Finding Hope (Love's Compass Book 2) (8 page)

“I love you, too.” Her heart full, she blinked back tears. “Okay, enough of this mushy stuff.” She picked up a pair of the toed, rainbow socks. “I have to try these on right now.”

Lexi had kept herself focused and composed through the entire post-surgical appointment. She’d brought a notebook and pen, writing down everything the oncologist said. It was way too much to remember at the time and she figured she could parse it out later if she needed to.

She was thankful Doctor Ravenhill was more than patient as she answered all of Lexi’s questions.

The physical exam of her incision was the most painful part of the visit. The doctor was as careful as she could be, but it was still uncomfortable. Pressure to that area gave her a similar physical reaction to the one she had when she heard the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard.

“Your incision is healing well. I’m going to clear you to drive as long as you feel okay. But you still need to watch your activity for another few weeks. Those muscles will take a while to heal. The most important thing to remember is to listen to what your body is telling you. In general, it can take up to six weeks before you start feeling like yourself again.”

Doctor Ravenhill then talked about her treatment.

An hour later, Lexi clutched her notebook under one arm and made her way back out to the waiting room. Lance approached her.

“Are you all right?”

She gave him a short nod. “Yeah. I’m done.” She glanced at her watch. “I didn’t realize it, but she is sending me over to the cancer center for my first of three chemotherapy sessions.”

Lance’s eyebrows flew upward. “Right now?”

“Yep.”

He wavered a moment before taking charge and she was happy to let him. “Let’s figure out where we’re supposed to go next.”

~

They found their destination easily. The cancer center was situated just two miles from the hospital. As Lance watched Lexi check in and then wait to be called back, the only thing he knew to do was pray.

When they called her name, she stood and hesitated, glancing behind her.

“I can come back with you if you’d like.”

She gave him a firm nod. They followed the nurse into the room on the other side.

The nurse showed Lexi to a chair that reminded Lance of a mix between a dentist’s chair and an expensive recliner. It had a raised section for the legs and the part at the upper back and head could be raised and lowered depending on what she needed or preferred.

He waited as she took a seat and then the nurse surprised him by bringing a chair over for him. “Thank you.”

“This process takes a while. You may as well be comfortable.”

Lance sat and listened as they explained everything to Lexi. They inserted an IV, said she could push a button to call if she needed anything, and someone would be back to check on her in a while.

Lexi’s dark lashes kissed her cheeks when she closed her eyes. She breathed in and out deliberately. “Nothing like the feel of poison being pumped into the veins to relax a person.”

He wasn’t sure if he should laugh, groan, or pull the IV out of her arm. He hadn’t realized he’d been staring at the bag containing the medication when her hand touched his.

“Hey, you’re way too serious, there.”

“I’m sorry.” His eyes went to their hands. Without allowing time to talk himself out of it, he turned his hand over to cradle hers. “I hate you’re having to go through this.”

Lexi seemed surprised by his motion, but didn’t say anything. She left her hand in his. “If I had known they were going to have me do this first session today, I would have had someone else bring me.”

“Why?”

“I hate being seen like this.”

“By me specifically? Or anyone in general?”

She raised her eyebrow and withdrew her hand. He wished he’d kept his mouth shut.

“They told me this could take up to three hours. Feel free to leave and I can come find you when I’m done.”

Lance shook his head. “Not on your life. I’m staying right here.” His voice sounded husky, even to himself. He could still feel the weight of her hand in his. No, he wasn’t going anywhere, not while she was sitting in a cancer center, an IV in her arm.

Tuck had it all wrong. Lance didn’t have feelings for Lexi like he did when they were teens.

This was much more.

He was in love with Lexi.

Maybe he always had been.

His heart thundered in his chest as his mind struggled to comprehend exactly what that meant.

Watching the woman he loved go through this made him feel powerless when all he wanted to do was fix the world for her. If he could, he would take her place right now.

His gaze was still on her hand. When it moved to her face, there was a flash of recognition in her eyes that rapidly switched to apprehension.

~

Lance brushed her arm with a finger. “There’s nothing for you to worry about.” He leaned back, his chair squeaking in protest.

The expression on Lance’s face a moment ago had been so intense, that it almost scared Lexi. Between that and the way he’d held her hand, she had a flashback to when they were in school. She’d known he had a crush on her, but had been really good at ignoring it. There was no way he still had feelings for her after all this time. If there was even a possibility that he did, this needed to be the last time he brought her for a session. She didn’t want him to get the wrong idea.

She’d seen Lance around Gideon enough to know he would be an amazing dad someday. He deserved a family with children of his own.

Most men, when they’re ready to settle down, want the whole package. Thanks to her hysterectomy, that was one thing she could never give a husband.

It was something she’d been wrestling with a lot lately. Lexi was relieved that the cancer was removed. She would rather live a long, healthy life than be able to have a child of her own someday.

At the same time, it was hard to not feel less than whole.

Lance may not have thought about it yet, but she had no doubt that not having children of his own would become an issue someday.

She was desperate to shake the thoughts from her head. None of this mattered because she was reading emotions into him that weren’t there in the first place. Right?

“How’s your dad doing?”

“He’s good.” He sat forward, his elbows on his knees. He seemed to be relieved at the change in topic. “Mom’s trying to find a new hobby for him. She keeps suggesting things to him or offering to sign him up for classes. He hasn’t been interested. I think he feels lost right now. He lived his life in that carpentry shop.”

“I bet it’s hard. What other interests does he have?”

“My parents used to attend renaissance festivals. They would spend all year planning their outfits and Dad would make things to sell there.”

“Given the names of you and your sisters, that somehow doesn’t surprise me.”

He laughed. “That was where my dad took her on their first date.”

“When was the last time they went to a renaissance festival?”

“It’s been a few years. We used to go every year to a big one in Oklahoma when my sisters and I were kids. I guess, once we grew up, they didn’t go anymore.” Lance appeared thoughtful as he leaned back. “That’s brilliant. Maybe, if we can get him to the festival this year, it’ll inspire him. There were a lot of things he liked about it. If nothing else, it’ll be a good distraction.”

“There you go!” Lexi had only met Lance’s parents a handful of times, but they had both seemed genuinely kind. “That sounds like fun. Maybe you can contact your sisters and get everyone to go together as a family again. After what happened to your dad, they might welcome the chance to spend time with him anyway.”

“They might. I’ll call them tomorrow. Marian is six months along with her fourth child. I would be surprised if they could come. But I’m hoping the others will be able to make it.”

She watched as he seemed to mull things over. She let him take his time. After a glance at the clock, she closed her eyes a few minutes to let them rest.

The next thing Lexi knew, a sound seemed to echo in her head. Her eyes flew open as she tried to locate the source of the noise. She found Lance watching her, a tender expression on his face.

“Did I fall asleep?”

“Yes. It was only for fifteen minutes. You must have needed it, though.”

“I didn’t get much last night.”

“I don’t blame you. But you’re nearly two-thirds done with this first session.”

Lexi looked down at her arm where they had placed the IV. She flexed her hand, the tape pulling on her skin. “I’m ready to be done. Next time, I’ll come prepared with a book. Or two. Oh, and a sandwich.”

“At this rate, it’ll be five at the earliest before we’re back in Kitner. If you’re not feeling up to it, let me know. We can get two hotel rooms and go home in the morning.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“I don’t mind. Tuck mentioned it might be better if you did take it easy. Once we’re back, you can always call someone to stay with you until you know what kind of side effects you might experience.”

Lexi tried to tamp down her impatience. It seemed like all everyone had done since she’d told them about her cancer was treat her like she couldn’t take care of herself. It was maddening!

She willed herself to hold her tongue, but the combination of lack of sleep and stress made her efforts futile.

“Do me a favor and let Tuck know that I’m not an invalid. I’ll go home, I’ll take care of myself, and I’ll be back to work in a week.” It had come out much harsher than she intended.

Lance’s eyebrows shot upwards. “Because having people who love you is a bad thing. There’s a huge difference between trying to help because someone is worried about you versus thinking you’re an invalid. I think you should give your family more credit than that.”

Zing. That stung.

She made a fist with her free hand and closed her eyes.

He was right.

“I’m sorry.” Her voice was little above a whisper. “I know I’m being oversensitive. I’m the one who takes care of everybody else and it’s always been that way. In case it isn’t obvious, I don’t like relying on other people. Being weak like this is frustrating me.”

She opened her eyes, half expecting to see Lance angry. Or maybe even shaking his head with pity.

The admiration he projected had not even been on the list.

“Lex. You aren’t weak. You’re one of the strongest women I’ve ever known. And you are going through a lot.” He paused. “I shouldn’t have said what I did. I apologize.”

Boy, he was full of surprises today.

“No. You were right to call me out on that. I admit I may be feeling sorry for myself right now. In more ways than one.”

Lance moved a hand towards her but put it back on his knee. “I’m here if you need to talk. And it’s not like we don’t have plenty of time.”

A sharp pain in her temple caused her to grimace. She brought an index finger up to massage it.

“Are you okay? Should I get the nurse?”

“It’s been a long day.” She shifted her position in the chair.

Lance nodded at her feet. “Those are awesome, by the way.”

Lexi realized he had noticed her socks. She lifted her pants leg a little to show off the bright yellow suns. “Mom and Grams bought me a bunch. I decided I was going to wear some of the loudest whenever I go to an appointment or I’m feeling a little down. They make me smile.”

“That’s a great idea. I’m sure they’ll get a kick out of knowing you’re wearing them today.”

“I guess I should text everyone and let them know what’s happening, shouldn’t I?”

“It might not be a bad idea.” He took her phone from the side pocket of her bag and handed it to her.

~

Lexi insisted on going back home after her chemotherapy session. She seemed to feel okay and Lance didn’t argue with her.

The sun was setting when he took her by the apartment and walked her to the door.

“If you need anything, please call someone. It takes a strong person to admit when he or she needs help.” A breeze blew some hair into her face. He couldn’t resist and reached out to swipe away a few strands from her cheek.

“I can’t begin to thank you for being with me today. You helped make an overwhelming situation a little more manageable.” Her brown eyes focused on her hands that she held clasped in front of her.

When they rose to meet his, the vulnerability that pooled there made him wish cancer were a man that he could find and beat to a pulp.

It also gave him an intense desire to pull her into his arms and protect her from all the bad in the world.

Unable to resist, he took her hand in his and drew her into an embrace. Her arms went around his waist as she leaned into his hug. The scents of lavender and citrus surrounded him as her hair fluttered like a butterfly against his face.

“You’re my super hero, Lex.”

She gave him a little squeeze in response.