Feels Like Home (34 page)

Her stomach flipped in anticipation as two thuds signalled his boots being removed and dumped on the verandah. The front door slammed as he entered the house.

‘Jo? Where are you?'

‘In here,' she called.

The look on his face when he saw her was not what she'd imagined. His lips were set in a hard line, his brow creased into a frown. ‘What are you doing in bed?'

‘Ryan. Sorry. I just thought we could —'

‘I don't think so, Johanna. I think you should get dressed.'

‘Okay.' Jo's heart thudded against her ribcage. Was he angry? What had she done? ‘Ryan, is there something wrong? I'm sorry I got into your bed without asking. I can assure you I didn't sleep in here. I didn't do anything to give Ella the wrong impression.'

He raised his eyebrows. ‘Is that so?'

What the hell was going on here? ‘What do you mean by that?'

He held up his phone and there it was — the photo. Why hadn't she told him last night when she had the chance? ‘I can explain. Well, actually I can't really. I'm as pissed off about this as you are.'

‘Just get dressed would you? Then we'll talk.' His voice was calm but cold. He turned his back and left the room as she pulled back the covers.

She threw her clothes on willy-nilly, not bothering to check if buttons were properly fastened or if her hair was okay. When she was done she found him sitting at the kitchen table. He looked up expectantly as she walked over and took the seat opposite him.

‘Well? Care to explain this?'

Fear made her lips tremble. ‘Ryan, please. You're overreacting. This is not my fault.'

‘Who took it, Jo? How did it happen?'

‘I honestly don't know. Maybe it was someone at the party.'

‘You really expect me to believe that? There's no way any of the people at that party would do something like this to me. They're my friends. I trust them.'

Blood rushed to her cheeks as fear was replaced with anger. ‘And you don't trust me?'

‘I want to trust you, Jo, but I don't see how this could have happened. If you didn't have anything to do with it, why didn't you tell me about it? You clearly knew it was out there.'

‘I was going to. Last night, in fact. But then you hit me with all the stuff about Ella and then you were gone…'

‘Come off it, Jo. You knew how important it was to keep this relationship private for Ella's sake. After what I told you last night I would have thought that you'd understand it's not just about my feelings, it's about keeping her in my care. Jesus…' He visibly paled. ‘What else is out there? Is there anything else I should know?'

She shook her head. ‘Not that I know of. Ryan, you have to believe me, I had nothing to do with this. And anyway, I thought you wanted us to be together? What difference does it make if people see a photo of us kissing?'

‘It matters because as far as the world is concerned you're an engaged woman. It matters because it puts me in the middle of a Hollywood scandal and leaves me and my child open to scrutiny that we could well do without, but most of all it matters because you lied to me. You kept something from me, even after I told you the most intimate details of my life. I don't know what to think. You say you had nothing to do with it, but how do I know that? I can't trust anything you say anymore. Jesus, after everything I said about honesty…'

‘Ryan, you have to listen to me. I want to be with you. I'll do whatever it takes to fix this.'

He shook his head sadly. ‘I'm sure you mean that, Jo, but I don't know anymore. I love you, and part of me will always love you, but maybe we're just not meant to be. We haven't even started yet and look where we're at.'

‘Ryan, this is just a road bump. It's not a big issue.'

‘Maybe not in your world, but it is in mine. Your life's too big, too complicated for me. This incident has reminded me that you're a celebrity. This little town, a simple little life with me and Ella, will never be enough for you.'

‘That's not true.' She didn't try to stem the tears that were running down her face.

‘I'm sorry, Jo, but I can't risk it. It's one thing for you to break my heart but I can't let you do that to Ella. I won't let you.'

CHAPTER

35

The Jeep's tyres skidded on the gravel driveway as Jo pressed down on the accelerator. The sooner she got away from here, the better. Her cheeks burned with hurt and humiliation and she could barely see where she was going through the tears.

Once the farm could no longer be seen in the rear-vision mirror she pulled over to the side. She laid her head on the steering wheel and sobbed.

It was so unfair. She'd come here wanting nothing more than to be a good bridesmaid and escape the limelight for a bit. She hadn't sought Ryan out, hadn't even known he was here. And then, when against all reason she found herself falling for him all over again, she'd fought those feelings, told herself it could never work. Okay, so sleeping with him had been foolish, but he was the one who insisted they could have more. She'd doubted him, but he'd been convincing and then, oh god, that little girl…she'd fallen in love with Ella almost as much as her dad.

She thought she'd found it. Her place to call home. Where she finally belonged. Now it had been torn from her grasp before she'd had the chance to properly take hold. And despite what Ryan thought, this time she'd played no part in her downfall.

In her heart she'd known all along that the photo would upset him; she realised that's why she'd put off telling him. But she didn't expect the white-hot fury she'd just witnessed.

In a way, she didn't blame him for being angry. In light of what he'd told her last night she understood his fear. But the photo wasn't her fault. If only she could work out who'd snapped it and, more to the point, who'd uploaded it. Half the people at that party were unlikely to even use social media, let alone know how to upload a photo to Twitter. Of the people who were more likely to be tech savvy, she couldn't imagine who would do such a thing. Ryan was still a golden boy in these parts. No one would do something deliberately to hurt him. Unless one of the guys thought it was a good practical joke?

She swiped at her eyes with the backs of her hands, before searching her handbag for some tissues. Sitting here bawling her eyes out wasn't going to help. She glanced at her phone. It wasn't even ten o'clock. There was still plenty of time to have the special bridesmaid's lunch she and Steph had organised, if Steph hadn't made other plans already. She pulled out her phone and scrolled down the contact list, jabbing at Steph's name as soon as it emerged.

‘Hey you,' Steph's voice chirped down the phone. ‘I wasn't expecting to talk to you this morning. I believe Beth's making a good recovery. Thought you and lover boy might be having a little celebration.'

‘How'd you know about Beth?'

‘Grapevine. What's wrong with you? You sound like you've got a cold or something. Don't you dare get sick before my wedding. I simply won't have it.'

‘Don't worry, I'm not sick.'

‘Have you been crying? What's going on there?'

‘I'm fine. Well, not totally fine, actually, but I can tell you the details of that in person. Have you still got time for lunch today?'

‘Absolutely.'

Jo picked at her Caesar salad while Steph wolfed down a burger with the lot. When the last bite was gone Steph wiped her mouth with the napkin and patted her stomach. ‘That's better. I was totally famished.'

‘No pre-wedding jitters spoiling your appetite then?'

‘Nup. All good. I mean what's there to be nervous about, really? I love Nate and he loves me. We're going to stand up and say that in front of a whole bunch of people who love us to bits. I can't think of anything better really.'

Jo couldn't either. ‘I'm so happy for you both.' Try as she might she couldn't stop the tears pooling in her eyes.

‘Jo, I'm so sorry. I can't believe I'm waffling on about love after what's just happened.'

‘Don't be stupid. You're getting married the day after tomorrow. You're allowed to be happy, in fact I think it's probably expected. It's me who should be apologising. All I wanted when I came home was to be here for you. Instead you're the one propping me up.'

‘Now you're the one being stupid. It's been wonderful having you here. And I love that we can still tell each other everything. I want to be here for you Jo, wedding or not. Honestly, I don't see what all the fuss is about. It's just an excuse to have a party and wear a frou-frou dress.'

Jo laughed through her tears. ‘Your dress is hardly what I'd call frou-frou.'

‘It's tizzy by my standards. Anyway, my point is, just because I'm getting married doesn't mean I don't want to listen to your problems. I've missed our chats so much, Jo. Skype just isn't the same thing.'

‘I miss them too. More than you know. Since I've been home I've realised that my relationships in New York are kind of shallow. I've got plenty of friends, people I can meet for a drink or go to a club with, but no one I can really talk to. No one I trust.'

‘Come home then. What's stopping you?'

‘You know, early this morning I really thought that was a possibility, but now…how can I come home with Ryan living up the road? Linden Gully is such small place. We'd be in each other's faces all the time. I couldn't bear it.'

‘Surely this latest fiasco will blow over? I mean from what you've told me I can understand Ryan being a bit pissed off — you know how private he is — but it's not that big a deal. He'll get ribbed by some of his mates and whispered about by some of the school mums for a week or two. You know what it's like. Next week there'll be some new gossip spreading like wildfire.'

Jo had told Steph the whole story on the drive to Bellington. Well, almost the whole story. She'd left out the part about Ella not being Ryan's biological daughter. That wasn't her news to tell and besides, she'd given him her word. ‘Hmmm, I don't know. He seemed pretty angry to me. I can't see him cooling off any time soon.'

‘Maybe because he thinks it was you who uploaded it. If we could only work out who the real culprit is then surely Ryan would see sense.'

Jo shook her head. ‘Believe me, I would love to know who did it, but I have no idea. I guess I could spend some time online later today and see if I can trace it back to the original upload, but if the photo's gone viral — which it seems it has — it'll be like looking for a needle in a haystack. And I have no internet connection at Yarrapinga. I've been relying on the 3G on my phone. Bit useless for something like this.'

Steph signalled the waiter. ‘Do you want another coffee?' she asked.

Jo nodded. ‘Sure. It's not like I have anywhere else to be.'

‘Same again, thanks,' Steph said to the hovering waiter, before turning her attention back to Jo. ‘Wouldn't it be easier if we just looked at who was there that night and used a process of elimination?'

‘I've tried that and come up with zilch.'

‘Maybe you don't know everyone as well as you think you do. I don't suppose you've got anything useful like a pen or a bit of paper in that gigantic handbag of yours?'

Jo grinned. Steph saw handbags as a utility, not a fashion statement. ‘As a matter of fact I have both.'

‘Good. Give them here. Let's make a list, shall we?'

For the next thirty minutes Steph carefully recorded every guest present at the party and gave an honest, and sometimes withering, assessment of each one's character. By the time they'd finished their coffees, they'd exhausted all possibilities. They were no closer to an answer but Steph's descriptions had at least given Jo a laugh. ‘I think we should reconcile ourselves to the fact we're never going to get to the bottom of this one,' she said.

‘I'm not giving up that easily. I'll work it out eventually, mark my words. And the person who's responsible better get their running shoes on when I do.'

‘Honestly, Steph, I don't even know if it matters. Clearly Ryan doesn't trust me. He told me I broke his heart when I left for the States. I guess I have to take responsibility for that. I kept telling myself our break-up was his fault, that he jumped into a relationship with Carly the minute I hopped on the plane. But the truth is I was the one who left. I was scared. Scared of marrying a country vet and then resenting him for holding me back. Scared of becoming my mother.'

‘Oh Jo, you are not Katherine, not by a long shot.'

‘Yeah, I know that now. But back then…. anyway, Ryan was right to feel betrayed when I left. I've recently discovered my mother had a hand in making him believe I wasn't coming back. And I had no right to expect him to wait.'

‘All that's in the past. Let's worry about right now. You two are destined to be together. If I believed in all that astrology claptrap I'd say it was written in the stars.'

Jo smiled. Steph had always teased her about her belief in things of a mystical nature. ‘I think maybe we missed our chance at happily ever after. Ryan hasn't fully recovered from what I did to him all those years ago. He doesn't trust me. And if I can't prove that someone else uploaded the photo I don't think there's much chance of convincing him otherwise.'

Usually Fridays at the clinic were fairly relaxed. Ryan always kept the morning free so he and Taylah could catch up on administration and tidy up the treatment room. When there was time he tried to spend some time teaching her some basic procedures, like taking temperatures, suturing and the like. But this morning he was in no mood for teaching.

‘Where's my stethoscope?' he snapped.

‘I put it on the trolley in the exam room, I'm sure of it,' Taylah said.