Fallen Desire (16 page)

For now, all I want to concern myself with is finding out more about Ethan’s past and to find out what it is about me that supposedly makes me special.  But first I’ve got to stop crying and feeling sorry
for myself and get up and get ready.  I know my mom is going to want to leave early for lunch and she’ll expect me to be ready to go.  I have to stop thinking about all of this and clear my mind so that I can focus on what I’m going to talk about with my mom at lunch. 

I really don’t want Ethan to come up at all because I know she will be able to tell that I’m keeping something from her.  My mom is usually pretty good at reading me and can always tell when something odd is going on. 

“Lindsay, you ready to go?”  As my mom looks into my room, her hair is flowing down perfectly around her face.  Her eyes brighten her expression clearly showing how happy she is to be spending time with me.  When I was younger it was always just the two of us.  Dad worked all the time and she stayed home to raise me.  She was my best friend growing up.  She’s always been there for me and I’m struggling with not being able to share the secrets I have with her.  Her being my mom, I don’t think she’d truly understand how I’m feeling about these two guys.  I know her reaction would be that I’m too young and I shouldn’t get serious about anyone right now. 

“Yeah, Mom, I’ll meet you down
stairs in a moment.”  I am ready, but I just need a moment to gather myself and my thoughts.  Standing in the mirror I can see the stress in my face.  Even though my hair and makeup are nice, there’s no way of hiding the true feelings that are showing through my eyes.  I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore.  One moment I’m just a girl who moved to a new town and started at a new school my junior year with only a few friends and then all of the sudden I’m falling head over heels in love with a guy I barely know and at the same time can’t control myself around another guy.  I have literally lost all sense of control.  Now I find out that the guy I’m falling in love with is a Fallen angel or ‘Demon’.  Demon?  I mean what does that mean?  I know he’s good and there’s no way I can see him hurting anyone but according to him he did until he met me.  What is so special about me?  I could just scream; I probably would if there was no one around to hear me.  I don’t want to freak out my mom but I don’t know how much longer I can hold all of this in.  After this lunch with my mom, I’m going to find Ethan and do whatever it takes to find out the truth about everything.  About me!  He better be ready to start sharing some information at this party tonight. 

Walking down the stairs I can see my mom waiting patiently by the door in her usual attire.  Her sleek black jacket with a black fitted skirt that starts just above her knees and her matching black pumps make me look so completely opposite from her.  I have on my usual black Converse with just some plain jean shorts and a black T-shirt that has a picture of Lady Gaga on it.  My mom always looks so beautiful and elegant.  If only I could have gotten half of her pure beauty. 

“I’m ready, Mom.  Sorry if you had to wait.”  As we walk to the car, I do all I can to clear Ethan out of my head – and Derrick as well.  I don’t want her to see my emotions through my face.  I have to clear my mind and just focus on right now. 

This moment that I’m getting with my mom is what’s important right now.  The drive to the restaurant wasn’t too long.  We went to a small restaurant owned by a married couple and that had been passed down through the generations.  My mom likes coming here because the food’s always amazing.  As we walk into the building it has that home-like feeling with old wood dining tables and pictures of different events from the town over the years covering the walls.  A lady with short brown hair wearing a black apron has a humble expression as
she approaches.  It’s a relief to be in the presence of normal right now. 

“Just two?”
  She smiles and gestures to my mom and me.

“Yes.”  My mom is always coming off as friendly, yet still professional.  We follow the lady over to a small booth back in the corner next to a large window peering out to the street.

“Coffee?” the lady asks the both of us with a genuine smile.  It’s amazing how so many people can seem content while inside I’m ready to explode. 

“Yes, please.”

“No thank you,” I say.  My mom will always get coffee when she’s got a chance but for me the only coffee I like are those delicious Frappuccino’s with whipped cream on top, but I guess that isn’t really coffee.  It’s more like a desert. 

“So Lindsay, I want to talk to you about this summer.  Since you’re getting older, I don’t want you just running around this summer while your dad and I are at work.  I was thinking maybe you could see about getting a part time job. What do you think?” 

A job!  Really!  I never thought about having to work.  With everything else that is going on right now it’s kind of the last thing I want to be concerned with.  “Well, I don’t know, Mom.  Do I have a say in this?”  I can already tell by the look on her face I don’t. 

“I would just like to see you make an effort over the next couple of weeks to find a job.  If it seems that you’re having a hard time then I’m sure I can get someone I know to help out.”  I can’t help that my words come out in an irritating tone. 

“Okay.  I’ll start looking tomorrow?”  I really didn’t need another thing to be concerned with. 

“So how is everything else going?  How is that boy Ethan doing?”  My mom diverts the conversation to a new subject quickly in an effort to avoid a public confrontation between mother and daughter. 

“Really good, Mom!  I mean, we’re doing well.  I’m really enjoying the time that I do see him even though it isn’t that often.  He’s usually busy with his own things.”  My voice comes off a little too scratchy and excited to come across as completely true. 

“I’m glad that you’re happy.  So what’s going on with the other guy then?  Derrick?  I can tell he definitely has some feelings for you, Lindsay.”  She smiles patiently at me, waiting for an answer. 

“Yeah, he does, but I’ve made it clear that we’re just friends and I’m not interested.”  I can’t help it but the moment the image of Derrick comes into my head my whole face turns red. 

All I can picture is him in my room pressed against my body on my bed, his gorgeous eyes that always seem to seduce me taking control of me and filling me with a passion.  Of course, it doesn’t take my mom long to notice my reaction. 

“Look Lindsay, you’re young and the last thing you need to do is commit yourself to a guy and seclude yourself from the people around you.  I know you probably feel like you don’t have everything figured out, and that’s okay.  I still don’t have everything figured out.  You’re beautiful and bright, I just don’t want to see you waste your youth on struggling with love.  It doesn’t always turn out well and then you realize you’ve spent your time fighting something that isn’t meant to be.  Do you understand?  I just want to see you spending your time right now having fun and hanging out with your friends.  Oh and finding a job.” 

“I understand, Mom.  Thank you.  I am having fun and being around Ethan is always good.  Things can get complicated with Derrick, but that’s why I’m trying to keep it to a minimum with him.”

“That’s good to hear.  How is Kim doing?  I haven’t seen her around lately.” 

“She’s good.  Actually, I was going to ask if I could go to her house tonight.  She’s having a small get-together.” 
Actually a party with a lot of people.  My mom just looks at me with this look that shows she knows different. 

“Will you be staying the night there?” 

I shrug, “If that’s okay?” 

“It’s okay with me.  It’s nice to see you not leaving your other friends behind for this boy.” 

I happened to leave out the part that Ethan is going to be there, but I can tell it makes her feel better knowing I’m not spending all my time with him.  The rest of the time we enjoy our full plates of food, she talks a little about work and dad and the things that he’s coming up against running the law firm.  She tells me how they were so lucky to have been given this opportunity.  As she talks, I try to focus, but I can’t help but wonder what Ethan is doing right now and what keeps him so busy that I don’t see him for days at a time.  All I know is that tonight I’m not going to let him avoid me any longer.  Tonight is the night for answers.

FOURTEEN

I’ve had no luck contacting Ethan prior to the party.  Now with only 20 minutes before he’s supposed to pick me up to go, I’m starting to get the feeling he may not show, which is leaving me extremely flustered.  I can barely finish up my hair without wanting to throw myself on my bed and pitch a fit.  I can’t help that my emotions are running so high right now.  I can’t contain myself when it comes to him.  Typically, I don’t get so worked up over things, but knowing the fact that so much information is just in my grasp and Ethan is the key to unlock it is completely unbearable.  Putting on my new white Converse that go well with my new purple and white shirt and my jean shorts doesn’t make me feel as good as it normally would or would like it to.  I swear that if anyone could see me right now, they’d be able to feel the anger and frustration radiating off of me.  Now it’s just a matter of time until I accept that Ethan isn’t coming.  I don’t know what it is, but usually I have faith in him; I guess since I know he’s holding something back, I’m feeling a little betrayed.  I feel like now that he’s revealed to me who he is, he owes me an explanation and some information on where we go from here. 

As soon as I can’t hold it in anymore and go to throw myself face first on my bed, I hear the doorbell ring and in this moment all the hostile energy is gone.  He came.  I can’t help but jump for excitement.  I almost trip as I run down the stairs yelling to my mom that I’ve got the door.  As soon as I open it, I feel my face turn pink and a huge smile runs across my face from ear to ear.  His appearance is stunning.  His clothes aren’t out of the ordinary, just dark blue jeans and some generic grey T-shirt.  It isn’t his clothes that are amazing but his face – actually his eyes – and of course above all the way his presence makes me
feel.  All my anger has vanished and I can feel myself calming down the instant I look into his piercing eyes.  It’s that feeling that draws me to him. 

It’s what’s so extremely perfect about him.  He’s nothing but pure good and I crave him.  At this moment, it’s easy for me to realize why I love him and why I need him.  He centers me.

“I’ve missed you.”  His voice is steady and sure as he pulls out one red rose from behind his back. 

I can’t help but blush.  I don’t know when the last time was that I was given a rose, if ever.  “Thank you, Ethan.”  I lean in and give him a soft kiss on the lips but press my mouth against his long enough for him to know my sincerity.  There’s no better feeling in the world than when our bodies touch.  It gives off a feeling of explosive spark of love and fills the room with desire.  Everything around us becomes still.  Just as I pull away, I hear my mom clear her throat from behind me, and realize I had left out the part about Ethan going to the party and picking me up.  I turn around to let her know we’re off to the party and when I see her face, I can see she isn’t happy. 

“Well, we’re going to head on over to Kim’s.  Ethan came to give me a ride since he’s going, too.”  I bite down on my lip as my mom continues to look at me and doesn’t take her gaze off of me. 

“Lindsay.  So, I’m going to assume that only girls are staying the night at Kim’s?”  She has that look of disappointment in her eyes. 

“Of course, Mom.  Ethan and the other guys are only coming by for a short time, that’s not a problem, right?” 

“Well, I would have appreciated if you would have let me know this earlier but no I guess it is fine that you still go.  Please be safe and I’ll see you in the morning.” 

I quickly turn to head out the door to avoid any further conversation and thank goodness my mom isn’t eager to get more information from me.  She tells me she loves me as I walk out the door.  Now I just have to convince Ethan to take me somewhere secluded so that we can talk before the party.  I have a feeling that once we get there, we won’t get very much time alone.  He gracefully walks me to the passenger side of the door and opens it to let me in.  The smile on his face shows all the love that he’s willing to give me.  I slide into the car, and as I buckle in he’s already smoothly slid into his side of the car and buckled as well.  He is incredible.  Before starting the car, he turns to look at me. 

“I want to show you something before we go to the party if that’s okay?” he asks.

“Yeah, of course.  What do you want to show me?”  Hopefully this is the chance I was waiting for. 

“You will see when we get there,” he replies playfully. 

The rest of the ride is quiet.  Not in an awkward silence way but more of a peaceful way.  Even when we aren’t talking it’s easy to just ‘be’, as if there’s some higher power that has brought us together for this very moment in time and made it perfect.  I know it has to be his angelic soul that makes me feel so at ease when I’m with him.  The only other time that I feel like this – like nothing else matters – is when I’m with Derrick.  Derrick!  Ugh, I seriously hope he decides to bail on the party in an effort to avoid me. 

Before I know it, Ethan is pulling up around a corner.  Out my window are large dark trees, and as I look down I can see we’re on top of a hill.  Up ahead is a clearing for cars to park and a few benches so that people can enjoy the view of the town.  It didn’t even feel like we had been driving very long, but I know this place and it’s almost 45 minutes from my house. 
Another viewing spot that this amazing town has.  Now I’m wondering if we’re even going to make it to that party tonight.  I would rather be here with him anyways.  The one Derrick took me to is amazing, but this place is ten times better.  And I don’t think it’s the view that’s better because they are all pretty much the same, being here with Ethan makes it incredible.  Ethan parks the car and comes around to my side to open my door and gently helps me out.  As soon as I’m out, I can really appreciate the view from up here.  Looking down, I can see all the town’s lights for miles just illuminating the ground.  Below us are layers of green trees of thick forest circling the hill.  The air smells and feels clean on my lungs, and I take in deep breaths.  The earth seems tranquil and peaceful from up here.  Ethan turns to face me and pulls me into his body which gives me chills from head to toe.