Falling to Pieces (15 page)

“No.”

“Excuse me?”
She asks, tilting her head and narrowing her eye.

“I’m not
leaving. My dad invited me to spend the weekend with him. You aren’t supposed
to be here, so you leave.”

Walking
towards me, one calculated step at a time, Lora closes the gap until she is
only a couple feet away. “Am I interrupting the sweet daddy-daughter weekend?
Darn.”

I want to
slap the condescending attitude right out of her. “Where is your daddy anyways?
Did he get too busy for his little girl?”

“Shut up.” I
say, flatly and roll my eyes. I will not feed into her madness. So much for a
nice weekend with Dad, I refuse to stay here with this psycho.

“Ever wonder
why work was always more important to him? Why your mother or you were never
enough for him to stay home?”

“Pretty sure
I told you to shut your mouth.” It was getting harder to remain calm.

She takes a
step further and I match her step in reverse, backing into the counter. “It’s
because all you did was remind him of all his regrets and disappointments.”

“Shut the
fuck up.” I yell, my blood boiling in my veins.

“Excuse me?
You will not speak to me in that tone or nasty language.”
Lora
steps up, now fully in my space.

“Fuck you!
What are you going to do? Slap me again? Just try it.” I push off from the
counter and take a step towards her, quickly invading her bubble and forcing
her to back up.

“I see you’re
still a disgusting and vile girl, making your father proud. I’m sure you are
still a whore just like your mother. She had to get pregnant to tie down Victor,
and you, just always sleeping around. Bouncing from one guy to the next.
Nothing but a slut.”

Clenching my
fists tightly, I use every ounce of control I have remaining to keep from
hitting this crazy bitch.

“What the
hell is going on?” My dad’s deep voice cuts through the air and causes a calm
to settle over me as a panicked expression rises on Lora’s face.

“Victor, I am
glad you’re here. Your daughter was just disrespecting me in our home.”

I scoff in
laughter. “You are so twisted.”

“See what I
mean?” She says, pointing her red nail at me.

“I heard
everything, Lora. How dare you talk to my daughter like that, and you’ve hit
her? Get your shit and get out.” I have never seen my dad angry before and
right now, he is livid. His face is beat red and the vein on his forehead is about
to burst though his thick skin.

“Victor, you
don’t understand…” Lora pleads, wrapping her hands around my dads arm.

He shrugs her
off and steps in front of me in a protective stance. “Get out now! I will
inform you when you can come get the rest of your things. We are done.”

Realizing he
wasn’t budging, Lora turned in defeat and made her exit, slamming the door on
her way out. A little part of me wants to break out in song.

Ding-dong, the witch is dead.

Well, not
dead, but definitely gone.

Dad turns and
grasp me by my shoulders, “Are you okay, Cheyenne?”

“Yeah, she
didn’t hurt me or anything. I’ve dealt with worse.”

“Why didn’t
you tell me she hit you? When did it happen?”

“It was a few
years ago. I didn’t tell you, because I thought you were happy and I didn’t
want to mess that up for you. After that incident, we pretty much just ignored
each other.”

“Cheyenne, I
am so sorry. If I had known, she would have been gone then. Nothing is more
important than you, and those things she said were absolutely not true.”

“I know,
Dad.” I reach up and pat his hand, still on my shoulder.

“Come on,
let’s go sit down and talk.” The anger has left his face, but was replaced with
a serious demeanor.

I follow my
dad into the living room and sit down next to him on the leather couch. So far,
this has turned out to be an eventful visit. Never saw any of this coming.

“Cheyenne, I
want you to know that I have no regrets when it comes to you or your mom and I
have never been disappointed in you.”

“I know Dad.”
I reassure him, even though Lora was successful at hitting a few of my
insecurities.
 
“What she said about
Mom, that wasn’t true. You guys were married for a couple years before me,
right?”

I have no
idea why she even said something like that. And to call my mom a whore was just
wrong. Everyone knows that woman is a saint.

Dad pressed
his fingers against the bridge of his nose, looking very conflicted. “You’re
right. We were married before your mom became pregnant with you.”

He pauses,
but I know there is more to come and it doesn’t seem good. “Why do I feel a but
coming?”

“Your mom was
pregnant before you.”

“Come again?”
I reply, barely able to take a breath. How could I not know this?

“We didn’t
get married just because she was pregnant, we just did it sooner than
originally planned. I fell in love with Caroline the moment I first saw her
smile. She could light up a room without even trying. She was a ray of sunshine
compared to the people I was accustomed to in my life and I was instantly drawn
to her. But you know the story, we started dating in college and six months
later were married. Then you came along two years after that.”

“So, the
baby…didn’t make it?” I ask, silently grieving the sibling I would never know.

Dad shifts
uncomfortably on the couch before lowering his head and massaging his temples.
“I haven’t talked about this in a long time. It’s harder than I thought.” He
takes a slow breath inhaling deeply. “No, the baby didn’t make it. It was in
our first month of marriage that we lost him. We were devastated.”

Him.

I would have
had a big brother. I sighed deeply, imaging how awesome it would have been to
have someone to protect me just like Ben always did for Sawyer.

“So, you
stayed married, even after the miscarriage?”

This changes
everything. If my parent’s got married because Mom was pregnant, maybe that was
start of our family’s downfall. My heart clenches at the thought of a little
boy who wasn’t here.

“Of course we
did. I loved your mother and I would have married her regardless. She changed
my life for the better and showed me unconditional love. She gave me her heart
and loved me without wanting anything in return and I loved her with fiber of
my existence.”

“Then what
happened? Why did you have an affair?” It came out of my mouth before I could
close my lips. I have never mentioned this before and he doesn’t even know that
I know.

His head
snaps towards me and looks confused.

With the
gates open, I couldn’t stop now. “If you loved Mom that much, then why break up
our family? I don’t get it.” Tears well up in my eyes and threaten to spill
over.

“Shit.” He
curses, wringing his hands together causing them to whiten from lack of
circulation. “I didn’t have an affair. I could never betray Caroline in that
way. She was the love of my life.”

“What? I
don’t understand. If you didn’t do it then why did you tell her you did?”

I am thoroughly
confused now.

Exhaling a
deep breath, he takes a brief moment before explaining. “Your grandfather was
getting more and more demanding with work. He had me traveling all the time,
wanting to expand the business. Since my childhood, I always knew the legacy of
the company would fall into my hands one day and it was carved in my brain that
I would need to work hard and build it up to it’s full potential. There were so
many nights I spent away from you two, but I kept telling myself that it was
for our future. That it would pay off in the future. Then slowly, over time I
noticed a change in your mom. She wasn’t smiling as often as before. She was
losing her light and it was entirely my fault. I went to my father and told him
I wanted to walk away from the business and needed to save my family.”

“Why didn’t
you?” I ask, demanding answers.

“He told me
if I walked away I would lose everything; the business, money, and the entire
legacy. I already felt like a failure when it came to my family and I couldn’t
let myself fail him too. I never deserved your mom to begin with. She had
always been too good for me and I knew that she would never just walk away on
her own. There was only way she would leave me for good. I could never have
actually done the act, so I just told her I did. I regretted it the second the
words left my mouth but there was not turning back. The look on your mother’s
face still haunts me to this day. But you both deserved so much better than me,
someone who could be there for you all the time and make your mother smile
again.”

Wow, this is
so much to take in. Everything I ever believed about my dad is a lie. He never
cheated and he loved my mom. A lot. Though I still don’t understand how it
wasn’t enough to stay with us.

“Dad, you’re
not Grandfather. You could never be him. We would have saved you from becoming
him. I don’t understand why you felt the need to leave us.” I wipe the tears
that are rolling down my cheeks.

“Your mom was
losing herself a little bit everyday. With every business trip I would come
home to see that more of her happiness was gone. This wasn’t the life for your
mom and it’s not the way I wanted you to be raised. I was just too weak to make
the right decision.”

“Do you regret
it?” I ask and he takes a minute to ponder my question.

So many
things I just heard my dad say echo my own thoughts towards Sam. Not being good
enough for him and never deserving him.

“Sometimes I
find myself questioning ‘what if’. I still love your mother today as much as I
did back then. But Bill is good for her. He brought her light back and together
they have shown you what a real family should be like. I am forever grateful
that he came into your lives.”

“I don’t
really know what to say to all this new information.” I laugh awkwardly. “I
love you, Dad.”

I love you
too, baby girl.” he pulls me into a hug and kisses my head. “Since it is now
well after lunch, how about we order some pizza for dinner and watch a movie.”

“Sounds
amazing.” We definitely need a quiet night in after this breakthrough.

Dad and I spent most of the weekend just relaxing around the house. It
felt so nice to spend time with him without the witch hanging around. Watching
the way he stood up for me without hesitation was a surreal moment in our
relationship. He was never able to see the evil twisted side that we all had
the pleasure to know. Or maybe he just never wanted to believe it was true.
Having to face that sudden realization must have been hard on his heart. I made
a huge effort not to even mention her name for the duration of the weekend. My
dad is a strong man and would never let me know he was hurting, but how do you
love someone for so many years only to find out they weren’t who you thought
they were.

On Saturday afternoon, Dad had some work to finish up so I made plans
to go visit with Sawyer’s Mom and Dad for lunch. We spent most of the afternoon
on the back porch playing catch up. I hadn’t been by in a while and sure did
miss them. Martha was working at the store, so I would miss her by an hour or
so and thankfully, it was probably better that way. I hadn’t had a chance to
speak with Aaron and knew if I saw her I would not be able to keep my mouth
shut. I needed to hear his side of the story and let him fill me in on what was
going on. I pulled out my phone and set an alarm to call Aaron on the way home
and see if we could meet up. I know once I get cruising I would space if my
phone didn’t remind me of the task.

After an hour or so with the Jameson’s, I moseyed down to the lake
after saying goodbye to spend a few minutes on the swing. Sawyer always told me
how she came here to clear her head and find peace. Maybe it would do me some
good as well. I swung back and forth and tried to focus on the sounds of
nature.

With the breeze in my hair I let my mind drift, sifting through all of
my memories of being out here. Sam always loved spending time out here with me,
Sawyer and Austin. My lips upturn into a smile as I close my eyes. I can almost
hear the laughter of the boys as they chased us relentlessly trying to throw us
into the lake.

With my arms straightened, I kick my legs out in front of me and with
a dip
back,
I close my eyes and let the swing take me
away. It’s hard to believe the four of us will never be back here together.

After a few more kicks, I let my feet drag to slow the swing. Too bad
Sam wasn’t
here,
he would push me so my short legs
wouldn’t have to do so much work. It always felt effortless as a kid, but
now…swinging
ain’t
easy. As
the swing finally comes to a stop, it twists a little to the right and I catch
a glimpse of the carving on the tree that Austin made for Sawyer. Being Sam’s
best friend, and mine as well, I always felt like he never chose sides and gave
an unbiased opinion of Sam and I’s relationship, or lack thereof. If only he
were here now. Maybe he would have some insight and help snap me out of this
state of confusion.

Before my head and heart conversed, my butt was off the swing and I
was headed back towards my car. I need to speak to him and there was only one
place I knew to go. The parking lot was empty, and I was officially
creeped
out. I had never been to a cemetery by myself and
was tempted to just turn back around.

Somehow, my legs kept moving and there I stood in front of him. I
crossed my feet and lowered to the ground sitting crisscrossed.

“Hi Austin.” I sucked in a ragged breath, surprised at how quickly the
emotion came over me. Just the sight of his name engraved in the stone caused
my heart stop and a lump to form in my throat. “
Whoo
.
This is going to be harder than I thought.”

I took a moment to compose myself before continuing.

“Well, buddy, things just aren’t the same without you. Come to think
of it, there is a lot less drama.” I sniffled a laugh and pictured him rolling
his eyes. “Just kidding. We all know who the drama queen really is. But I swear
it’s not my fault, drama simply follows me around. But anyways, Sam is now in
Avalon. Yep. He got an internship at State and moved over the summer. It was
super weird at first, but now I’m getting used to having him around all the
time.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and thought for a few seconds before
speaking again. “Why can’t I love him Austin? Why is this so hard for me? You
and Sawyer always made it look so easy, like you had no choice but to love each
other. I don’t have that feeling. And if I do, it’s buried deep. I wish I could
be like that, fearless to love. Open to let myself feel and risk the hurt. It’s
not fair. Why am I damaged? Sam deserves to be loved; yet I don’t want anyone
else to be that person. I want to love Sam. I DO love Sam.”

The tears have been falling down my cheeks and I hadn’t been able to
lift my arms to wipe them. I was frozen; staring at a stone, wishing it would
talk back. With a quick breeze brushing by, it felt as though someone had wiped
my cheek. As if I don’t already feel insane, I instantly thought it was Austin.

“Thanks buddy. Sorry to come here with all this nonsense. You would
probably rather hear me talk about sports or trucks. Well, thanks for
listening. I miss you like no other and promise to take care of your girl for
the rest of my days. I also promise to try to love just as fearlessly as you.
Say hi to Grandma Faye. I love you.” I kiss my fingertips and press them
against his name. Lifting myself from the ground, I felt a strange sense of
calmness and made my way back to the car.

I raised the volume of the radio and heard a song I had never heard
before. The lyrics to most love songs make me gag, but this one made me feel
something weird. Giddy almost. It was a foreign feeling to me, but it wasn’t
scaring me this time. It was a welcoming sensation that I was ready to
experience.

Sunday afternoon arrived and it was time for me to head back to
Avalon. I said goodbye to daddy and promised to come down soon to help him pack
up some of her stuff and buy some new furniture to change things up a bit, to
help keep his mind free of her and not be tempted to let her sneak back in with
her wicked ways. He was smarter than that, but we all know how men can be
tempted.

I was an hour away from Avalon as a loud beeping came over my
Bluetooth through the radio and nearly caused me to swerve off the road. So I
guess even the “hands-free” radio isn’t so safe after all. I looked at my phone
and saw the alert to contact Aaron. I spoke to the voice control and instructed
it to call Aaron.

“Hello?” he answered, sounding to be in good spirits.

“Hey buddy, what’s going on?” I replied.

“Same ole’ shit. Homework on Sunday, class on Monday.”

“Yeah, well at least it’s an afternoon class. What do you say we meet
up for coffee and catch up? I feel like I haven’t talked you in forever.” I was
hoping to get more about Martha during our catch up. But we will see if he
takes the bait.

“
Uhh
, yeah I guess that would be cool. I
could definitely use a coffee if I want to finish this paper.”

“Sweet! I’ll be there in an hour. I’ll swing by to pick you up.”

“Alright. See you then.”

“K. Later!”

The phone disconnected as soon as he hung up and my radio faded back
into the speakers. My playlist continued playing my favorite drive songs and
the next hour went by in a flash.

           
We
found a quiet table in the back corner and settled in with coffees in hand.

“So. How was your week?” I ask politely.

“Give me a break. Just ask me what you really want to know.” His face
was soft and a small smirk let me know he wasn’t being mean. “Like what
happened with Martha? Though, I am surprised you don’t already know, seeing as
how her big sister is your best friend.”

“Well, I’m not sure she even knows. Plus, I want to hear your side of
the story.” I said proudly.

“Well, the guy in the car was one of her professors, Jacob Howard.
Apparently, she had volunteered to work on a research project he was conducting
with a few other students. After a few meetings, it was apparent she was the
smartest one in the group so he had asked her to stay late a few times to
review.”

“Review, huh? I see where this is going.”

Open
mouth
,
insert foot
.

His brow tightened and I sensed a slight irritability in his demeanor
so I quickly rebound, “Sorry, please continue.”

“Anyways, he asked her to dinner one night and she said yes. She says
she doesn’t know why she agreed, but she did. That was the night I came to
surprise her. She had been at dinner with him, but when he as her to come home
with him she realized what she was doing and had him bring her back to the
store to get her car. Martha kept apologizing and said she was sorry. I believe
her and know that she cares about me.” He paused and looked into his coffee as
if she was going to suddenly appear in the froth.

“
Sooo
, everything is okay now? She saw the
green grass but decided not to jump the fence.”

“Well, as far as I’m concerned, she shouldn’t have been looking at the
other side of the fence. I was good to her, you know.” He looked up from his
cup and shrugged his shoulders. “So, I broke it off. The distance is too much
for us. I feel like we really could have had something, but the trust will never
there now. It’s only been a few months and she already felt the need to grasp
another man’s attention.”

“Aw man. I’m sorry. You know I love Martha, but she is a little vixen.
Sometimes girls like her just need to date around for a long time before they can
really settle and make someone else happy. You deserve to be happy and should
also date around until someone just stops you in your tracks.
Someone who will love you and never look over the fence.
Damn son, you’re only 18, live a little! It’s college! Join a frat, get drunk,
date the whole cheerleading team! Who cares
?!
You will
never regret the things you did in college, only the things you didn’t do.”

“True. But it still doesn’t make me feel any better.”

“Nope, that is something that will just take time. But tonight, I can
speed up the process. Let me take you to Penny’s. I can get you in and sneak
you a few drinks; it will be fun!”

“Eh, I don’t know. I still have to finish my paper and have class
tomorrow.”

“Not seeing a point here, pal. You have class in the afternoon, which
gives you all morning to finish that paper. You need this! It will help take
your mind off Martha and onto some other hot fox that walks by. C’mon, what do
you say?” I wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

“Alright. But you have to promise to behave. And no dancing! You know
I hate dancing.”

“
Ummm
, that’s a tough stipulation. But you
got yourself a deal!” I knew after a few drinks he would be dancing and forget
he told me not to.

We finished our coffees and headed back to his apartment so he could
change. I didn’t need to go home since I still had my stuff from the weekend. I
freshened up my face and we were out the door.

It was a regular Sunday crowd, just a few locals and random students
trying to extend the weekend as long as possible. We found a couple seats at
the bar and made our way over to sit. Thankfully Lilly was working and was able
to “accidently” forget to ID Aaron. I introduced him as my brother, knowing
that she would catch on.

With such a small crowd, Lilly let us pick a few songs for free on the
jukebox, so I let Aaron have his choice for the majority. I only needed to hear
one song. It would play last on the list of course; after he was already a few
drinks in and feeling lose.

We sipped our beer and I filled him in on my run in with the witch
this weekend. He was about just as shocked as me to hear that my dad kicked her
out. Aaron nearly fell off his stool laughing when I imitated her facial
expression as he told her to leave. It was nice to see him smiling and having
fun. I’m glad he is not letting Martha take hold of his feelings. Those damn
feelings that I try desperately not to let take over, so that I don’t have to
sit around at a bar with someone trying to make me laugh and smile to forget my
heartache.

“Lilly, can we get a shot please?” I asked while thinking of what I
might want to drink, that I think Aaron would like.

“How about an Irish Breakfast?” she must have read my mind. This would
be perfect for Aaron.

“Prefect!”

Lilly brings over the two shot glass and two small ramekins.

“Irish breakfast?” Aaron asks, looking at the two glasses in front of
him.

“Don’t worry, the second one is just orange juice. Once you take the
shot, you will chase it with that. By the time you finish, your mouth will
taste like you just ate maple pancakes and bacon and washed it down with a
little OJ.” I explain.

“Sounds good to me. Thanks Cheyenne. I’m already starting to feel
better.”

“I bet you are.” I laugh, knowing he must be pretty buzzed by now.
“Here’s to college life my friend. Enjoy it while it lasts cause soon enough
you will be graduating and on to being adult. Yikes!” I lift my glass and he
brings his to meet it. “Cheers, bro.”