’t have done that.”  I’m still a little worried about Ethan and I’m not sure if I really saw him or not but I reassure Derrick. 

“It’s okay.  It’s not like I tried stopping you or anything.  It wasn’t all you.  It was me too.”  He gets up, leaving my side to walk over to the spot where I thought I saw Ethan.  I’m not really sure what to
say.  Now I just feel bad, he probably thinks this was an excuse to stop kissing him.  Here I am kissing Derrick, and then Ethan has to show up and whether it is my imagination or not, it is like I can’t get away from him.  I haven’t even really thought about him this whole time, and now he’s as vivid as ever the moment I’m kissing Derrick.  I’m almost positive he was here.  He looked so real, and his face held this expression of anguish.  Just a few days ago everything was going good.  I had no boy trouble, and now here I am caught in between two guys that make me feel a certain way that I’m unable to deny and when I’m with either one of them I don’t want to leave, all I want is him. 

Derrick returns and looks at me.  “I looked around and there isn’t anyone out here. Lindsay, I don’t know Ethan very well but I just don’t feel like he’s the type of person you want to get involved with.  I’m not trying to tell you what to do but he isn’t safe for you.” 

I don’t think I can stay away from Ethan if I saw him again.  I want to see him again.  But I don’t feel like arguing with Derrick, and anyways he seems really serious about this subject.  I just want to get back to him and me right now and back to our hike.  “Honestly Derrick don’t even worry about it.  After last night, I don’t even know that I’ll be seeing him again.  I really don’t think Ethan would ever hurt me, but if I see him I’ll make sure I’m careful.  You want to finish up our hike?”  I want to go up the path and follow the creek that runs down the other side; it should lead us back to the house. 

“That sounds good,” he replies. 

I take a deep breath, glad to be off that subject.  He helps me up from where I’m sitting against a tree and places his hand in mine as we walk on, over branches and down the hill to the creek that runs on the other side.  Then we follow the creek back to the house talking about school and our senior year.   He never lets go of me and every so often he rubs the top of my hand with his thumb.  It’s comforting to have him around.  The rest of the walk takes about an hour, and being with Derrick and talking about normal life feels really nice.  When we get to my house, as we’re standing on the front porch to say our goodbyes, before I can even get a word out he leans in and kisses me one more time.  It isn’t just a simple kiss; it’s fierce like he doesn’t want to leave me.  His lips are pressed hard against mine but he’s careful not to force my mouth open.  It’s sweet and passionate.  I don’t really want him to go but then he releases me from his passionate grasp and looks down at me with those seductive blue eyes and gives me a sweet loving smile then kisses my forehead.  Even though I like him being here, I don’t think it’s good to be so irrational and uncontrollable when it comes to him kissing me.  It isn’t like when Ethan kissed, but the energy between us is just as high.  I’m really starting to be concerned about what it is I’m doing, allowing myself to fall head over heels for these two guys! 

“Lindsay, I don’t want to come off too strong or anything, but I would really love for you
to be my girlfriend,” he says.  “I know you may not be ready right now, but I want to let you know that I’m here and will be waiting for you when you come around.  I understand that we’re just getting to know each other still but as I said before, you’re special Lindsay and I would be honored to have you in my life as more than a friend.” 

I really wouldn’t mind having him around all the time!  I just smile and give a little chuckle at how upfront he is and of course trying to hide the nerves that have crept back up on me.  I have to find out what’s going on with Ethan before I make any major decisions.  I’ve never really been in a relationship, and I don’t know that I’m ready to start now. 

Derrick and I have been friends for the past couple months but I still don’t know much about him – what his favorite color is, what hobbies he has, or where he even lives and who he lives with.  Honestly I know nothing about the real Derrick.  “Thank you, that means a lot to me.  I really am lucky to have you as a friend, and I definitely want to spend some more time with you and get to know you.  I’m just not ready for a boyfriend right now or any real commitment.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought but I wanted to give it a shot.  I’m still here as your friend, though.  Thanks for an amazing afternoon, Lindsay, and I’ll see you soon.”  I watch as he walks to his car and pulls out of the driveway.  How lucky am I to have such an amazing person in my life?  He truly seems genuine and true to how he feels.  I couldn’t ask for anything better then to have him as a friend for eternity, maybe even more than friends, if it ever comes to that.  I really do hope that he’s okay with us remaining friends because I truly have some things to work out before I make commitment to any guy.  Plus I am only seventeen – I have a long time to go before I need to get serious.

FOUR

Ethan

Her beautiful dark brown hair flows like satin down her back.  Those brown eyes fill me with pleasure.  Her soul is the purest I’ve ever felt in my lifetime.  I don’t know what it is about her, but she makes me feel different inside.  I no longer feel the evil lurking in me.  I’m inexplicably captivated by her.  No human has ever had this kind of effect on me.  The only time I ever come into contact with a human is to use them to stay strong but never have any of them given me anything that I didn’t just take.  She gives me more pleasure then any power ever could and she doesn’t even know it.  It’s as if she alone gives me all the power I need to be satisfied, although it is still difficult to not want to take from her what I have always desired most.  My instinctive urges are undeniable and the last thing I would want to do is harm the one person that makes me feel this way.  I want more, I want her.  I have to be careful, though, as she doesn’t know what I really am, and if she were to find out she wouldn’t want anything to do with me.  I know it’s selfish, but I have to be with her.  I have to talk to her, apologize for last night. 

Ashamed, I set out to find her since she wasn’t in her room when I went by.  I follow her scent out behind her house and into the forest.  Walking into the woods, I can feel her presence near.  Flashes of us together last night run through my mind, and my desire for her grows stronger.  Those soft innocent lips drive me crazy.  I stop abruptly as I hear her talking to someone.  “How can she be with him?”  I mutter angrily to myself.  I can’t even ask myself that because I know the answer.  He’s everything I’m not.  I can never be him or what he is.  I will always have evil lurking inside me no matter how hard I try to ignore it.  It controls me, always has.  I made this choice for myself a very long time ago, and I can’t take it back. 

He knows what I am, and I’m sure he will do whatever it takes to keep her from me.  I don’t blame him.  How can I?  I’m wrong for her in so many ways.  This is the first time ever though that my intentions are not to hurt her but to show her my love.  Then I see them and I want to look away, but I don’t.  He kisses her, and I can feel the lust she has for him.  The pleasure he gives her with a simple kiss.  I wish I could stop it and tell her it isn’t real but I don’t.  Oh, how I wish I could tear him to pieces right now.  Then I would have her to myself.  I never could though.