Fallen Desire (20 page)

“You okay, Lindsay?”  Ethan’s face is filled with concern and worry. 

“Yeah, I think so.  What happened?”

“You fainted and I had to bring you out here.  I finished the chant, and then you were out.  Do you feel different?  See anything differently?  The elements must have been hard on your body since this is the first time you’ve been exposed to them.”  I’m not sure what to say or if the colors I see surrounding her and Ethan are even really there or are just my mind playing tricks on me. 

I decide not to mention it.  “I feel okay, I don’t think I feel different at all.”  Then I see it.  I look at Ethan and see the man that I met in the darkness a moment earlier.  I can see in his eyes the battle that he fights with this stranger within.  I want to grab him and hold him and let him know that everything is going to be better and that he won’t have to harbor this evil any longer but I can’t.  I don’t know if there’s anything I’m going to be able to do to help and even if there is I still don’t know how.  All I know at this moment is that I want Ethan to take me out of here and take me home.

SEVENTEEN

His body lying behind and pressed against me is all I need to comfort me.  Even if the car ride home from Avarie’s was a little awkward, it felt right to finally be in his arms.  I couldn’t help but constantly catch glances of him in the car ride home, admiring the brilliant colors surrounding him.  As he wraps his arms tighter around my waist, I inhale deeply, readying myself to face him again, though still a little shaken up from the images of him I had while at Avarie’s.  I wiggle from his tight grasp and decide I’ve got to face this fear straight on.  I turn to face the man I’ve fallen in love with in the very short time that I’ve known him.  I look into those familiar black eyes but the Ethan I love is gone.  My fears are real and I’m wrapped in the arms of evil.  I see the true blackness that hides within those eyes, as the creature reveals himself through Ethan – a demon lurking within him and waiting to take full control.  When I look at him, I can see the emptiness that I was surrounded by less than an hour earlier.  It’s this creature deep inside him that makes me want to pull away no matter how much I love him.  The evil that I can now clearly see is overwhelming.  Even though I want nothing more than to be with the Ethan I love, as soon as I sit up on my bed and he moves in toward me for a kiss my instinct pulls me away.  The fear in me takes over, and the love dissipates.  I begin to tremble, as I am in the presence of true evil.  In hopes that I’m still dreaming I look into his eyes once more and the creatures’ true form appears in front of me.  Before I know it, I’m off the bed and backed up against my bedroom door as if he’s infected with some communicable disease.  Even though his expression shows immediate confusion and hurt, no matter how bad I want to hold him and let him know I want to help, I just can’t bring myself to go to him.  I can see what he is, and it frightens me. 

“Lindsay!  What’s wrong?” 

He starts to move from my bed and toward me, and I jerk backward even though there’s nowhere to go – but this slight movement stops Ethan and he stays back. 

“What’s the matter?  You aren’t in pain from what
Avarie did are you?”  Concern continues to ring in his voice, and his expression shows that he knows I’m afraid of him. 

My heart races as my back remains against the door and my eyes remain on him afraid that if I look away he may attack.  The color around him continues to flicker and change.  I can’t shake the fear inside me.  The last person I ever thought would frighten me was Ethan, but now I’m not sure if I can be near him without seeing the demon inside.  I can feel the demons energy and I get the feeling that it wants nothing more than to feed on my soul.  “No, I’m not in pain, Ethan, but I see something and it frightens me.  I don’t know if I can explain it to you.  I think it is best if you just stay back.”

“You have to, Lindsay!  You have to tell me!  Please let me help you.  Tell me what you see!”  The worry rings in Ethan’s voice showing all his vulnerabilities, but regardless what he says or does the fear is overwhelming, and I can’t let him in.

“Everything Ethan!
  I see everything, and it scares me!  I can’t explain it because I don’t know what it is that I’m seeing and why it’s making me feel this way.”  Even though I’m talking to Ethan, I still can’t help but see this demon through his eyes.  It keeps me backed up against my door, and I can see that Ethan wants nothing more than to hold and comfort me.  I can sense his emotions almost as if they are my own, running through my body but the demon is still in there waiting for the perfect moment to attack.  It is waiting for Ethan to become weak, to let his guard down. 

“Everything?
  I need you to talk to me, Lindsay, so that I can help you.  Tell me exactly what you see!” 

I’m so confused, “I want so much to be near you and hold you but when I look at you Ethan I see…I see the demon that is in you, and regardless of the love that I have for you something deep inside me is taking over and causing me to fear you.  Ethan, not only do I see the evil inside you, I can feel the presence of it and it wants me.  I can feel and see the battle you’re fighting within yourself and the demon wants my soul.  The presence of evil is overwhelming and I don’t think I can handle it.”  I shake my head saddened by my thoughts. 

“I knew it!  This is what I was afraid of.  Your abilities will give you the power to help demons like me, but for you to help them you have to be able to see them.  You have to look deeper, Lindsay.  You have to see beyond the evil to know if you can save me.  Your mind has just been opened to this world and you have to realize that you’re stronger than any evil and stronger than me – please, so that you can move past the evil and begin to learn your powers.  I can help you, Lindsay, but you have to concentrate and look inside me and see my soul and you will see that I’m not the demon.  It is just the evil that has taken over me, and you’re the only one that can set me free of it.  I need you, Lindsay.  Please don’t give up on me now.”

“I don’t know if I can.  That’s not the only thing I see. 
Avarie and you both have this glow of color that surrounds you.  At first in Avarie’s home I thought that it was my eyes deceiving me, but you still have it surrounding you, Ethan.”  He almost looks relieved at that.

“My aura.
  It is just another part that allows you to read people’s emotions and a part of who they are.” 

“How can I read someone’s emotions if I don’t even know how the hell to read an aura?”
  The demon is still hovering within him using its energy to weaken Ethan to the point of him giving in and taking my soul from me.  I can see him through Ethan’s eyes, and the creature is absolutely horrifying.  It sucks the life from people with no remorse.  My jaw tightens and fists ball-up as anger builds inside me.  How did Avarie help me at all?  If anything I’m more confused than before. 

“I can help you Lindsay, but you have to look past the evil inside me and trust me again.”  He’s pleading with me now. 

“I don’t think I’ll be able to.  I have no control over what I feel when I look at you.  I think it’s best if I’m left alone right now.  I need to pull myself together and gather all my thoughts and hopefully start making sense of some of this.  I can’t fight what I don’t understand.”

“If that is what you wish then I’ll leave you be, but please know that if you need me or want me at any time all you have to do is release those desires to the universe and I will come.  I love you, Lindsay.”  Even though I want to tell him to stop and grab him and hold him so he knows I love him, I can’t and before I even have a chance to move or say anything he’s gone out my window.  My whole body goes limp, and I fall to my bed planting my face into a pillow.  All my emotions release at once and I begin to cry.

Ethan

When I leave her room, I can’t help but start to feel emptiness inside.  I don’t know where I’m flying to, all I know is that I want to go up higher and higher and let go of everything that I’ve become over the centuries.  As soon as I think we’re making progress, I end up setting us back.  If only I weren’t a demon this would be so much easier.  The love would be effortless.  I knew it would come to this though.  I couldn’t expect for her to accept her abilities easily.  It’s going to be a struggle to get her to understand what all this is.  I know that once she accepts her newfound vision she will embrace it and become stronger than anyone existing.  I’ll stay away until she calls on me; I know that won’t be long. 

She’ll realize that she needs my help to understand what she is and her purpose.  I don’t blame her, though, for being afraid.  Controlling my desires in the beginning was very difficult.  All I ever seemed to be able to concentrate on was the souls within people and how much power I would feel if I took some for myself.  Avarie told me of the redeemer long ago, but who knew I would be the one to lead her.  Lindsay showed me my path without her even knowing her own destiny.  She has the ability to show all of us who want to be free of the evil we have been bound to for so long.  Even though it weakens me to not feed on human souls, it is the last thing that I want to do when I’m near her or even when I’m thinking of her.  Her long brown hair that smells of a blooming meadow and flows against her back and shoulders in a beautiful display and those deep brown eyes full of innocence and so much love.  Her touch warms me and reminds me of all the purity that used to exist and that is now so hard to find.  She’s everything that everyone hopes to be:  a soul peer with the ability to change the world that surrounds me and suffocates me.  The day I met her was the day that I began to live a true life.  She is everything to me.  I’ll no longer subject her to the demon in me; I will show her that my soul is indeed made to be an angel.  I once was one and I will not give up until I’ve been granted redemption and rid of this evil for good.  All I can hope for is for her to come to grips with the powers that she was been born with and to accept her destiny.  I know that she will, but I fear that she will come to think that I’m using her.  I’m going to make sure I do whatever I can to show her how much I love and care about her.  I’m not going to let anyone stand in my way.  I know that Derrick will be there for her in this time of need and I know he’s going to try to convince her that I have other motives but she must see through it and know that even though he’s different than me he’s no better.  He can’t see what she sees and he only has one destiny, which he’s already chosen. 

If I know him, he won’t let Lindsay get in his way; even if he cares about her he cares more about winning the battle.  She was born to see the truth in our kind and the truth in the humans around her.  With all the thoughts running through my head, I hadn’t realized I ended up above the house with the path lined with yellow and red tulips. 
Avarie’s house.  I almost always seem to find my way here when I don’t know what to do.  She’s my best option for someone that can assist Lindsay.  She’ll be able to keep her calm.  Placing my feet on the ground and tucking my wings in makes me feel a little more tranquil.  Stepping onto Avarie’s property always lessens my anxiety.  She keeps a peaceful, calming spell surrounding her property.  It’s a feeling that you can’t help but embrace no matter what is happening.  As I go to knock on the front door, it bursts open, and there she is with the widest grin on her face and bouncy curls of red surrounding her pale and flawless youthful skin. 

“Ethan!  I knew you would be back.  With how Lindsay took off I didn’t think she would take it well.  You know she can see aura’s right?  She can see within as well.”  Even with her peaceful spell surrounding me, sadness continues to consume me as I recall the fear on Lindsay’s face.  

“Yeah, we had a little talk.  She sees the demon inside me, and she won’t come near me.  She’s afraid of me,” I need her help.

“No worries, Ethan!  She’ll come around.  She’s just frightened right now because before you came along everything in her life was very normal.  You can’t expect her to come to grips with everything right away.  It’s going to take a little while.  You have to understand it’s expected.” 

I know she’s trying to reassure me but I can’t help but be concerned, “Yes. But we don’t have that long!  Don’t you know that Derrick is here?  He’s putting together an army and he’s been getting close to Lindsay.  I fear it’s for all the wrong reasons.” 

“So I’ve heard.  I do have friends, you know.  Derrick is a noble soul and his intentions are good, but he is naive to believe that one who is consumed with evil could never be redeemed.  I’m not at all worried about him hurting Lindsay.  I know that even though he does not approve of what she’s destined to do, he does love her and will not harm her.  You do not need to worry yourself with Derrick.” 

“I’ve come here because I need your help with Lindsay.  I appreciate you helping her tap into her powers but now she needs to understand it and she won’t come near me.  When she looks at me, all she can see is evil.  She finally sees the truth of what I am.  Please, Avarie, will you help me teach Lindsay what it is that she’s seeing so she can better learn to control it and learn to use her powers instead of being afraid of them?”  I can’t help but plead for her aid. 

“Of course I’ll help you.  This is my destiny; I’ve been waiting so long for Lindsay to arrive.  Now you be on your way and relax.  Leave it to me to help Lindsay.  Give it a few days before you come around so as not to get her emotions heightened again.  I need her to
be focused for the next few days.”