Finding Hope (Love's Compass Book 2) (18 page)

Dessert was peach cobbler and vanilla ice cream.

At dinner, Gideon had only eaten rolls and cheese, but he put away a bowl of ice cream without complaint. Serenity chuckled at him and swiped a drip off his chin with her napkin.

Laurie approached Lexi and sat next to her on the couch. “When’s your next session?”

Lexi thought a moment. “This coming Friday.” She made a face. “At least it’s the last one. I’m ready to be done.”

“I imagine.” Laurie was silent for a time. “I’m not going to get in the middle of things. But I wanted you to know that I’m happy to drive you to your session that day. Say the word.”

Lexi regarded her sister-in-law. She had to be one of the sweetest, kindest women she’d ever known. Tuck had known what he was doing when he asked her to be his wife. The two of them seemed happy together. “I appreciate that, Laurie. Thank you. I’ll take you up on it.”

The ladies visited for a while about photography and a particularly difficult session Laurie had the week before.

“I have a new rule. No pot-bellied pigs allowed in my studio.”

The story had Lexi laughing hard, tears flowing. “I wish I’d been there.”

“Oh I wish you had, too. I’ll send you a few of the pictures when I get them processed. They aren’t going on the website. I’m serious – no more farm animals.”

Lexi was laughing. The image of a pot-bellied pig wearing a sunhat and running through Laurie’s studio was one she wouldn’t forget soon.

Lance had gone outside for something, taking Tuck with him. When they returned, each of them were carrying cardboard boxes. Lance scanned the room, his gaze settling on Grams.

They set the boxes down and Lance cleared his throat.

“I took the table back to my workshop like I promised I would. I hoped I could somehow repair it for you. I’m sorry to say that the fire damaged too much of the surface for me to salvage the table itself.”

Grams was trying to hide her disappointment, but her chin quivered.

“There was enough wood spared for me to take it and transform the table into something for each of you. I hope you like them.”

Lance carried his box over to Grams. “I used what I could of the top to make this for you. I know it’s not the same, but I hope it helps relieve your loss.”

They watched as he pulled out a wooden box that was two feet by two feet square. Lance had stained the wood so it was almost identical to the original. Grams reached for it and placed it gingerly on her lap. She ran her hand over the top of the box, lifting the hinged lid. When she looked inside, she gasped, tears springing to her eyes.

Patty stood. “What is it, Mom?” She put an arm around Grams’ shoulders and peered into the box. “Lance, this is perfect.”

Wiping tears from her eyes, Grams turned the box and tilted it so others around the room could see it.

When Nicholas had made the table, he’d signed the bottom of it. Lance had taken that part of the table and used it to create the lid. Grams would be able to see his name every time she opened the box.

Grams ran a weathered finger over the signature while holding her locket in the other. She handed the box to Patty and stood. “This, young man, couldn’t be more perfect.” She hugged him tightly and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Thank you for giving my Nicholas’ table back to me.”

“You’re welcome, Grams.”

There was no mistaking the moisture in Lance’s eyes as he cleared his throat. “I have something for the rest of you, too.” He passed out round trinket boxes he’d made to Tuck, Serenity, Patty, Lexi, and Gideon. “I used the table legs for these.”

Lexi’s hand brushed Lance’s as she took the gift from him. It was perfect, every part sanded smooth and stained. She grasped the lid and lifted it, her eyes widening when she saw what was inside.

Nestled in a piece of cloth, she found the glass ball she’d seen at the renaissance festival. Tears stung the back of her eyelids as she touched the smooth glass.

Lexi examined the object in her hands with awe. The trinket box alone was an amazing gift. But when she saw the glass ball, her heart skipped a beat. Not only had Lance noticed how much she’d liked it, but he had thought to buy it for her before they’d left the renaissance festival. His attention to details made Lexi feel treasured in a way she hadn’t thought possible.

Her gaze rose to meet Lance’s. His blue eyes were filled with emotion. Sadness, hope, and something else she couldn’t quite identify swirled together. He studied her face with an intensity that made Lexi wonder what was going through his mind while simultaneously fearing what she might discover.

Serenity stood and gave him a hug followed by Tuck. “This is amazing, thank you.”

“It’s beautiful.” Laurie said, looking at Grams’ box. She turned her attention to Lance. “You outdid yourself. These are all special.”

Lance rubbed a hand across his goatee. “I’m glad everyone likes them.”

Lexi could see his ears were flushed and knew he was embarrassed by all the attention. She was trying to decide what to say to him when her phone rang. Relief mixed with annoyance ran through her as she took it to the kitchen.

When the call was over, she went back into the living room. “Guys, I’m so sorry. I just got called into work. They have had two nurses call in sick and need someone to fill in for a few hours.” She circled through the room, giving hugs to her family members. “Thank you guys for a fun evening. I’m glad things are beginning to return to normal here at the house.”

Patty hugged Lexi close. “I wish you didn’t have to leave so quickly.”

“I know, Mom. Me, too. Don’t count on me at church tomorrow. I have no idea how late I’ll be working. I’ll text you, though.”

Patty nodded.

Lexi picked up her box and turned to Lance. Her heart thudded painfully in her chest as she approached him. She held the box he’d made her out in front as if it could act like a shield between them. “Thank you so much.” She swallowed past the emotion building in her throat. “It’s perfect.” Lexi wanted to run, but knew that he deserved a hug for all of his hard work. Everyone else had given him one and it would be more awkward not to. She reached for him with one arm and turned her head, doing her best to keep it as brief as possible.

The moment his arms closed around her, every muscle in her body wanted to sink into him. She breathed in his scent — a combination of cedar and soap.

The embrace only lasted a moment, but before releasing her, Lance paused, his mouth close enough that she could feel the warmth of his breath on her ear. “I love you, Lex.”

His words brought the sting of tears and stole the breath from her lungs. She stepped away from him, gave a final wave over her shoulder, and all but fled from the house before anyone tried to stop her.

When she got to the safety of her car, she took a tentative breath as hot tears trickled down her cheeks.

~

Lexi was only supposed to work a few hours at the hospital, but they didn’t get a replacement in until nearly one in the morning. She was tired, but it was her heart that felt bruised.

Lance loved her. She’d known that for a while now, but hearing him say it was a completely different thing. It hurt because she knew that she was in love with him, too. But staying away was something she had to do — for him.

Lexi should have gone home, but she found herself going upstairs to the NICU. She knew that the newborn she’d helped stabilize was still receiving care. He’d been on her mind a lot and she thought going to see him would be good for both of them.

She spotted him quickly and was relieved to see that he was no longer intubated and appeared to be breathing on his own. Extra oxygen was being administered through a nasal cannula, taped firmly in place. The baby was sleeping, his face peaceful.

“You’re from the ER?”

Lexi turned to find another nurse standing behind her. She nodded. “I was one of many who worked to stabilize this little guy. I wanted to see how he was doing.”

“He’s made significant improvements.” The nurse went through and gave Lexi a general report on his condition. “They did find the parents who abandoned him. They are eager to relinquish their rights. We’re hoping the little guy will be released in another day or two to a couple who’ll foster him.”

“Wow! So they already found someone?”

“That’s what I’ve heard. Apparently a local couple who have been waiting to foster and eventually adopt a baby.” The nurse smiled down at the boy fondly. “It looks like he’s going to get his happily ever after.”

Praise God! Lexi studied the baby’s tiny features.

“Would you like to hold him? We usually have a couple of volunteers who come in to hold the NICU babies. We’ve found it makes a difference in their recovery time. We don’t have any volunteers on the schedule for today.”

Lexi looked from the nurse to the baby and back again. She surprised herself when she said, “I would love to hold him for a while.”

The nurse smiled brightly. Lexi took a seat in a rocking chair nearby as the nurse lifted the baby and placed him in her arms, taking care to arrange the different tubes and monitor wires. “I’ll be back to check on you in about fifteen minutes.”

Lexi gave a nod without looking away from the tiny face. The baby boy opened his eyes briefly and yawned. He wiggled around in her arms and eventually settled. As he fell asleep again, his tiny mouth made suckling motions.

The warm weight of his body in her arms caused Lexi to relax in the chair. She found herself rocking it gently while humming. She stroked his tiny hand with a single finger.

Her foot stilled and the chair stopped as a realization came to Lexi. The baby’s biological parents clearly could have children of their own, yet weren’t able to care for or love the baby they had created. On the other hand, there was a couple who, for some reason or another, was unable to have children. Yet they hadn’t given up hope that they would add to their family in a different way.

God took that couple’s situation and brought them in touch with a life that desperately needed them.

The baby stirred in Lexi’s arms and she started rocking him again. 

“You’ll never remember how you came into this world, little one.” Lexi touched her cheek to the small tuft of hair on his head. “Hopefully all you’ll know is the love of a dad and mom who waited a long time for you to come into their lives. You’re going to be their miracle.”

Lexi smiled and for the first time in months, she felt as though a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Her heart felt light and goosebumps appeared on the surface of her arms.

Maybe God was using her situation to mold her into the person she needed to be. Maybe He was preparing her life so she could be part of a miracle like this someday.

As she continued to rock the baby, she prayed. “God, I haven’t been very good at listening to you lately. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that I don’t have control over a lot of things in my life. Yet You have managed to pull me through all of these challenges despite my stubborn pride. Help me to relinquish more control to You.”

Without warning, a verse popped into her head. “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things.” Matthew 6:34 — she remembered the pastor talking about it several months ago. At the time, it hadn’t meant anything specific to her. Now, it resonated through every cell in her body.

That was exactly what she’d been doing — worrying about what might be. All of the doubts that had been playing through her head came back to her in a wave.

What if Lance decided having biological children was important? What if he changed his mind about her?

Lexi couldn’t know what her future held. There was only one thing that worrying about it did for her — it robbed her of what was right in front of her in the here and now.

Lance.

Maybe it was time to place her hopes in God and let Him take care of her future for a change.

~

Tuck caught Lance before he’d had a chance to climb into his Jeep after church Sunday morning.

“Have you heard from Lexi?”

Lance had watched Lexi walk out the door at the Chandler house the night before. The call Lexi received couldn’t have come at a worse time. He’d hoped she would see his gift and then he could talk to her. Knowing his opportunity was quickly slipping through his fingers, he’d whispered that he loved her. He wasn’t sure what he’d hoped would happen once the words were out of his mouth. But Lexi had left quickly leaving him with nothing to cling to but his doubts.

“Not a word.”

“Sorry, man. I really thought you two would get a chance to talk last night.” Tuck paused. “I’ll go by her place and find out what’s going on.”

“Don’t. The ball’s in her court, now.”

Tuck stepped around to stand in front of his best friend. “You’re giving up on her?”

“No. But I can’t convince her to do or feel a certain way. And neither can you. It has to be her decision.”

It pained Lance to say it, but it was the truth. He’d done everything he could to show and tell her how he felt.

“She’ll come around, Lance. I’ve always felt you two were meant to be together.”

He hoped Tuck was right. If she didn’t, he prayed he would know how to survive when she walked away with his heart.

Lance spent the majority of the afternoon at home. He alternated between praying for his relationship with Lexi and trying to push her from his mind. When he blinked at the page of a book he’d been trying to read for the last thirty minutes, he tossed it down on the coffee table.

He thought about the projects waiting for him at the workshop. Maybe if he worked and got something accomplished, it would help. It was just after four when he took off in his Jeep.

As he pulled to a stop in front of the building, his eyes were drawn to the door.

Lexi was sitting on the steps, her arms around her knees, drawing them to her chest. Her chin rested on her arm as a blue floral handkerchief fluttered in the breeze at the nape of her neck.

Lance’s chest felt tight as he stepped to the ground and he walked towards her. “How long have you been here?”

She tilted her left wrist to look at her watch. “Since two or so.”

“Lex, that was over two hours ago. Why didn’t you text me?”

She shrugged and made no motion to stand. Lance unlocked the door and retrieved a bottle of water from the small fridge he kept in the office. He handed it to her and offered a hand to help her up. Lexi accepted, rising to her feet.

“Thank you,” she said. She twisted the lid off and took a long drink. After replacing the lid, her eyes flitted to his and away again. “Can we talk?” She clutched the bottle of water in both hands, rotating it between them. “Please?”

Lance had an empty feeling in the pit of his stomach as he stood to the side and motioned her inside the workshop. When he reached for a chair, she shook her head emphatically.

“I would rather stand.”

“Okay.” He said the word slowly. He resisted the need to reach out and touch her arm. Lance studied her profile. He admired the dark eyelashes that delicately framed her lovely eyes. He wished she would look at him.

Lexi took a deep breath. “Communication has not been my strong point lately. You’re my best friend. Instead of shutting down, I should have talked to you about it. I’m sorry.”

That was what he’d missed the most. Being able to talk to Lexi and share their thoughts. He nodded once. “Apology accepted.” She raised her chin to look at him. “What happened at the renaissance festival? I thought we had something really great between us. Something that day scared you. Or made you change your mind. What was it?”

She took a deep breath. “You’re the last of the Davenport men. I didn’t know that until I spoke with your sisters at the festival. I’ve watched you with Gideon. You’ll make a great dad, Lance. Someday you’ll want kids you can take fishing or teach them how to make things like your dad taught you.” Her gaze collided with his. “That was the day I truly realized that I couldn’t give you any of that.”

The familiar ache assaulted his heart as he listened to her words. “Not having a biological child isn’t the end of the world.” Losing her, now that was a different story.

“I was scared.”

He could tell it took a lot out of her to admit that. She’d faced her fears for as long as he’d known her. A lot of reasons for her silence had filled his imagination, but fear on her behalf wasn’t one of them. “What were you scared of?”

Lexi clung to the water bottle as if it were a lifeline. Her eyes were on it as she wrestled with her words.

“I was scared that, five years from now, you might change your mind about us. About me.”