Feels Like Home (3 page)

‘A girl needs a mother.'

‘And boys don't need a father? I've turned out alright haven't I?'

Beth smiled indulgently. ‘Better than alright, love. I'm just worried, that's all. This is not the life I'd imagined for you. You're not much more than a child yourself. Bringing up a child is a huge responsibility. What about your future? What will you do about your studies? You can't look after a child while you're at uni.'

Ryan shrugged. ‘I'll work something out. Ella is my responsibility. That's all there is to it.'

Six years later he had no regrets. Ella was a delight; the easiest kid on the planet to get along with, most of the time. Sure they'd had tough times, but every day he was thankful for the lessons that Ella taught him, the unconditional love she offered.

Once Uno was dispensed with — three rounds, Ella winning the first and last — Ryan popped the DVD into the player and the two of them settled in for a quiet evening. This probably wasn't most people's idea of a great Saturday night, but to Ryan it was perfect. Or it would have been if he'd been able to get the image of Jo and that bloody enormous engagement ring out of his head.

She'd moved on. He got that. He hadn't realised it at the time, but it was over between them the minute she got on that plane without him.

He and Jo were both born and raised in Linden Gully but they'd always been from different worlds. As love-struck teenagers it hadn't mattered, but he should have realised that Jo was only on loan to him. She had big dreams and a small-town boy was never going to fulfil them.

For seven long years he had thought about what it would be like to see her one more time, to talk to her again, to confide in her about everything that had happened. It was stupid and something he'd not dared to admit, even to himself, but part of him had believed that one day she'd come back to him. Seeing her today had shattered that fantasy. She was engaged to another man and it appeared that he didn't even register on her radar. He'd been a bloody fool to think otherwise. All these years he'd been comparing every woman he met to her. What a waste. The Joey he knew didn't even exist anymore. Johanna Morgan was a whole different person.

The DVD had worked its magic. Ella had drifted off into a contented sleep. Ryan gently lifted her from the couch and carried her into her bedroom. He'd just finished tucking her in when he heard his mother's voice float down the hallway.

‘Yoohoo, anyone home?'

‘Shhh, Mum. Ella's asleep.'

‘Sorry, love. Just coming in to check on you two before I head off to bed myself.'

Ryan motioned for her to go to the kitchen. ‘Feel like a cuppa?' he asked.

‘You sit down, love. I'll make a pot of tea.' She was filling the kettle already.

Ryan grinned. His mother was a tea connoisseur, and obviously his tea-making skills weren't up to scratch. She never let him make her a cup. He pulled out the china teacup with matching saucer he kept especially for her and set it on the table next to his mug. ‘How was the bingo fundraiser?'

Beth rolled her eyes. ‘Quite boring actually. I do wish the CWA would come up with some new ideas. Anyway, I'm not here to talk about that. I came to see if you were alright.'

‘Of course I'm alright. Why wouldn't I be?'

Beth put down the teapot and looked him squarely in the eye. ‘I heard your Jo was back in town.'

‘She's not “my” Jo, Mum,' Ryan replied with more venom than he'd intended.

‘No, I guess not. She's engaged to that movie star Zachary What's-his-name, isn't she?'

Ryan shrugged. ‘So I believe.'

‘So you haven't spoken to her then?'

‘I saw her at the football and we had a quick chat.' Clearly his mother already knew this information, otherwise she wouldn't be here drinking tea with him at nine o'clock on a Saturday night.

‘Oh? How was that for you?'

‘Fine. Look, Mum, you don't have to worry. Jo and I had a teenage fling, that's all. Until I saw her today I hadn't thought about her in years,' he lied.

Beth looked unconvinced. ‘It was a bit more serious than that, Ryan.'

‘Okay, at the time I thought it was too. But it was years ago. I've moved on and clearly so has she. She's in town for the wedding. I don't expect we'll be seeing that much of each other until the big day. It's a non-issue, okay?'

‘Really? Because I seem to remember it all being a very big deal a few years back.'

‘Well it's not now. We were once an item. Now Johanna's just someone I used to know. Leave it alone, Mum.'

Beth sipped her tea without replying, but Ryan could see the hurt look on her face.

‘Let's talk about something else.'

‘Actually, if you don't mind I'm rather tired. I might head out to the flat and call it a night.'

Ryan nodded and gave her a goodnight peck on the cheek. He felt like a heel now. He hadn't meant to be so snappy. It seemed he couldn't do anything right today.

With Ella safely tucked up in bed and his mother retired to the granny flat for the night, Ryan allowed himself the luxury of a cold beer. He stretched out on the couch and stabbed aimlessly at the TV remote. It was no use. There was nothing on TV fascinating enough to distract him from his thoughts of Jo.

It was hard to believe that one woman, just by her mere presence in the same town, could unsettle him so much. And it wasn't as if he even knew her anymore. She was no longer that sweet, dreamy-eyed girl who told him stories as they lay in the tall grass staring up at the summer sky. Hell, he wasn't the same either. Back then they'd both been full of hopes and dreams. The trouble was Jo's plans for the future didn't leave any room for him.

He'd wanted her to show him that getting on that plane to New York wasn't an act of abandonment. But when he'd asked for her commitment, her promise of everlasting love, she hadn't been able to look him in the eye. Like a fool he'd hoped that once she was away from him she'd realise what she was missing out on. But after a few weeks the truth became clear. She'd moved on long before his proposal. Just hadn't had the guts to tell him.

That was the thing that really stung — the deception. He'd trusted her and she'd made an idiot of him. That was the part he couldn't forgive. She'd slunk away without having the decency to tell him it was over between them.

He cursed the power she still had over him. Why the hell couldn't he just forget about her? It wasn't as if he'd been a monk these past few years. He'd been with his share of women. Lovely women — some smart, some funny and some exceptionally beautiful. But none of them had meant anything.

None of them were her.

Damn Johanna Morgan for waltzing back in and sending ripples through his perfectly ordered life. The sooner she buggered off back to New York the better.

CHAPTER

3

Jenny Fielding did everything but dance on the well-worn kitchen table when she saw Jo. ‘I can't believe it's really you! You look fantastic Jo, but you're so skinny! Don't you eat?'

Jo laughed. ‘Of course I do. New York has some of the finest restaurants in the world.'

‘No home cooking, then? That must be the problem. Sit down and I'll make you a nice cup of tea. Steph, butter some scones would you, love?'

‘Steady on, Jenny. I've brought my bridesmaid's dress with me. I'd like to still fit into it on the big day.'

Jenny waved her hand dismissively. ‘One won't hurt. Now tell me Jo, what's he like, your Zachary? He's a handsome-looking young man from what I've seen.'

‘Yes, he's certainly good-looking.'

Jenny placed her hand on her heart. ‘And that wedding proposal. So romantic.'

Jo winced. ‘You've seen it?'

Jenny nodded. ‘Steph showed me the video of his proposal on YouTube. I don't mind saying I got a little teary watching it.'

Jo felt the heat creeping into her cheeks at the thought of Zach's proposal. He'd insisted on taking her to lunch at Shake Shack in Madison Square Park. In hindsight she should have realised something was up. A burger and shake — no matter how delicious — was not Zach's idea of lunch. He had joined the queue while she got them a table. Before she knew what was happening she was at the centre of a flash mob miming the words to Bruno Mars' ‘Marry You'. Then Zach got down on one knee and pulled out a blue Tiffany box containing the ring she now wore. How could she say no?

The whole thing was over the top and out of her comfort zone. And the fact that there was footage of the event on YouTube was cringeworthy. Until now it hadn't occurred to her that the video might have been watched by people here in Linden Gully. Dear god, what if Ryan had seen it? What would he make of it? Of her?

‘What's wrong, Jo? You've gone pale,' Jenny said.

‘Have I?' Jo said, picking up one of Jenny's scones as a diversion. ‘I'm fine, really. These scones look delicious.'

Jenny smiled her approval as Jo slathered homemade jam onto one of her prizewinning scones. ‘Now that you're here, I'll have to catch you up on all the plans for the wedding.'

Steph rolled her eyes. ‘Please, Mum, give her a break. She just got off the plane this morning.'

‘Actually I am tired,' Jo admitted. ‘But I do want to hear all about the wedding. Maybe I can grab a nap and then we can launch into full wedding-planner mode when I'm feeling a bit fresher? I've got some ideas for the kitchen tea that I want to talk to you about, Jenny.'

‘Kitchen tea? I don't think that's really necessary,' Steph protested.

Jenny clapped her hands together. ‘Of course it's necessary. You must have a kitchen tea! I've been so busy planning the wedding that I've hardly given that a thought. I did tell a few of the CWA ladies to keep next Saturday afternoon free, just in case, though.' She winked at Jo.

Steph groaned, while Jo laughed. ‘Well, at least the date's taken care of. I might head off to the guest room and have a sleep for an hour or so. We can discuss the details then.'

Jo woke with a giddy sensation familiar to long-distance travellers. It took her a moment to remember she was in Linden Gully, let alone in the Fieldings' guest room. God, how long had she been out? She groped around in the dark for her phone and clicked it on. Seven in the evening. She'd been sleeping for four hours. The deep-down bone tiredness was gone, but she didn't exactly feel refreshed. Too many stupid dreams. She struggled to remember the details, apart from that last one, where she and Zach were getting married in a marquee here at the Fielding farm. When the minister said, ‘You may now kiss the bride,' she leaned in to kiss him only to find it was Ryan kissing her back.

She shivered at the memory and shook her head as if to physically remove it from her head. But the act was futile. Images of Ryan flooded her mind. His blue-grey eyes skimming over her, making her feel naked; the stubble that now adorned his jawline, leaving her in no doubt that he had left boyhood behind; the shy smile that hadn't changed despite all the years; and those muscular arms lifting his daughter into the air.

His daughter.

The image of Ella brought Jo crashing back to reality. She pushed back the bedcovers and swung her feet onto the chilly timber floorboards. She had no business dreaming about Ryan. They didn't inhabit the same worlds anymore.

Jo sat at the Fieldings' kitchen table sipping tea while she waited for Jenny to return with her ‘wedding stuff'. Steph had headed back into the pub to join Nate and the rest of the team as they celebrated their first win of the season. Jo had begged off accompanying her, citing ‘secret bridesmaid's business' as an excuse. The thought of another possible encounter with Ryan was more than she could bear.

Nothing much had changed in this room since she was last here. The aged timber table bore the scars of family dinners, football-club committee meetings and countless cups of tea. Its faded mug rings and scratches were comfortingly familiar to Jo. The antique kitchen dresser still held the precious blue-and-white china Jenny had inherited from her grandmother. Jo remembered the day an errant football, kicked by Steph's older brother Tom, sent a teacup hurtling through the air. Steph did her best to catch the cup, but it slipped through her hands and crashed onto the floor. Jenny chased Tom through the house with the broom and when he escaped to the yard she sat down on the floor and cried.

Later, after all the broken pieces were thrown away, they'd all had a laugh about it, with Jenny doing a great impression of Tom's face as he saw her coming for him with the broom.

So many of Jo's childhood memories were tied up here in this kitchen. Tomorrow she would head home to Yarrapinga, the house where she officially grew up. But it was Kallara — in fact this very kitchen — that her heart called home. It was here she'd learned how to bake fluffy scones and knit scarves for her Barbie dolls. It was Jenny she ran home to, tears streaming, when she got her first period at the age of eleven. And it was Jenny who explained the importance of safe sex, with Steph rolling her eyes in the background, on Steph's sixteenth birthday.

Jenny was the mother Jo wished she had. She loved her mum; of course she did. And she admired her too. But Katherine Morgan was not a mum you told secrets to.

Jenny's huffing and puffing brought Jo back to the present. She watched as Jenny staggered into the kitchen overloaded with books and magazines, a bolt of material and some kind of floral arrangement. ‘Here, let me help,' Jo said, taking the floral piece from the top of the pile and placing it on the table.

‘Sorry I took so long, love, I just wanted to make sure I had absolutely everything I need to get you up to speed. Did you bring your bridesmaid's dress to show me?'

‘It's in my room. I thought I'd better show the bride first. Get her approval.'