Feeling This (21 page)

Once Derek leaves to take Jenna home I’m
alone with a full bar so the fact that Jordan is sitting only a few feet away,
slips my mind a couple of times. But then I look up aware of someone’s eyes
boring into me and meet his gaze and remember that he’s here. Each time I look
back over at him, he turns away pretending that something else has called his attention.
A part of me wants to try to talk to him again but my fear of rejection holds
me back. Each time his mug is empty I grab it without meeting his eyes and set
it back down in front of him, avoiding any kind of confrontation. He thanks me
quietly but that’s as far as it goes.

When Derek comes back I give him a death
glare. He shakes his head walking over to me with his arms splayed as if to
question me.

I start in on him once everyone has been
served, “Derek, I can’t believe you.”

“What Kimber? It slipped that you took him
home. She won’t do anything anyway. She’s more upset that you’re so angry at
her.”

Frowning, I tell him, “I don’t care that you
told her about Jordan. I’m a big girl; I can take care of myself. I’m upset
that you didn’t keep her away from Momma like you said you would. Did she tell
you what she did?”

My voice becomes a whisper while I step
closer, “Of course she didn’t.” I don’t give him a chance to speak. “She bought
Momma a bottle. She’s a borderline alcoholic and sick on top of that. Jenna is
helping her die!” The exasperation shows in my voice. The more I dwell on it,
the more my outrage at my sister simmers. She doesn’t think about anyone else
but herself.

He places his hand on my shoulder and
squeezes before he walks to the service bar where Becca is yelling that she
needs service. I look over glaring at her and spin around, my eyes meeting
Jordan’s stare again. His eyes slant curiously and his brows knit together.
Finally, a tilted smile appears at the corner of his lips. My heart stops for a
minute causing me to take a deep breath.

Tired of this, I march right up in front of
him, place my hands on my hips and spit out, “What is the deal Jordan?”

The half-smile turns to a full smile with a
perfect dimple in the center of his cheek. I falter in my accusing tone while taking
a step back and quietly clarify, “One minute you’re ignoring me when I’m trying
to apologize for my best friend and the next you’re smiling at me like that.”

I take another deep breath suddenly feeling
like the oxygen in the room is too thick to breath.

His stare widens as does his smile when he
states, “Has anyone ever told you how irresistible you are?”

My heart falters at his words and I feel
like my knees are about to give out. Confusion must register on my face because
he apologizes, “Kimber I’m sorry for today. You caught me at a bad time. That
isn’t an excuse but I do apologize for being so rude to you.”

My anger has completely drained away and it’s
been replaced with desire. Who is this perfect man sitting here in front of me?
Becca’s voice at the service bar interrupts my thoughts.  I quickly mutter to
him, “If you’ll excuse me.”

He nods as I turn to see what Becca wants.
I’m confused and terrified and turned on all rolled up together. How can anyone
elicit all of these things with just one sentence?

“Kimber, what the hell? I’ve been here for
like five minutes waiting.” I frown, unable to focus for a minute.

“Helloooo, Kimber, I need an order. I don’t
know where Derek went so could you please get my drinks for my customers?”

I shake myself out of the trance and make
her drinks. She continues talking to me but I tune her out and think about what
he said to me. Irresistible, no one has ever said anything even remotely like
that to me. Andrew was good with words and always made me a puddle at his feet
but this is different. His eyes when he said it, spoke to me, almost more than
his words.

“Hello, Earth to Kimber. What is wrong with
you tonight?”

She looks at me as if I’m sick then she
glances down the bar counter and recognition crosses her face, “Hey, is that
the guy from the other night?”

I nod and finish making her drinks. She continues
to stare at him and mutters, “Maybe I’ll have to see if he needs a friend to
keep him warm after I get off work.”

I look up at her and exclaim, “No, you
can’t.” too loudly. The customers sitting closest to us look over at my sudden
outburst. I cower back muttering, “Sorry.”

Becca starts laughing, “Oh I get it. He’s
off limits. I understand girl, why didn’t you just say so?”

I’m so off. Where did that come from?
When I finish her drinks I step back suddenly having no desire to
be here. I check my watch and find that it’s only 12:00.

When I look back up, Jordan is getting up
from his stool. He pulls his wallet out and places some bills down on the
surface. When he pockets his wallet he looks up diverting his attention toward
me. He smiles and stands there as if waiting for something. I slowly step in
his direction. Once I’m facing him he holds his hand out, palm up. I put my
hand in his after a moment of hesitation. He squeezes gently and raises it to
his mouth slightly glancing my skin with his lips. Tingles from his touch seer
through me, all the way down my arm. He puts my hand down on the bar, his hand
lingering over it for a moment before telling me, “Kimber, I can’t stop
thinking about you. I meant what I said before, you are irresistible. But I
want you to know that I am very broken. I don’t know that I’ll ever be whole
again.”

He turns and strides to the door. He
doesn’t look back again but I watch the entire time and wonder what this all
means. Do I pursue him and risk rejection or do I steer clear of him because of
his warning?

Derek brings me back. He leans over my
shoulder and tells me, “I think you should go after him.”

I look up at him suddenly scared, my heart
beating a thousand times a minute at the thought of it.

“Kimber, you are smitten with each other.
Don’t let him get away. I let your sister get away a long time ago, I’ve
learned my lesson.”

I make a split second decision, rushing
around the bar and out the door. Darkness surrounds me except for the neon sign
above that advertises the Duck. I scan the lot spotting him two rows back
sitting in his car with his hands on the steering wheel. He looks deep in
thought.

I rush toward the car, hoping he doesn’t
pull away before I can get there. When I come into view through his windshield
he seems to come out of the daze. He looks up surprised and then something else
crosses over his features. I stop a few feet from his car, unsure what to do
next. He doesn’t give me much time to think. He gets out of his car and strides
toward me.

In one movement I’m in his arms and his
lips are hovering just barely over mine. He whispers so quietly just inches from
me, “I told you I’m broken?”

 It seems like a question the way he says
it but I don’t care. The sheer desire pulsing through me pushes away any other
thought or doubt. I close the gap, meeting his lips gently with mine. Our lips
move together before he finally pushes his tongue into my waiting mouth, so
softly it’s like a caress. But after a moment, something takes over and we are
both more fervent in the kiss. His hands rest against my lower back alighting
the tingles again with a delicate touch. I run my hands up his firm chest to
his head. He moans into my mouth as my fingers glide through his hair. Something
in me long asleep seems to awaken, making me more desperate for this. I kiss
him harder and lower my hands down over his muscular back, finally resting on
his firm ass. His hands lower at the same time sliding over my shorts,
connecting with the skin on the back of my thighs. I swear just that touch back
there made my panties wet. He grasps my thighs lifting, encouraging me to wrap
them around his waist. The bulge against me is almost enough to make me come
undone. He kisses me harder running his hands languidly up and down the back of
my thighs. My breathing is completely erratic but I’m scared to pull away. I
need this so bad.

Suddenly I feel him moving us. He is
walking us the few feet to the car. Once he’s even with the passenger door, I
feel my back against the slick metal. He kisses me fiercely and pulls away
gently. We’re both out of breath. The only sound for a full minute is our
ragged breathing. He stares at me with hooded eyes and I know he wants this
just as bad as I do. He kisses me again then pulls away with a questioning
look. I reach for the door in an answer. He sets me on my feet gazing down at
me with so much desire. Quickly, I slide into the small opening and suck in
gasps of oxygen as he makes his way around the car.

When he gets in, he leans over, taking control
of my mouth again with his as if we haven’t kissed in forever. He pulls away
abruptly, takes a deep breath and puts the car in drive. A comfortable silence
spreads, each of us in our own thoughts. When the car turns onto Main Street, he
grabs my hand bringing it up to his lips again. He mumbles against my skin as
his eyes remain on the road ahead, “Kimber Maguire, what are you doing to me?”

Desire for this man rushes through me like
a rapid flowing river. Whatever I’m doing to him, he’s doing to me just the
same. He parks in the only available spot, half a lot from his motel room. I
don’t bother waiting for him to open my door. I step out and close the door to
find him standing before me with so much emotion. I see desire but also
sadness. I want to ask him why but before I can say anything his lips are
kissing my forehead and he’s asking, “Are you sure?”

I look up as he steps back and stare
unblinking, nodding slightly. He is so stunning. His chiseled jaw moves down
taking my lower lip into his mouth. I’m about to melt right here in this
parking lot. Doubt clouds my mind that we will even make it to his room.

 I mutter against his lips, “Jordan, we
should go.”

He understands and lifts me up. My legs
wrap around him with familiarity. I think I might have an orgasm right here and
now just from sheer contact. A low moan escapes my lips. He chuckles with
amusement. As he starts walking toward the room, I can feel the flex of his
muscles under my hands. It feels like it’s miles to the door and once we’re there,
he struggles to fit the key into the handle with me still in his arms.  

Finally, as the door closes, he lowers me
onto the bed. I sit there watching as he sheds his shirt. My breath catches at
the sight of him. His chest calls to me. I just want to kiss every inch of
muscle on display in front of me. He leans down, taking my mouth into his
again. His hands move deftly to the bottom of my tank top. He lifts it over my
head, forcing my arms up into the air, grabbing my wrists above my head as he
drops the shirt and sliding his fingers tenderly down them. I lower them and he
steps back looking at me. A smile spreads as he unbuckles his belt, lowering
his jeans so he is standing before me in only boxer shorts. I’m breathless at
the sight of him. I’m not sure I’ve ever been so turned on just by looking at a
man before. He pulls me to my feet lowering his head to kiss me again. His
hands find the button on my shorts. Once they are open, he pushes them down
over my hips. I step out of them thrusting my tongue into his mouth harder. He
moans and in a quick sweep, my bra is falling down my arms.

He takes a step back once again and gazes
at me with pure desire. He leans forward whispering, “Kimber Maguire, I was
right, you are irresistible.”

His lips lower to my neck as he flicks his
tongue along my shoulder. I lift my hands and touch his chest hesitantly at
first then more frenzied. I trace every muscle in my reach and memorize them
with my fingers. His hands move lower, holding each of my breasts. His fingers
move to find my nipples squeezing. It causes a ripple through me. I’m going to
melt. He moves his hands to gently lower me onto the bed. When I am laying back
looking up at him his eyes meet mine and propel down my body. He steps forward
grasping my panties, pulling them down my legs. When I am completely naked in
front of this beautiful man his stare roams over me and he smiles mumbling
while leaning over me, “Irresistible.”

He hovers over my body, leaning in to give
me teasing kisses. His hand slowly trails down my body before resting on my
thigh. I lift my hands into his hair concentrating on kissing every single
millimeter of his mouth. His fingers finally inch into me. A sigh escapes my
lips. He moves his fingers with more urgency bringing me closer.

As I’m on the edge of the cliff about to
jump, he removes his hand and takes off his boxers reaching for his jeans.  I
hear the tear of foil. A moment later he is hovering above me again and his
lips are kissing up my neck. His fingers reach down to my wetness bringing me
close again. When his fingers leave they are replaced with his hardness. I feel
as if I can’t hold on any longer but he pushes into me and it’s sheer pleasure.
I want more. I pull on his arms encouraging him. He pushes harder and faster making
us both pant as we connect in every way possible. His tongue delves further
into my mouth and we moan with the movement bringing us both to our ends. Our
breath turns ragged, not even able to concentrate on kissing any longer. At the
same moment he lets go, so do I. He hovers above me a while staring and kissing
every inch of my face. Finally he collapses beside me and caresses my face with
his finger as both of us come down and our breathing evens out.