Feels Like Home (8 page)

Jo reached out her hand and placed it on the young mare's neck. ‘Hello, lovely.' Pepper nuzzled her shoulder in appreciation and she couldn't help but laugh. ‘She's certainly friendly enough.'

‘She's lovely to ride. Very responsive. Look at her, all saddled up and nowhere to go. Why don't you take her for a quick canter?'

Jo shook her head. ‘Honestly, Ryan, I wasn't kidding before. I haven't ridden for years. I think I might have lost my nerve.'

‘You'll be fine. I'll come with you if you like. We won't go far. Maybe just up to the ridge and back.'

A wave of nostalgia swept over Jo. So many times she and Ryan had raced up the ridge. She always won, but she suspected that at least some of the time he let her. They'd arrive exhilarated and breathless before sliding off the horses and into each other's arms. Under the ancient eucalypt at the highest point of Mason's Ridge was their spot. It was only accessible through Jo's parents' farm, and even then only on foot or horseback, so there was little chance of them being disturbed. Many hours had been spent there, holding hands as they gazed out to the distant Strzelecki Ranges beyond and talked about their future. Occasionally they'd taken advantage of the light of a full moon and snuck out to the ridge to make love on a blanket under their tree. Jo briefly wondered if their initials could still be seen carved into the old tree's trunk.

Ryan shifted his weight from one foot to the other. ‘Doesn't have to be the ridge,' he said. She noticed a hint of colour creeping into his cheeks. ‘I didn't mean…I just thought…' He shoved both his hands in his pockets and looked at the ground.

Clearly Ryan did not want her getting the idea that there was any hint of romance attached to his suggestion. Obviously it was inconceivable to him that she was no longer interested in him that way. Which of course she wasn't. All these thoughts she'd been having were just a result of silly sentimentality. Packing up her childhood home had made her vulnerable to viewing her past through rose-coloured glasses.

‘The ridge is fine,' she said, making no attempt to keep the indignation out of her voice. ‘It's just a place. It's not like we're kids anymore, Ryan.'

‘No, I guess not.' He turned and began unlooping Pepper's reins from the gatepost so Jo could no longer see his face. Was it her imagination or was that a hint of sadness she detected in his voice?

CHAPTER

7

Ryan watched Jo urge Pepper on, pushing the mare up the steep incline towards the ridge. Her long wavy hair had freed itself from the tie that had secured it into a ponytail and now it streamed out behind her like a triumphant blonde banner. He was no match for Jo's equestrian ability, even when she was riding the slightly pudgy and out-of-condition Pepper. He never had been.

By the time he caught her she'd reached their tree — despite himself he couldn't think of it as anything else — and had dismounted. Her cheeks were flushed and she was laughing.

‘What took you so long, slowpoke?'

He shrugged. ‘I guess I'm still no match for you. You win as usual.'

She smiled. ‘Only because you let me.'

He shook his head. ‘You've always been a better rider than me. Better than most people I know. You need to believe in yourself more.' He jumped down off Mack and let go of the reins. ‘You can let Pepper roam here. She and Mack won't go far, and if they start to wander I'll just give them a whistle.'

‘They come when you whistle?' Jo asked. ‘That's pretty amazing.' She smiled at him. ‘I'd forgotten about your Doctor Dolittle talent. You always had the magic touch with animals.'

Ryan grinned. ‘What can I say? It's a gift.'

Jo gave him a playful shove and his pulse quickened at her touch. ‘Don't go getting a big head there, sunshine,' she said.

He had a sudden sense of déjà vu. He remembered another day when she'd gently teased him about getting ahead of himself. He was bragging about kicking the winning goal for the Lions. Jo laughed, gave him a push and told him he was ‘up himself'. He'd responded by tickling her. Before long the tickling had given way to more intimate touches and they found themselves making love under the protective branches of the gumtree.

Ryan shook his head slightly in an effort to free his mind from the memory. He found himself edging away from her. There was no chance of today's ribbing turning into anything more, but maybe being in such close physical proximity wasn't the best idea. Her voice, no longer teasing, cut into his thoughts.

‘Thanks, Ryan, for the peace offering. It's better for everyone if we can manage to get along. When I found out you were going to be Nate's best man I thought the wedding would be awkward.'

‘That's the understatement of the year. You looked like you'd seen a ghost when you first clapped eyes on me.'

Her mouth formed that cheeky Joey grin he knew so well. ‘You didn't look too flash yourself.' The smile disappeared as fast as it had formed. ‘Seriously, Ryan, I don't want our baggage to spoil Steph and Nate's big day. No matter how difficult this is for us I think we should agree to put our differences behind us for their sake.'

Ryan's lips twitched into a smile. The horse had been a winner. Seemed she hadn't changed
that
much over the past few years. He still had some clue about what made her tick. ‘Agreed,' he said, holding out his hand for her to shake. Her grip was firm and her handshake decisive.

The knots of tension that had gripped Ryan's neck and shoulders began to ease. Maybe Jo being here wouldn't turn out to be the nightmare he'd expected. Now that they'd cleared the air a bit, maybe he'd finally be able to stop pondering the ‘what ifs' and move on with his life.

‘It must feel great to finally have your degree and be running your own clinic,' she said. ‘I remember how badly you wanted to be a vet even when we were kids. You were always collecting strays and nursing injured wildlife back to health.'

‘Yeah, my animal-collecting habit used to drive Mum nuts.'

There was that smile again.

‘Remember Stumpy?' she asked.

He grinned at the memory of the three-legged blue-tongue lizard he'd rescued and nursed back to health, much to his mother's vexation. ‘Wow. I hadn't thought about old Stumpy in years. I can't believe you remember him.' It was nice to know Jo hadn't completely erased any good thoughts of him from her memory. Their pasts were so entwined it was impossible to think about any major event in his formative years without thinking of her.

Maybe this being friends thing could work.

Sure, why not? They were both adults, and a lot of time had passed since Jo's shattering refusal of his marriage proposal. Moving on had been hard in her absence, even after everything else that had happened. The thing was, she hadn't just broken his heart — she'd served up a decent blow to his pride as well. He'd thought getting married was a no-brainer. After two years of them both being in Melbourne practically cohabitating, he'd figured it was the next step. Sure, they were young, but he knew what he wanted and he assumed she wanted the same thing.

He shook his head at his own stupidity. He'd barely left boyhood behind when he dropped down on one knee and pulled out the tiny diamond ring he'd saved so long to buy. But he was a man now. It was time to act like one.

‘So what about you?' he asked. ‘Looks like you're living your dream too.'

She said nothing, but continued to stare out into the distance, a faraway look on her face.

‘Earth to Johanna.'

She opened her mouth and then closed it, seemingly unsure of what she wanted to say. ‘Sorry, I was just thinking about things back home…um, in New York.'

‘It's okay, you don't have to correct yourself. New York is your home now. Is it everything you thought it would be?'

She lost the wistful look and her eyes shone with enthusiasm. ‘New York is truly amazing. I can't even begin to describe it, Ryan. It's sort of like having the whole world compressed into one spot.'

‘Sounds crowded.'

She grinned. ‘It is, but that's part of the appeal. Everything moves so quickly. Everywhere you look something is happening. That first night, when I saw the lights of Manhattan from the cab ferrying me from the airport, I finally knew what it felt like to be alive.'

Her words stung as surely as if she'd slapped his face. He hadn't seen it back then but now he realised she'd always been marking time with him. He'd never been more than a distraction while she waited for something better to come along.

It had never been that way for him. She was his everything. In those dark years after his dad had died, when things were bleak on every front, Jo had been his lifeline, his hope, his reason for carrying on.
She
had made him feel alive.

He hated that all these years later he was still behaving like a stupid pup, waiting for her to throw him a bone. As much as he didn't want to, he couldn't help but feel wounded to hear how much better her life had become once she left him behind.

A pink tinge crept into her cheeks. ‘That's not to say I don't miss here, of course. I do.'

‘What do you miss, Jo? Name one thing.'

‘I…I miss riding, and I miss my friends of course.'

‘You never had any intention of coming back, did you?'

‘That's not true.'

‘Really? What did you imagine? That you'd head off to New York and write a book and then come back and live happily ever after with me?'

‘I was barely twenty-one, Ryan. I wasn't like you. I didn't have it all figured out.'

The conversation was heading into dangerous territory. Maybe this friendship thing wasn't going to work after all. He'd been foolhardy to think it would. It was probably time to end this little outing before they ended up in another full-blown argument. He'd made his peace offering, been more than civil. Best to leave it at that. ‘I've got some house calls to make this arvo, so I guess we really should make tracks.' He stood up without looking at her.

‘Of course. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to take up your whole morning.'

‘Not your fault. I was one who suggested the ride.'

Without a word she stood and walked away.

*

Jo didn't need to be told twice that she'd overstayed her welcome. She strode over to Pepper, who hadn't strayed far at all. She placed her hand at the base of the horse's mane and slid one foot into a stirrup. In one seamless movement she mounted the mare and propelled her forward. Pepper snorted her disapproval as Jo pressed her heels against her flesh, urging her to go faster down the steep decline. It was reckless, pushing an out-of-condition horse beyond her capabilities, but Jo's desire to get home, to end this too-close-for-comfort encounter with Ryan, overrode any inclination for common sense.

The wind stung her face and her hair whipped from side to side as Pepper thundered down the embankment, twisting this way and that to avoid trees and ditches. Adrenaline surged through Jo's body. Her heart thudded against her chest wall and her hands perspired despite the icy wind. As she approached the flat of the home paddock she pulled back on the reins, easing Pepper into a slow canter. Her lips stretched into a grin and she pumped the air with her fist.

‘Woooohooooo!'

Oh my god, did that ridiculous sound really come from her? Jo laughed. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so carefree. She pulled Pepper up so she could dismount and open the gate to the home paddock. She slid her hand down the horse's neck and patted her shoulder. Pepper's coat was slick with sweat. ‘Sorry, old girl. I pushed you a bit too hard back there.' The mare shook her head, probably to rid herself of an annoying insect, but Jo chose to take it as an endorsement of their ride. ‘You loved it, didn't you girl? You and I are going to have lots of fun together.'

The rhythmic sound of hoof beats came from behind as she unlatched the gate. Ryan was right behind her.

*

‘Bloody hell, Jo. What was all that about?' The words came out louder and harsher than he'd intended, but dammit, the woman could have killed herself.

She shrugged as she held open the gate for him to pass through. ‘Just a bit of fun.'

He ignored her gesture to ride through and dismounted instead. ‘Fun? Christ Jo, you nearly gave me a heart attack.'

Jo dropped Pepper's reins and laughed. She moved towards him and placed her hand lightly on his chest. ‘I think it's still ticking.'

His body responded instantly to her touch. A jolt of electricity fizzed through him. Seven years had made no difference to the chemistry between them. She still had the power to turn him on with just one touch.

His heart hammered, his pulse almost deafening as he covered her hand with his own. This wasn't right. As much as he wanted her, she was engaged to another man. Besides, what good could come of going down this path again? He had to put a stop to this before they both did something they would surely regret. He grabbed her hand firmly and removed it from his chest, but she didn't pull away.

Oh god, she was so close. He feared she'd see the beads of perspiration forming at his temple and know the effect she was having on him. He wanted so badly to kiss her.

And more, if he was honest.

Her eyes held his gaze, enticing him, daring him even, to take the next step. How the hell was he supposed to resist?

He moved even closer towards her, leaning in until their lips were so close her breath mingled with his own. ‘Jo, I…' The words felt hot and thick in his throat and came out as a kind of strangled whisper.

She pressed a finger to his lips and shook her head. ‘Don't —'

The buzzing of his phone stopped her mid-sentence. For a second she didn't move, but her eyes dropped.

The moment was broken.