Feel (4 page)

Jensen is sitting close enough for me to brush my fingers against his thigh, but he looks a million miles away.  I place my hand on his knee, pushing back my pain for a little while when I see his own pain blazing in his eyes. 

“I hacked into Dad’s computer.  Jackson, and all the others, were part of a special group being trained to use their abilities for confidential missions.  When I saw a passport for Jackson, falsified papers, and identification for Germany, France, and Switzerland, I lost it.  There was no way I was going to stand by and just let my father send Jackson away, especially not knowing what in the hell Jackson was supposed to be doing.”

The van pulls to a stop at a red light and Jensen tightens his grip on the steering wheel until his knuckles are white.  His breathing is labored and his jaw is wound so damn tight, it looks like his teeth will shatter if he clenches it any harder.  When he turns to face me, I take a gulp of tension tainted air at the anger brewing dark green.  “I tore my father’s office apart and that’s when I saw it.”

“Saw what?” I manage barely above a whisper.

“His request for new recruits,” Jensen growls. 

His fingers grip the wheel harder and I wonder if he’s going to break it as my mind spins through the past two weeks Jensen and I were together.  He had changed and was pulling away from me.  Now I know why.  His words slam into me, and I gasp for air again but it doesn’t fill my lungs so easily this time. 

Jensen’s hand finds mine, “I never introduced you to my father for a reason, Saige.  I know you never understood that, but how he pushed Jackson was why.”

The light turns green.  I feel the van move forward and the gentleness in Jensen’s touch as he caresses my hand with his thumb.  Glancing at him, thoughts of how he can be so gentle with me while his other hand still has a death grip on the punished wheel flitter through my overwhelmed mind. 

“Dad heard the rumors about you after you warned Ethan about his mother’s death two days before she lost control of her car.  He started asking me questions.”

“You told me not to tell Ethan,” I mumble, chewing on my lip.  I had thought it was because he didn’t want me teased or bullied anymore.  Jensen was so angry when I told Ethan anyway.  Despite all the shit he had to put up with because of my abilities and me warning the ones I thought I could help, he never yelled or got angry.  Until that day.  Of course Ethan didn’t believe me.  He thought I was insane and made no attempts to hide what he thought.  When Ethan said he had always heard I was freaky and wanted to get me alone to see just how freaky I could be, in front of the entire cafeteria the day after I told him about his mother, Jensen knocked his lunch tray out of his hands, grabbed his collar and threw him over a table before dislocating his jaw.  Principal Zeller suspended Jensen for two weeks.  He had already been suspended for three days a few months before that for punching a guy I don’t even know at a football game for calling me a ‘psycho bitch’ after Ace told him I was nuts when he asked who I was.

“Don’t even go there, Saige,” Jensen states firmly.  “You told Ethan because you thought it could make a difference.  I don’t blame you for that.  I never did.”  He tangles my fingers in his, “I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did when you told me about Ethan.  I wasn’t angry at you; I was angry at my father and was scared he would want to use you somehow if he found out about what you can do.”

Andy pops his head in between our seats, “Not to interrupt your reconnecting here, but there are too many sneaky locations to plant a bomb.  We’re going to have a long night ahead of us.”

“I can narrow it down for you,” I offer.  “The blast is going to take out the Art and Languages wing.  The stained glass windows in the studio were in my vision.”

Andy grabs the blueprints again, running his finger along the crinkled sheets.  “Do you know if the blast reached any other buildings?”

“I don’t know.  That’s the only one I saw.”  Not wanting to remember anything about the premonition, a shudder runs up my spine involuntarily at the stench, horrific screams, and sounds of death, “The damage was extensive.”

“That narrows the search, but there are still a handful of prime locations,” Andy states, never glancing up from the blueprints. 

“Bring the prints inside.”  Jensen pulls into a parking space in front of a dilapidated hotel on one of the roughest sides of town, and I wonder if I’m safer taking my chances being blown to bits at my dorm room than being shot on the street here.

Andy takes a look at my face and laughs, “Aw, not up to your standards huh, princess?”

Sending a scathing glare at Andy, I push him out of the way so I can grab my duffle bag from the back. 

Jensen slides the van door open and takes my bag before taking my hand, “Just keep the curtains closed and don’t open the door for anyone and you’ll be safe here, Saige.”

“I told you that I’m going with you to find the bomber,” I blurt, fixating my gaze on him so he knows I’m not backing down on this.

“What we’re going to be doing isn’t exactly legal.”

“Since when did breaking the law bother you?” I ask, knowing that we’ve broken the law several times back home. 

“This is a lot more serious than sneaking into clubs and using fake IDs to buy beer,” Jensen grins, his smile reaching his eyes for the first time today.  His eyes gleam wickedly when he looks at me, and I assume he’s remembering the same things I’m remembering right now, and my cheeks flush as heat pulses between my thighs. 

Under the stairs and back alleys of those clubs have been witnesses to hundreds of scorching kisses and roaming hands.  Damn, how I miss the heated wake of his touch when his fingers skimmed against my skin as his lips conquered mine.  I was sixteen and so innocent in many ways, drinking a few sips of beer and dancing in a club is the worst I’d ever done, but he made me curious about everything, especially the feelings he was awakening inside of me.  He never pushed, never crossed a line with me, even when my body was screaming for him to.  He knew I wasn’t ready and he was willing to wait for me.  At least that’s what I thought.  Maybe it wasn’t me who he wanted.

I glance at Jensen under my lashes, my eyes roaming over the hard muscles his shirt and jeans can’t hide.  The throbbing pulsing against the damp cotton of my panties begs for his touch.  My body remembers his kisses, his touch, but my heart remembers his betrayal.  Trying to shake off this hold he has on me, I steel my gaze, trying like hell to do the same to my heart.  “I can handle whatever you’re planning, and you know it,” I challenge.

“Bring the princess.  If the cops come, we can leave her there as we hightail it out of the building,” Andy teases.  At least I think he’s teasing; it feels like he is.

“Knock it off, Andy,” Jensen demands, shaking his head.  “She’s staying here.”

“You’re going to break into the college tonight, aren’t you?” I ask. 

His silence is answer enough. 

“You need me,” I state matter-of-factly.  “I’m better than any lookout guard or dog out there.  I can tell you if anyone is around way before either one of those could.”  I waive my hand around the room Jensen just opened, “Besides, leaving me here is just asking for me to get mugged or raped.”

Jensen frowns. 

I grin, knowing I’m wearing him down.  I go in for the kill, “I was a couple of blocks down from here a few months ago and got stuck in between a gun fight.  A bullet hit the window of a car less than a foot away from me.”

The intensity of concern in Jensen’s eyes shocks me.  He gives my body a quick glance, “Did you get hurt?”

“No,” I lie.  There’s no need for him to know that I was getting ready to have the hell beat out of me by the owner of a rundown pool hall for ‘scamming’ a bunch of bikers playing poker.  The gun fight breaking out between rival drug dealers saved my ass, something I never would have expected. 

“Fine, but you’re staying outside in the van,” Jensen relents.

“I don’t want to stay in the van,” I groan.

“Do I have to have Andy duct tape you to the chair again?” Jensen asks, his brow cocking.

“Only if you want me to bust your nose along with your lip this time,” I threaten, trying not to smile when I see the teasing glint in his eyes; the same look that has sent my heart into a thudding frenzy so many times.  I’ve missed that look.  I’ve missed every damn thing about him.

Jensen leans in close and his clean, woodsy scent intoxicates all my senses, “You are going to keep your cute, stubborn ass in the van, pretty girl.”

My heart nearly catapults out of my chest when he calls me that.  He used to call me that all the time.  Well, that and he would say ‘my pretty girl’.  I’m extremely adept at shutting everyone out.  I’ve done it all my life, but I’ve never been able to keep Jensen from breaking down every damn wall I’ve ever built.  Shame engulfs me at how I’ve been around him less than twelve hours and he’s already breaking me down again.  I can’t let him…not this time. 

The next few hours are the longest of my life as we wait until dark to head back to the college.  I’ve done my damnedest to keep a distance between Jensen and me in the tiny hotel room but I’m pulled to him as helpless as the tide is pulled to shore.  I just hope I don’t drown in his waves.

“C’mon, man!  Did you really have to let princess tag along?” Andy grumbles as I climb inside the van.

“Why do you keep calling me that?” I snap.

“Because it seems to irritate you and I find that as an added bonus.”  He flashes a smartass grin.

“Wow, so exactly how long does it take each morning for you to become such a proficient asshole?” I quip, thoroughly enjoying Andy’s pissed-off glare erase his smirk. 

“Knock it off you two,” Jensen states, closing the driver’s side door. 

Andy’s emotions keep me occupied until we pull to the back of the Art and Languages building.  For someone who doesn’t dislike me, he sure does a bang-up job acting like he does.  Giving up on wondering why Andy wants me to think he hates me, I start to open my door.

A large, strong hand wraps over mine.  “You’re staying put.  That’s the deal, remember?” Jensen gently demands.

Sparks ignite all through me, combusting into flames, when Jensen’s hand slowly sides from my hand to my upper thigh.  “Stay.  Please.”

“Fine,” I rush breathlessly, turning my head towards the window.  I need him to leave before he can see how he still affects me. 

“We won’t be too long.  Drive away if you see anyone.”

“Ummhmm,” I mumble, knowing that he doesn’t believe me.  He shouldn’t.  I wouldn’t just leave them to get busted and face a long rap for breaking and entering.  “Go on.  Go play robbers, boys.”

I don’t have to look if anyone’s around as they break the lock on the door.  I don’t feel anyone except for Andy.  I can’t help but smile at how nervous he is right now even though he’s acting like he’s a total badass.  Jensen is true to his word and they are back in a little less than an hour.  I can tell by Jensen’s expression that they didn’t find anything.  I may not be able to feel his emotions but I can read him better than anyone, even after all the time we’ve been apart.  He is as much a part of me as I am; I guess that never really goes away.

“He hasn’t planted the bomb yet.  At least not in this building.”  Jensen scans the area, studying the three buildings closest to this one.  “It would have to be a powerful explosion to be in one of those buildings and still do the damage you saw in your vision to this one.”

I can tell he’s contemplating breaking into them as well but I grab his arm, feeling the same benevolent emotion that always seeps into me when Howard is near.  For a security guard with shitty pay, he is always content.  I love him for that.  “The guard is on his way here.”

Swearing under his breath, Jensen nods and he and Andy climb into the van.  He leaves the lights off until we get back onto Main St.  The rest of the drive to the hotel is silent.  We all know it’s going to be a long day tomorrow.  The harsh florescent light floods the dingy hotel room and I glance at the two beds.  The damn rhumba begins in my heart again before I quickly squash it, grabbing the top blanket so I can spread it out on the floor. 

Jensen takes the blanket from my hand, “I’m sleeping on the floor.”

“It’s your hotel room.  I’ll sleep on the floor,” I offer, trying really hard not to think of what has caused all the stains on the nasty carpet.

“No way, pretty girl,” he says softly.  His eyes bore into mine, and I don’t need to feel his emotions to feel his desire; it’s burning bright green. 

Confusion clouds my thoughts.  I know what he told me today, but I can’t shake that godawful feeling that consumed me when he walked away.  A river of heat pulses through my veins.  For the first time since I’ve met Andy today, I’m happy he’s here.  He’s the only one saving me from myself. 

“Good night,” I stammer, turning away from Jensen as I quickly scramble into bed. 

Jensen switches off the lights, but the darkness doesn’t lull me to sleep for hours. 

A flash of blinding light fills the room before scorching heat burns my lungs.  Walls burst into pieces as glass flies through the room.  Pain explodes in my arm and back and my lungs are raw as I scream. 

“Wake up, Saige!” I hear Jensen’s voice but it sounds so far away. 

Tears stream down my face when Riah reaches for me.