Fallen Desire (12 page)

“So where do you plan on taking me tonight?  You haven’t said anything about what we’re doing.”  I feel kind of odd not having any clue as to where he’s taking me but it is like a boy to try and surprise you in order to impress you. 

“It’s a surprise.  I can’t tell you.  But I can tell you that I’ve found a place that’s private and that I’m sure you’ll like.” 

He speaks with a voice that seduces me with every word, I just want to jump over to his side of the car and start kissing him.  But he would probably lose control of the car, so I keep my hands in my lap and bite my lip.  I’m glad to hear that we aren’t going to some crowded restaurant although I’m not sure what restaurant wouldn’t be crowded on a Saturday night.  As soon as that thought occurs to me, Derrick takes a left turn up the hill where the road turns to gravel.  We must be on it for a good twenty minutes until he stops.  He leans into kiss me on the cheek then jumps out of his car and walks around to open my door for me.  Holding my hand he helps me out. 

“We have to walk the rest of the way.  But it’s just up this small path here.” 

This kind of makes me regret wearing these heels.  Damn it, I knew I should have just worn jeans. “Where are we going?” 

“I told you it’s a surprise.”  As he says this he puts his left arm around my waist and pulls me into his side and we start up the little path.  His hands feel perfect around me.  It feels right.  Since I was a child, I could always tell those who were genuine from those who had bad intentions.  I can’t explain it but it’s true.  In this moment I know I can trust Derrick so I don’t fight his touch.  I embrace it.  As we go up the path, I see a small round table with two plates and two glasses and one candle lit in the middle.  It barely gives off any light in the dark night sky just enough to make it feel extremely romantic.  The top of the hill is covered in multiple colors of flowers and roses shimmering off the light of the moon.  There’s a center that is bricked and has flowers inside just filling the area beautifully even though it’s not light outside.  The thing about the surrounding area is that there are so many great vistas.  There are several hills that you can either drive up or walk up and view the city below.  Coming from a large city, we didn’t have anything like this.  Your only view of the city was from restaurant that was above hotels.  “I thought this was dinner as friends?”  I say with a little bit of sarcasm.  I already came here knowing his intentions would be much more. 

“It is but can’t we still have a nice time just as friends?  I thought you might like the quiet and the view up here?  Anyways I don’t think that outfit screams friends.  I can barely keep my eyes off you.”  I blush feeling a little embarrassed that I may have overdressed as I’m the one constantly saying I don’t want to be anything more than friends.

“It is beautiful up here.  It’s perfect Derrick.”  I’m not going to deny that I have feelings for him – feelings that are more than just friendship.  The thing is that I don’t know if I want to face them yet. 

“Come my lady, and let me seat you at the table,” he says in a deep sexy voice, again heating my desires from the inside.  I smile and let him lead me to the table.  He pulls out my chair for me, and I take my seat.  I can’t believe all this effort he’s made just for me.  It is the sweetest thing ever.  He pulls the
table cloth up slightly on his side and pulls out a dish warmer and takes off the lid to reveal two complete meals steaming hot. 

“It smells so good!  What is it?” I ask. 

“It is a family specialty.  A mix of vegetables, noodles, meat and a special sauce that my family came up with.”  I watch him as he delicately serves our plates as he continues to tell me about the meal that smells absolutely delicious.  “Go ahead take a bite.”  He looks at me with those wonderfully blue eyes and smiles.  I blush thinking of how he said he can’t keep his eyes off me.  I take a bite and it taste like heaven.  Well, I don’t know what heaven taste like but these are the best flavors I’ve ever had. 

“Wow!  This is amazing, Derrick.  I can’t believe you made this.”  He smiles, and we eat our meal enjoying every bite and really not saying much as I can’t help but keep my mouth filled with this delicious meal.  Every time I look into his eyes, I smile on the inside feeling at peace.  All my worries and problems have disappeared.  All I can think about is how good he makes me feel. “It sure is beautiful out here.  The view of the city below is amazing.  All the lights and the busy people make me feel good that we’re up here in the quiet away from all the craziness,” I say taking it all in.  “I’ve spent most my life right in the middle of a big city, so I really can appreciate the nature that surrounds me out here.  There’s nothing like really enjoying the earth and what it provides us.” 

“This is what I love about you so much, Lindsay.  Most people want the noise and the busy life and you actually take the time to be grateful for what God has given you.  You are beautiful, Lindsay.  Inside and out,” he says.

We finish with our meals, and he stands up and reaches for my hand so I place it in his unsure as to what’s next.  He gracefully walks me to where there’s an extra-large blanket laid out on the soft dirt ground.  I want him to lay me down on the blanket and take me in his arms and hold me under the stars.  I want him to have me. 
All of me.  As soon as the thoughts run through my mind he grabs my hips with both his hands guiding me down to the blanket.  Laying me gently on my back he’s hovering over the top of me only inches away, but his body isn’t touching mine. 

“I thought we could lay here and enjoy the stars.”  He’s whispering in my ear and then gently moves his mouth down my cheek until he reaches my lips.  Once our lips meet, he kisses me with such passion I forget everything, everything but him.  He presses his body against mine and I can feel our heart beats as one.  The warmth seeps through his clothing heating me to my core.  He moves his right hand down my side and to my bare thigh.  Gently and swiftly he moves his hand to the bottom of my black dress and lifts the bottom up to my waist exposing my sheer black underwear.  Without even having a reaction to it he continues to kiss me and caress me.  His body is pressed on mine, and he’s gently rubbing against me and moving his hand to the side of my dress.  His hand is moving up to my breast caressing me and filling my body with heat and passion.  I want him more than ever.  My body responds to his
every touch.  He feels perfect.  Our bodies are meant for each other.  Then he moves his hand down to my waist and starts to tug on my underwear and lifts up slightly and starts pulling them down when all the sudden I’ve realized how far this is going. 

I want it.  I want it badly, but I don’t know if it’s right.  I don’t understand why he makes me feel so out of control.  I place my hands on his chest pushing him away from me.  Why in the heck am I letting him take it this far?  It is like I have no control over myself.  It isn’t right.  “Please.  Not now.  I’m not ready for this.”  I say it as nicely and sweetly as I can.  I don’t want to hurt him or make him think I don’t want him because I do want him.  I want him more than ever right now but I have to understand more about why he makes me feel this way.  I’m just not ready to take it this far.  I don’t know what it is, but something deep inside is telling me that this isn’t right.  It’s like when I’m with Derrick it’s just this sexual tension that is hovering in the air between us and I can’t fight it off. 

“Okay.  It’s okay.  You don’t have to do anything you aren’t ready for.”  But as he’s saying this, he continues to kiss me.  He moves his hand up from my hip to my breast and continues to caress and kiss me from my lips to my neck then back to my lips.  It feels so good that I can’t tell him to stop.  He makes it feel right.  How could something that feels so good be wrong?  Then he starts to move his hand back to my panties and to the front and gives a little tug.  I can’t find the words to tell him to stop.  He has some kind of hold on me, a hold over my body that I can’t explain.  He makes me want him almost to the point of needing him.  He sits up just a little and gives a tug on my underwear, but as soon as he isn’t leaning on me anymore, I start to feel like I can think a little clearer.  Before he’s able to pull them down at all, I have my hands on them and am sitting up. 

“No!  No more!” I yell,
“This is going too far too soon.  I came out here as a friend and wanting to get to know you more, and I don’t want to know you this way.  Not yet and I don’t know if at all.” 

“I’m sorry.  I guess I get a little out of control with you near.  I want you so much Lindsay.  I need you.  I love you.”  His words are almost piercing.  I don’t know if love is what I feel toward him.  It’s just so hard to think clearly when I’m around him.  When he’s touching me like this. 

“I think you should take me home now.  It is getting late.  I really do appreciate all that you did for me but I just can’t do this right now.”  With his hand in mine, he pulls me up as I’m tugging at my dress covering myself back up.  We walk down to his car not saying a word and just leaving everything behind.  He opens my door, and I sit in the seat and then he leans in and kisses my cheek.  I’m almost starting to feel a little angry, and I’m not sure if I’m mad at him or mad at myself for letting things get out of control. 

“I’m sorry if I ruined your night, Lindsay.  I shouldn’t have been so pushy in that way.  It’s just when I look at you, I want nothing else than to be with you.  I really care about you, and I’ll do whatever it takes for you to understand me and see that we are perfect together.  Please don’t be angry with me.  I’ll
make this up to you.”  He gives me a gentle smile and then closes the door and walks around to his side of the car.  The ride home is silent except for the soft music he has playing on the car stereo.  All I can think about is how much my body wants him but something inside tells me that it is wrong but I don’t know what.  I can’t even think straight when I’m around him.  He’s so desirable, and his touch just brings me into him.  He makes me feel wanted and attractive and like I’m special in some way.  As we pull up to my house and we park on the side of the street, he places his hand on my thigh before I can jump and run to avoid the conversation. 

“Lindsay, I can’t tell you how sorry I am for trying to take advantage of you like that.”

“Well it’s not like you were taking advantage.  I was there, and I can make decisions for myself.”  I give him a little smile but not really sure if I can actually make my own decisions when I’m with him, as it seems after tonight I have no control over myself. 

“Would you like me to walk you to your door?”  He asks.  I really want to end the night on a good note and forget what happened on the hill. 

“Sure, that would be nice.”  As we’re walking up to my porch I see someone sitting on the front steps.  At first, I think it is my dad waiting up for me but then I see him. 

“Ethan!”  I can’t help but drop Derrick’s hand and run up to Ethan, well as fast as I can run in these four inch heels, and give him a big hug like I haven’t seen him in centuries.  He hugs me back and looks into my eyes and gives me a smile.  Then before I know it, he’s walking around me and looking straight at Derrick. 

“Derrick!  What are you doing with her?  You shouldn’t mess with her mind like this.  And you say I’m the evil one.”  He scowls at him and walks closer until he’s only a foot away from Derrick. 

“What am I doing with her?  What kind of question is that?  I love her.  You should be asking what it is that you want with her.  You only take from people, Ethan, and you have nothing to give, so what are you doing wasting her time pretending you care.” 

What’s he talking about?  They’ve completely lost me, all I know is that something is about to go down but it’s not going to be in front of me.  I won’t stand for it, it’s childish.  “That’s enough you two.”  I walk straight up to Ethan, grab his hand and pull back with all my force but he doesn’t budge and neither does his expression.  I swear, I can smell the testosterone. Since I didn’t get anywhere with Ethan I walk to Derrick and stand right in between them.  “Derrick, please.  I really appreciate you taking me out tonight.  I really did have a wonderful time.  Please do not fight about this right now.  You know our understanding.”  Now that I’m looking at Derrick I’m starting to realize how strange it is that I didn’t think about Ethan the whole time I was with Derrick, and now that I have the two of them here and in front of me all I want is to protect Ethan and make sure he doesn’t get hurt over Derrick’s jealousy.  Ethan grabs my hand and pulls me back toward him.

“I’m not going to fight him, Lindsay.  I just want him to tell you the truth about his intentions.” 

“Lindsay knows my intentions, Ethan.  She knows I love her and that I wouldn’t hurt her.  I don’t want to cause any trouble, so I’ll go.  Please, Lindsay, be careful and don’t trust him.  Please know that I’m here for you.  I will go but if you need anything at all call me.”

Even though Ethan is holding my hand, Derrick still leans in and kisses my lips ever so gently, as if to get one last thing in that will piss off Ethan.  Then he turns to his car and is gone.

TEN

“What happened tonight?  Why did you seem so angry with Derrick?  And what did he mean when he said I shouldn’t trust you?”  I know I’m asking a lot of questions, but now that Derrick isn’t around I can finally think straight.  Don’t get me wrong, just having Ethan in the same room as me let alone on my bed holding me makes me want him, but I can at least think straight and don’t feel confused or obsessed with sex when I’m with him.