Falling to Pieces

Falling to Pieces

Michelle
Louise

Copyright 2015
© Michelle Louise

All rights reserved. No
part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or
mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without
written permission from the author, except in the case of a reviewer, who may
quote brief passages embodied in critical articles or in a review.

Trademarked names appear
throughout this book. Rather than use a trademark symbol with every occurrence
of a trademarked name, names are used in an editorial fashion, with no
intention of infringement of the respective owner’s trademark.

This is a work of fiction. Names, character, places and incidents are
either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and
any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments,
events or locales is entirely coincidental.

Dedicated to all those who are afraid to love…

Table of Contents

PROLOGUE

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER TEN

CHAPTER ELEVEN

CHAPTER TWELVE

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

CHAPTER NINETEEN

CHAPTER TWENTY

THE PAST

Cynical?
Maybe.

Heartless?
Nah.

I have a heart and I care about a lot of things.
But what I am not, is a hopeless romantic. I will go out of my way to avoid the
lame, stereotypical, dates that involve couples at the theater, watching some
cheesy love story while holding hands.
Blah.
Blah. Blah.
Honestly, what’s the point? It all ends badly. I am definitely
a cynic.

 
My best friend, Sawyer, on the other
hand, is constantly trying her hardest to drag me out on double dates with her
and her boyfriend, Austin. Sawyer and Austin are your average, disgustingly
cute and completely in love couple that everyone admires. They have been
together for as long as I can remember, and even I had to admit that they were
perfect for each other. However, just because Sawyer chose that fairy tale lifestyle
before she even knew better, doesn’t mean that it is the right choice for me. Just
the thought of love freaks me out. Much less the thought of trusting another
person with you heart. It literally gives me the hives.

My dad is a good man, but even he has
made mistakes. The memories from my childhood start mostly with love and care
within a tight knit family, but are soon faded into ones of tears and
heartache. My dad spent most of his time at work and left my mom at home alone
to raise me. She had finally begun to speak up for herself when he dropped the
bomb that demolished my family. He had been unfaithful and had no good reason
why.

The divorce that soon followed left me
with a bag of emotions. I was sad that we would not be living together as a
family, and also mad that my dad would leave my mom and me. It took a long time
of weekend visits for him to get back on my good side. We had so much fun
together and he never spoke ill of my mom, it just didn’t make any sense.
Through all of this, it was at a young age that I promised myself to never fall
in love.

Never falling in love and never having
fun are two different promises. Do I believe every guy out there is just
waiting around for the right moment to shatter some poor innocent girl’s heart?
No, of course not. Personally, I just wasn’t willing to take the chance to find
out. I would simply keep my heart at a safe distance, out of harm’s way.

NEVER get attached.

Always be the one less interested.

And for the love of all that’s Holy,
NEVER fall in love.

By sticking to these three simple rules,
my efforts thus far have been a success.

However
, as I look down at the hand entwined in mine, in the
middle of a cheesy movie about love, going against everything that I believe
in, I am now questioning my theories.

Feeling the gentle squeeze of my hand, I
gaze up into the kindest, emerald eyes that I have ever come across. With every
rule in life, there is always an exception. And why should mine be any
different. Sam Carter has been my one exception since the moment he appeared in
my life earlier this year.

Straight from the beaches of California,
he screams stereotype, embodying all the characteristics of a modern day surf
god; amazingly bronzed body, naturally highlighted shaggy hair, and perfectly
straight, brighter than white teeth.

Just thinking about his lean muscular
body, shirtless riding the waves, had me squirming in my seat. We needed to get
out of this stupid movie.

Leaning over, Sam pressed his lips to
mine, lingering for a moment before pulling away. “Stop fidgeting little red.
Movie is almost over, and then you will get your reward.”

Have I mentioned my hatred for lame pet
names? I despise them, yet every time he calls me
little red,
my stomach does this weird
flippy
thing.

“I am not fidgeting. These seats are
just uncomfortable.” I whisper. “Did you tell Austin we aren’t hanging out
after to movie?”

Looking to my left, Sawyer and Austin
are so deep in their little lover’s world, we could probably leave now and they
would never know.

“Yeah, Austin has plans of his own to
take Sawyer to the lake.”

“And what plans do you have?” I ask,
moving closer until my lips are brushing against Sam’s ear. “I need to know
more about my reward.”

Being promised certain ‘favors’ is what
landed me right here in this very spot, suffering through this horrid movie.

“My mom is working the nightshift at the
hospital, so we have the house to ourselves.” Turning the tables on me, Sam’s
lips are now caressing my ear, as he whispers his plan, causing me to squirm
even more in my seat. “First thing I want to do, is strip off every piece of
clothing that is covering your sexy little body and lay you across my bed. Then,
I plan on exploring every inch of you with my mouth, leaving nothing untouched.
And just when you think you can’t take a second more without exploding, my
tongue is going to dive right into your…”

“Okay, hotshot, I get the picture.” I
say, squeezing my legs together, trying to mask the ache. “Keep talking like
that and we will end up giving this audience a totally different show.”

I have always had a healthy appetite
when it came to sex, but there is something about Sam that leaves me
insatiable.

“I will follow through with all that,
little red, and more if you will just tell me what I want to hear.”

Frustrated, I pull my hand free from
his. “You know I can’t do that, Sam.”

Standing up, I squeeze past my best
friend and her boyfriend; apologizing to the remaining people I had to
interrupt to get the isle. Being of petite proportions, I was able to make a
quick exit down our row. I could really use some fresh air.

The one thing Sam wanted more than anything
was for me to agree to be exclusive and be his girlfriend. Obviously, I
couldn’t do that; it scared me shitless. Granted, if I were to go temporarily
insane, I could see him being the one I would commit to. With that being said, I
wasn’t cut out for relationships and he knew this.

It was a known fact, and I made it clear
with every guy I was involved with. No strings, no attachment, just fun. Sam
was clear on this in the beginning. I’ve told him numerous times that I am
damaged and unable to feel. And like most men, he doesn’t listen. My rules and
guidelines are usually not a problem with high school boys. Who wouldn’t want a
girl who liked to have fun, yet didn’t need the title or commitment?

           
“Chey,
wait up!” Sawyer called from behind me. “What happened? You ran out like a mad
woman.”

Turning to see she is alone, I stop and
take a deep breath. “He’s asking me again. I don’t know why he has to be so
persistent. I’ve told him, Sawyer, from the beginning that I am not girlfriend
material. He said that he was okay and that he would take what he could get.
Now, all of a sudden, that’s not good enough. Now, he wants more. That’s not
fair to me! I’ve already given him so much more than any other guy. I’m not
made for this and I have no more to give.” I ramble, not noticing the hot tears
running down my cheeks until Sawyer wipes one away and
wraps
her arms around me.

“
Shhh
… Listen;
let’s get out of here. We will go back to my house and sneak some of Daddy’s
homemade wine into my room and forget all about your worries.”

“No, you and Austin have plans. I am
fine now, I promise. Just a minor meltdown, not a big deal.” I reassure Sawyer,
not wanting to bring down her night or ruin her plans with Austin.

“Shut your mouth, Cheyenne Thomas!
Austin will understand and you know it. Now pass me your keys and let’s get out
of here before Sam realizes I’m not coming back with you.”

“I don’t know, Sawyer, I can’t just
leave him here without a ride. His truck is still in the shop and I drove us.”
I may be slightly annoyed with Sam, at the moment, but would never leave him
stranded.

“Austin can take him home. I will text him
from the car.”

Reluctantly, I hand Sawyer my keys. There
is a knot in my stomach and I can’t help but think it is a warning sign and
this is a mistake; I shouldn’t be walking away from Sam. I take one more glance
at the door to the theater, then ignore the signs and jump in the passenger’s
seat.

           
Just
during the drive back to Sawyer’s house, Sam has already called me three times
and sent five text messages. I ignored all the calls, but not wanting to be a
complete bitch, I text back letting him know that I would talk to him tomorrow
and just needed some time.

“You do realize that I know you better
than anyone else, right friend?” Sawyer asks, as we sit on her bed passing the now
half empty bottle back and forth.

“Yeah. What’s your point?” Putting the
bottle to my lips I take a long draw, savoring the sweet strawberry flavor.

“It’s just that I couldn’t help but
notice that in the last few months you haven’t been seen with anyone other than
Sam. Just take a moment and think about it. When was the last time you hung out
with another guy? Let alone, the last time you hooked up with someone else? And
Sam either, he is crazy about you. Without even knowing it, you have been
exclusive, there just hasn’t been a title on it.”

Taking another couple sips before
handing her the bottle, I laid back on her collection of pillows thinking about
what she just said. Focused on the ceiling fan, I begin to feel a little dizzy.
Sawyer’s dad didn’t mess around when it came to his wine and I think I am done
for tonight.

Sawyer made valid points, ones that I
have been aware of for quite some time, but still chose to ignore. Before Sam, no
guy could hold my attention for very long. In fact, it was rare to see me with
the same guy on more than a couple occasions. It was always easy to find
something about them that got on my nerves and I would be done.

It has never been that way with Sam. I
find myself always wanting to hang out with him and the only time he annoys me
is when he is trying to get me to confess my feelings. But even then, I’m still
not done.

Why does it have to be so serious all
the time? We are way too young and have such a full life ahead of us, filled
with new experiences. How often do you find the love of your life at seventeen?
If it is one in a million, I already know the one couple and they happen to be
my best friends. The odds are against me and I don’t see the point in setting
myself up for a heartache that is inevitable.

Sawyer grew up in an amazing family.
Mama and Daddy Jameson have been together over two decades, and their love
never fades for one another. It’s apparent in the way they look at each other
and still flirt when they think no one is watching.

It wasn’t always a sad time growing up
at my house without my dad. And things definitely improved when my mom met Bill.
They fell hard for each other, but took time to grow their relationship before
getting married. Like my mom, Bill had been married once before and also had a child.
His son, Aaron was a couple years younger than me and still lived with his mom
an hour away. Once Bill got settled after moving in, Aaron would stay with us on
most weekends and holidays. I wasn’t super excited about having a younger
brother at first, but I loved Bill and quickly grew to love his son as well. We
had our own new little family.

“Quit ignoring me. You can’t avoid this
conversation any longer.” Sawyer says, pulling me back to the present.

“I’m not ignoring you. I’m drunk and
still thinking about what you said. Sam has always been different for me, but I
am still not able to give him what he wants. End of story.”

“You cannot live your life in fear of
getting hurt, Cheyenne. You are going to miss out on a guy who would do
anything for you. Without a doubt, Sam cares about you, but he isn’t going to
wait around forever.” Sitting the wine bottle on her nightstand, Sawyer lays
down facing me in the bed, as I continue to stare at the ceiling.

“Sam isn’t your dad.” She says gently.

“I know he isn’t.” Rolling on my side, I
turn to face her, tucking my hands under my head. “I’m just afraid, Sawyer. He
is getting to the point where he wants all or nothing, and as much as I hate
the idea of Sam not being in my life, I don’t think I am able to commit.”

“I know you want to protect your heart,
friend.” She signs. “I get it, but by pushing Sam away, you are still going to
end up hurt. Not to mention, you are also hurting Sam in the process. You need
to decide what you want and let him know whether you are all in, or folding.”

A deep sign escapes my chest. “You’re
right. I will let him know one way or another tomorrow night at Jeff’s party. I
just need more time to decide.”

Feeling the full effect of the wine I
close my eyes and sleep pulls me in. Tomorrow I would figure everything out.

Waking up with the sun in my face, I rolled
over quickly and the rush of my hangover suddenly set in. I felt horrible,
which seemed to last most of the day. Once I got back to my house from
Sawyer’s, I did as promised and thought on my situation.