Finding Solace (32 page)

 
I didn't sign it
because there was no point. He will never see this or any of the others I have
written. I hate the girl in these letters. I can't stand that she is so
desperate. It shows me how strong I need to be to have what I want. Giving him
this would only make him see me as pathetic. I made him a promise that I could
take what he was willing to give me and be okay with it. I need to be okay with
it. The day was coming that I was going to lose him. Life has to go on after
that, right?

 
Heather’s
car was gone. When I went downstairs and found she was not there, I checked. I
was alone again. After she and Jason got engaged she basically moved in with
him. I understood the desire to spend every waking moment with the person you
love. What they have is what I was growing to want. I could have sat around all
day and felt sorry for myself or I could get my pathetic ass up and get ready
for the full book I had waiting for me at work. Valentine’s Day made for
another crazy busy time for clients to get in. Everyone wants to look good for
their dates. Maybe that’s why I was feeling sorry for myself? Whatever the
reason may be, I was done with it.

 
After I got
showered and dressed I headed into work. Client after client bragged about
where they were going or who they were meeting, it got old fast. Why I thought
coming to work was going to get my mind off things is beyond me. Valentine’s
Day makes everyone gush about love, enough already. By the end of the day I
wanted to shoot myself. Just kidding guys, I am not suicidal. My last client
was a name I had not heard in forever. Kaleb Wilson went to high school with
me. Finally I had something to look forward to. Seriously, if I was having this
hard of a time with the day before, how was I ever going to get through
tomorrow? I welcomed the break in my train of thought when the receptionist
announced Kaleb was here for his haircut. I walked up to get him and then fear
hit me. He was one of James’s best friends. Does he know? What do I say to him
about it all? So what did I do? I made a fool of myself.

 
"Hi
Kaleb, my name is Sadie and I will be the one cutting your hair for you today.
If you would like to, please follow me." I then held my hand out to show
him the way. I walked in front to guide him back to my chair. When we reached
my station, I asked him to please take a seat. Kaleb sat down but then spun the
chair around and said, "Sadie, it’s me, Kaleb Wilson. Do you really not
remember me?"

 
"Of
course I do. How are you?"

 
"I’m
doing well.
How about you?"

 
"I
couldn't be better. So what cut are we going for today? Drastic, trim or clean
up?"

 
"Just
do whatever you want. I'm not going to be picky. It’s just hair."

 
"So, big date tomorrow?"

 
"Yes
actually. I just started dating Lindsey Miller. Do you remember her? "

 
"Absolutely!
I loved Lindsey. Good choice by the
way."

 
"Thanks.
It took me awhile but she was worth the wait."

 
"What
about you? Seeing anybody I know?"

 
"Nope, no body from the original circle."

 
"Sadie,
why are you acting like you have a stick up your ass? I've known you since we
were ten."

 
"I
don't know, Kaleb. I haven't seen anyone from school in years. Maybe that’s
it?"

 
"Or, maybe not.
I heard about your twenty first
birthday. What the fuck, Sadie? Did I do something?"

 
I froze. No,
he didn't do anything. He was always one of the nice guys. Why was I acting
like this?

 
"Not at all.
I just haven't seen anyone that is friends
with James since school. It was an awkward break up. I guess that just threw me
a little."

 
"Sadie.
I'm not going to go into what I do or don't know about what happened with you
guys. But I will say this. I smiled a big one the day I heard you left his ass.
James was a piece of shit. I haven't talked to him in years. You, on the other
hand, I miss.”

 
"Are
you hitting on me, Kaleb?"

 
"You
wish! I told you I am seeing Lindsey. Now cut my hair woman, and stop acting
like a fool."

 
After he put
me in my place, I started to relax. While I cut his hair, we bull shitted about
old times and what we had been up to for the last four years. I hadn’t even
realized how much I missed the people I used to call my friends. I guess I felt
like, to walk away from James meant I needed to walk away from anything
affiliated with him. I had just learned that’s not true, and it felt good.

 
When I
finished cutting his hair, he still stuck around while I packed up to leave. We
still had so much to catch up on. We walked out to our cars and exchanged
numbers. I was hugging him goodbye when he said, "Please use that number.
It was a blast getting to see you again. Well, after you pulled the stick out
at least." I smacked his arm.

 
"I definitely
will. I'm so glad you came in tonight. Maybe we could all get together sometime
next week? Oh, and Kaleb? Have fun with Lindsey tomorrow. Don't forget to tell
her I said hi."

 
"That
would be great. And I will."

 
I opened my
car door to get in when I heard, "Happy Valentine’s day, Sadie."

 
"Happy Valentine’s Day to you, too."

 
Well, today
didn't end so badly after all. What am I going to do now about tomorrow?

 
Colt went
home two days ago. It was Valentine's Day and I had yet to hear from him since
he got on that plane. I didn’t want to seem pathetic so of course I only texted
him once to say Happy Valentine’s Day. I decided I would spend the day with
Tony. When I talked to him yesterday and told him I was going to be alone
today, he said he would take care of it, whatever that means. So I was on my
way to his house. He had been doing surprisingly well. His latest results came
back and it showed that they were able to get everything, but they do not
consider you into full remission until a set period of time has passed.

 
When I got
to his house, Tony answered the door in a tuxedo. What the hell is going on?

 
"Well
hey there, sexy. Umm, am I either under dressed or are you very overdressed? I
don't think I got the memo on this one."

 
"You're
perfect just the way you are, but I got the hook up for you in here. Come on
in." He held the door open for me so I went, but I had no idea what to be
expecting. He closed the door behind me and then told me to follow him back to
his bedroom.

 
"Ah Tony.
I thought we discussed that we weren't going
to be taking this step anymore and friendship was the best thing for us."

 
"Keep
dreaming, kitten. I have something for you back here but it’s not ME."

 
I walked
into his bedroom and lying on the bed was the most gorgeous pewter silk gown.
It must have cost a fortune.

 
"Tony,
what is going on?"

 
"I
heard it in your voice yesterday. You sounded so sad. I will always be here for
you. So, I made some arrangements. Get dressed, pretty girl. We are going to
have the best night of your life."

 
Tears fell
from my eyes. I love this guy. He always knows how to pull me back from the
slumps I get myself in. I grabbed him into a huge hug.

 
"Thank
you."

 
"No
need for that yet. I will have earned plenty of them by the end of the night though.
Now seriously, get dressed." Then he walked out of the door. I pulled my
clothes off but then thought about it. I didn’t have any of the accessories
needed for a dress like this. Then I heard a knock on the door.

 
"There
is a bag hanging from the closet door. Everything you’re going to need is in
there. Quit freaking out and just get changed already."

 
I busted up
laughing. Sure enough, there was a bag. In it was every item I needed, just
like he had said. He bought a strapless bra but I chose to go without one. I
found band aids in his bathroom and used those to cover up my nipples, problem
solved. The thong panties were silk along with the garter belt. The shoes, oh
my God the shoes!
Louboutin
jewel accented black
stilettos! And then it was time for the dress. I slipped it over my head and it
just cascaded over my body. Every curve was accented perfectly. I don’t think I
could have had one made that could fit this well. I was in pure heaven.
Pure designer heaven.
When I was finished, I opened the door
to find Tony standing there with his jaw dropped.

 
"You
are perfection."

 
I spun
around and came back to meet his eyes. "It’s all
your
doing, handsome. You don't look too bad yourself."

 
"Thank
you. Are you ready to go?"

 
"Absolutely!
Where are we going?"

 
"That
is information I can’t divulge. You are going to just have to wait and
see." I smiled the hugest smile that has ever crossed my face.

 
Outside his
house sat a limousine. Really!

 
"What
are you thinking, Sadie?"

 
"Um, I
don't know. Holy shit crossed my mind a couple of times."

 
He just
laughed and took my hand. He led me to the car where the driver was holding the
door open. We got in and lavish is too small of a word to use to describe what
I was seeing. Exquisite might work better.

 
"Alright,
I have to know. Did you have this planned for a girl and she backed out or
what?"

 
"Why
would you think this couldn't possibly be for you? Sadie, I have had a lot of
great friends in my life. But you, you are special. You have given me so much
of yourself the last couple of months. I hated the fact you were going to be
sad. Consider this a pick me up and a payback for all you have done for me. Or,
just stop thinking and just enjoy the day." I leaned over and hugged him,
tight. He was special to me too.

 
First we
stopped for ice cream. Yep, I said ice cream.
Dressed like we
were.
It was hilarious to see people gawk at us. Then we went to the
arcade at the mall.
Same thing with the people.
I
think the putt- putt golf was my favorite. We finished the day at the most
expensive restaurant in town. As the limo pulled in to the parking lot, I
looked over at Tony. We had been having so much fun all day, but the smile on
his face at that moment was priceless.

 
"You
didn't think we got all dressed up for nothing, did you?" I fell in love
with him all over again. Somehow I think this kind of love is better. You know
it will never go away. Friendships last a lifetime.

 
When the
driver opened the door, Tony took my hand and helped me out. He walked me
through the doors and I could not help but suck in a breath. Wow! The maître d
led us to a table reserved in the back of the restaurant. When we were seated,
he walked away and I said, "If it were like that between us, you would be
getting the best blow job of your life for this one."

 
He laughed
and responded, "Classy Sadie. But don't get me wrong, if it were like that
between us, I'd expect it."

 
It was my
turn to die laughing.

 
We ordered
completely different things. I went with steak after he ordered duck. Tony said
he'd never tried it before and begged me to order steak in case it was
disgusting. He ended up eating my steak. I tried the duck, to be able to say
that I have tried it, but I ended up just eating my steak too.

 
When the
night was done we were brought to Tony's house. He took my hand for the very
last time to help me out of the limo. It was bittersweet.

 
Tony walked
me to my car and gave me the hugest hug. I thanked him over and over for the
most fantastic Valentine's Day I think any girl could ever dream of.

 
As I drove
home that night I thought, best Valentine’s day ever! And I didn't think of
Colt once. Maybe I will be okay without him.

CHAPTER
32

 
It
took eight days this time before Colt contacted me. When he did, he did not
seem like himself at all. He asked how my Valentine's Day was. What was up with
that? Did he want to hear how sad and alone I was or was he wanting to hear
that I went on a date? See what I mean by confusing? So I told him the truth.
He really didn’t seem to like my answer and I didn’t care one bit. I was mad at
him plain and simple. Would it have been that hard to just text me back happy
freaking Valentine's Day, really? Tony thought it was an ignorant move also.
This time I was positive that he was going to come to me or we were done. I may
love him, but I would not be shit on in the process.

 
I did end up
calling Kaleb. He sounded shocked, which made me laugh. Then it was apparently
his turn to shock me when he said, "I told Lindsey about getting my hair
cut by you and she freaked. She is having a party this weekend. She didn't want
me to tell you this, but the party is basically for you."

 
"For me?
What are you talking about?"

 
"She
was just excited at the possibility that you might come back around a little
more. It’s not like it’s in your honor or anything. She just put together a
party."

 
"What
if I would have said no?"

 
"Are
you?"

 
"No."

 
"Then
who cares?
Saturday night, at her place.
I will text
you the address."

 
"Sounds great.
See
ya
then."

 
 
I wanted to look super cute for the party at
Lindsey’s. When I was getting ready I made sure to wear my favorite
Manolo's
, black skinny jeans, and a burgundy sweater. My
hair was down and I decided to leave it wavy. When I looked in the mirror and
was happy with the reflection staring back at me, I grabbed my keys and was out
the door. One last stop at the gas station to grab a twelve pack and I was
golden.

 
I pulled up
outside her apartment and got the feeling I was late. The parking lot was
packed. Music was cranked up loud and people were spilling out the front door.
I got out and walked over to the crowd. I did not recognize anyone at first,
but as I entered the house, I heard Lindsey screaming at somebody from the
kitchen. I followed her rant until she came into focus. I just stood back and
watched as she lit into Jameson. He knocked over a pitcher and it was now
spilled across the counter and floor. I raised my hand and said loud enough to
be heard, "I will clean it, if you shut up."

 
Heads turned
in my direction and then a screech came from Lindsey. She ran over to me and we
hugged each other. Jameson said, "Good to see you, Sadie. Now, are you
really going to clean that or what?"

 
"Nice
try, Jameson, but she's got people to see." She turned back to me and
said, "It’s been too long, girl." I agreed.

 
Looking
around I was seeing people that I recognized scattered all over the place. I
looked back at Lindsey and notice she had not changed much. She is still
wearing her hair long and straight. It is strawberry blonde and fine but paired
with her tanned skin it works for her. I always thought she was pretty in high
school, but now Lindsey was beautiful. She and I walked out the door on to the
deck and found Kaleb sitting
at a
table playing cards.
When we got closer I saw that they were playing Bullshit. It’s a drinking game
that back in the day, I would stomp everyone I played against. It is all about
calling the other players’ bluff.

 
Kaleb stood
up from his chair and gave me a hug. “Glad you made it."

 
"Me too.
Now, can I get in on this game or do I need to
wait?"

 
"You
can take over my hand. I learned my lesson back in school. I don't play against
you, Sadie."

 
"Chicken
shit."

 
"Yep.
You got it. Let me go grab some more drinks and I
will be back to watch."

 
Kaleb handed
me his cards and walked back into the house. Lindsey followed him so I just sat
down and introduced myself to the three people at the table. The first person
to speak up was a guy named Jeremy. He seemed really nice and he worked with
Kaleb. Second was a girl, whose name was Cindy. She didn’t offer up any
information about herself and seemed like a bitch. Finally there was Nicole.
She was awesome. She went to college with Lindsey. They were apparently
roommates. We played for a while when Kaleb came back out with beer. I was
winning, which did not seem to surprise him in the slightest. I called Bullshit
on Cindy every hand. And every hand I was right. She gave me a dirty look each
time, which only made her more of a target. She got up from the table with her
phone saying she needed to call her boyfriend.
Whatever.
 
Kaleb sat down in her place but refused
to pick up her cards. He called himself an observer. I called him chicken shit
again. Nicole ended up winning and boy, did she rub it in. I just laughed. I
didn’t mind losing to her, she was just hilarious to watch. We all walked back
in the house and I was introduced to Steve, Nicole's boyfriend. He was huge. I
would guess he was six foot six at least. Compared to Nicole, who was maybe
five foot four, they looked awkward together but they were cute. The longer I
watched I started to think about Colt. I wondered what he was doing right now.
I refused to call him, so I went and took a shot. And then another. Jameson
joined me and then Kaleb. Lindsey and Nicole were next. Steve was the
designated driver, so he hung back. Jeremy was pouring and we all started
taking one after another. After I knew if I kept going I would puke, I went
back out on the deck. Once I was out there I realized how much I needed the
fresh air. My head was spinning so I went to sit down. That’s when I noticed
Cindy. Everything in me wanted to stand back up and go inside. But the urge to
puke kept me right where I was. I ignored the fact that she was three feet away
and just leaned back and looked up at the stars.

 
"So you’re
Sadie, huh?"

 
"That
would be me." I never moved to make eye contact.

 
"I
don't see it."

 
"Alright,
you got me. What the fuck are you talking about?" I really was starting to
feel sick. If I moved too fast I was sure I would puke. So that meant, I was
stuck where I was, listening to her go on and on about nothing. I really wished
someone would come out here and rescue me.

 
"I had
to listen to stories about the infamous Sadie for years. Do you have any idea
how hard that was?" She was drunk too. Every other word coming out of her
mouth was slurred. I didn’t respond. I was too worried about the spinning I
could not get under control. I closed my eyes and hoped that it would help. She
just kept going.

 
"I look
at you and you’re just like any other girl. You're not perfect. You have flaws
just like the rest of us. He always said I would never be you. I always thought
you must be this untouchable thing. He made you out to be something I could
never be." I opened my eyes. The only person I wanted to be thinking of at
that moment was Colt, but I knew she wasn't taking about him. "It was
something I thought I could ignore for a while, but when he called me Sadie I
lost it. You aren’t any better than me! You didn't even want him anymore. Why
could he not see that?”