Feels Like Home (5 page)

He didn't see the other trolley coming around the corner until it was too late. The carts banged and he looked over at his fellow shopper sheepishly, ready to make his apology.

Bloody hell. It was her.

‘Ryan! Sorry I didn't see you there. I guess I was too busy looking at everything on the shelves. Everything seems so different to home, I mean the States. You know, it's all a bit nostalgic here, seeing all the stuff I used to love like Vegemite,' Jo babbled.

Home?
That was an interesting slip of the tongue. This used to be her home, back before she turned out to be some sort of precious celebrity.

At least she looked more like herself today. Her long hair was pulled back into a simple ponytail and she'd replaced those stupid heels with a pair of flattish boots. But her arms dripped with expensive-looking bangles and she was wearing a pair of gigantic hoop earrings.

The enormous sunglasses were pushed up on top of her head and they held her hair off her face so he could see her warm brown eyes. Once upon a time he could read those eyes as clearly as any map, or at least he'd thought so at the time. But today she avoided his gaze, her eyes darting around the store as she rabbited on about being sorry in that strange accent she seemed to have acquired. Who knew what she was thinking?

Suddenly he realised the chattering had stopped and she was looking at him expectantly. Was this what she wanted? Idle chitchat in the grocery store, like they were casual acquaintances? No way. He was not going to stand around pretending that this was normal. ‘Look, Johanna, don't worry about it. It was my fault. Now, if you don't mind I'm kind of in a hurry.'

‘Sure, but before you go I just wanted to say…' She paused, seemingly unsure of how to proceed. After a moment she allowed her eyes to meet his.

Suddenly he knew exactly what she was feeling.

Pity. She pitied him, for god's sake.

‘Ryan, Jenny told me about what happened…to Carly, I mean. I just wanted to say —'

He shook his head. No. He wasn't going to listen to this from her of all people. It was hard enough dealing with his guilt about Carly without having to listen to empty platitudes about how sorry people felt for him. ‘Stop, Jo,
Johanna
. I don't want to talk about what happened. What's done is done.'

‘Okay.' She didn't avert her eyes from his.

Ryan pulled his trolley back and went to move around her, but she placed her hand on his cart to prevent him from leaving.

‘Please, Ryan, I just wanted to say that after what you've been through…well, you know, I don't want you to worry about what happened between us. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable around me. I thought perhaps we could put the past behind us and maybe even…'

Ryan didn't attempt to keep the scorn out of his voice. ‘What?'

‘Perhaps we could try being friends.'

Seriously? If the notion weren't so insulting it would be laughable.

Sorry, Ryan, you lose. Thanks for playing and as a consolation prize…

Had she forgotten what they once had, and that she had deliberately walked away from all that? Perhaps she thought that now she was famous all her sins should be automatically absolved. Or was this guilt talking? Maybe she felt the precious gift of her friendship could make up for all the damage done.

Ryan shook his head. ‘Sorry. Not interested.'

She bit her lip the way she always did when she was trying to keep her cool. ‘Well, that's a shame. I hope we'll be able to at least be civil to each other these next few weeks, though, for Steph and Nate's sake.'

He nodded curtly and drew the trolley back once more. ‘Whatever.'

Her face was flushed and he could see tears welling in her eyes. For a split second he was eighteen again, watching Joey struggle to keep her composure after yet another barb from one of the Gully's ‘it' girls. His instinct was to comfort her.

He felt like a heel. Once upon a time he would have done anything to protect her, to ease her pain. For that reason alone maybe he should give her a pass, say what she wanted to hear and let it go. What did it really matter? There was no changing the past. They could never truly be friends but it wouldn't kill him to be civil. ‘Look, Jo, I'm sorry —'

She put up her hand and motioned for him to stop. Her voice was quiet and controlled as she spoke. ‘Forget it. I was only trying to be nice. To let you know that I've forgiven you for what you did and that for my part I don't hold any grudges. I know you've had it hard, being left to raise the child on your own, but Jesus, Ryan, that's no excuse to behave like an arsehole.'

What the hell? She'd forgiven
him?
Un-bloody-believable. He couldn't contain his anger. ‘Are you kidding? You've forgiven me? Well that's just great, Jo. Really big of you considering you were the one that left. What was I supposed to do? Ignore the fact that you'd moved on, that you were never coming home? Was I supposed to sit here like a lonesome puppy just waiting for you to throw me a bone?'

Her eyes were wide with shock. She opened her mouth as if to speak but no words came.

It didn't matter. After seven years of holding onto this pain Ryan found himself unable to stop. ‘Get over yourself, Johanna
.
You might be big time back home in New York, but here in the Gully you're still just plain old Jo Morgan. I'm glad you've forgiven me, really I am, but the thing is
I
haven't forgiven
you
.' He abandoned his trolley and marched out of the store without another word.

Jo leaned heavily against the shopping cart. She felt unexpectedly weak after Ryan's tirade. It was as if his anger had sucked the energy right out of her. Tears pricked her eyes and her throat felt dry and constricted.

She could not remember seeing a display of such anger, such venom, from him before. Where had it come from? It wasn't as if she was the one who had slept with someone else. Ryan had well and truly lost the plot if he thought she was the one to blame for their relationship breakdown. Clearly he'd revised history to create a version that suited him, one that made her out to be the villain and left him blameless.

She shook her head. It was so unlike him. Ryan was the fairest person she'd ever met. His sense of justice was unbelievably strong. He'd always been able to separate right from wrong and had never been afraid to stand up for what he believed in, even if it made him unpopular. And when he was wrong, he said so. He'd never shied away from apologising when he'd made a mistake.

Fate had dealt him a tough blow, and by contrast her life was peachy, on the surface at least. Of course he was entitled to feel disappointed in the way things had turned out, but the Ryan she knew would never have allowed disappointment to turn to bitterness.

Maybe she didn't know him as well as she thought.

She heard the clunk of wayward trolley wheels in the aisle behind her and sucked in a deep breath. It was bad enough that her argument with Ryan would have been heard by half a dozen other shoppers; she didn't want to add to the humiliation by looking as if she cared. Public Relations face was definitely required. For the first time ever she was grateful for all those book signings where she'd had to smile and make small talk with readers even when she had a headache or PMS. The skills learned there were definitely going to be handy in Linden Gully.

By the time Kelly Bristow caught up to her, Jo had managed to put on her most charming smile. She hoped.

‘Jo Morgan, is it really you?' Kelly gushed. She leaned in and kissed Jo's cheek.

Jo tried not to look surprised at the display of affection. ‘Nice to see you, Kelly.'

‘I was thrilled when I heard you'd arrived in town early. All the girls are dying to see you. Of course we just knew you wouldn't miss the Wedding of the Year, but I didn't realise you'd be here so soon. Steph didn't tell anyone. Naughty thing she is, wanting to keep you all to herself.'

Thrilled?
Well, that was a first. Jo couldn't remember a time when Kelly and her friends had even been mildly pleased to see her. And why on earth would Steph be updating Kelly on her movements? Steph was hardly part of the Kelly Bristow entourage. Still, now was not the time to split hairs. Kelly was a huge gossip and definitely not worth getting offside.

Jo laughed. ‘Don't blame Steph. I didn't tell her I was coming. Wanted to surprise her.'

‘Well, aren't you just the best bridesmaid ever? I'll bet Stephanie was thrilled.' Kelly leaned in and lowered her voice. ‘Now listen Jo, I couldn't help but overhear you talking to Ryan just now.'

Jo tried her hardest to keep her face impassive. ‘Oh?'

‘You mustn't mind him. He's been through a lot, you know.'

Jo nodded. ‘So I've heard.'

‘Look, it's taken him a while to settle back into the Gully. It must have been so awful for him to lose Carly like that. So tragic. Apparently they were about to buy their own house when it happened.'

So Ryan and Carly had reconciled. Jo ignored the lump that formed in her throat as she encouraged Kelly to continue. ‘Is that right?'

‘I believe so. Anyway, Ryan went off the rails for a bit after it happened but he does seem to be back on his feet now,' Kelly said. ‘In fact he's even started to date again. He's been seeing quite a bit of Laura Baxter.'

So that was what this was all about. Kelly was warning her off. Jo fixed what she hoped was a cheery smile on her face. ‘Good for him.' She picked up a box of cereal from the shelf and threw it in the cart. ‘Look, Kelly, I won't keep you. I'm sure you're very busy.' Jo edged the trolley away.

‘Oh, that's okay. I've got plenty of time.' She wiggled the fingers on her left hand. ‘I'm a Prescott now. I married Jeff. You remember the Prescotts, I imagine? The transport people. I'm a lady of leisure these days.'

‘Congratulations.' Jo watched as Kelly's eyes flitted to her own left hand.

‘Of course we all know about your engagement to Zachary Carlton. Good show, Jo. Not only have you put Linden Gully on the map with your little books but you've managed to snare yourself a big fish at the same time. You've done us proud. Who says us country gals can't mix it with the best? I mean, he's not just a famous actor, his family are considered New York royalty, aren't they?' Kelly didn't wait for her reply before she went on. ‘Good grief, you're Linden Gully's answer to Princess Mary. A fairy tale come true.'

Jo laughed inwardly. Once she would have given anything for Kelly's approval. She had spent countless nights staring up at her dorm-room ceiling at boarding school, thinking about ways to impress Kelly and her friends next time she was home.

These days Kelly's approval was not only unnecessary but unwelcome.

‘Is your fiancé here with you?'

Jo shook her head. ‘Zach's very busy filming a new movie at the moment. Of course he would have loved to come to the wedding — he's dying to meet all my friends here. But it's just not possible right now.' A loud ringing from Jo's oversized handbag took her attention. She rummaged for a minute before locating her phone. Too late. The noise stopped just as she glanced at the screen. ‘Sorry Kelly, that was my agent,' she lied. ‘I'd better call her back right away, while I've got a good signal.' Jo opened her missed calls and clicked on Steph's name, quickly putting her phone to her ear.

‘Hi Lydia, how are you?' Jo said loudly.

‘Talk soon,' Kelly mouthed at her as she pushed her near-empty cart away.

Jo waved at Kelly as she walked away.

Steph was laughing on the other of the phone. ‘Either you've dialled the wrong number or you are up to no good, Johanna Morgan.'

‘Option two. You know me well, Lydia,' Jo said, aware that Kelly was probably still listening.

‘Just like old times,' Steph said. ‘By the way, I'm going into Belly today to look at flowers. Thought you might like to tag along.'

‘Oh absolutely. I can find time for that. We definitely have a lot to discuss.'

‘Linden Gully vultures circling already?'

‘Yep. Got it in one. Very astute, Lydia. See you soon.'

CHAPTER

5

Ryan lowered the last hay bale into place and yelled above the tractor noise. ‘How's that?'

Nate gave the thumbs-up signal and gestured for him to take the tractor back to the shed. Ryan eased the old girl up the boggy hill and into the equipment shed.

He was halfway back to the homestead on foot when Nate caught up to him and gave him a good-natured slap on the back. ‘Good work, mate. Steph will be stoked when she sees all the work we've done setting up for the hens and bucks do.'

‘It'll be a great night. I've ordered all the grog, so hopefully the girls have got the food under control.'

‘Don't worry about that. I reckon Jenny will make enough stuff to feed an army. Speaking of grub, I'm starving. Come on up to the house and I'll see what I can rustle up. And I reckon we've earned ourselves a cold one.'

Ryan grinned. ‘Cup of coffee and a sandwich will do me. I'm back on dad duty in a couple of hours.'

‘No worries. I'm having a beer though. Steph's gone to Bellington with Jo. Wedding stuff. Something to do with flowers and shoes. So I might just have me a quiet one before they get back and all the wedding palaver starts up again.'

At the mention of Jo's name, Ryan looked down at his boots. Seeing her again was the last thing he needed. One confrontation for the day was plenty, thanks very much. ‘Jo's coming here?' He tried to keep his tone casual.

Nate shrugged. ‘Dunno, mate. Maybe.'

They approached the house in silence. At the back door Nate stooped to pull off his mud-caked boots but Ryan hesitated. ‘I might take a raincheck on that cuppa. I've got a few things I should do before Ella gets home.'