Finding Ever After (19 page)

           
“I don’t. It would be a fucking waste of time, not worth the effort. But you,”
his finger skimmed along my collarbone, tracing his way from one shoulder to
the other. I shivered from the sensation and goose bumps raised all over my
body. “I would worship your body all night long and make you feel like a
goddess.”

           
A part of me wanted nothing more than to let him do exactly that. I knew he
would keep his word and it would be amazing, but then morning would come and I
would hate myself for it. If I wanted to be able to stomach looking myself in
the mirror, then I couldn’t compromise my beliefs or standards for one sweet
talking playboy, no matter how tempting it was to let my heart be swayed by the
feelings he awakened. I turned away from him to put some space between us and
to move our conversation away from my sleeping niece. He followed me into the
hallway outside of the living room and I took a deep breath before facing him.

           
“That’s just
it,
all it would be is one night. You can
dress it up any way you want, but in the morning it’s still a one night stand.”
I wasn’t angry with him anymore. I realized he truly thought he was making an
effort for me, that he was offering me something more. Somewhere along the way,
his idea of love had been warped and it wasn’t his fault that girls threw
themselves at him. It was sad really.

           
“You’re right about one thing though, I’m nothing like those girls and I’m not
ashamed of that. I want more than one night. I don’t want shallow and
meaningless, physical gratification. I need the hand holding, just want to hear
your voice, missed you all day, flowers for no reason, ring on the finger kind
of everything and that would include spooning too.” He just nodded but couldn’t
meet my eyes, he understood the question in my tone, and we both knew the
answer, but it was something we both needed to hear.

           
“I can’t give you that.” He said. “I don’t do relationships.” I had to be
imagining it, but his voice almost sounded regretful.

           
“I know
,
that’s why I think it would be better if we
didn’t blur any boundaries of this friendship.”

           
“Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever been on the receiving end of a blow off speech
before.” I rolled my eyes, his dumbfounded expression was amusing.

           
“It wasn’t a blow off, but we’ve established that it would never work between
us and considering you’re friends and roommates with someone who is family to
me, we’re
gonna
be stuck with each other. We
shouldn’t cross any lines that are going to make things awkward in the group,
which means you have to back off.”

           
“Friends huh?”

           
“You do know how to be just friends with a female without trying to get in to
her pants right?” He made a face of mock outrage.

           
“Of course, but just so we’re clear, this means you have to stop checking me
out all the time, Princess.” All trace of regret or anything deeper was gone
and his typical sarcasm and wit were back.

           
“You’ve really got to get over yourself.” I told him.

           
“I make no promises.” He winked before disappearing back into the living room.

           
Friends, yeah sure no problem.
I can do
that.

           
I followed behind him and watched him plop down on the couch and prop his feet
up on my coffee table. He patted the seat next him, but I opted for the
recliner on the other side of the room.

           
“Oh come on, I’m not going to bite you, we’re
friends.
” He was going to
be so obnoxious about this.

           
“Since we’re friends now, in the spirit of getting to know one another, tell me
how a senator’s son ends up playing rock star in dive bars?”

           
“The same way anyone else does.” His tone was brusque.

           
“I’m sorry if I offended you, but you have to admit it’s a little . . .
uncommon.”

           
“Yeah, well I never really fit the image my parents wanted for me. At birth my
whole life was planned out for me but it wasn’t what I wanted. They’re still
hoping that the band is just a phase I’m going through and that eventually I’ll
come around and go to law school, marry some spoiled bitch and give them 2.5
grandkids.”

           
“Your parents have met you right?” The idea of him putting on a suit and tie
every day and sitting in an office was ridiculous. He was born to make music,
and his talent shouldn’t be stifled by anyone’s expectations.

           
“Yeah, but they only see what they want.”

           
“So you aren’t very close with them?”

           
“I’ve met Chris’ mom and step dad and let’s just say that my mother and father
make them look like doting parents. Honestly, I think the only reason they had
a kid was to create a better image for my dad’s campaign.”

           
“So, no siblings?”

           
“Nope, one was enough for my parents I guess. What about you? It’s your turn to
spill your life story.”

           
“That was hardly your life story, but you already know my mom died and I lived
with my dad.”

           
“What I don’t know is why your brother Shane sent Sebastian and Chris into a
panic, or why everyone dances around the subject of your dad, heck your family
in general, like it’s some big secret, or what that asshole from the bar has to
do with your dad, or why the rest of us had to hear about you for over two
years before we ever met you and all anyone will say about it is that you were
away. So how about you pick one of those and start there.” This time I wasn’t
getting away without at least giving him something, I could see in his eyes he
was done letting me avoid his questions.

           
“I’ve never had a good relationship with my family, apart from my mom. I didn’t
know any of the rest of them until after she died.”

           
“You have other brothers and sisters?”

           
“I have another brother, Ryan, and a sister Cathryn. They’re younger than me,
but not by much. My siblings and I never got along and until recently that
included Shane. Bas has always just been overprotective.” I could see him
deciding whether or not to press me for more. It was clear that he knew there
was more to the story.

           
“And the rest?”

           
“My dad isn’t a good man and I don’t like to talk about him. Connor’s dad works
with mine so he grew up with Shane but I couldn’t stand him the first time I
met him. After high school I needed a change so I moved away. This is the first
time I’ve been back since. So there you have it.”

           
“That’s not it by a long shot, Princess.”
       

           
“I’m not the only one holding back.” I pointed out and that was enough to quiet
him, at least temporarily.

           
Once Izzy woke up from her nap she served as a nice buffer between the two of
us. She saved me from any further questioning about my past. She made sure that
his attention stayed on her. Of course he couldn’t resist her little cherub
dimples or the adorable way she would say “
Ky
Ky
” every time she wanted something from him. She kept him
wrapped around her finger right up until it was time to take her home.

           
“I come back Auntie Jaxy?” Isabelle asked as I buckled her into her car seat.
Even though it would be nice to reclaim my house from the building blocks,
stuffed animals and baby dolls that were scattered from one end to the other, I
was actually sad to be loading her into the car and taking her back to her
parents.

           
“Yeah baby girl, you can come back any time and stay the night with me.” I said
making sure all the straps on her car seat were tightened.

           
“Am I invited to the next sleep over?” Kyden snuck up behind me and poked his
head over my shoulder.

           
“Yes, yes!” She clapped her little hands together and he pressed his body
closer to mine so that he could lean over me and give her a peck on the cheek.
She
grinned
the biggest grin. I didn’t know which one
of them was more smitten with the other. Once I was confident that her seat was
secure I shut the door then turned around and smacked right into Kyden.

           
“Woah there, I said you had to cut that out Princess.” He put his hands on my
shoulders to steady me. “I’ll follow you to your brother’s and then you can
follow me to the bar.”

           
“Really I can just meet you all at the bar. I don’t need an escort the whole
way.”

           
“Wrong Princess.
Don’t
argue,
just get your cute ass in the car and drive.” He pressed my nose with his index
finger like I was a child and spun around. I was too stunned to react until he
was already strapping on his helmet and straddling the death machine parked
behind my car.

           
“Hey.” I shouted at him. “Friends don’t say things about friend’s butts.” He
just shook his head and I could see his chest vibrating with laughter.

           
“I’ll make a note of it.” The sound of the engine coming to life prevented me
from being able to say anything else.

           
“Auntie Jaxy, you and
Ky
Ky
get baby?” I had to get her to repeat herself three times before I understood
what she was asking.

           
“Oh no sweetie.
Ky
Ky
and I aren’t going to have a
baby. We’re not married like your mommy and daddy.
Ky
is just my friend.”

           
“Auntie Jaxy
love
Ky
Ky
. Mommy say
babies is love.” She didn’t know what
she was talking about. I didn’t love
Ky.
She was just
used to a home with a mother and father so of course she would think the
dynamic between Kyden and I was the same. After all, she wasn’t even three yet,
there’s no way she would be able to really see something like that.

           
“You’re right sweet girl, babies do come from love, but Kyden and I
aren’t
in love, he’s just my friend.” Izzy’s face scrunched
up in the cutest little frown. In that moment I couldn’t wait to give her
cousins to play with. I was only twenty one and had never felt the urge to rush
into having a family. I was in no way prepared to be responsible for anyone
else’s life when I was still trying to figure out how to be responsible for my
own, but now, after spending time with my niece and being reminded of what a
family should look like, my heart ached for the day when I would be ready to
start my own.

           
I pictured having a little girl or boy of my own, maybe one of each. I imagined
raising them in the house I grew up in, sharing the memories my mother and I
made and making new ones. When I realized that the two little kids I pictured
running through the house and playing in the yard both had startlingly familiar
green eyes, I shook my head as if I could just clear the image like an
etch-a-sketch. It had to be the conversation with Izzy. I turned up the radio
and tuned out the unhealthy thoughts.

           
“
When you feel my heat

           
Look into my eyes

           
It’s where my demons hide

           
It’s where my demons hide

           
Don’t get too close

           
It’s
dark inside

           
It’s where my demons hide

           
It’s where my demons hide”

           
Kyden’s piercing eyes found mine in
the crowd for what felt like the hundredth time tonight. He wasn’t unleashing
his typical level of sexual heat, but fire still burned in his eyes and I was
completely captivated. It didn’t matter whether he was serenading with sensual lyrics
or belting out a rock anthem, he sang everything with such conviction and an
intensity that made it impossible not to feel his passion. When he sang I could
really see him and I almost forgot why I couldn’t get involved with him,
almost.

           
When the set was over and I witnessed him making out with three different girls
who had all lined up to get autographs and obviously a little something extra,
I was reminded of exactly why falling for him was not an option.

           
“Don’t look babe.” I hadn’t noticed Ace approach, but that wasn’t surprising
considering I didn’t seem to be able to look away from Kyden and girl number
four.

           
“Am I that obvious?” I asked

           
“Only slightly, but like I said just don’t watch.” I groaned
,
embarrassed at how pathetic I was.

           
“I can’t help it. It’s like a car wreck on the side of the road and I can’t
tear my eyes away.”

           
“Well let me distract you. Ask me anything you want to know about me.” There
was something I had been curious about since first meeting him.

           
“Okay, how did you get the nickname Ace, and why is Damien’s Spade? Are you
guys like in some poker club?”

           
“Poker club?
No,” He chuckled lightly. “We did get our
nicknames in the same place though. We were a Marine sniper unit. He was the
sniper and I was his spotter.”

           
“What does that have to do with playing cards?”

           
“It doesn’t, but, well, we were very good at what we did and picked up a
reputation. A spade is a symbol for death in some cultures, and Ace was in
reference to skill and accuracy. The two just went together and they stuck even
after we finished our second tour and were discharged.”

           
“Oh.” Yeah, that was my profound response. It was hard to see the two of them,
who both seemed so care free and almost reckless, as being hardened soldiers. I
couldn’t even imagine the things they must have experienced, that they had
done. I was willing to bet that Spade’s flippant demeanor was a front. The more
time I spent with all of the guys the more I realized they all had their own
scars. They might not all be physical like mine, but there was so much more to
them than I had initially seen.

           
I was lost in thought and was taken completely off guard when Ace leaned
forward and pressed his lips to the corner of my mouth briefly.

           
“
Wh
- what was that for?” I mumbled trying to figure
out what had happened, if I had somehow led him on, or maybe talking about his
past left him vulnerable and he was reaching out.

           
“Relax, I was helping you.
Ky
was looking over here.”
I started to turn my head in his direction but Ace stopped me by cupping my
cheek in his hand.

           
“Don’t look. Act like you
don’t
even know he’s there
babe.”

           
“It doesn’t matter. It’s not like he cares anyway.” Ace’s eyes flitted in
Kyden’s direction and he laughed.

           
“Oh, I’d say he cares alright
darlin
. He looks like
he wants to come over here and rip my head off.” I had to fight not to look. I
don’t know why I was listening to Ace and resorting to playing games, but I
couldn’t help myself. Despite my insistence that we remain just friends, I
seemed to lose all sense of reason around that boy.

           
“H-
heey
bessssstie
.
Ya
kissin
on Ace now, I
thoughtcha
wass
hot
fer
Ky
?” Bas slung his arm around
my shoulder and I could tell by the way he was slurring his words and the
strong smell of liquor wafting off him that he had consumed a fair amount of
alcohol. Drinking wasn’t uncommon for him when we went out, but it wasn’t like
him to get drunk. I’d have to keep an eye on him. I wasn’t going to let him
drown his sorrows in booze. I was still working on a way to repair things
between him and Lissa.

           
“I’m not hot for anyone. You’re drunk Bas, you don’t know anything.”

           
“
Yesh
I am, but
ya
can’t
fool me Jazzy. I know better.” Ace just laughed and walked away, leaving me
with
drunk
Bas. He reached to pull out a stool at the
empty table next to us and tugged me down into the seat, right on his lap.

           
“
S’okay
Jazz, I know
ya
like
im
, ’m not mad.
Ya
can’t help
howya
feel. Jus be careful, he’ll
hurtcha
Jazz, don’t
letim
urtcha
.” His head lolled forward and rested against the
back of my shoulder. I knew he was only minutes away from falling asleep. I
looked around to see if I could spot Chris to help me get him out of there
before he passed out. Thankfully I spotted Chris at the bar not far away.

           
“Come on Bas, time to get up.” I yanked on his arm to pull him out of the
chair. He groaned and reluctantly stood up. He wrapped his arm around my
shoulder again and I had to support a lot of his weight as we walked over to
where Chris was standing.

           
“Hey, I think your brother is done for the night. You should probably get him
out of here while he can still stay upright” Chris eyed his brother. “Well,
partially upright anyway.”

           
“Okay, I was just closing out my tab and then I’ll take him back to my place.
He won’t be of any use to you tonight. Ask one of the guys to go home with you,
but do it before they make other plans if you know what I mean.” Unfortunately
I did know what he meant and I doubted any of them would be thrilled about
having to pass on getting laid just to keep me company.

           
“Set him down there and I’ll keep an eye on him while you go figure out who’s
going to stay with you.” Stupid Bas for getting drunk, and stupid
Vi
for wanting to spend the night in at Jake’s.
Realistically I knew it wasn’t their fault, they both deserved to have a night
where they didn’t have to worry about me, but I really wasn’t looking forward
to asking one of the other guys for help.

           
I hoped Ace would be willing. I was beginning to really enjoy his company and I
was the most comfortable around him but before I could find him to ask, I came
across Kyden and harpy Barbie. I hadn’t seen her all night until then and I
tried, unsuccessfully, to change directions and skirt past them without being
noticed.

           
“If you’re looking for Ace Princess, you won’t find him.” Kyden’s voice held a
bitterness that I found surprising, but secretly pleased me.

           
“Why not?”

           
“Him and Danny just split.”

           
“Damn it.” I muttered under my breath.

           
“Babe, come on, let’s get out of here.” Kaylie practically purred in his ear
while pressing her breasts up against him and I had to fight back the urge to
gag.

           
“Just a sec.”
He shrugged her off and then turned back
to me.

           
“What you need Ace for Princess, you planning on throwing yourself at him
next?”

           
Jerk.

           
“No.” I snapped. “I just . . .” I didn’t really want to tell him that I needed
someone to stay with me. I didn’t know whether I was more afraid that he would
or wouldn’t offer.

           
“Just what Princess?”
I sighed in frustration, but
knew that if Danny and Ace were both gone I didn’t have a choice.

           
“Bas is really drunk, too drunk to go back to my place.”

           
“You need someone to stay with you Princess?”

           
“Yeah, but don’t worry about it, I’ll find someone else to-”

           
“No you won’t. I’ll stay.”

           
“What the hell?” Kaylie whined and grabbed his arm. “You said we were
gonna
-”

           
“Yeah, well now we’re not.” He cut her off and pulled out of her grasp, leaving
her fuming. Of course instead of being mad at him she turned her anger on me.

           
“Why don’t you grow the fuck up and get your own man. It’s pathetic that you
have to play poor, helpless female to get a guy to go home with you.” She
sneered.

           
“Kaylie shut up and go find someone else to put you on your back tonight.” Her
eyes widened and her jaw dropped open. I kind of expected her to hit him. I
would have.

           
“Why, you think that little girl will be better? You know she’s not as good as
me.” Was I supposed to be insulted that I’m not as slutty as her?

           
“Doesn’t fucking matter. I’m not screwing her. Unlike you, she doesn’t have to
get me off for me to want to spend time with her.”

           
“Fuck you, asshole.”

           
“I already said not tonight.” For the second time I thought she was going to
slap him. He deserved it, but she just turned and stormed off.

           
“Did you have to be so harsh?” I asked.

           
“Why do you care? She’s a bitch to you.”

           
“I know, but still, you two are . . . well whatever you are and no girl
deserves to be treated like that, no matter how wretched I think she is.”

           
“There really is no winning with you, is there?”

           
“Are you trying to say you were mean to her for me?”

           
“Well I wasn’t going to let her take her anger at me out on you. I was trying
to be a nice guy and all that shit, but obviously I shouldn’t have bothered.” How
could someone so dense, have so many girls begging for a piece of him?

           
“It’s not that I don’t appreciate your intentions, but I can stick up for
myself. I really don’t care what she says. Really all you did was
make
her hate me more, so next time you should probably just
work on not being such a jerk to women.” He rolled his eyes at me and let out a
groan.

           
“You’re going to be that obnoxiously pushy friend who tries to make me
a better person aren’t
you.”

           
“We both know I can’t make you do anything, but I do fully intend to help you
realize when you’re not living up to your potential. I’ve seen you be kind so I
know you’re capable of it and somewhere inside of you is a partially decent
guy.”
I think.
Maybe.

           
“Fuck, this friendship thing isn’t going to be as much fun as I thought. You
sure we can’t just have sex and then you can hate me or whatever? That seems
simpler.” It probably would be much simpler than trying to be friends with this
guy, but apparently I’m a masochist and wanted to drag out my torture.

           
“Do you really want me to hate you?” He just sighed and grabbed my hand,
pulling me along behind him as he moved through the thinning crowd to where
Chris and Bas were still waiting at the bar. I couldn’t help the smile that
curled up the corners of my mouth. “That’s what I thought.”

           
“Come on Princess before I change my mind.”

           
“Hey Jazzy look,
ya
found
im
.
Nowya
can
tellim
ya
didn
’
wanna
kiss Ace.
Ya
wanna
kiss
im
.” Why couldn’t he have already passed out? When he
sobered up I was going to kill him. Kyden thought he was incredibly amusing and
his typical cocky grin was plastered across his face. Mine, however, was
getting redder by the second. Could I seriously not go five minutes in his
presence without blushing? The more I blushed the bigger his grin got.

           
“Would you take him home already?” Chris laughed but helped Bas to his feet.

           
“
He going
home with you Tink?” He nodded at Kyden.