Feels Like Home (2 page)

‘Oh good grief, listen to you! You sound like a bloody Yank!'

Jo averted her eyes from Ryan, who was still staring, and grinned at Steph. ‘Give it a rest. I'm always being asked to say “G'day” back home…I mean in New York. I'm still an Aussie.'

‘Well, you sound like a New Yorker to me. And you look so glamorous.' Steph hugged her again. ‘I can't believe you're really here.' She paused for a minute and wrinkled her brow. ‘Why
are
you here? There's nothing wrong, is there? Is your mum okay? I thought you said you couldn't get away until a couple of days before the wedding.'

Jo tried to keep her voice light. Steph knew her better than anyone and wouldn't be easily fooled. ‘I wanted to surprise you.'

‘Well you sure did that. Is Zach with you?'

Jo shook her head. ‘He's flat out filming a new movie. He would have loved to have come but it just wasn't possible.' Jo glanced over Steph's shoulder. Damn, Ryan was still standing there.

Steph followed Jo's gaze. ‘Oh…I wasn't expecting you to be here,' she whispered. ‘Not yet. I…I was going to tell you about Ryan being back in town. I was waiting for the right time.'

Jo took yet another big breath and disengaged herself from Steph. She stepped forward and held out her hand in greeting to the first man she had ever loved. ‘Hey, Ryan. It's been a long time.'

He smiled and took her hand and she felt like her heart was beating so hard it was going to leap from her chest. He looked the same, but different somehow. His thick, sandy hair was unchanged, and still hung boyishly long on his forehead, occasionally obscuring his blue-grey eyes. But his face was harder, his jaw squarer than she remembered, and it was sporting a very fetching three-day growth. His body, always lean and muscular, had filled out, and his shoulders had broadened. He'd grown into the man she'd always imagined he'd be.

No, no, no.

She would not react like this. He would not turn her into mush with one of his boyish grins. What they'd had was over long ago. Seven years of rebuilding her life, of trying to get over what had happened between them — there was no way she would let him charm his way back in.

‘Hey Joey.'

The endearment threw her. How could he call her that after all that had happened? He'd lost that right when he'd taken another woman into his bed just weeks after he'd kissed her goodbye. ‘Johanna,' she said coldly. ‘People call me Johanna these days.'

He withdrew his hand sharply. ‘Sorry, Johanna it is. So, how have you been?'

‘Wonderful,' she said trying her hardest to appear relaxed.

‘Yeah,' he said, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. ‘You look…great.'

Jo was saved from having to reciprocate the compliment by a small curly-haired girl who was running towards them. ‘Daddy!' the child called as she approached. She came to an abrupt halt in front of Jo, eyed her suspiciously for a second and then tugged Ryan's sleeve. ‘Daddy, I want a sausage. Gran said I had to ask you first.'

Ryan's whole demeanour changed as he turned and scooped the child up in his arms. He planted a kiss on her head and said, ‘Ella, this is my friend, Johanna. Can you say hello?'

‘Hello,' Ella said, barely even glancing in Jo's direction. ‘Well, can I Dad?'

‘Of course, sweetheart.' He placed Ella back on her feet and dug in his pocket for some loose change. ‘Give this to the ladies at the sausage sizzle, and don't forget to use your manners.'

Jo couldn't take her eyes off the child as she ran back across the oval. She willed the tears to stay away, but only just managed. It was physically painful to watch the product of Ryan's betrayal skipping across the football field.

Jo stood in silence. What did he expect her to say? That Ella was beautiful? That she looked just like him? In fact the child was the living image of her mother, which somehow made Jo feel even worse.

Ryan was clearly as uncomfortable with the situation as she was. He began to back away. ‘Tell Nate I'll see him tomorrow, Steph. Nice to see you,
Johanna.
' He turned on his heel and walked away.

CHAPTER

2

After a quick detour via the pub to collect Jo's luggage, Steph insisted on taking Jo back to Kallara to spend the night. She didn't need much convincing. After her long journey and the encounter with Ryan, she wasn't ready to face the emptiness of Yarrapinga just yet.

Jo feigned sleepiness on the twenty-minute drive out to Steph's family property. She wasn't ready to talk about what had just happened. Steph had rarely mentioned Ryan during their regular Skype sessions or emails. Sure, Jo had asked her never to speak of him again, but that was years ago now. Surely Steph should have realised that a heads-up about him being in town was warranted, especially when she knew Jo was coming home for the wedding?

Through half-closed eyes she took in the familiar scenery. Green paddocks filled with dairy cattle flashed by, then towering gums appeared as they skirted around the edge of the national park. When they came to a clearing at the top of a hill, Jo opened her eyes. Kallara would soon be in sight. ‘Nothing's changed,' she said.

Steph smiled. ‘Seems like just yesterday we were riding through these paddocks.'

A wave of nostalgia swept over Jo, taking her by surprise. It
was
good to see this place again. Funny, seven years ago she couldn't wait to leave.

Last time she had been here was to attend her father's funeral. She'd hardly noticed the place then. Had it really been two years since she and Steph had held hands and walked behind Daddy's casket? The visit had been such a blur. First dealing with the shock of her father's sudden death, and then discovering that her mother had been placed in a nursing home some months earlier. Katherine wasn't quite fifty at the time of her diagnosis of early-onset dementia, a diagnosis Jo had never officially been told about. Her father had tried to protect her from the truth, telling her only that her mother was unwell and having some treatment. Jo had assumed she was depressed, and that the treatment her father so vaguely referred to was psychiatric. The discovery that Katherine could no longer care for herself had been almost as traumatic as losing her father.

Maddock's Gully came into sight, the vision bringing with it a flood of memories. How many times had she and Steph ridden to the top and raced back down? Jo always won. Steph was a natural on horseback, but she didn't have a competitive bone in her body. Jo turned to face her friend. ‘Have you still got Sherlock?'

Steph shook her head. ‘He died last summer. It was a shocking season. I've never known it to be so hot. Poor old bloke was frail and the heat knocked him about. In the end there was no choice but to…'

Jo touched Steph's arm. ‘I'm so sorry. I know what he meant to you.'

‘I bought a new gelding a few months back. He's called Shamrock.' She slowed down to cross the cattle grid at Kallara's entrance. ‘He's a gorgeous boy but I'm afraid he's not here at the moment. I've got him agisted over at the Callahans' for a few weeks, so Sally Callahan can exercise him for me. Mum's banned me from riding until after the wedding. She insists that it's tempting fate and says I'll end up going down the aisle on crutches.'

Jo laughed. Seeing Steph safely married had always been an obsession of Jenny Fielding's. ‘Don't bite your nails, Steph,' she used to say. ‘No man will want to marry a girl with fingernails like that. Look at Jo's nails.' Jenny would smile at her. ‘You'll make a beautiful bride some day, Johanna.'

And now here they were: Tomboy Steph, about to commit herself to the man she loved, and Princess Johanna, running away from her betrothed. Life hadn't turned out the way any of them had expected.

Steph pulled the ute up near the homestead's entrance. Jo opened the door and breathed in the eucalypt-laden air. The ancient gums that lined Kallara's driveway and ringed the homestead were welcoming her home.

‘Jo, before we go inside I want to explain about Ryan,' Steph said.

‘Can we talk about this later?'

Steph shook her head. ‘Once we get inside Mum will be all over you and I don't know when we'll get another chance to talk properly on our own. I don't want you to be upset, Jo, or angry at me.'

Jo closed the ute's door and stared ahead at the pretty weatherboard house that had once felt like home. ‘I'm not angry. I just wish I'd known, that's all.'

Steph nodded. ‘Fair enough. I'm sorry I didn't tell you he was back in town. I thought about it when he first came home but there didn't seem any point to telling you. You were in New York, you were happy. I couldn't see any reason to drag up the past for you when you were so far away.'

‘But the wedding, Steph. You might have thought to tell me he was here when you knew I was coming home.'

Steph's shoulders sagged. ‘I was going to tell you, but when Nate asked him to be best man —'

‘Best man?' Jo couldn't hide her disbelief. ‘Tell me you're kidding?'

Steph shook her head. ‘I'm sorry.'

So there would be no avoiding him. No polite smiles as they passed in the crowd. She would have to spend half the day by his side and get up close and personal during the bridal waltz. ‘Bloody hell, Steph, did it not occur to you that I would be less than overjoyed to be partnered with him? A heads-up would have been nice.'

Steph looked crestfallen. ‘I know. I was going to tell you, really I was. I was waiting for the right time. I never for a second dreamed you'd be home this early.'

Jo was silent for a moment. This was the absolute pits. Ryan being in town was one thing, but being in the bridal party? He would be involved not only on the big day but in all the pre-wedding events as well. There would be no avoiding him.

To be fair, she only had herself to blame. Years ago she'd asked Steph never to mention Ryan's name in her presence. On the few occasions Steph had broken that pact she'd howled her down. And Steph wasn't to know she would be in town this early. Jo knew she really had no right to be mad.

‘Tell you what,' Steph said. ‘We can solve this the way we've always solved disagreements.'

‘What do you mean?'

‘We'll toss a coin. Heads you forgive me. Tails I have to be your slave until you fly back to New York.'

Jo laughed. It was Steph's wedding and she wasn't going to ruin it by acting like a big baby. ‘Tempting, but there's no need. Of course I forgive you. I'm just a bit shell-shocked from running into him like that.'

‘But it wasn't too bad was it? I mean, you've moved on now.' Steph stared pointedly at the large diamond Jo was sporting on her wedding finger.

Jo shifted in her seat uncomfortably. This was a conversation she wasn't ready to have. She had indeed moved on, but not in the way Steph was implying. Her relationship with Zach Carlton was over.

She fiddled with her engagement ring and considered confiding in her friend. Steph was trustworthy, there was no doubt about that. But a promise was a promise. She'd given Zach her word that she would tell no one until after the movie's premiere, and with Ryan back in town, maybe that was for the best. If everyone thought she was engaged to Zach then there could be no speculation about her reasons for coming home. She'd had more than enough of being in the spotlight, and had no desire to draw any attention away from Steph and Nate's big day. She would tell Steph, but not until after the wedding and, if she could hold out that long, after she'd done her duty walking the red carpet with Zach at the premiere of
Hollywood Kisses.
‘I've definitely moved on,' she said.

Steph grinned. ‘Of course you have. I mean, Jo, you're engaged to Zachary Carlton! It just seems so unreal. Do you pinch yourself sometimes and wonder how a girl from Linden Gully ended up being so famous?'

Jo laughed. ‘I'm not famous.'

‘Are you kidding? You're a best-selling author and you're marrying the hottest guy on earth. I see your head in the gossip mags every other week. You're like a Kardashian.'

Jo winced. ‘I hope I'm not like a Kardashian. And I think Nate would have something to say if he knew you'd called my fiancé the “hottest guy on earth”. By the way, Zach has his flaws. What you see up on that screen isn't exactly how he looks when he gets up in the morning.'

‘Oooh, do tell.'

‘My lips are sealed. Now come on, let's go inside. I can't wait to see your mum.'

‘Daddy, I want you to play Monopoly with me.'

Ryan finished scraping his plate into the compost bin and placed it in the dishwasher. ‘Not tonight, sweetie. I'm tired.'

‘But you promised. This morning you said if I helped by picking up all my toys you'd play a game with me tonight.'

Shoot. She had him there. The last thing he felt like was playing games. He just wanted to kick back on the couch and watch some mindless drivel on the TV. Seeing Joey, sorry
Johanna
, had thrown him and he really wasn't up to being Fun Dad tonight. Perhaps Ella would be open to negotiation. ‘Sorry princess, I totally forgot. I'm really too tired for a long game. How about a quick round of Uno and then I'll put
The Little Mermaid
on for us to watch?'

Her little forehead creased in concentration for a moment. ‘Can we have popcorn?'

‘You drive a hard bargain, missy. Okay. You go find the Uno cards and I'll put a bag of popcorn in the microwave.'

Ryan smiled as she scampered off to her bedroom. She was such a great kid. Nothing ever fazed her. After Carly left, everyone — his mother, his brothers, friends — had tried to convince him that raising Ella alone was foolhardy. ‘You have no idea how hard it is, raising a child on your own,' his mother had said.

‘You raised three on your own.'