Finding Hope (Love's Compass Book 2) (9 page)

Lance leaned back enough to gaze into her face. He softy traced the outline of her jaw with a finger and his eyes traveled to her lips.

Lexi jerked back as though she’d been stung and shook her head. “I can’t do this, Lance.”

He dropped his arms. “Lex, I’m…”

She held a hand up to stop him. “I’m drained. I’m going to get inside.”

Before she turned away from him, he could see the moisture in her eyes. As the door closed between them, he fought the urge to bang his head against it.

~

Lexi forced her eyes open. It took a few moments for her to realize she’d fallen asleep on the couch. Her legs ached from spending the night curled up in a ball. The dry throb behind her eyes reminded Lexi of the tears that had spilled after coming inside and collapsing. She must have cried herself to sleep.

A quick check of the clock told her it was after nine the next morning. Saturday. Her eyes traveled to the bamboo plant sitting on her kitchen counter. Which made her think about the man who’d given her such a thoughtful gift. Nope, she wasn’t going there right now.

She sat up and her stomach churned.

Side effects from the chemo. Fantastic.

Maybe if she ate, her stomach would feel better. Even though eating anything right then was about the last thing she wanted to do.

Her mind went, unbidden, to the night before and the feel of Lance’s arms around her. He’d been about to kiss her.

How had things gotten so messed up?

The worst part? She’d wanted him to.

But he deserved better. He deserved someone who could be his partner in life — who could give him a family.

That wasn’t her. It could never be her.

Before she started to cry again, she forced herself to get a glass of juice and toast. Even feeling as bad as she did, Lexi recognized that she was being overly emotional and she needed to gain some semblance of control.

Lexi had planned on going to the health food store to pick up supplements to help with the side effects of chemo after her appointment. Because of the unexpected treatment session, she hadn’t gotten the chance. As her stomach rolled, she wished she’d taken the time to do it anyway.

The battery indicator on her cell phone was blinking red so she plugged it into the wall. She already dreaded the calls she knew would be coming from concerned family members who needed to make sure she was doing okay. She’d texted them all during the chemo session and then again after she’d gotten home. Since she’d been so exhausted, they’d all promised to wait and call the next day.

Now she wished she’d made the time to talk to them the night before instead.

She sat her empty glass in the sink as her phone announced a text. She knew who it was even before she checked.

Lance.

“How are you this morning?”

“Nausea. Could be worse.”

“I hope you feel better soon. :-( Though I was referring to what happened last night.”

She took a deep breath. How was she supposed to respond to that? Another text came through.

“I’m sorry, Lex.”

He was apologetic. For trying to kiss her? Or because she’d reacted like an emotional train wreck and had gotten upset?

She was sorry, too, for a number of things.

Lexi’s stomach cramped up. With little notice, she ran to the restroom. Everything she’d eaten came back up with a vengeance. She could count on one hand the number of times she’d vomited in her life. Grams claimed she had an iron stomach

It would seem it’d met its match in the chemotherapy.

Sitting on the cool floor in the bathroom, she hugged her knees to her chest and willed the pain and nausea to end.

Unable to think much past the moment, she texted back, “Sick right now. Will write more later.”

After spending all day in the workshop, Lance was happy to end his Saturday. He’d had plenty of work to do to keep him busy plus he’d gotten caught up after taking Friday off. It still hadn’t been demanding enough to stop worrying about Lexi. He’d gone back and forth between imagining her resting the day away and being on the verge of driving by her place to make sure she was okay.

She never did text back after saying she was sick. The truth was, he wouldn’t have blamed her if she’d said she was sick so she could avoid talking to him.

His shoulders rose as he sighed.

Lance never should have tried to kiss her. How could he have been that stupid? He didn’t doubt his own feelings. But he was sure she still saw him as her little brother’s best friend.

By the time he’d eaten dinner, he was getting concerned. What if she needed help or was truly sick? Unwilling to let his imagination get the best of him, he caved in and called Tuck.

“Hey, man. What’s up?”

Lance smiled at the sound of his friend’s voice.

“How are you guys doing?”

“We’re good. Laurie made fried chicken. You’ll hear no complaints here.”

“I bet not!” He paused. “Have you heard from Lexi today? I got a text from her earlier saying she was sick and hadn’t heard from her since.”

“I spoke with her after lunch and mom called her this afternoon. She’s feeling better. She was having a lot of nausea and vomiting this morning but by lunch, it had faded. I think she was planning on sleeping this afternoon.”

“Oh good. I’m glad. Here’s hoping that’ll be the worst of it for her after this first session.”

“No kidding. Lance, I’m sure you could call her and check in. She wouldn’t mind.”

Lance said nothing. Tuck didn’t miss a beat.

“Uh oh. What did you do?”

“I’m not going there today, Tuck.”

Which was undoubtedly the wrong thing to say to his friend. The guy never turned his back on a challenge. “Do I need to drive by and check on my sister?” His tone was serious.

“I screwed up. But it won’t happen again. Besides, she may never speak to me and it’ll all be a non-issue anyway.”

“Okay, spill it or I’ll go over and get the story from her.”

Tuck had always been protective of his sisters. Lance got it, he felt the same way about his own. With a sigh, Lance told his best friend about his feelings and how he’d tried to kiss her last night. His neck was warm by the time he’d finished.

Tuck chuckled. “It’s about time, man. She’ll come around.”

“You don’t want to come over and bash me for making your sister upset?”

“A more romantic situation might have been better. But it doesn’t take much to make her mad. Truthfully, I’ve been pulling for the two of you for years.”

The heat in Lance’s neck intensified along with his disbelief. That he had Tuck’s blessing for how he felt was a good thing. But he still had to get Lexi to talk to him again. Which, knowing the woman, might not be so easy.

“Lance?”

“Yeah?”

“The longer you wait, the worse it’ll be.”

“The pressure helps. Thank you.”

“Anytime.” Tuck laughed and hung up the phone.

Lance wracked his brain for a way to show Lexi that he was sorry. He wanted her to know he cared, but knew he needed to back way off. At least for now.

~

There was a knock at the door and Lexi groaned. She’d already been on the phone with Tuck, her mom, Grams, and even Serenity for a few moments. After being sick earlier in the day, muscles she never knew she had ached. At least she was no longer sprawled out on the bathroom floor. That was an improvement. If she had a half day like that after each chemo session, she should consider herself lucky.

Still, the last thing she wanted to deal with was a visitor.

Trying to place a pleasant expression on her face, she opened the door. As soon as she saw Lance, she sighed.

“Before you slam the door in my face, I come bearing gifts. And a huge apology.”

The way his blue eyes implored her wore down her resolve. Or maybe she was way too drained to put up a fight. She stepped aside and motioned for him to enter.

He walked in and placed a large bag on the table. She watched as he withdrew several cartons and even took out a small vase complete with a purple rose.

Lance did it all with a single-minded focus.

After he retrieved a bowl and spoon from her kitchen, he placed those on the table next to the cartons.

“I’ve got chicken noodle soup from Daisy Belle’s Diner. I brought you a bottle of ice-cold tea and lots of saltines. Crackers always seemed to help me when my stomach was giving me trouble.”

It was only after he’d arranged everything just so that he turned to face her.

His thoughtfulness — combined with that open and hopeful look on his face — warmed Lexi’s heart. She felt herself relax as a smile fought its way out.

“You didn’t have to do this. Thank you.”

“You were on my mind all day and I wanted to do something to help you feel better. And I’m sorry about yesterday. I…” He stopped and she could tell he was searching for the right words.

“Lance, I know I overreacted. I felt overwhelmed already and you threw me for a loop. Maybe I misunderstood the whole thing.”

“I hate for you to be upset with me. It’s the last thing I want.”

Did the fact that he glossed right over her last comment mean she hadn’t misunderstood his intentions at all? She tried to glean more specifics from his expression but came away empty handed.

“It’s hard to be upset with a guy who drives me to Dallas — twice. And brings me food. Not to mention who puts up with my bad moods.”

The relief on his face made her smile.

“Good. I’m glad.” He peered over his shoulder at the door. “I’ll let you rest. Are you going to church tomorrow?”

“Not this week. The way I’m feeling today, I have a hard time imagining I’ll be up to it in the morning.”

“If you need anything, don’t hesitate to call.”

“Thank you.”

She watched him leave.

There was no doubt about it — the man went out of his way to help those in his life. She respected him for that.

Even as kids he’d been nice. Sure, Lance and Tuck had gotten on her nerves. Often. But he’d always been kind to both Lexi and Serenity. When he brought snacks or treats to their house, he had enough to split between the four of them. Lance had been like another brother.

That certainly wasn’t the case anymore.

If it hadn’t been for her surgery…

No, she wouldn’t go there.

What was the point now?

Sadness descended on Lexi and she sank back down on the futon.

Good guys were hard to find and she’d had one under her nose most of her life.

~

Lance dove into his breakfast as Tuck filled him in on the renovations he and Laurie were planning on doing over the coming months.

“It’ll be good to open up that second bathroom. It’s cramped and the coloring is terrible. I tolerated it because I saw it once a month when I went in and cleaned it.”

“I was in there once and you’re right — anything you can do will only help.”

Tuck studied him over the rim of his glass of milk. “Lexi seemed herself last night at dinner. You guys okay?”

“We’re fine. The fence of friendship is now mended.”

Tuck was instantly alert at the choice of words. “Is that not what you were hoping for?”

Lance didn’t want to discuss it right now. Not here in the middle of a restaurant, anyway. “We aren’t arguing and she doesn’t hate me. I’ll take it.”

“What happened?”

“I’m her little brother’s best friend.”

Tuck appeared doubtful but had the good sense to not say anything else about it.

Lexi hadn’t texted Lance at all the last two days. After texting back and forth several times a day for the last couple of weeks, he missed the contact. It confirmed what he had feared: she only thought of him as a friend and he may have messed that up, too.

The rest of his Monday flew by. He had an unusually large number of customers walk into the shop with custom jobs he added to his schedule. It surprised him how satisfying it was to have people seek him out after seeing his work. He knew his dad would be proud.

Lance put his tools away, dusted his hands off, and reached for his cell phone. There were three texts.

Two were from his sisters. One was from Lexi.

The moment he saw her name, his pulse skittered. He tapped on his phone to bring up the message.

“Thanks again for the soup. How has your day been?”

It was crazy how words on a screen had the power to take his spirits and make them soar.

Smiling, he typed back, “You’re welcome. It’s been crazy busy. How are you doing?”

“Better. Friday and Saturday were not shining moments in my past. I’ll keep it in mind after my next session and insist on maintaining hermit status.”

“:-( I’m glad you’re better though. When do you go back to work?”

“A week from today and I’m more than ready. It’ll be weird after being off for this long.”

Lance imagined it would. He already planned on coming by for lunch one day. Or maybe he should text her first and make sure she didn’t mind.

“You’ll be okay. I’ll bet the hospital’s had a hard time functioning without you.”

“I appreciate that. I hope you have a relaxing evening.”

“Thanks. You, too.”

And that was the last of the texts he received. By the time he left the workshop, he was whistling, his mood lighter than it had been in days.

~

“How’s Lexi doing?”

The question came from Vera Davenport. Lance had told his parents how much he’d been helping Lexi the last month. Even though he’d had to take a few extra days off to take her to Dallas, he’d kept up with the work at the shop.

“She’s good. She was sick Saturday but is feeling okay now. She’s handling the whole thing like a pro.”

“I remember her. She always seemed mature for her age.” Vera moved a plate of cookies over on the coffee table so they were closer to her son. Peter reached to grab one for himself, too.

Lance was still getting used to seeing him with that crooked smile — one of the many reminders the stroke left behind. The strength in those muscles had improved with therapy, but the one side of his face was visibly more relaxed than the other. A fact that held true for that entire half of his body.

The stroke had changed the man sitting in front of Lance and it saddened him. The whole family knew they needed to accept this new normal, even if it wasn’t what any of them would have wanted for Peter.

Still, he knew his dad was lucky to be alive. And they were blessed that the stroke occurred in the right hemisphere of the brain because it meant there was no damage to Peter’s ability to speak. It also spared his dominant hand.

“Are you serious about her?”

“Excuse me?” Lance gawked at Vera. That question had come out of nowhere. What was it with people? Apparently he’d become an open book of emotions since he left the force. 

She threw him an innocent look across the rim of her glass of sweet iced tea. “I know you, Lance.”

She did. And both parents had been privy to his infatuation with Lexi when they were kids, too. He thought about the last few weeks and realized he’d given them a lot of updates about her. Admittedly more than he might have given if he were talking about a friend.

“Yes, I’m serious about her.”

Peter gave him a satisfied nod.

Lance popped the last bite of cookie in his mouth, dusted his hands off, and swallowed. “Can we change the subject now?”

Vera smiled. “What was it you wanted to talk about?”

“I’ve been thinking about family a lot and how things can change in the blink of an eye.” He wasn’t referring to just Lexi and it was clear they knew it. “Our family has gotten so spread out and I thought maybe we should try and change that. At least once a year, anyway.”

“What do you have in mind, son?” The question came from Peter, which encouraged Lance.

“We used to go to the renaissance festival every year as a family. It’s been a long time since we’ve done that. Now, it’s too late to go to the one in Oklahoma. But I checked and the huge one down in Houston is going on now through November. I think we should try to get as many of us to go together in the next couple of weeks as we can and then make the festival in Oklahoma a new tradition.” He sat back and tried to gauge their reactions.

Peter and Vera exchanged a look.

“We were just talking the other day about how we missed having everyone together more,” Vera said. “But I don’t know that many of your sisters would be interested.”