Finding Hope (Love's Compass Book 2) (12 page)

“The thought has crossed my mind,” she admitted. “I should be thankful I only have to go through three sessions. It could have been worse.”

“That it could,” he agreed. “But I think you still have the right to hate the experience.”

“I appreciate that.” She paused. “You know, I was offered a job as a nurse in an oncology department before I graduated.”

“I had no idea. I guess you turned it down?”

“I didn’t think it was for me. Plus, the job was in Chicago. Now, after all of this, I know oncology would not have been a good fit.”

He hadn’t realized Lexi moving to Chicago had been an option. Praise God she’d chosen another route. “How did you end up working at the ER?”

“It just kind of happened. I wanted to work in Kitner to be near my family and to help the people in the town I grew up in. I started out on the surgical floor. One day, they needed me to float down to the ER because they were short-handed. The place seemed to fit me like a glove. I got my specialization and moved down there permanently.”

Lance shifted to cross his right ankle over the opposite knee. He massaged his chin through his goatee. “At the time? Are you not sure anymore?”

“The hours get to me. But I love being there to help the kids who come in. That’s my favorite part of the job. Doing what I can to make them feel better and get them to smile before they leave again.”

He watched as a beam lit up her face.

“Something tells me you’re good at your job.”

She shrugged. “Well, they haven’t fired me yet. I must not be doing too badly.” She turned to observe him. “I imagine your parents are proud of how well you’re doing at the shop. Tuck mentioned that you’ve got more business than you have time for.”

“It’s been busy. But in a good way. Dad’s happy with how everything is going, although I think he’d much rather be out there doing the work himself. Sitting around the house is driving him crazy – and my mom, too.”

“I imagine. They’re lucky they have each other, though.”

“That they are.”

They were both silent for a while. Lance thought she might have dozed off when she spoke again.

“I meant what I said about being blessed to have you as a friend. Thanks for not giving up on me, even when I’m not the nicest person to be around.”

“Trust me, I have my moments, too. For someone going through so much, you’re handling it with a lot of grace.”

Their eyes locked and Lance could have drowned in the depths of her emotions. He wanted to hold her hand again. Or even better — hold her in his arms.

If she hadn’t been tethered to an IV, he would have done just that.

The urge to kiss her was strong. He worked to slow the beating of his heart. Especially when he found her watching him like that, as if she might kiss him back.

Lexi was in a cancer center with medication pumping into her arm. She was tired and vulnerable. This was not the right time.

Now if he could continue to convince himself of that for another couple of hours.

Lexi thought Lance might have tried to kiss her again if they were anywhere else but the center. At the moment, she wasn’t sure she would stop him. Which was crazy, right?

She couldn’t tear her gaze from his when a nurse walked in with another glass of water. “Are you doing okay, hun?” She set the plastic cup on the table near the bed and picked up the old one.

The interruption was precisely what Lexi needed. The goosebumps on her arms made the hair stand on end and she took a deep breath to steady the galloping of her heart.

“Yes, thank you.” A sip of the cold water was another good distraction. By the time the nurse finished checking on her IV and made a few comments, Lexi had pulled her thoughts to a much safer place. After the nurse left, she reached up to make sure her handkerchief was still in place.

“Don’t feel like you have to keep wearing it.”

She shrugged. The truth was, she would have liked to take it off. But the idea of letting Lance — or anyone — see her bald head for the first time was making her nervous. Maybe that was silly, but she couldn’t help it.

“Lance, will you do me a favor?”

“Of course.”

“When you talk to Tuck, will you let him know about my hair? Maybe he can prepare my family before Sunday night dinner. I’m not sure I can handle it if my mom falls apart.”

“I’ll mention it to him tomorrow.” He acted like he wanted to say more but stopped himself.

“What is it, Lance?”

He hesitated. “I do talk to Tuck a lot. But I wanted you to know that, from now on, I won’t say anything to him about our conversations unless you ask me to. I want you to know you can always trust me.”

His words did funny things to her heart and her belly did a flip. She resisted the urge to reach a hand out to him.

“Thank you.” 

After the chemo session was over, Lance insisted that Lexi get lunch and took her to Cane’s again.

“I talked to my parents about the renaissance fair idea and they’re excited about it. We’re going to go next weekend. Gwen, her husband, and Beth are going to make it, too.”

“Oh, that’s great! I’m glad they liked the idea!”

He stroked his goatee absently. “I was thinking about something. Why don’t you come with us?”

“Me? Why?”

“Because I think you could use a break from everything you’re going through. And there’s nothing like jumping into the craziness of a renaissance fair to leave that behind and pretend to be someone else.”

Lexi could feel her face flush. Spending more time with him appealed to her. But going to the fair with him and his family was a lot different than bumping into him at church or agreeing to have him drive her to Dallas.

On the other hand, he was right. She could use time away from her job, chemo, and everything else that was going on right now.

“Well, goodness knows you’ve spent plenty of time with my crazy family. It would be fun to go to the fair and get to know yours a little better, too.”

His grin was huge. “Great! It’s about a five-hour drive there. We need to sit down and go through our schedules. I know my family is planning to drive down on Friday evening, stay in a hotel, go the fair on Saturday, and come back home on Sunday.”

“Let me check when I get in to work on Monday. I may have to drive in early Saturday.”

“Sounds good. We’ll figure it out.”

~

Lexi fell asleep for a while on their drive back to Kitner.

By the time he pulled in front of her apartment building, she was feeling relaxed. That chemo session was over and now she could focus on something else for a few weeks.

He walked her to the door of her apartment.

“Thanks again, Lance. I’m hoping these oils and vitamins help. But if it’s anything like last time, don’t be surprised if I don’t text or anything tomorrow.”

“I won’t worry if you promise me you’ll call someone if you get too sick.”

“I promise.”

“Okay.” She thought he would turn and leave. Instead, his gaze traveled to her handkerchief. “Did you keep your head covered because you were uncomfortable?”

She was going to object but gave a small shrug.

“In general? Or with me specifically?”

Lexi thought about that. Mostly in general. Although the more she considered it, the more she realized how nervous she was about what Lance would think.

Which was silly, right?

People would eventually have to see her bare head anyway. Someone was going to be the first and it may as well be him.

Okay, deep breath. Let’s get this over with.

She worked to untie the handkerchief at the base of her neck. When she pulled it off her head, the warm breeze hit her skin and it felt amazing.

Lance took in her profile, his gaze traveling from the top of her head to her eyes. Her heart pounded hard in her chest. She was sure he could see it trying to escape like they did in cartoons.

What was he thinking? Was her bald head hammering home she was no longer whole?

He interrupted her thoughts when his hand moved to caress the smooth skin. “In case you have any doubts, you are beautiful.”

Tears filled her eyes as his words sunk in. He took a step closer to her and his hand moved to cup the back of her neck. She inhaled sharply. He kissed her then, capturing her lips with such gentleness, she couldn’t help but feel treasured.

As she leaned into his kiss, she felt his other arm surround her with strength.

She lost herself in the moment and wasn’t sure how much time had passed when their kiss broke.

A sigh escaped at the tenderness on his face. She laid her cheek against his shoulder. “Lance. This isn’t a good idea.”

“It feels like a good one to me.” He kissed her cheek and hugged her close.

Lexi chuckled. “You might feel differently about it tomorrow.”

“I doubt that very much. I’ve wanted to do that since I was sixteen.”

She leaned back to study him. “I knew you had a crush on me when we were teens. There’s no way that’s lasted all this time.” He shrugged and she shook her head in amazement.

“What about you? How did you feel when you left for college?”

“I liked you back then, but at eighteen, two years younger is huge. You were Tuck’s best friend. I had college.”

“It’s okay, Lex. You were in another place back then and I understood that. I wondered if you saw me as anything more than Tuck’s annoying friend and if you missed me when you left.”

“It was very hard for me to go to college. I left all my family. I lost all my friends — and that included you. We practically grew up together. You lived at our house half the time.”

Lance laughed, his arms still around her waist. “Tuck saved me from the estrogen overload at my house.” He studied her face. “My being two years younger doesn’t bother you now?”

“There are a lot of other things I’m more worried about than our age difference.”

Like letting herself fall for him when there was a chance he could change his mind. She was still convinced it would happen eventually when he came to his senses.

And she wouldn’t think too hard about the consequences if the surgery and chemo didn’t work like the doctor thought it would.

It was clear Lance had other questions. Instead of saying anything else, he hugged her again.

“Go get some rest. If you need anything tomorrow, call me.”

Lexi swallowed her pride. “Will you bring me another batch of that chicken noodle soup?”

His face lit up. “I’ll bring it by at noon. Will that be good?”

“That’ll be perfect. Thank you.” She smiled up at him, feeling conflicted between wanting him to kiss her again, and needing to escape before he had the chance.

He solved the problem for her when he placed a light kiss to her cheek. “You’re welcome. Sleep well and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

With a small wave, she turned and went inside. She closed the door and leaned against it. She’d wanted to keep her distance — protect her heart. Lexi was pretty sure it was too late for that now.

~

Lance resisted texting Lexi first thing in the morning, hoping she was sleeping in. Instead, he called his oldest sister, Marian. She was always up early with the kids, even on a Saturday.

He updated her on the renaissance fair plans.

“I think it’s great Mom and Dad are excited.” The sound of two kids laughing made its way through the phone. “I wish we could make it.”

“No one expects you to. Are you feeling okay?” He pictured his sister with her blonde hair, short stature, and infectious smile. She was a great mom and he had always looked up to her. She also wore pregnancy well and was one of those women who glowed.

“I’m feeling well. Tired. But then it might be the other kids doing that.” She laughed. “I think this is the last one.”

“That’s what you said after Quinn was born,” he reminded her good-naturedly.

“So I did.” A child’s cry interrupted Marian. “Lance, I’ve got to go. Speaking of Quinn, he fell and hit his head. Let me know how the fair goes, okay? Love you!”

“I will and I love you, too.”

He ended the call, thought for a moment, and dialed Tuck’s number.

“Hey, man. What’s up?”

“Sorry to call this early. Do you have a few minutes?”

Lance told Tuck about Lexi shaving her head.

“Wow.”

“I know. She wanted me to call that way you could give everyone else a heads up before Sunday dinner.”

“I appreciate it. I’ll talk to them. It’ll be good for Mom to process this before she sees Lexi. How’s she feeling this morning?”

“I haven’t talked to her yet. I’m supposed to take soup by at noon. If you want me to, I can text and let you know. She got some oils and vitamins yesterday, hoping they will help with the nausea and vomiting this time around.”

“I hope they work.” Tuck spoke to another person in the background. “I’ve got to run. Thanks for calling and I’ll see you on Sunday, huh?”

“Yep, see you then.”

Lance kept busy the rest of the morning in the workshop before picking up the soup and heading for Lexi’s apartment.

She answered as soon as he knocked. He wondered if she’d been watching for him from the window.

Even though he knew she’d shaved her head and had seen it the day before, it was still the first thing he noticed. He wondered how long that would be the case. He took in her knit shorts and baggy t-shirt. “Hey,” was her greeting, along with a welcoming smile.

“Hey yourself.” He stepped into the room and she closed the door behind him. All the curtains were drawn and only some of the lights were on. “Is your head bothering you?”

“A little, although it’s getting better.” She led him into the kitchen. “The oils are helping. Or I suppose it’s possible my body wasn’t as shocked this time around.”

He took the container of chicken noodle soup out of the bag and placed it on the table. “Either way, I’m glad you aren’t as sick this time.”

She smelled the soup and Lance heard her stomach growl. “Thank you for bringing this.”

“Anytime.” He wanted to hug her. Or kiss her. He also didn’t want to push her, especially if she wasn’t feeling well. Instead, he reached for her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Do you need to sit down? I’m only staying for a few minutes.”

With a nod, she led them to the futon. She hadn’t withdrawn her hand and he was happy to continue holding it in his. He marveled at how delicate it felt in his own as they sat side by side.

“How do the oils work?”

“There are a lot of oils that can help, but I went with frankincense, chamomile, and peppermint. I read that frankincense is supposed to help with healing and that the other two aid in controlling the nausea and vomiting. I’ve been putting them on my abdomen and on my wrists while the frankincense has been going behind my ears.”

He drew her hand closer to him and took a whiff. “It smells good. And it’s helping?”

“It’s not magic or anything. I still have a lot of nausea. But I haven’t had to live in the bathroom today like I did last time.”

Her face flushed with the admission and he put a soft kiss to the back of her hand. “I’m relieved, Lex. I know you were miserable, and I doubt you even told us the half of it.”

She shrugged and he knew he was right. The woman didn’t like asking for help. The fact that she requested the soup was a big step in its own right.

“By the way, I spoke with Tuck and he’ll talk to your family before dinner tomorrow night.”

“Oh, good. Thank you, Lance.”

“Anytime.”

They visited a few more minutes before he stood to leave. He didn’t want the food to get cold before she had a chance to eat it. Lance gave her a hug and softly kissed her cheek again on his way out.

He thought about the Chandler family dinner the following night. He hoped it would go well and that Lexi wouldn’t be too uncomfortable. While there wasn’t anything he could do to help, he wished he could be there for her anyway.