Falling to Pieces (16 page)

“Cheers.” He says, and we both tap our glass on the counter and pour
them down our throats, quickly following up with the shot of orange juice.

“Wow! That was fucking good.”

“I know, right.” We high five and he starts nodding his head to one of
his song choices. He would be dancing soon, even without my help.

We enjoyed another drink and discussed school stuff and college life.
I wanted him to know that he still needs to be responsible about taking it easy
and keeping up with schoolwork. I also told him the importance of drinking
plenty of water in between drinks. Hydration was key in avoiding a hangover and
for pacing yourself. No one likes a sloppy friend. He wouldn’t technically be
allowed in a bar for a few years, and I didn’t plan to make this an everyday
thing. I could get in a lot of trouble and so could the staff here. He could
wait his turn, just like everyone else.

It was getting late and I knew I should get him home soon. I asked
Lilly to close out my tab and just as we were finishing up our drinks to leave,
my song came on. Perfect timing.

“You didn’t.” Aaron looks over to me with a smile on his face as he
looks around to see who all is still in there.

“Oh, but I did! It’s your jam, remember?”

“I was like ten, give me a break. Every kid loved dancing to this.”

“Yeah, but you really loved it.” I threw my head back laughing and
began to sing the words knowing he wouldn’t be able to resist. “If you see a
faded sign at the side of the road that says fifteen miles to the
loooovvveeeee
shack!”

           
I
was right. He joined in on the lyrics and was dancing like a kid. Priceless. I
can still remember when Bill and Mom would play their music on Sunday mornings
while making breakfast. Bill would wake us up and we would all dance like
crazies in the living room while mom cooked. For whatever reason, this song
made Aaron lose it. He loved it and had his own moves he made up to go along
with the words. It was fantastic to see him doing it at this age.

           
The
song ended and we laughed the whole way out the door, waving goodbye to Lilly.
I walked Aaron back to his apartment and headed home.

My week
was going by nice and easy but couldn’t possibly go any slower. Sam should
hopefully be coming home this weekend and I couldn’t wait to see him. He has
been busy taking care of arrangements with his father and hasn’t had much time
to talk.
 
As I am walking in my door
from my morning classes, my phone buzzes in my back pocket and a smile reaches
my face.

Hmph
.

I didn’t
know I could be so sad not seeing his name on my screen. Not that this one made
me sad. I actually hadn’t talked to Dave in a while and could actually use some
lunch.

Dave: Hey there, how’s your week going?

           
So far, so good.
You?

           
Dave:
Just getting ready for our show this weekend?

           
Sounds fun! You hungry? Want to meet for
lunch?

           
Dave:
Yeah, Las Locos at 1pm?

Perfect.
See you soon.

           
Dave and I had an easy
friendship. No strings, no expectations, just someone to be there for you when
you needed them. It was great. There was really only one other person in my
life that I felt I could just be completely open with and that is Sawyer. For
whatever reason, Dave and I are two of a kind. Though, not quite made for a
relationship together and I think we both knew that from day one.

He is
undoubtedly one of the sexiest men I’ve ever met, however just like all the
other guys, he just wouldn’t be able to hold my interest. I’m now realizing
there may only be one person that can actually do that and he was the one
person I hide my self from the most. Probably because I know he is the one
person who could wreck me completely and break my heart into a million pieces.

Sitting
down on the couch, I turn on the TV to kill a few minutes before heading to
lunch. Nothing good is ever on at this time of day, so I rest my head back on
the cushion and close my eyes.

My front
door makes a low creaking noise and my eyes snap open to watch it slowly open.

“Sam?” I
whisper as I adjust my eyes to the bright sunlight shining in from behind his
tall figure.

“Hi
Cheyenne, I want you to meet someone.” Sam says as he makes his way into the
apartment and my eyes follow his arm down to his hand, which is holding onto
someone else’s. He pulls a tall blonde through the door and I recognize the
face. “This is Emma. My fiancé.”

“You’re
what?” I choke out, disgusted by what I am seeing.

           
“We
came to see me in California and we just sort of hit it off again. I realized I
didn’t want to wait around for you any longer and just wanted to be with
someone who loved me. Emma asked me to marry her and I said yes.” His smile was
as big as a teenager who just got laid for the first time. Like he had just won
the lottery.

           
“Wait,
I’m still not sure I understand. You went to help your dad and you came back
with her? What the hell is going on?” My mind cannot process what is happening.

           
“Sorry
Sawyer, you should have just told me what I wanted to hear. But we got to go,
it was nice to see you.” He waves his hand and she smiles and waves as well.
They turn back out the door and the room goes dark.

KNOCK
KNOCK
KNOCK

           
What the hell!

I open
my eyes and realize I must have dozed off. I jumped off the couch still in a
fog at my recent dream, well nightmare really, and open the door. I was so thankful
to see Dave and not Sam with the blonde on his arm.

           
“Dave!”
I reached out and hugged him.

           
“Um,
you okay?” he asked.

           
“Sorry,
what time is it? Shit! I’m so sorry, I must have fallen asleep.” I looked at my
phone and saw 1:20 displayed on the screen. “Still have time to eat?” I ask,
reaching for my purse.

           
“You’re
too much. It’s fine. I sent you a text and you didn’t respond, so I figured I
would come check on you. C’mon sleepy, let’s go.”

           
On
the walk to the restaurant I told him about the dream I just had. He laughed,
but I was thoroughly freaked out. We finally got seated at a booth and I still
couldn’t shake it.

“Seriously
though, how crazy? Was that supposed to be some hidden message? That I am
supposed to just figure all this out now or he will be gone?” My heart was
racing at the thought of him leaving and even more so at the thought of him
with her. I hated this crap. He wasn’t even mine to lose and yet I was freaking
out.

           
“Relax,
killer. It’s probably been on your mind a lot lately and naturally our brains
like to play mean tricks on us and have super deep dreams to make us feel a
little more crazy than usual. But remember, it was just a dream. Take what you
want from the message, but at the end of the day, you know what you want and
how you feel. Don’t feel rushed into making a decision, but allow yourself to trust
your heart every now and then. It’s scary, but it’s worth it. Trust me.”

           
“I
don’t know. It’s just weird. I get so jealous, yet when he stands in front of
me and tells me he wants to be with me, I can’t commit. I clam up and think of
all the bad things that might come out of it.” I let out a heavy sigh and take
a sip of my water.

           
“What
humors me the most, is that you know exactly what the problem is and yet you
still refuse to fix it. You seem like the type to always fight for what you
want and what is good, but in this situation, you would have to fight yourself.
Your heart should be strong and fight for the good thing. The right thing that
is clearly right in front of you.”

“Don’t
flatter yourself.” I say with a wink.

“You
know what I mean.” He takes a sip of his water and the server makes her way
over. We place our orders and I decide I am done with this conversation for
today.

“Okay, I
get it. I understand what you are saying, it just sounds easier than it really
is. So, let’s change the subject for now.”

“I hear
you. Alright, so when does he get back into town.” He asks with a smile, knowing
that I don’t want to talk about Sam anymore.

“None-yah.”
I stick out my tongue and he laughs. “ Let’s turn this spotlight around. Why
don’t you tell me about her?”

“About
who?” his eyes show me that he definitely has a story to tell.

“The
girl who has the same effect on you. You obviously know and understand what I
am going through, so there must be a story.”

“Touché,
my friend.” He takes a deep breath and begins to fill me in. “Her name is Annabelle
and we met in high school, she was a couple years younger than me, but you
would never know by looking at her. You couldn’t keep us apart, yet I was never
able to fully commit to a relationship. I hated the idea of it. But I also
didn’t want her to be with anyone else. We would constantly fight over it, which
then made it harder to commit. After she graduated, she went off to college and
I was still here playing my guitar and working on my music career. The next
year she came home for the summer and we had fling for a bit, but still nothing
serious. It ended in a fight as usual and we didn’t speak for a long time. A
year later, she came back again, except this time, she had a 3 month old
daughter.” His eyes met mine, which must have grown three sizes bigger at the
last words he said. He took a sip of his water and continued. “Her name is
Fiona and she is almost 5 years old.” He had his phone in his hands and turned
it around to show me a picture of them.

“Wow.
Didn’t see that one coming. They are beautiful!
Both of them.
Ohh
, she is so cute.”

“Yeah,
crazy, huh. So, needless to say I wanted in. It was terrible that it took
something so huge to make me realize what I really wanted, but it did. And I
would not stop fighting for what I wanted. Annabelle wasn’t going to make it
easy, and she told me I was too late. I couldn’t understand how she could do
that to me, but in reality I had been doing it to her all along.”

“So now
what? You guys are just friends? ” They were such a beautiful little family and
it made me sad to think of how he must feel.

“Well,
we are working on things and have been for quite some time. That same summer
was when
Knucks
Road got our first album recorded and
we needed to get on the road to promote it. I was gone all the time just like I
still am. Annabelle isn’t seeing anyone and hasn’t for a long time. She focuses
her time on our daughter and I am thankful for that. Not because I don’t want
her to be with anyone and be happy, but because it’s hard enough not being
there for my daughter one hundred percent of the time and it’s nice to know that
she has all her Mommy’s attention.”

I wanted
to say something, but this was uncharted territory for me. I had no words of
advice. Thankfully, the server showed up with our food and broke some of the
tension of my silence.

We
started to eat and a few seconds in he asked, “Remember when I had to cancel
the show the other day?”

“Yeah,
why?”

“My
daughter fell out of a tree and broke her arm. Annabelle was freaked out and
needed me there. It was the first time Fiona had really ever been hurt and she
was really shaken up. I didn’t even hesitate; I was in my car before I called
to cancel. They live about 20 minutes outside of Avalon. Touring has made it a
real struggle for us, but I love what I do and the financial support it allows
me to provide for my family. It’s all I know how to do.” He took a bite of his
taco and just shook his head.

“Is she
okay?”

“Yeah
she’s a tough girl. Stoked about her big pink cast that all her friends can
sign.”

We both
laughed.

“Anyways,
the moral of the story is, it’s not going away. That feeling you get when you
see him, when he touches you, its special. You will live the rest of your life
fighting one way or another. You can fight the feelings you have and keep your
distance. Or you can fight for love. Either way, it’s a risk. But nothing good
comes without a little risk.”

“Could
you write that down for me?” I smile and we both laugh taking our conversation
to a lighter note.

“So, we
only have a few more weeks of shows and then the band has agreed to take some
time off. Annabelle agreed to try and work things out and since my lease is up
shortly, we wants to me move in with them.

The
smile on his face was contagious and I was so excited for him.

“Oh Dave,
that’s great news! I am super sad I wont be able to watch my favorite band, but
so happy you get to be closer to your daughter and have a chance to finally be
with Annabelle.”

“Yeah,
me too.” His smile was so big I could have cried. What a nice guy. I was
definitely going to miss him.

We
finished our lunch and I headed back to the apartment to finish up my homework.
All this talking about love and feelings makes my brain hurt and I was actually
looking forward to crunching numbers for my accounting class.