Fallen Desire (3 page)

I choose one of the summer dresses that I picked up from the mall earlier.  It fits perfectly snug to my body.  The dress is short with cap sleeves.  It has a large white and black floral print that is pretty but can also be casual.  Since I’m not one for high heels, I grab my black and white Converse.  Standing in front the mirror with the tight, thin dress and my Converse on and my hair thick and straight right down to the middle of my back, I’m pleasantly happy with my look.  I’m nervous and scared at the same time since I don’t know what to expect with Ethan.  I really hope to get some answers from him tonight.  The doorbell rings, and I run downstairs as fast as I can being careful not to trip. I don’t want my mom or dad to answer it.  As I open the door, the feelings rush over me as I watch Ethan’s black eyes look me up and down taking in every inch of me and I can’t help but do the same with him. 

“Hi, Ethan.”
  My body heats up and I examine the black jeans and tight blue T-shirt he’s wearing.  It reveals every ripple in his body and is calling for my touch.  My voice shakes, and I have to clear my throat. 

“Hello, Lindsay.”  I’m pretty sure I stopped breathing for a moment. 

“Come on in.  My dad wants to meet you before we leave.  He is kind of protective, so he just wants to make sure that I’m going out with a good guy.  Don’t be nervous or anything, he’s really nice.”  Ethan just smiles with a look of understanding but at the same time shows no sign of being nervous to meet my dad.

How can he be so calm when I feel like I’m ready to explode and throw myself on him?  As soon as we walk into the living room where my dad is sitting reading one of the mystery novels he loves so much, he looks up at us with a sort of confused grin. 

“Hello, Ethan.  It’s nice to meet you son.  Just thought I’d introduce myself before you guys headed out to the party.  So how long have you lived here?”

“It’s nice to meet you, sir.  My parents and I just moved to town, so I haven’t had much time to get to know anyone yet.  I thought it would be nice to go to the party since I’m going to be a senior next year.  I’ve made friends with some of Lindsay’s circle.”  I can’t believe it, my dad actually seems to like
him.  He has a smile on his face and doesn’t seem too serious, usually he’s ready to interrogate.  There’s something about Ethan that just makes you feel calm and safe.  It might just be me, or maybe he’s giving my father the same impression. 

“I see.  Well, you two have fun and have her back by eleven.”  My dad grins.

“That won’t be a problem.  It was very nice to meet you.”  I kiss my dad on the cheek and we head out the door.  My emotions are heightened, and I can’t wait to be alone with Ethan even if it is just in the car.  I don’t know what’s going to happen, but mostly I just want to learn more about Ethan, it’s just with my hormones running wild all I can really think about is throwing him down and taking advantage of him. 

His car is black and classy and it looks new.  I wonder what his parents do.  They obviously spoil him.  Like a gentleman, he opens my door for me and then strides around to his side of the car.  The party is at Joshua’s house, he lives out in the count
ry and he holds all the parties since he has the space and his parents have the money.  They pretty much let him do whatever he wants.  The drive takes about fifteen minutes, and the whole way there we don’t talk, at all.

Ethan seems tense he’s holding onto the steering wheel and watching the road, never moving his gaze.  His face is strong and beautiful but filled with so much grief.  I want to touch him and calm his nerves but afraid of rejection, I restrain myself.  He must be nervous because he definitely doesn’t seem comfortable.  The fifteen minute drive seemed to take forever, but now that we’re here I wish I could just stay in the car with him even if we aren’t talking, just having him sitting here by me makes me feel good even with the uncertainty of his emotions.  I don’t really feel like being around anyone but
him, just having his presence next to me brings me pleasure.  I feel like I have this permanent smile plastered on my face that won’t go away, and I probably look absolutely ridiculous.  Although maybe being around other people will help us to loosen up a little and actually communicate so we can learn something about one another.  He gets out of the car after putting it in park and again opens my door for me to let me out.  I blush at his kindness but keep my head down to avoid his sensual dark stare.

He holds my hand as I get out of the car and doesn’t let go as we walk toward the house.  At the mere touch of his hand, my cheeks turn red and I start to sweat.  I swear the passion I feel for him is causing me to burn up. 

Kim’s voice coming from a distance causes me to stop focusing on the energy flowing between Ethan and me.  “Lindsay.  How are you?”  Kim is in a perky mood as always.  I don’t think anything could bring this girl down.  After giving me a huge hug she shoots a glance at Ethan.  I think I can see something in her eyes.  Recognition?  Anger?  I’m not sure what it is.  “Who is this?” she asks in disgusted tone and I glare at her, mentally willing her to be nice.

“Ethan.  I thought you knew him.”  I was under the impression that when Ethan said he knew some of my friends that he was including Kim, but maybe that isn’t the case. 

“Well, I’ve seen you around, Ethan, but I haven’t gotten the chance to get to know you.  Glad you could come.”  With a turn of her head she smiled at me.  “Come on in and enjoy the party, Lindsay.” 

She walks through the side gate to the back of the house where all the kids are huddled around a bonfire.  We follow behind at a distance, and my nerves are acting up again.  Joshua always throws huge parties, and I think everyone in the school shows up every time.  They have a bonfire going in the back yard and everyone’s just standing around hanging out.  It’s a
tiki-themed party with decorations surrounding the porch where all the food and drinks are and flames light up the porch and the path to the bonfire.  Some boys are wrestling around while a group of girls are watching and giggling and probably babbling about how cute the guys are.  I’ve always thought boys get a little strange when it comes to trying to impress a girl.  It isn’t that I’m too serious of a person.  The fact is I’m more mature then most girls my age.  I’m not sure if it’s from being an only child or what but most people would say that I’m not your typical seventeen year old girl.  I like to have fun but at the same time watching boys goof off doesn’t really turn me on.  I like someone that can charm me, someone like Ethan.  The mystery behind him has me intrigued and he doesn’t seem like your typical jock.  He gives off this calm and protective vibe when I’m around him.  It’s like I can feel the emotions coming off of him.  He’s definitely more on the serious side, but I can tell there’s room for fun in his life…and hopefully room for me.  Still holding Ethan’s hand I follow behind him over to the bonfire, and we join in with the circle of kids surrounding it. 

“Hey girl, how you doing?
  I’m glad you made it.”  Derrick comes up from behind me and grabbing my hips turns me around.  My hand falls from Ethan’s, and Derrick gives me a big hug and kiss on the cheek, obviously exaggerating his affection for me in front of Ethan.  He’s been very sweet to me ever since I moved here.  He has bright blue eyes, as blue as the sky on a sunny day, and his short black hair is a sexy contrast.  Honestly, those eyes of his are the most alluring part about him, they draw the girls in. 

He’s definitely one of the most attractive boys at my school, and of course I can’t deny that I’m one of those girls who are attracted to him.  I don’t think there’s any girl who wouldn’t be, but I’ve just never really given him the opportunity.  Even though he flirts with me I guess since he’s always with Kim, I’m afraid to interfere in anything that might be going on between them. 

“Derrick!  Yeah, Ethan here invited me to come so I figured since I didn’t have much else to do that I might as well join all of you for the party.” 

He smiles and looks at Ethan and his expression and demeanor instantly changes.  Not the same reaction as Kim but
definitely not a good reaction.  “Well, I’m glad you’re here.  We’re going to roast marshmallows later, so I hope you join us.”

He walks away to join a group of kids that are walking around the large property chatting and flirting with the girls.  It’s kind of rude that he just brushed Ethan off like that not even introducing himself or saying hello.  It is not typical of Derrick to be rude; he’s always the center of attention and the one that has all the friends.  He’s one of the friendliest people I’ve ever met.  Now with both Kim and Derrick’s reactions, my nerves creep back and my palms begin to sweat.  The feeling of insecurity flows through me as I’m unsure how to respond to Ethan.  The intensity of my emotions is all so new.  I turn back to him and looking at him causes me to blush all over again.  He looks down at me with those amazing eyes and an expression of lust is radiating from his face.  I want to give myself up to him.  He grabs my hand again and pulls me in a little closer so that we’re standing side by side, hands linked again and looking into the fire.  It’s such a beautiful moment that I forget anyone else is around.  Watching the flames move wildly in front of us, mesmerized by his mysteriousness, I fall into a daydream. 

“Do you want to take a walk with me?”  He pulls me back to reality.  Yes!  Of course I want to take a walk with him.  I would go anywhere; do anything, just to be alone with him.  I want his lips on me and his strong hands grabbing my body caressing my skin. 

My desire for him is uncontrollable, and my emotions for him go way beyond comprehension.  Trying not to show too much eagerness, I keep my response subtle:  “I’d like that.”  On the inside though, I’m going crazy with thoughts of us alone together.  We turn away from the bonfire, and I hold his hand walking with him but letting him lead me as I’m not really sure where he wants to go but I put my full trust in him.  We walk toward the end of the property away from the fire and into the forest area.  There isn’t that much light out so it is a little hard to see.  You’d think that walking into a dark forest with a stranger would frighten me, but for some inexplicable reason I feel safer with him than I’ve ever felt. 

“Would you walk with me into the woods a little ways,” he says.  “I’d like a little privacy, if that’s okay? If you’re comfortable, I don’t want to make you do anything you don’t want too.”

“Sure.” That’s all I can say.  I’m almost to the point of shaking I want him so badly.  I can barely speak.  We walk a little ways into the woods, and he stops and turns to stand in front of me.  With the little light that is still out I can see his face, and he seems so sure of himself.  The way he looked in my dream.  His eyes are deep and piercing, staring into my soul, taking over my whole being.  I’m not sure what he’s thinking or what he’s going to do, but it looks like he wants something.  As if he’s become filled with hunger, hunger for me!  It is as if his desire is uncontrollable and his eyes become more focused and his touch more firm.  He grabs me hard.

This time he isn’t gentle and smooth with his touch.  He’s forceful and rough.  His hands squeeze my arms to the point that I feel like he’s bruising me.  I don’t want him to stop.  The pleasure of his body on mine overpowers the small amount of discomfort that comes from his grip.  I want his touch no matter if it hurts; anything just to have him near me.  He quickly pulls me in and presses his lips against mine, he’s still holding me but I can feel his hands release slightly, the roughness of before giving way to a gentler sort of touch.  He pushes me back quickly, our lips still connected.  My eyes are closed as I feel consumed by his kiss, but it seems that we move quicker than could be possible.  I can feel a swift breeze on the back on my neck and then tree bark with the palms of my hands as I reach to feel what I’m pinned up against.  He’s backed me up against a tree.  He moves his lips from mine, leaving them moist and swollen and continues down my neck kissing it and then my chest.  He rips the top part of my dress slightly so that my breast is exposed and starts kissing me again. 

His hands are moving down my body and with every new place he touches my body heats up more, desires more.  I push myself away from the tree and into his body even more forcefully, even though he’s already pressing into me almost ruthlessly.  I’m pretty sure I couldn’t move if I tried.  Then he stops and steps back slowly, Ethan looks at me as if he’s wrestling to control his emotions, I can see his frustration.  He moves back again this time so quickly he gives off a breeze that blows my hair all around me.  All I can do is stand here with my back up against this gigantic tree and stare.  He’s moved several feet away now and looking at him I can see something’s upsetting him.  What could possibly be wrong?  Did I do something?  He seems almost angry but before I can speak he turns and disappears into the dark.  I can’t see him anywhere.  I call his name several times, but no response. 

Shocked and unsure, I don’t linger.  I turn around and head back to the party.  I stand back looking at all the kids running around and playing silly games but all that’s running through my mind right now is what just happened out there.  I’m hurting so much right now, I don’t want to talk to any of them.  I’m confused as to why Ethan just took off like that and left me alone.  My arms are throbbing and my lips are still swollen and tingling from his kiss.  I’m not even mad; it’s just that I’m so damn confused.  I thought with what was happening that he felt the same way I do and then he just takes off without even saying a word.  Who acts like that? 

It isn’t normal to just run off in the middle of a heavy make-out session without some kind of explanation.  There must be something wrong with me.  Some reason for him to not want to be with me.  Even though he has left me confused I still want him, need him.  I feel the desire for him burning in my gut.  I don’t even know this guy and I can’t explain why I want to give myself to him.  My emotions are running high.  He has this control over my body and mind that I can’t explain.  I need him and I need to know who he is and why he’s come into my life this way.  What is it that he’s feeling for me that’s making him so upset?  I want an explanation and I want more than anything to see his face again.  I can’t even be mad at him like I would be if anyone else pulled that stunt on me.