Falling to Pieces (19 page)

I had lost track of the number of days it had been since I spoke
with Sam, and I can’t help but think it was probably for the best. There was no
set amount of time it would take for us to think things over and try to sort this
all out. Not that I was even sure he would ever want to. I’ve seen Sam hurt and
upset plenty of times before, but this time was different. I felt different.
His hurt was causing me an immense amount of pain that I was usually able to
get over pretty quickly. I never liked hurting Sam, or anyone for that matter.
My thoughts were consumed by those moments, replaying both situations back to
back, over and over. Watching him sit on couch and ask me if I slept with Dave.
Telling me to leave, that he couldn’t look at me. And worse of all, saying he
was sorry that he ever cared.

           
It
was bad enough that he was hurting and it was my fault, but the fact that he
had it all wrong was killing me. I slept with Dave way before I knew Sam was here
and I did nothing wrong the night he saw me at the show. And definitely nothing
happened after we argued and I threw my self a pity party of puking all night.

Poor Dave. I still owe him for taking care of me that night.

           
The
apartment had been quiet as usual. We had all been busy with school and work
and it was a miracle lately to have all three girls home at the same time. It
was weird for me to spend so much time alone and selfishly enough, I was thoroughly
enjoying it. No one needed to hear about the Cheyenne Saga, nor did I want to
share the fact that I hurt Sam, yet again.

Dave was the only one who really knew what had been going on and
I was thankful he was around to talk to. We had lunch together a few days this
week and I have plans to go to his show tonight. It will be the first time I’ve
gone out since the Puke-A-Thon, and thankfully it would not be at Penny’s.
Though, I should probably go by there soon and apologize to Chad. I vaguely
remember being a complete bitch to him that night.

           
The
band was already set up when I arrived and I found my seat next to Jasmine,
Pete’s girlfriend. He was the drummer of
Knucks
Road
and recently met her at Penny’s. I had seen her at a few other shows and we hit
it off pretty well. She was older than me by about 10 years, but respected me
nonetheless.

           
“Not
drinking tonight?” Jasmine asked as she swept her long red hair up into a
ponytail.

           
“Nah.
Got a lot of homework tomorrow and want to get up early.” I replied.

           
“Not
even just one?” She asked taking a long sip of her beer.

           
“Well,
in my life…one means three and three means five. Therefore, probably not a good
idea.” I smiled, happily admitting my problem.

           
“I’ll
cheers to that.” We both laughed and I lifted my water to tap her bottle.

           
We
sat and chatted about school and her job as an elementary school teacher while
the boys did a sound check before starting. Once the guitar kicked in, I turned
in my seat and listened to them jam. I remained seated for the show, rather
than holding my usual spot front and center. I warned Dave earlier that he
would be missing one of his best dancers, but to try and not be offended. He
was devastated, but understood.

           
As
the show continued, I felt an eerie presence behind me, which was confirmed as
the breath of his whisper hit my ear.

           
“Hey,
stranger.” His voice made my stomach turn and my fist tighten. He placed his
hand on my shoulder and my body tensed.

           
I
jumped from my seat and turned to warm him. “Don’t fucking touch me.”

           
“Whoa,
Cheyenne, relax.” He leaned in and tried to place his hand on arm.

           
I
swatted his hand away before it could touch me again.

“Relax? Fuck You!”

His hands went up as he slowly backed up, finally taking the
hint. As I turned to get back into my seat, I see him step back into someone
out of the corner of my eye and I can hear him apologizing to whomever he ran
into. He makes no effort to avoid letting me hear his remarks.

“Sorry man, just some typical girl drama. Didn’t mean to bump
you. This bitch is crazy and likes games. Good in bed though. Just plays hard
to get.”

His tone and arrogance lights me up. Maybe it’s that time of the
month, or maybe I was just tired of this asshole all together. I turned back
around with my words ready to fly but only got as far as my thoughts, as my
mouth popped open and my eyes locked on the man he bumped into. This is going
to get ugly real quick.

With Sean’s back to me, he continues his conversation not
knowing I am right behind him listening.

“Anyways, what’s your name
bro,
let me
get you a drink. I’m Sean.” He reaches out his hand to Sam who instantly puts
the pieces together.

Sam’s eyes darken and he searches mine questioning Sean’s
identity. The single tear that falls from my eye is all the answer he needs.
His cheeks tense and as if time turned to slow motion, I watch Sam’s fist
clench and fly through the air landing a direct hit to Sean’s face. Poor guy
didn’t see it coming, not that he didn’t deserve it, but damn. Once he hits the
ground, my slow motion film hits fast forward and the chaos begins.

Sam jumps to ground and hits him again, taking his time to make
sure each hit lands solid. Out of the corner of my eye I watch as the
microphone stand falls to the side and Dave jumps from the two foot stage
grabbing onto the back of Sam’s shirt ripping him apart from Sean.

“Enough, dude. He’s out, back off.” Dave yells and Sam tears
away from his grip and steps back to look at the scene he created. His last
glance is at Dave and another piece of the puzzle falls into place.

“Dave, right?” He scoffs and shakes his head. “Figures. I’m out
of here.”

“Sam, wait!” I yell but he doesn’t look back and I turn to Dave
with tears in my eyes. “Sorry about all of this. I will explain later, but I
need to go.”

“No
worries,
go. I’ll take care of
this.” He waves me off and I head out the door hoping to catch up to Sam.

Running out the front door, I stop and look in every direction.
There is no way he got away that fast, where could he be? After another sweep
of the area, I finally spot him squatting against the wall in the shadow of the
building tucked in the alley. I hustled down the sidewalk hoping he wouldn’t
run from me and would let me apologize. As I approached the alley, I could see
the tension in his body from the adrenaline that was coursing through him
still.

“Sam, are you okay?” He didn’t even acknowledge me. “Please,
talk to me.”

           
He
remained quiet for another moment and I switched my weight from left to right,
swaying nervously. Lifting his gaze, I could see his expression soften slightly
as he looked into my tear filled eyes.

“Please don’t cry. Sorry you had to see that. He won’t be
bothering you anymore.” His tone was flat.

           
“I’m
so sorry, for everything. I never meant to hurt you. There is so much you don’t
understand.”

           
“You
never mean to, yet you can’t help it. I’ve always been honest with you, why
can’t you do the same for me.”

“I am being honest, you have to-“

           
“Oh,
give me a fucking break.” Sam cuts me off and stands straight up as the tension
returns to his face and he glares behind me.

           
“Hey
man, I don’t want any trouble. I just wanted to make sure you two were
alright.” Dave walked up from behind me and I turned to the side to face both
of them.

           
“I’m
fine, and I’m sure you’ll take care of her.” Sam takes off up the sidewalk.

           
“Man,
you don’t get it. There’s nothing going on here. We are just friends.” Dave
yells in frustration. Sam throws up a hand and keeps walking away.

Dave turned towards me and smiled. “This is your chance. Go
after your man, and tell him how you feel. Don’t hold back, it might be the
last chance you get. Fight for what you want, Cheyenne.”

I threw my arms around Dave, “Thanks, I’ll call you soon,” and
took off towards Sam.

           
Finally
catching up to him and completely out of breath I stopped a few feet behind
him.

           
“Sam,
please. Stop.” I said between breaths wiping the tears from my eyes. He stopped
and turned around in his place.

 
“You have to believe
me. Dave is just my friend. Yes, we slept together one time, a long time ago,
before you even moved here. The minute I saw you in the bar that night
everything changed. I could no longer look at another man without comparing
them to you. Which you should know is near impossible, cause no one on earth
can compare to you.”

Once it started flowing, all my feelings for Sam came falling
out of my mouth while he just stood listening as if he had been waiting for
this moment for an eternity.

“This has been the hardest time of my life. I want nothing more
than to run away screaming and avoid these feelings that crash my existence,
yet the further I run, the more I miss you. Just picturing you with long-leg
Louise made me sick.” His eyes softened but his mouth remained straight lined.
“I’m serious, Sam. I don’t know why I fight this so much, other than the fact
that I don’t want to get hurt. I’m not as strong as I pretend to be. I’m scared
shitless of this relationship. Can’t you see that? Don’t you know that I…” Oh
my gosh
, am I about to say it. Never in my life would I have
imagined pouring my soul out on the side of the road about to confess how I
really feel. Someone grab the camera, this is a lifetime movie in the making.

“Say it, Cheyenne. Tell me what I want to hear. What I’ve been
waiting to hear.”

For years, Sam has wanted me to be his and I have fought it for
long enough. All I wanted to do was fight for him and allow myself to fall to
pieces in love.

“I love you, Sam.” I finally said it. The three words I vowed to
never say.

“Say it again.” The corners of his mouth were beginning to
reveal a smile and his eyes were darkening with desire.

“Oh my gosh.” I whisper to myself.

I felt like such a lovesick fool, but I didn’t care. I cupped my
hands around my mouth and yelled into the night air. “I fucking love you!” My
body was shaking and it felt so good to finally say those damn words.

His smile grew full and he closed the space between us picking
me up and wrapping my legs around his waist. Our lips met in a whirlwind of
passion as our tongues danced. I could feel his heart beating in my chest and
the tears welled in my eyes. Only one man ever made me feel this way, and only
one man ever would.

The moment we walked into Sam’s
apartment and closed the door behind us, everything became a blur of flying
clothes and desperate kisses, because that is what we are, desperate for each
other. Years of built up and denied feelings were rushing out of the both of
us. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine myself professing my love for
any guy.

Sam was my game changer from the very
first day he showed up at my high school.

With my body wrapped around his, Sam
made his way to the bedroom, laying us down in the middle of the bed. Breaking
our kiss, holding himself above me, he focused his gaze on mine and
instinctively I waited to feel nervous and afraid. The feelings never came. I
finally realized that the one person I had been running from was the only
person I would ever need. My desire for Sam was consuming my entire being, but
for once, it felt right. Everything felt right.

“Say it again.” He pleaded breathlessly,
never breaking our eye contact. I caught a quick glimpse of doubt mixed with
fear before he masked his expression.

He was waiting for me to take it back.
Just like me, he was expecting my fear to set in and ruin our moment.

Reaching up, I gently caress his cheek
with my fingers, before reassuring him of my feelings. “I love you, Sam Carter.
You and only you.
I was stupid for so long, and even
though I don’t know why you did, I am beyond thankful that you stuck around. I
don’t deserve you and I probably never will, but I will spend the rest of my
days trying. I know you are afraid that I am going to run, but it is no longer
physically possible for me to walk away from you. I love you and I will love
you forever.”

I notice the wetness surround his
emerald eyes and before I am able to wipe the tear that just fell from his eye,
Sam crashes his mouth against mine. I have never experienced a kiss filled with
so much passion and…love.