Fallen Desire (32 page)

“I understand Lindsay.  I know there are other ways for us to practice, and again I’m sorry, but it was necessary.  You may not know it yet, but this opened up a whole other world for you and will allow you to gain control of those around you living or not.” 

The rest of the day consisted of practice after practice of destroying trees, bushes and then giving them life again.  The best part is creating new life in the earth.   The elements are unbelievably powerful in their ability to help me create and destroy.  I destroyed trees with bright green light that flowed from my body to the tree bursting it into nothing and then when giving the tree life again my body gave off a bright blue light that surged from the palms of my hands to the spot where the tree was and then it amazingly reappeared out of nothing.  The graveyard is full of trees and bushes surrounding the outskirts of it, which gave us plenty to work with.  Exhausted once we’re finished even with the elements still with me, I’m very reluctant to release them, afraid of how I might feel afterwards.  Knowing that it’s not right to keep the elements with me and will only drain my own energy more, I sit down next to the fire that still burns.  Derrick stands across from me and I close my eyes and thank all the elements. 

“Air, Water, Fire, Earth and Spirit, thank you for lending me your energy today and hope that when you part you leave me with a peace of it.  I release you.”
 

As soon as I feel them leave my body I slowly open my eyes and see Derrick through the flashes of the flame and then nothing.  I faint. 

“Lindsay!  Lindsay!  Wake up!”  I can hear him but still unable to come to consciousness to respond.  My stomach is queasy and I’m not sure if opening my eyes is a good idea.  Slowly I open my eyes to Derrick hovering over me knelt down on his knees with both hands on my shoulders. 

As soon as I look into his eyes, I get the urge to vomit and lean to the side releasing it onto the ground.  “I am so sorry.”  Now sitting up I still don’t feel like I can walk.  I still feel the elements in me from the energy they left but it isn’t enough.  “I don’t think I can stand up.  My whole body hurts.”

“I’ll get you home.”  He sweeps me into his arms and expands his wings to their full extension and then takes flight.  I keep my eyes closed the whole time afraid of becoming nauseous if I open them.  Before I know it we’re at my front door.  Even though I’m standing on my two feet, Derrick is still holding me up.  “Let me get you up stairs so you can rest.  I’ll get you something to eat as well.” 

I do want to go to bed but the last thing I want is for him to have a reason to stay.  “Thank you but the food won’t be necessary.  My parents will be home soon and my mom will make dinner.  I’m sure she plans to make something before her and my dad leave in the morning.”  He nods, hides his wings, and then lifts me back up and carries me up to my room. 

“I’m sorry that it took so much out of you today.  Over time you will build up a tolerance and become stronger.  Get your rest because you will need it for tomorrow.” 

I don’t even want to move let alone invoke any more power.  “Thank you, Derrick.”  With a kiss on my forehead he’s gone.  I can’t help but take a deep breath thinking I hope this agonizing pain goes away.  I just wish that Ethan was here by my side comforting me and letting me know I’ll be okay.  I need to see him to reassure myself I’m doing the right thing.  I close my eyes and call on him letting him know I need him. 

“Lindsay.  Are you okay?”  With a breath of relief, I open my eyes to see Ethan at the side of my bed leaning over to look at me.  His dark eyes filled with worry as he examines my weak body. 

“Thank you so much Ethan for coming.”  Not moving an inch, I smile at him.  “I’m okay, I guess, but my body is really sore from the training I did today with Derrick.”  He’s standing here staring at me not even smiling back just running his eyes up and down my body examining every inch of me. 

“He’s pushing you too hard, Lindsay.  It isn’t good for you.  I know how bad you want to learn as much as you can as fast as you can, but this isn’t the way.  You need to slow down or you won’t be able to function at all.  Just because you have this power doesn’t make you invincible.  You’re still human, and I’m not sure if Derrick sees that.” 

I can see that he’s angry that I’m in so much pain but he still leans over and kisses my forehead.  He’s presence is withered, with dark circles under his eyes, and his cheeks look sucked in with his sharp cheek bones sticking out.  He’s starting to look more like death every time I see him.  “You’re sick!”  It hurts me to see him like this.  I can feel his hunger and the ache he feels from not feeding.  He’s losing his strength every day that passes. 

“Not sick, this is just my punishment.  I can’t die, Lindsay, from not feeding on souls.  It only weakens me and makes me appear sick, but you will be able to help me soon enough.  Please know that there’s no rush.  I’ll be fine.”

“Ethan, I can feel your hunger.  This is hurting you.  This is why there’s no time to spare and why I have to push myself.”

“With how much your body was able to endure today I know you have enough power to free me but you need the book.  I’m not confident that Derrick will provide you with the spell needed to cure me.  I know that he has other intentions.”  His look of worry never leaves his face.  I don’t know what is worse though, seeing the demon inside of him or watching and feeling him wither away right in front of my eyes and feeling the sorrow and fear that he has inside. 

“How can I take something from an Angel that he doesn’t want me to have?  He’s going to have to be willing to give it to me.”  I definitely can’t see Derrick just handing over the book willingly.  If he wanted me to have it he would have given it to me already and today in the forest, he seemed pretty protective of it.  He seems to keep it with him all the time and hasn’t even let me really get a look at it. 

“Not necessarily.  You have the elements on your side, which can bring the book to you.  You and the elements are all connected to that book.  It belongs to you Lindsay and if you want it, it will come to you. 
Just like I do.  You only need to put out the request.”  Finally a little smile appears from his lips but then is quickly diminished with an expression filled with pain again.  “Not now though.  If you can save up your energy over the next few days without interruption from Derrick then you will gain enough strength to call upon the book and will it to come to you.”

“This seems a little too easy, Ethan.”  I can’t help but be a little unsure that the book is just going to fly right to me, and all I have to do is ask it. 

“Trust me, once you have the strength, you will see that it is just that easy when the item belongs to you.”  Again a little smile fills his face and this time it doesn’t leave.  He leans down and kisses my forehead again. “For now you need to sleep.”  Without even questioning him, I close my eyes and fall asleep, without a meal, and unbelievably exhausted from the day.

TWENTY SEVEN

After lying in bed for more than 24 hours straight, I’m finally feeling better.  Since my parents left, I didn’t have anyone other than Ethan to take care of me.  I felt bad not getting out of bed when my parents told me goodbye yesterday.  I just used the excuse that I wasn’t feeling well and that it was extremely early in the morning.  We said our goodbyes and they were on their way.  It was nice having Ethan by my side the whole time even as I dozed in and out of sleep.  He kept me fed and hydrated the whole day.  All I can think about now is how I really need to get that book.  He keeps telling me how I need to give it a few more days to work up my strength that way when I call on the book it’ll be quick and hopefully Derrick won’t even notice.  Ethan says that when I do it Derrick might even feel my presence, he has called me several times checking on me and he apologized for putting me through all this although I reminded him it wasn’t anything he did.  It makes it hard not to feel bad about taking the book from Derrick even if Ethan say’s it belongs to me.  It still feels wrong.  Even though I don’t agree with the plans that Derrick has made, I know that he only wants the best and his intentions are good.  I care for him and even love him but my love for Ethan is stronger, I will do whatever it takes to free him of the evil consuming his body.  Since I’m too weak to train and too weak to steal “The Book of The Redeemer” from Derrick, maybe I just need a day with a friend.  Ethan took off this morning saying he had to take care of some things at his place.  I guess even though he’s a Fallen Angel he still has plants to water in his home and things to do.  Kim is always there for me when I need her and I’ve still been preoccupied with the dream I had of her and Derrick and Ethan all out in the woods having an argument.  Maybe I can discuss it with her and she can give me some insight into its meaning.  At least the weird dreams have stopped. 

I don’t even dream of Ethan, I guess I don’t have to though since he’s been by my side every night.  I pick up the phone and dial Kim’s number.  I really hope she’s available to meet up but there’s no
answer, just her voice mail.  Not wanting to leave a message I hang up and lay my head back down on my pillow.  Pondering what Ethan said about me still being too weak to get the book, I can’t help but feel like I’m ready and if I can’t spend the day with Kim then I might as well make use of the day and get that book.  If I have even the slightest chance of being able to do the spell today, then I want to take a shot at it.  Sitting on my bed in my purple polka dot pajamas, I cross my legs and place my hands on my knees.  I close my eyes and because I’m not really sure what I’m doing I just go with what feels right.  Since Ethan is out taking care of whatever it is that he has to do right now I should have plenty of time.  Concentrating wholly on the book, I put all my will and power into imagining it right here in my hands, I call upon the elements for help.

“Air, Water, Fire and Earth lend me your energy and Spirit, guide my soul to ‘The Book of the Redeemer’ that I desire and bring it to me as I am the soul of the Redeemer and it is a part of me.”

Repeating the chant quietly to myself with the help of the elements, I start to envision a place that’s dark and empty; it’s not like a bedroom.  I’ve never been in a room that looks like this.  The room has a brown faded couch with a coffee table.  It must be the living room but there’s nothing else in the room and it seems so dark.  There’s only one window and it’s extremely large but it doesn’t help brighten the room at all.  Then I see it!  The book is on the coffee table along with some other old and worn books. 

I can feel the energy coming off of it and I sense that it belongs to me; it wants me to have it.  Derrick is in the room as well; he’s pacing back and forth but doesn’t notice me.  I'm here in spirit and everything is so real but it's like I'm just looking from a different view now. It’s like that dream where you wake up and you aren’t sure if it really happened or not.  Derrick seems upset; he’s pacing from one end of the room to the other.  His blue eyes are filled with frustration and his expression is filled with strain and worry.  His typically tidy black hair is in disarray as if he just got back from a flight.  I’m no longer repeating the chant as I’m trying my hardest to focus on the book, guiding it to me and going unnoticed by Derrick.  A white light streams from my body to the book lifting it from the coffee table slowly and bringing it to me.  I reach for it but I’m unable to make contact, I may not be able to touch it but once it’s near me I get the sense that I can guide it back to my body.  As soon as I head toward the window, Derrick is at my side slamming the window shut looking straight through me as if he can sense my presence.  With no hesitation he reaches out and as soon as his hand touches the book I can tell that it’s become visible.  He couldn’t see it when I was controlling it.  He puts it safely in the back of his pants. 

“I know you’re here.  Consider this a warning; if you come back, I won’t be so nice again.  I do not know who you are or what you want but you aren’t strong enough to make yourself unknown in my presence.  This book does not belong to you.  Leave my place!”  His voice was harsh and insistent. 

Caught off guard, I move backwards and I’m quickly
back in my room sitting on my bed, no book in hand.  I can’t help but be a little startled by how he hollered at me, well at my spirit.  I really hope he doesn’t know that it was me.  For now I suppose Ethan is right about me not being ready.  I’m going to have to keep this little adventure to myself for now. 

“Air, Water, Fire, Earth and Spirit, as I had called on you, I now release you.  Thank you and blessed be.”

Uh, I can’t take how much of my energy is used in doing these chants.  I was better when I woke up this morning but after sending my spirit after the book I feel like I just climbed a mountain. 

“Are you alright?  I thought you would be feeling better today?”  Ethan’s voice sounds from my window. 

I lay my head back down on my bed giving a sigh of defeat.  “You have to stop sneaking up on me like this, Ethan!  I thought you were taking care of business at home?  You haven’t even been gone an hour.” 

He’s confused by my loss of time and reluctantly responds, “I did,
I’ve been gone several hours.  In fact almost four hours.  Have you been sleeping?”