Finding Divine (17 page)

“Oh, no, that’s not what I meant. What I’m trying to say is, it was a painful thing, wasn’t it, Dr. Wallis?”

A faint smile tilted the other woman’s lips. “Robin, remember? And yes, it was extremely painful. It nearly destroyed my marriage, actually.”

“Then how are you able to talk so calmly about it now?”

“It was nearly five years ago, and as they say, time does eventually heal all wounds.”

“It’s been twelve years since Jason…”

“It’s okay, to say it Jessica.”

“It’s been twelve years since Jason died, and it still hurts. Oh God, it hurts,” she sobbed, covering her face with her hands. Robin reached out and wrapped her arms around Jessica’s shaking body. Jessica’s cries came from deep within her soul. She’d cried a lot since she’d lost Jason, but for the first time it was with the knowledge that no amount of suffering, anger and hate could bring him back. In the back of her mind she’d always known it but she’d never fully accepted it, which is what had left her in an emotional limbo.

She cried for the loss of her beloved brother, and for the breakup of her family. She cried for the pain she’d felt on discovering Simon’s deception, and she cried for her baby who would be born into this mess. Once she began, Jessica couldn’t stop.

Robin stroked her hair and rocked Jessica within the folds of her arms. Somehow the therapist’s comforting arms only made Jessica sob harder. Maybe because with Robin it was finally okay to let out what’s she’d been holding in.  Jessica hadn’t realized just how pent-up her emotions had been up until now.

“It’s okay, hon, let it out. Don’t hold anything back. This is a long time coming.”

“Oh, Jason, why did you leave me? Why?” Jessica sobbed, clutching the front of Robin’s shirt, the misery overwhelming her. Jessica bawled until her throat was raw, and her head throbbed, but eventually, she calmed down when there were no more tears to cry.

Silence descended and neither woman spoke as they clung to each other, Robin giving comfort, and Jessica taking it. Her spirit was exhausted, but she felt as if a heavy stone had been lifted off her chest.

Eventually it was Robin who broke the silence. “How are you feeling?” she asked gently.

Jessica could barely see out of her tear swollen eyes. “I’m not sure. What just happened here?” she whispered, her voice sounding slightly hoarse.

“You’re starting the healing process.”

“If this is healing, it’s the pits.”

“Well, it’s not an easy thing, but eventually it gets better.”

“Do you think the baby moving was what caused this?”

“It could be. How do you feel about it now?” Robin asked gently.

“It’s really hard to explain. I guess I’m still trying to wrap my head around this whole pregnancy thing, but when I felt my child move inside me, something changed in me. I want this baby.”

“Good to hear. But that means we need your full cooperation, and you have to eat properly and do what you’re told.  Recovery won’t happen right away, because you have to work at it, but the good news is, you’re well on your way to it.”

A faint smile tugged at the corner of Jessica’s lips as she touched her bump protectively. “I would like to get better.”

Just then a knock on the door interrupted them. Robin frowned, moving away from Jessica then. “I wonder who that could be? We still have at least twenty minutes in our session.

When she answered the door, Jessica froze. A small blond woman stood on the other end of the door, an anxious expression on her face.  Why was Simon’s mother here, and why had she been allowed through the reception area?

“May I help you?” Robin asked politely.

Mrs. Lange ignored the doctor’s question, locking eyes with Jessica. “Jessica, please, I have to talk to you. It’s about Simon. He’s dying!”

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Jessica stiffened. What was Simon’s mother doing here? This was a private clinic and only authorized visitors were allowed past the reception area during specific hours. Ann Lange’s presence broke both rules.  “Make her go away, Robin,” she whispered, not having the strength to deal with whatever that woman had to say to her.

Robin turned to the intruder with a frown. “I’m sorry, but we’re in the middle of a session right now. Visiting hours aren’t until later, and only the people on Jessica’s list are allowed in, and I’m guessing you’re not on the list. How did you get past security?”

Ann Lange raised her chin defiantly. “I don’t care about any lists or security. I must talk to her.”

Robin shook her dark head and stood up to block the woman’s view of Jessica. “Well, you’ll need to leave because you’re not supposed to be here and you’re upsetting my patient.”

The older woman’s face went bright red. For a moment, Jessica thought she would go away, but to her surprise, Mrs. Lange shoved Robin out of the way and rushed to Jessica’s bedside, bypassing the stunned therapist.

“Jessica, please hear me out,” the woman pleaded.

The blood pounded in Jessica’s head, making it impossible to think, tension keeping her body absolutely still. She shot a pleading look in Robin’s direction. She couldn’t answer if she wanted to. Having this woman close to her was slowly pushing Jessica back into her dark place.

“I’m pressing the button for assistance now Jessica. We’ll get rid of her.”

Ann reached out and grabbed Jessica’s hand. “Please. My son needs you, Jessica. I don’t know what else to do. He needs to hear from you. If I didn’t think this was important, I wouldn’t have snuck in here like a vandal in the night. When he last saw you, he was in a terrible car accident. He’s had extensive injuries and he still needs lots of therapy in order to walk again, and even after that he might not be one hundred percent. Simon doesn’t give a damn about anything, including living. He’s lost so much weight, I’m terrified. He’s…I really think he’s just waiting to die.” Tears streamed down the woman’s face.

Jessica didn’t want to care, but hearing that Simon had been in a bad accident gave her no satisfaction. “I don’t know what you expect me to do.”

“Give me a few minutes of your time is what I’m asking.” Mrs. Lange reached out to touch her but Jessica flinched away.

“No,” Jessica said with a sigh. The tightening in her chest made it hard to breathe. If someone didn’t remove this woman soon, she feared another panic attack.

The older woman gasped. “Have you no compassion? I sympathize with your loss but Simon has suffered too. He needs you, and the more time that passes, he slips deeper into a state of apathy. You should see him. He’s made himself sick with depression. He has a shot of walking again, but he won’t get that chance if he doesn’t try.”

Jessica touched the soft swell of her stomach protectively and focused on the spot resting on the wall in an attempt to block Mrs. Lange’s words out. Jessica didn’t want to care, but she couldn’t help but feel a twinge of sadness for Simon. But she couldn’t think about that now. She had her own well-being to think of along with that of her unborn child’s.

“Apparently this woman snuck past security, is harassing my patient and refuses to leave,” Jessica heard Robin say.

“Ma’am, you’re going to have to leave, otherwise we’ll call the police and have you forcibly removed.” A man’s voice registered through the fog that began to surround Jessica’s mind. It was probably security.

“Keep your damn hands off me. I’m not going anywhere until I finish saying what I have to say to Jessica. Please don’t make them send me away like this. I beg you,” she finished, bursting into noisy tears.

Jessica wanted to send the hysterical woman away, but she knew she’d find her way back if she didn’t listen. The sooner she let the woman have her say the faster she’d be able to get rid of her. Jessica took several calming breaths before she was sure she wouldn’t have an attack. She then turned toward the distraught woman. “Five minutes,” Jessica whispered.

Grabbing Jessica’s closest hand Mrs. Lange squeezed it. “Bless you.”

Robin walked over to the bed, shaking her dark head. “I don’t think this is a good idea, Jessica. We were just about to make progress, and from what I gather this woman is somehow connected to the man who put you in your current condition.”

Mrs. Lange turned her angry blue eyes Robin’s way. “I think this is Jessica’s decision, not yours!”

Jessica glanced at her therapist. “Robin, I’ll talk to her for a few minutes. I know it’s against the rules, but I think I need to hear this.”

Robin pursed her lips, showing her obvious disapproval over Jessica’s decision. “Jessica, whatever might be said could cause a setback. Do you want to risk that?”

Jessica eased her hand out of Mrs. Lange’s grip and stared into her pleading blue eyes, ones so much like Simon’s. She realized if didn’t let the woman say her piece then her conscience would eat at her, and that would probably be just as bad as anything that could be said. “Robin, I appreciate your concern, but I think I need to deal with this.”

“Well, if you don’t mind, I think I’ll stay right here with you,” the therapist insisted.

Jessica nodded, secretly relieved Robin would stick around.

The security guard, however, was unwilling to budge. “Her being here is against the rules and she needs to go and I’m calling the police. This is completely against protocol.”

Robin turned to the cross-armed man. “Give the woman a moment, Pat. I’ll be here, watching her in case anything gets out of hand.”

“But she’s not supposed to be here. She’s trespassing,” he argued stubbornly.

“I realize that, but clearly she’s in distress. If this issue is brought up, I’ll take the rap for it,” Robin reassured.

“Hmph. Well, if anything goes wrong, it’s on your head.” The security guard shot Mrs. Lange a long glare before stalking off.

Robin looked at her watch and then at the woman still holding tightly onto Jessica’s hand. “You have five minutes, starting now. Then I’ll have to insist you leave.”

Mrs. Lange nodded, taking a seat by Jessica’s bed. She took a deep breath and opened her mouth, then closed it again as though she was trying to find the right words to say, but having a hard time at it. “I know I’m wasting time,” she began with a nervous laugh, “but I don’t know where to start. I’ve been trying to get in contact with you for nearly a month now. I need to first apologize for…for the way I’d initially reacted to you when we were originally introduced.”

Jessica shrugged. “You were stressed. No big deal.”

“But it is a big deal and I’m sorry. I’m sure you’re aware my relationship with Simon is strained. He and his father in particular used to butt heads on a regular basis, and it didn’t help matters that I did nothing to prevent it. I suppose it’s mainly my fault for the way things are between us now, but that’s another story, I suppose.”

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Lange, but I’m not sure why you’re telling me this.”

“Please call me Ann.” She paused to take a deep breath before continuing. “What I’m trying to say is, Simon and I don’t have an ideal mother and son relationship, my fault mostly, and maybe it never will be ideal, but as long as he’s alive, I have hope that one day things can be right between the two of us— like it ought to be. I’ll do anything to right the wrongs I’ve done, even if it means sneaking in here. Simon needs you, Jessica. I’m so scared for him that I don’t think he’ll make it for long if he continues on the way he has been.”

“Do you think his injuries will eventually kill him?” Jessica asked tentatively.

Ann wiped away a stray tear. “The doctors say his legs will atrophy if he doesn’t get the therapy required, but that’s the least of his problems. He’s willing himself to die. Simon feels like he has nothing to live for. That’s where you come in Jessica. I was hoping…no, I’m begging you to send some word to him. Give him hope. Anything to give him his fight back.”

As much as it saddened Jessica to know the shape Simon was in, she wasn’t sure if she could honor Ann’s request. It was simply too painful to even consider seeing him. “You’re asking an awful lot. I can’t see him. I’m sorry.”

“Jessica, just think about it. Please don’t turn your back on him. He needs you,” Ann implored.

Jessica’s already fragile nerves were at their snapping point. “And I need my brother! Who’s going to fix that?” she screamed, unable to hold back her outburst. “I’m sorry Simon is hurt, but if you want to relay a message from me tell him he’s lucky he didn’t suffer the same fate as my brother!”

Ann gasped as a horror-stricken expression crossed her face. “If there was a way, I’m sure he’d try to bring your brother back, but now you have a chance to save a life!” the older woman’s voice rose to near hysteria to match Jessica’s.

Jessica slapped her hands over her ears and inhaled and exhaled deeply, wishing she had taken Robin’s advice. Her chest was tight and she began to shake.

Robin stepped forward. “That’s enough. Your five minutes are up.”

Mrs. Lange ignored the therapist. “If you don’t care about him, do it for the child you’re carrying. Do you want your child to grow up fatherless?”

“Leave!” Jessica screamed.

Robin grabbed the woman by the arm with a strength that obviously surprised the older woman, who was yanked unceremoniously out of her chair and propelled to the door. Mrs. Lange fought against Robin’s vice-like grip, but to no avail.