Feeling This (28 page)

At 4:30, I head over to the main house,
fitting my t-shirt back over my head. When I get to the screen, I get a hint of
dinner smells wafting through the air. The T.V. is on in the living room off to
the right of the door and the boys are sitting mere inches from the screen
mesmerized. I chuckle at this. My sister and I were the same way at that age.
Some things never change. I knock firmly and wait, shifting my weight from one
foot to the other. For some reason I’m nervous. Mrs. Bruin walks into the room
toward the door. She glances at the boys and hollers at them to scoot back from
the T.V. They both oblige not moving their gazes.

She puts her hand up on the frame and grabs
the handle, pulling it inward. “Jordan, Thanks for coming.”

I step in as she gestures for me to follow
her through the house into the kitchen. She grabs a bowl full of mashed
potatoes from the counter and hands it to me. I cradle it frowning.

She smiles instructing, “Take that out to
the table on the porch, will you?”

In the next breath she calls out, “Stanley,
dinner.”

When I get to the table, I set the bowl
down and notice it’s set for five. Within the next minute she’s coming out the
door followed by Mr. Bruin and the boys. I’m thankful but also confused by
their hospitality.

The boys notice me and each of them grabs a
hand. Michael claims, “Jordan’s stayin’ fer dinner. Yay!”

I look down at them and smile. Mrs. Bruin
tells them, “Alright now leave Jordan alone. Let him breathe.”

They immediately let me go and each take a
seat. Martin starts a conversation about the cows with his dad as Mrs. Bruin
tells me to have a seat and help myself. I sit down and state, “Thank you so
much Mrs. Bruin.”

“It’s nothing Jordan. I still need to talk
to you but I thought you could use a good home cooked meal. I hear you’ve been
eating a lot at Mary’s. It’s good food but it’s not home.”

I smirk and agree, “No, it’s definitely not
home.”

Mr. Bruin pipes up through a bite of
chicken, “Speaking of home Jordan. Joe tells me you’re still living at the
Derby. Any reason? You plannin’ on stayin’ a while?”

So that’s what this is about. They’re
worried I’m going to up and run out on them. I assure him, “Yes, sir. I do plan
on staying.”

I pause as what I’m saying becomes clear.
“I just haven’t had any time to look for something more permanent.”

Once I’ve said this I want nothing more
than to see Kimber and tell her. But I realize I never actually saw her car
here today and she left so abruptly last night. My words rush out, “I didn’t
see Kimber’s car here today. Did she come to work?”

Mrs. Bruin’s face falters and in that instant
panic rises in me. I will never forgive myself if something happened to her.
But before I can probe further, Mrs. Bruin explains, “That’s actually why I
wanted you to stop by.”

She shoos the boys,” Michael, Martin, go in
the house for a few minutes. Okay boys?”

They don’t have to be told twice. They head
in talking about some dinosaur show on T.V.

“Jordan, I understand you and Kimber have
been spending time together.”

I nod confirming her suspicions. She
continues, “Did she share anything with you?”

I squirm a little here because that was the
problem. She didn’t share anything last night. I shake my head sadly.

“Well, that’s a shame. I guess all in good
time. But I think she could really use some support right now. I thought that
might be something you’d be interested in knowing.”

“Yes, ma’am. Is she alright?” The time it
takes her to answer seems like forever. My heart will beat right out of my
chest.

“Oh yes, Kimber is fine. It’s her momma.
She’s had a difficult go of it and unfortunately Kimber has always been the one
to pick up the pieces.”

She stops abruptly, saying, “I’ll let her
tell you everything, it should come from her anyway. If you want to help her
like I think you do, you’ll find her at the hospital.”

I look from her to Mr. Bruin. He has
relaxed leaning back into his chair looking at me while squinting. When my eyes
meet his they widen and he nods and says, “Just give me a call if you need
tomorrow off.”

As I stand, the chair slides backward
making a hollow sound against the stone floor. I nod and turn to the house,
feeling urgency through every bone in my body. Mrs. Bruin calls after me, “Tell
Kimber, we’re prayin’ for her and Stacy.”

I call back, not bothering to stop, “I
will.”

Kimber

After Momma came out of surgery, it took
her a while to wake up from the anesthesia. When she did finally open her eyes,
she was disoriented and screaming out to no one in particular, about how we are
all out to get her. She had to be restrained and given something to help her
sleep. I’ve been here all day, afraid to leave. A part of me worries that if I
leave she’ll think I’ve abandoned her. I don’t want her to feel like that. I’ve
already experienced it with my sister and the whole missing a father figure
thing. Well, except for Mr. Bruin. He took us under his wing when we were young
but it wasn’t the same as having a dad at home.

 I haven’t had a shower in twenty-four
hours which means I smell pretty ripe. Heidi left a few hours ago, claiming her
Momma wanted her home. I knew it was a lie. Her mom has never, not a day in
Heidi’s life, cared about where she was. As long as she was out of her Momma’s
hair, it didn’t matter. I think Heidi does the things she does for attention
because she never got it growing up.

 Anyway, she trekked through the three
floors of the hospital looking for prospective Heidi conquests and came up
empty handed. Finally, at three she was done. She couldn’t take being here any
longer. I completely understand. I can’t wait to get home to clean myself up.

I glance at my watch and see it turn just
past six. I glance over at Momma to find she’s still sleeping. I rise up from
the chair, sore from sitting so long in one position, to stretch my legs. I stand
next to her peering down at the peaceful features that only appear when she’s
sleeping. I grasp her hand in mine and whisper, “Momma, somehow we’re gonna get
through this. I don’t know how but I will find a way.”

When I turn, a shadow is cast across the
floor. I look up to see Jordan standing in the doorway looking hesitant. I look
away ashamed and back to my mom. I hear him take a step into the room but not
another. I swing my eyes back to him, unsure what he’s doing here.

He explains in a soft voice, “I was worried
when you left last night. And today when you weren’t at the ranch.” He takes a
step closer and confesses, “Kimber, You can talk to me. It’s okay.”

I stare down at the floor, not meeting his
eyes and tell him in a rushed breath, “This is my momma. She has MS; this is
her second fall in six months. It was the worst of them, they had to pin a
broken hip. She is dying, not only from her disease but also because she’s an
alcoholic.”

My voice strengthens and I look up at him
intently, “I am the only person she has in this world. I work to pay the bills
and I take care of her. “

As I utter these last words, I decide to
give him an out after hearing about my pathetic life. “Jordan, I don’t have any
time in my life for a relationship. Now that Momma has broken her hip, she is
going to need around the clock care.”

I look away and ready myself for him to
turn around and high tail it out of here but he stands still for a moment
longer before closing the distance between us.  When he is only a foot in front
of me he reaches out and lifts my chin to look into his eyes. I force myself to
meet his gaze.

“Kimber Maguire, last night I told you I
want to take care of you. This doesn’t change that. In fact, it proves that you
need me to take care of you.”

Tears start rolling down my cheeks, at his
words.

“I’ve fallen in love with you and you
aren’t going to push me away. I won’t let you.”

He leans in brushing my lips with his as my
tears turn the kiss salty.

He pulls away reminding me, “And I need
you, to help me heal.”

He gathers me into his arms and I rest my
head on his shoulder, memorizing the feel of him. His words repeat in my mind,
he’s fallen in love with me. A part of me, deep inside, burns with passion at
his profession, a feeling I’ve never experienced in my life. I want to savor
this moment.

A few minutes later while I’m still in
Jordan’s arms, my reality comes crashing back as her voice rings through the
room, “Kimber, what you doin’ girl? Don’t you be trampin’ around like that
Heidi girl.”

I pull back from Jordan and apologize
quietly. He smirks as if she amuses him. Well, just wait, that smile will be
gone in no time. I step up to the side of the bed and ask, “Hey Momma, how are
you feeling?”

“I really need a drink. You better be gettin’
me somethin’ or I’m gonna call Jenna.”

My anger surfaces, I’ve just about had it
with her. Then I feel Jordan’s hand rest on my shoulder and I put on my fake
smile, telling her sweetly, “Now Momma, you know that’ s not possible. You just
had your hip pinned and we’re in the hospital. You’re not allowed to drink in
here.”

She waves me away, “I see how you’re gonna
be. I’m callin’ Jenna.”

I take step forward but Jordan’s grip on my
shoulder tightens, causing me to step back into his warmth. His arms embrace me
and calm pours through me. Where has he been all these years?

Momma seems to suddenly remember he’s here.
She calls out, “Who the hell is that? Why are you bringin’ strange men into my
room? I’m callin’ security.”

I tell her slowly, “Momma, this is Jordan.
He is my, friend.”

She looks from him then to me and starts
laughing, “No he isn’t, you’re fuckin’ him jus’ like that worthless girl you
call a best friend.”

I start to yell as the tears start again,
“Momma, you have no right! I do everything for you and this is what I get. You
are rude and hurtful. Why can’t you just be nice for once?”

Jordan grabs my arm gently before I can go
on. He pulls me out of the room as Momma calls out behind us, “If I’m such a
burden, I’ll go and live somewhere else. I see how you really feel about me,
the woman who gave you life.”

She continues but I tune her out. I look
away shaking my head claiming, “See this is my reality. You should just leave
now. Nobody wants this shit in their life.”

He puts his hands on my cheeks, making me
look up at him. A small dimpled smile spreads across his lips.

“Kimber, you are the strongest woman I have
ever met. I am here for you and for your mom. I’m not going anywhere.”

He adds chuckling, “She is quite the feisty
one, isn’t she?”

A small smile meets my lips as I start to
relax, “You have no idea.”

He nods to her room, “That explains a lot.
Now I know where you get it.”

I hit his arm softly at his teasing. He gathers
me in his arms again and whispers in my ear, “I meant every word that I said.
I’ve been lucky to find you. I thought I lost my chance but I’ve been given
another one. I’m holding on tight to you.”

He squeezes for a moment and loosens his
grip. I back away and grab his hand. When my stare meets his I can see how
serious he is. It amazes me in that moment that in a mere two weeks, I have
found the person I want for the rest of my life. I never believed in love at
first sight but somehow I’ve happened upon it.

A nurse coming down the hall brings me down
from my high. She scurries to the door in a panic, “Ms. Maguire pushed the call
button about fifty times after we answered her. Is she alright?”

I roll my eyes and turn to the door. I
mutter over my shoulder to Jordan, “Are you sure? This is your last chance to
run.”

He squeezes my hand and says, “Let’s go
take care of that momma of yours.”