Finding Hope (Love's Compass Book 2) (5 page)

“That helps a little.” Laughing, she got a card out of her billfold and handed it to him. “Now you have my phone number. Officially and all that.”

He tipped his head and smiled. “Thank you.”

They spent the rest of their lunch making fun of some of the other phases they’d gone through as kids before going back to work again.

~

The night before her surgery, Lexi stared at the hotel ceiling and sighed. She’d been trying to sleep for hours with no luck.

Checklists kept popping up in her mind. She’d gotten everything squared away at the hospital in Kitner and would return to work in a week — possibly less. All of that assuming, of course, that she didn’t have to have a hysterectomy.

She’d shared her situation with Kate and made her promise to keep the details to herself. If everything went Lexi’s way, there was no sense in alarming her coworkers. She was having a minor surgery and that’s all they needed to know.

Patty and Grams had taken their nervous energy and focused it on cooking. Over the last few days, they’d managed to stock her freezer with all kinds of easy meals that Lexi could reheat when she got hungry.

She had to be at the hospital in five hours. All she needed to do in the morning was get dressed and make sure everything had made it back into her duffel bag.

There was a noise at the door. Lexi held her breath. When she heard it again, it sounded more like a knock. She slipped out of bed and padded over to it, peeking through the peep hole. Her mom was standing outside. She released the locks and opened the door.

“You can’t sleep either, huh?” Patty gave Lexi a hug.

“My mind won’t give me a chance.” Lexi sat on the edge of the bed and Patty joined her. “Every time I relax and start to fall asleep, my brain plays the ‘What if’ game. What if they can’t remove the mass? What if it’s worse than they think? What if I have to have a hysterectomy?”

Patty’s eyes were filled with tears. “Oh sweetie, I’m sorry you’re going through this.”

“I’m sorry you are, too, Mom. After everything with Dad, you shouldn’t have to be dealing with this again. It’s not fair.” She balled up her fist, squeezing as tightly as she could. “Getting cancer wasn’t my fault. Still, I can’t help but wonder if there were some foods I should have avoided, or vitamins I could have taken to strengthen my immune system.”

“Shoulda. Woulda. Coulda. They’re dangerous words, Alexis. And none of them do you a bit of good.”

“I know.” She did, too. Every time her mind tried to go off on a tangent, she did her best to pull it back and focus on the task at hand. She prayed again for strength and for peace — something she’d been doing every time she felt her courage start to slip. She glanced at the clock on the nightstand. “Grams will miss you.”

Patty and Grams had decided to share a hotel room to cut down on cost. “She was awake, too. I told her I was coming over to check on you.”

Lexi nodded. “I hope Gideon’s doing okay in the hotel tonight. I’m worried about Serenity. She won’t talk to me.”

“Don’t take it personally. She’s not talking to any of us about your surgery. I think there’s something she’s struggling with right now. I don’t know if it’s because of the way we lost your dad, or if it’s another issue completely. When she’s ready, she’ll let us know.”

“You’re probably right.” Lexi leaned over and let her head rest against Patty’s shoulder. “I love you, Mom.”

“I love you, too, Alexis.”

They visited for another half hour before Lexi insisted Patty go back to her room and at least try to get some sleep before the surgery.

When she bid her mom a good night, Lexi retrieved a tablet from her bag, pulled the comforter off the bed, and curled up on the small plush chair in her room. If sleep wasn’t going to happen, she could at least have one of her favorite books to occupy her mind until the sun came up.

Lexi changed into the gown the nurse had given her and tried to get comfortable on the hospital bed. She nodded that she was ready and Patty went to open the door. The rest of the family gathered around her bed, Lance coming in right behind them.

Gideon was squinting, his eyes riveted to the floor at his feet. He was calm, which said a lot since he rarely did well in medical settings. Squinting like that was his way of handling a situation that was visually overwhelming to him.

She smiled at him. “Hey, Gideon. Thanks for coming to see me.”

He turned his head to look at her, his eyes little slits. Serenity tightened an arm around his shoulder and gave Lexi a tentative smile. “He’s worried about you.”

“I’m good, buddy. You don’t need to worry about me.” She moved her right arm to hide the IV as best she could. “I’m more than ready to get this ball rolling, though. Is it cold in here, or is it just me?”

Patty produced a blanket and spread it out over Lexi’s form.

“Thanks, Mom.” The blanket did little to help and she realized it had to be her nerves that were prompting her shivers. Her eyes roamed the room, pausing at each of the people who had taken time to come and see her: Patty, Grams, Tuck, Laurie, Serenity, Gideon, and Lance. She received smiles, nods, winks, and thumbs up. “You all didn’t have to come, but I appreciate it.”

Tuck held Laurie’s hand with one of his and elbowed his best friend in the ribs with the other. “If you have any trouble back there, let us know, and we’ll come in with guns blazing.”

“In a heartbeat,” Lance agreed.

“I have no doubt you guys would do that, too. Don’t worry, I’ll call if I need the cavalry.”

The door opened and the doctor entered followed by the anesthesiologist and a nurse.

Lexi listened as they again explained what would happen in surgery. They wanted to see if she had any questions. When she assured them she didn’t, the anesthesiologist stepped forward.

“I’m going to start medication in your IV to make you sleepy. You’ll still be awake when we get to the operating room, but you’re not likely going to remember it.”

She held up a hand to stop him. “I’m a registered nurse. I know the drill.”

“In that case, stop me if you need anything.”

“You got it.”              

Lexi leaned back against her pillow and felt the sting as the medication entered her body through the IV, followed by warmth as it traveled through her blood stream.

Grams stepped forward to take her hand. “Let’s pray.” When everyone had bowed their heads, she began. “Our heavenly Father, we ask that you surround Lexi with Your perfect love and peace. We pray for clear minds and wisdom for the doctors and nurses who will be performing this surgery. We pray that you place an angel in that operating room to give guidance to all involved. We ask that Your will be done.”

Several murmurs of agreement echoed in the small room followed by a moment of silence before Tuck closed the prayer.

“Thank you for carrying Your children through the challenges in life and for Your faithfulness. In the name of Jesus, Your Son, we pray, amen.”

“Amen.”

The word was uttered by the rest of the family in unison. The nurse and the anesthesiologist prepared her bed for transport. “We’ll take good care of her,” the nurse assured them.

Lexi’s eyelids were getting heavy as the nurse wheeled her out of the room and into the hallway.

~

Lance listened as Patty told the story of Tuck when he had his appendix removed as a child.

“The doctors warned us he shouldn’t eat much for the rest of the day. But you know Tuck, he’s always hungry — and he eats a lot.”

Tuck groaned and Laurie patted his knee sympathetically, a smile on her face.

“She’s never let me live this down. I was seven.”

His mother chortled as she continued. “He was resting on the couch and we were keeping an eye on him. The next thing we know, he’s in the kitchen eating a sandwich and diving into a bag of chips. How the boy moved that swiftly after a surgery, I still don’t know.”

Laurie shook her head and gave Tuck’s leg a squeeze. “You didn’t.”

He shrugged. “I did. I had convinced myself I was starving to death.”

Patty pointed at him. “And what the doctor predicted came true — you wound up sick as a dog, on top of having an incision.”

“One of the most painful moments of my childhood.” Tuck placed a hand on his side. “I can honestly say that sandwich, no matter how good it tasted at the time, wasn’t worth it.”

Grams’ laughter blended with the others. “It doesn’t surprise me. You never had a strong stomach. Not like Lexi. She takes after me. Our stomachs are made out of iron.” She shifted her legs and crossed her ankles as she prepared to tell her story.

Lance thought back to the discussions that went on in his own family and they weren’t unlike this one.

Laurie seemed to enjoy every single one of them. He knew that she hadn’t had much of a childhood and she appeared to find the Chandler stories entertaining.

He checked his watch. Lexi had been in surgery for just over an hour. The doctor said it could take as little as an hour and as long as three, it would depend on what situation she faced once she got inside.

Serenity had taken Gideon down to the cafeteria a little while ago and they were walking around. The boy had been getting restless. She’d planned to be back soon as she didn’t want to miss the doctor when she came out with a report. 

Lance had a difficult time sitting there waiting for news himself. He’d been tempted to get up and wander, except he didn’t want to leave the rest of her family. He took comfort knowing Lexi was asleep and unaware of what was going on. He prayed that God would make His presence and peace known to her when she woke up.

~

Lexi caught a few words as they filtered through the fog. Stable. Minimal. Dressing.

People were talking, but she couldn’t tell how far away they were. She couldn’t open her eyes.

An unfamiliar sensation in her lower abdomen made her flinch. Or at least she thought she flinched. It was a hot pressure, as though a heavy iron were sitting on her skin and slowly making its way through to the organs within. She tried to squirm but it made the pain worse and added a pinch of nausea to the mix.

Or maybe she only thought she was squirming.

Where was she, anyway?

She searched through the murkiness of her mind and finally grasped onto a memory. She tried to pull it out of the dark just before everything faded again.

The next time she woke up, she felt a hand on her arm. It was a struggle, but her eyelids lifted. She recoiled from the bright lights in the room.

“Mom?” Her voice croaked and she cleared it. “Hey.”

“Take it easy, sweetie. You’ve been coming in and out of the anesthesia for a while. Do you remember anything from before?”

Lexi shook her head. “No. How long was I under?”

“Two hours in surgery. It’s been about an hour since you entered recovery.”

Lexi struggled to clear her head. She blinked her eyes rapidly and took a sip of water that Patty offered. It helped, though she thought she’d have to drink a gallon before the rough feeling in her throat would go away.

“Two hours — that can’t be good.”

Patty gave nothing away. “I’ll go let the nurse know you’re awake. The doctor wanted to come and tell you how things went herself. I’ll be right back.”

Apprehension pooled in the pit of Lexi’s stomach. She tried to tell herself that, good or bad news, the doctor would want to relay that information personally. There was no point in assuming the worst and she needed to relax. It wasn’t working.

A moment later, there was a touch to her arm. Had she fallen asleep again? Her eyes flew open to find Doctor Ravenhill checking her monitor while writing something down in her chart.

“How’s your pain level, Alexis?”

“It’s okay. I’ll live.”

“Good. If it gets worse, let one of the nurses know and we’ll increase the medication.”

The doctor paused and Lexi steeled herself. “How’d it go?”

“I’m sorry to tell you that the mass was malignant. You have ovarian cancer. The good news is that I removed the entire tumor along with the ovary, which means that the chance of cancer cells escaping into the blood stream was kept at a minimum. I performed a complete hysterectomy like we spoke about. I checked the lymph nodes and there were no signs that the cancer had spread beyond the ovary.”

Lexi felt numb, her heart hammering painfully in her chest. It wasn’t what she’d wanted to hear. It was, she quickly realized, what she’d expected.

They had gotten the mass out and the cancer hadn’t spread. That was the important part. If one had cancer, it was the kind of news you hoped to hear.

She felt peace flow into her heart and make its way through the rest of her body. Tension in her shoulders dissipated and she let herself sink back into the pillow.

“Okay. What about chemo?”

“Yes, I recommend several sessions of chemotherapy to make sure we’ve destroyed any possible cancer cells that might be left behind. We’ll go over that at your post-surgical appointment.”

Lexi’s mind raced, but she couldn’t speak. It was a lot to take in when her brain was still fuzzy from the anesthesia and refused to focus.

“Do you have any questions for me?”

She shook her head. “Not yet. I know I will.”

“Take your time. I want to keep you here overnight. You should be able to go home tomorrow afternoon. I’ll be by in the morning to check on you.” Doctor Ravenhill offered her an encouraging smile. “I know this is overwhelming. It may have been ovarian cancer, but the surgery went as well as I could have hoped for. When I return in the morning, you may have more questions. I’ll be happy to take all the time you need to answer them.”

Lexi nodded. “I appreciate that. Thank you, Doctor. For everything.”

“Of course. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

The doctor left as the reality of her words hit home.

Lexi had ovarian cancer and she was going to have to go through chemotherapy. Part of her wanted to cry. A much larger part felt a great deal of relief knowing the tumor had been excised and no longer had its claws in her body. Thank God it had been caught early.

~

~

The doctor had come out and spoken to the family after initially seeing Lexi. The news she had cancer hit them all hard.

Lance rested his head back against his chair and let out a slow breath. A hand absently rubbed his goatee as he watched Serenity and Grams hold each other as they cried. Grams was rubbing her granddaughter’s back and murmuring words he couldn’t quite hear. Tuck and Laurie exchanged worried looks. They chose to focus their energies on Gideon and keeping him entertained.

Lance had no idea what to say or do to ease their sorrow. Or even how to address his own.

On one hand, he wanted to kick the chair over and scream about the unfairness of it all. Lexi, who spent her life helping others both inside and outside of work, shouldn’t have to battle this.

On the other hand, he wanted to shout praises to God for the successful surgery. The doctor felt that, between the complete hysterectomy and chemotherapy, Lexi should be cancer-free. They’d caught it early. The doctor said it was the kind of outcome she wished for all of her patients.

The end result was good news. But imagining what all Lexi must be going through right now as she faced this new reality made his heart ache for her.

He was glad Patty was in with her. He didn’t think he could have handled knowing Lexi was having to deal with everything on her own. The doctor told the rest of them that Lexi needed a few hours and then they could visit her.

The members of the Chandler family were brushing tears away and pulling themselves together. Discussion was turning to where they should all go for a late lunch.

“Is pizza good with you, Lance?”

His head snapped up at Tuck’s words.

“Yeah, that sounds fine.”

He followed them. He hadn’t realized how cold it was in the hospital until they stepped outside and were greeted by the relentless summer heat.

As they ate pizza and breadsticks around a large table, Grams addressed them all.

“When we see Lexi this evening, keep it upbeat. She doesn’t need us all going in sniffing and acting like this is the end of the world.” She sprinkled enough crushed red pepper on her pizza to rid an elephant of sinus trouble. “We may not have gotten what we’d hoped for today, but the end result is still the same.” Despite her best attempt, the older woman’s eyes grew damp. “My oldest granddaughter will live a long life, praise God.” She dabbed at her eyes with a napkin. “That’s a miracle no matter how you look at it.”

Serenity reached over and gave Grams a hug along with a napkin to dry her tears. “It’s okay, Grams.”