Finding Hope (Love's Compass Book 2) (10 page)

“I’ve already called them all to see. Marian’s family can’t be there for obvious reasons. Avalon won’t be able to make it but said she’s excited about starting the tradition next year and promised to meet us in Oklahoma. Gwen and Liz were all for it.” He was getting excited about the idea and the hope on both of his parents’ faces right now told him they were, too. “Come on, what do you guys say?”

Peter clapped his hands together. “I say we go for it. It’ll be fun!”

“I agree.” Vera nodded, reaching over for a pad of paper and a pen she kept on a table nearby. “I wish Marian could come but I wouldn’t want to walk around a festival that pregnant, either.” She chuckled. “But next year, I hope we can all go together. Make it a family reunion of sorts.”

Lance was smiling but he cleared his throat. “Do you mind if I invite Lexi to go with us?”

Peter gave him a wink. “I think you should.”

Vera gave a swift nod. “Besides, maybe by next year, she will be family.” She raised an eyebrow at him.

The back of his neck got warm as he shook his head. “Don’t get too ahead of yourself there, Mom.”

She laughed and got up to hug him. “No pressure, Lance.”

“I mentioned it to her the other day. I hadn’t talked to you guys yet, so we didn’t discuss it further. I think this would be good for her.”

While Vera made a list of things to do before the fair, Lance’s thoughts went to Lexi. He hoped she’d agree to go with him. He should probably give her a heads up about his family, though. When his sisters brought a man home to a family gathering, their parents didn’t take it lightly. In fact, they assumed the relationship was getting serious if it got to that point. He doubted their reaction to Lexi would be any different.

~

It was Wednesday evening and a knock at the door startled Lexi. She checked the peephole to find Tuck standing on the other side.

She opened the door. “Don’t you have a wife to go home to?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. She’s beautiful, sweet, talented, makes me smile, and she’s got chicken enchiladas in the slow cooker. This is a happy man who’s looking forward to getting home.”

Lexi laughed. “Steady there, Prince Charming. With life so good back at the castle, what brings you here to talk with the commoners?” She winked at him.

He gave her an appreciative grin and a hug. “I have three things I want to talk to you about.”

Lexi motioned to the futon and joined him. His tone was serious and she waited for him to begin.

“Mom mentioned that Serenity has wanted to talk to you. We all know the two of you haven’t gotten along in years. There’s a lot that has gone unsaid. Mom got the impression Serenity would like to bury some of it.”

“Okay.” Tuck couldn’t have surprised her more. What was she supposed to do about Serenity? She’d been the one who’d tried to put the past behind them, only to wind up beating her head against a brick wall. It had happened often enough, and she no longer felt the pain from the impacts.

“If Serenity calls and wants to meet for lunch or something, please don’t turn her down.”

Lexi jerked and ignored the protest from her healing muscles. “I’ve never turned her away. I’ve tried to get through to her for years. If she makes the first move and wants to get together to talk about things, I won’t tell her no. But I won’t initiate it. Not this time.”

He held both hands up in surrender. “I totally get it and I don’t blame you. I wanted to give you a head’s up in case she calls you. Maybe recent events have reminded her what’s important in life.”

“It’s possible. Or it’s just talk. I hope you’re right, though.” She’d wanted to repair her relationship with Serenity for so long and it was difficult to imagine making any progress in that area. Ready to talk about something else, she nudged the conversation along. “That’s one reason.”

“Laurie wanted me to extend an invitation. She’s done a lot of research on chemo treatments and knows that, while it doesn’t always happen, some people lose their hair.” He paused. “If you’re interested, she said she would be happy to take portraits of you now in case that happens. Then you can have before and after pictures if that’s something you’re interested in.”

Lexi knew that she might lose her hair. It wasn’t something that happened right away and she had pushed it back into the recesses of her mind. “Tell her I appreciate the thoughtful offer and will take her up on that.”

“Good. Do you want to come over for dinner tomorrow? Laurie could take the pictures at our house, that way you can be comfortable and stay off your feet. I’ll even come by and pick you up.”

“That works for me.” She was more than ready to get out of her apartment for a while — it’d been getting smaller by the day. They settled on a time for him to come by and get her. “And the other thing? You usually leave the whopper for last.”

Tuck chortled. “You know me well. I want to talk about Lance.”

She knew he was judging her initial reaction and had no idea how she’d fared. “What about him?” The friends had always talked and there was no doubt in her mind that Lance had told her brother about the almost kiss.

“He was worried that you would be upset with him after Friday night. I wanted to see if you guys were okay.”

“We’re fine, Tuck. He brought me food Saturday evening. We texted a few times this week. We’ve forgotten the whole thing.”

“I doubt that.”

All she’d wanted was to avoid this line of questioning, but it didn’t look like that was going to happen tonight. She shot him a warning glare, one that rolled right off his back. “Spit it out.”

“Lance is a great guy. You’ve always gotten along well. Do you still see him as just a friend?”

“I don’t think this is any of your business, Kentucky Chandler.” There was a look of triumph on Tuck’s face and she groaned. “It doesn’t matter one bit what I think or how I see him. We stay friends because there’s going to be someone out there who’s better for him than I am.”

“That’s not true.”

“It is. He should find a woman who can give him a family.”

It took a moment for the meaning of her words to sink in, and then Tuck reached over and pulled her to his side. “Lexi, there’s more to a relationship and marriage than a biological child. I can tell you right now that if Laurie found out she could never get pregnant, I would love her the same.”

“This is different.”

“Maybe. But it’s not like Lance doesn’t know the situation. You’re not even willing to give him a chance?”

She shook her head. What chance was it? He deserved better and she wasn’t going to open that door to have it slammed shut in her face when Lance finally realized that.

“I like Lance. I value our friendship and I hope he’s okay with that.” A thought hit her and she scooted away from Tuck enough to face him. “Are you going to report all of this back to him?”

“You know if you asked me to not say anything, I wouldn’t.”

“I know. Maybe if you tell him what I told you, he’ll get where I’m coming from. I don’t want to hurt him and I don’t want to lose him as a friend.”

“And what about you? How do you feel about the whole thing?”

She shrugged but refused to answer because she wasn’t sure herself. All she knew was that both of them could be hurt way too easily if things ever went forward from where they were now.

“Really? That’s it?”

“Yep.”

Tuck pulled her into a hug again. “You are selling yourself way too short.” When he leaned back to study her face, he asked her, “Do you have anyone lined up to take you to your next chemo session?”

“No. I planned on driving myself. But on the off chance I react worse this time than last, I better not.”

“Say the word and I’ll put in for the time off that day.”

“Can I let you know Friday? Is a week enough time?”

“That’ll be fine.” He gave her shoulders another squeeze and stood. “I’ve got to go. Sleep well tonight and I’ll see you on Sunday.”

Lexi saw him to the door. With all the thoughts swirling around in her head, sleep wasn’t likely to come anytime soon.

Lance began work on a set of cabinets that he would eventually install in a customer’s bathroom. His mind replayed the conversation he and Tuck had over the phone earlier in the day.

When his friend had told him what Lexi said, it had stunned Lance to no small degree. Once he’d realized he’d fallen in love with Lexi, his mind had gone over many different reasons why Lexi might never feel the same way.

That she was unable to have children had never entered the equation.

Sure, he’d thought about having a family someday. More and more, he was feeling that family just might be Lexi. He couldn’t imagine his life without her now. When it came to having kids, they could adopt. He and Tuck had known a guy at the force a few years ago who adopted an infant from China when he and his wife were unable to have kids of their own. There were children in the foster care system right here in Texas who needed parents.

He wished he knew if Lexi’s misgivings originated from trying to protect him, or if it was because of how she felt about herself. He suspected it was a combination of both.

Tuck had specifically said that she never conceded she didn’t have feelings for him. She was afraid their friendship would be ruined. Lance respected that and it gave him as much hope as anything could have right now.

How could he convince Lexi he thought she was whole and perfect for him the way she was?

He’d made it to mid-afternoon when a voice spoke from the doorway. The subject of his thoughts was standing there, her arms crossed, doubt shadowing her pretty face.

“It’s good to see you, Lex.” Lance’s mouth went dry and he cleared his throat. He motioned to the chair in the corner and dragged another over near it. When she’d had a seat, he joined her. “You look like you’re feeling a lot better today.” She moved freely and didn’t seem to be in any pain.

“Much. I’m supposed to relax the rest of this week, but I’ve got to get out of my house before I’m having conversations with the bamboo plant. I’m an hour away from naming it.”

Lance laughed. “That’s definitely not a good sign.” He studied her, waiting for her to speak and give him a reason for her visit.

She glanced around the room as though she was searching for something. “It’s here, isn’t it?”

He raised an eyebrow at her, quickly scanning the area himself. “What?”

“The elephant.”

Getting her meaning, he chuckled. “I call him Goober.”

Her eyes shone as she smiled at him. “Very appropriate.” She shrugged. “I’m tired of it hanging around. I’m sure Tuck talked to you. He always talks to you.”

Lance knew his expression must have confirmed her suspicions. He watched a shade of pink dust her cheeks as she ran her fingers through her hair.

He reached a hand up to scratch the back of his neck. “I don’t know what to say.”

She squared her shoulders and met his eyes with confidence. “That you don’t think less of me. That we’re still friends.”

“I could never think less of you. You’re one of the bravest women I’ve ever known.” A shadow of doubt passed over her eyes. He wished he could erase it from her mind completely. “We’ll always be friends. No matter what else happens between us. There are too many years of history for that to change.”

Lexi visibly relaxed against the back of her chair. “I’m glad.”

Lance meant every word he’d just said. But he wasn’t going to leave it at that. “For the record, I respect what you told Tuck. But I officially disagree.”

“With what?”

“Lex, I have a difficult time believing there’s anyone out there better for me than you are. Just as you are.”

She fidgeted with the hem of her shirt but maintained their eye contact. “In the spirit of friendship, how about we drop this line of conversation?”

“Agreed.” He gave her a winning smile. “And in the spirit of friendship, how about you grant me permission to escort you to Dallas next week?”

She was shaking her head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why?” Lance did everything he could to keep the humor he felt from showing on his face.

He watched Lexi struggle as she weighed her options. If she really felt they were just friends, she shouldn’t hesitate to take him up on his offer.

The very fact that she was wavering gave Lance hope that she felt more, even if she wasn’t ready to consider the possibility.

Lexi flashed him a frown. Her lips were pressed together so hard that they’d turned white. She clenched her jaw and exhaled slowly before muttering, “Fine.”

“Good. That’s settled.”

She glared at him. “So we’re clear, I know exactly what you did there.” She lifted her chin and left the workshop.

Lance laughed. He moved so he could see out the window.

The dark-haired beauty marching away from his workshop was one of the most stubborn women he’d ever met.

~

When Lexi stepped into Tuck and Laurie’s house, Rogue ran up to greet her. The black and white border collie’s tail was wagging with such exuberance, his entire rear end was moving back and forth.

“No jumping, boy.” Tuck put a hand out in front of Rogue.

Lexi didn’t remember Rogue ever jumping, but the thoughtfulness of her brother warmed her heart. She patted the dog’s head and then laughed when he ran off and returned with a tennis ball.

“I’m not sure I’ve seen him without one in his mouth for long.”

Laurie peeked her head around the corner from the kitchen. “It’s like his pacifier.”

Lexi laughed. “I believe that.”

Chelsea Blake, Laurie’s younger sister, came into the room and waved. “How are you, Lexi?”

“I’m good, thanks! How about you? Are you used to the small town life yet?”

Chelsea had gone to a big college and then moved to New York to work for a law firm. The sisters’ relationship was precarious at best. After Laurie had been stabbed, Chelsea decided it was time to change that. She moved to Kitner to help Laurie recover. After Tuck and Laurie got married, Chelsea moved into the small apartment above the photography studio.

Chelsea had been helping out at the studio and holding several part-time jobs. She liked to tell everyone she was giving herself through the end of the year to decide what she was doing for the rest of her life. After following what her parents had wanted her to do, she figured she owed herself that much.

Lexi didn’t blame her.

“I’m loving Kitner.” Chelsea flopped onto a recliner. “The longer I’m here, the more I realize how unhappy I was in New York.”

“I’ll be right out!” Laurie’s voice floated from the kitchen.

“No need to hurry. Do you need any help in there?” Lexi called back.

“I’ve got everything under control. Make yourself comfortable.”

Lexi sat on the couch and accepted the tennis ball from Rogue. She threw it into the hallway and the dog tore off after it.

Tuck patted her shoulder. “I’ll go see if I can help her. I think she wanted to do the photo session first then we’ll have dinner.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

Lexi liked the way Tuck’s house felt now that he and Laurie were married. She brought her own sense of style into the home. Goodness knows the place needed it.

There was a large, framed picture of Rogue on one wall. He was laying down, gazing at something off to the side. It was the kind of picture that could have been included in a dog breeding magazine. Laurie had taken it back before she and Tuck were officially a couple and later gave it to him for his birthday.

“They sure are happy together,” Lexi commented to Chelsea.

“Yeah, it’s almost sickening at times.” She chuckled. “I’m glad for them, though. This is the first time in years I’ve had family around. I like it.”

Lexi couldn’t imagine not being surrounded by her own family.

Laurie came into the room followed by Tuck. She wiped her hands off on a towel and set it down. “Sorry about that! I wanted to get a chocolate cake in the oven quick, giving it time to bake while we’re doing photos. Dinner’s in the slow cooker and ready when we are.”

Chelsea sat up straighter in the chair. “What are we having?”

“Chicken breasts with broccoli and rice topped with cheese.”

Laurie smiled with satisfaction at the expressions of appreciation around the room.

“This beautiful woman guarantees I’ll never go hungry.” Tuck took his wife in his arms and twirled around once, ending with a kiss.

Chelsea caught Lexi’s eye and mouthed, “Told you.”

Lexi had to fight to keep her laughter at bay.

Laurie did a fantastic job of putting Lexi at ease for the portraits and before long, they were devouring the meal she’d made. It was a perfect evening and the kind of distraction Lexi had desperately needed.

~

It was Friday night and Lexi ran through a mental list of things she needed to get done. Monday she would go back to work at the hospital. She wasn’t sure she was ready, although not sitting around her apartment for days on end would be welcome. Her job was a demanding one and she was often on her feet for hours at a time. She didn’t look forward to that and anticipated a day or two of sore muscles by the end of her shift.

Most of her coworkers knew she had taken off for a major surgery. But when she’d had to call and tell the head nurse she’d need more time to recover before she could go back, she’d had to tell her why. She hoped the hospital had been discreet about it all. She didn’t want people to treat her any differently.

The thought of it caused anxiety to well up in her chest.

“God, I can’t control this. If having cancer has taught me anything, it’s shown me that. Give me the strength to make it through all of this with the most dignity possible.”

She could feel the anxiety settle and she shifted in bed, willing her mind to be quiet and allow her to fall asleep.

Reaching a hand up to rub her forehead, she ran her fingers through her hair absently. Something snagged her attention and she sat up quickly, turning on the light next to the bed.

The image of dark hair lying loose in her hand swam in front of her as her eyes filled with tears. She stared at her pillowcase and the additional strands strewn across its surface.

With a sigh of resignation, she tried to sweep them all into her hand before standing and heading for the trash can in the bathroom. As she passed the mirror, she caught a glimpse of herself.

What would she look like when her hair had all fallen out? She resisted the urge to dig out a baby picture to see the shape of her own skull.

Yeah, sleep wasn’t happening.

Lexi’s mind raced as she came up with a plan. Tomorrow, she would try to locate brightly-colored surgical caps. She wore them on occasion when she helped out during a surgery at the hospital, but didn’t wear them in general. Now, with her hair falling out, she wasn’t about to risk having any land on a patient and she surely didn’t want a balding spot to become visible.

Yes, covering her head with something would make her feel more secure.

She would go to work wearing a surgical cap and make that part of her new appearance. Besides, wearing something that was bright and colorful to make the younger patients smile was a good side effect.

It was too bad that wouldn’t work for Sunday night dinners.

She could get away with no one noticing this week, but next week would be a different ball game.

~

“It’s good to have you back, Chandler.”

Lexi returned the smile and waved at Ramirez. She’d already made the second pot of coffee for the day which had earned her the title of hero.

By the middle of her shift, she’d been so tired, she’d attempted to drink a cup of the stuff herself. Three sips into it, she poured the coffee down the sink and tossed the paper cup into the trash.

Nope, that wasn’t going to happen.

“We’ve missed you around here.”

Lexi whirled to find Finnegan standing right behind her. She reached up to touch the black and white striped surgical hat she was wearing. “I appreciate that. And you shouldn’t sneak up on a person like that. You’ll get yourself clobbered.”

“Come to dinner with me tomorrow and you can clobber me all you want to.” He said it in jest, but his eyes told her otherwise.

“Finnegan. I’m not interested.”

“Can’t blame a guy for trying.”

“And trying. And trying.”

He chuckled as he turned to leave. Lexi wished he’d take her seriously and quit asking her out.

The good news was, other than coworkers asking if she was feeling better and telling her they’d missed her, no one had mentioned cancer. To say she was relieved would be an understatement. Kate wasn’t on shift or Lexi would thank her for her discretion.

By the time her twelve-hour shift was over, Lexi’s abdominal muscles were killing her. She wasn’t sure she’d ever been that tired. It was all she could do to drag herself home and in bed.