Finding Solace (33 page)

 
"Cindy,
stop. That's enough." Kaleb came out just in time. Or at least I was
thinking "Thank God" until she said, "James was mine, not
yours."

 
I couldn't
hold it in any longer. I promise you, I had no intention of getting sick but I
could not control it. I needed to get out of there but when I sat up, it just
came out. I threw up. All over her!

 
"Oh
shit!" came from Kaleb’s mouth.

 
A loud
scream came from Cindy. I just held my hands over my mouth while my eyes bugged
out of my head. Did I really just puke on this girl? Oh my God!

 
She stood up
continuing to scream while I stayed in the chair watching her. Was this some
sort of fucked up dream? ‘This cannot be really happening’ kept going through
my mind. And then another wave hit. I ran to the side of the deck and continued
to puke. Cindy was still screaming and I just wanted to get out of there.
Lindsey came over to me and grabbed my hair, running her hand up and down my back
telling me I would be alright. Would I? What was that bitch trying to say? Was
she with him the whole time we were together or did she date him after? Why did
I even care? That is when I realized that I didn’t. All of that was my past. It
was not part of my life anymore. If anything, she was just as much a victim of
his doing as I was. I finally got it all out of me and went into the bathroom
to get cleaned up. When I came out, Kaleb was waiting for me.

 
"I am
so sorry, Sadie. I wasn't sure if she would even be here and then even if she
was, James was a dick head to her also. I didn't think she would ever bring him
up again after what he put her through. I feel awful that I asked you to come
here and then she said those things to you."

 
"You
didn't know that would happen.
It’s
okay, Kaleb. I
can't believe I got sick out there. How humiliating is that?"

 
"You
didn't just get sick, you puked all over her! It was priceless. Girl, we all
knew the sick part was coming. You had two shots for every one of ours. There
was no way your little body could hold all that in."

 
"I need
to go apologize to Cindy. She
.."

 
"No
need to hurry. She left."

 
"I am
so embarrassed. I think I am going to get out of here myself."

 
"You
are not driving anywhere. Steve took Cindy home. If you want to go, you can
wait for him to come back and get you."

 
I couldn’t
argue with the fact that I shouldn’t drive, so we walked back out to the
kitchen. Everybody was awesome about not bringing up what had happened. We just
sat around and talked, laughed and drank. These were good people. I think I
found another avenue to fill my time. With Heather going MIA on me, Tony being
better and Colt acting the way he is, I had plenty of it. I started to get
tired so I walked over to her couch and sat down. A while later I thought I
heard my cell phone ring, but I was too tired to care. Sleep was calling me and
I was answering it willingly.

 
I was
uncomfortable enough to toss and turn but not to come out of the sleep I was
in. Most refer to it as being passed out. But then my dream state moved
directions and I heard Colt say my name. He was trying to wake me up to get
some and I was still pissed off at him enough to deny him. He continued to
nudge me until I slapped his hand hard and said, "Not a chance in hell
tonight. Leave me alone." What I wasn’t expecting was the laughter that
followed. Then again it happens in plenty of my dreams. Haven't you ever had
one where you’re trying your hardest to do something but it won't work and
everyone is laughing at you? Well that was happening right now. Every time he
nudges me, I keep slapping him harder and harder and then the laughing got
louder. I was beyond pissed when finally Colt picked me up.
Bad
idea.
I punched him. Then I realized it was a bad idea on my part when
he dropped me on my ass and I heard, "Ouch." Oh shit, not again!
Could this night get any worse?

 
"Listen
here, Rocky, no more throwing punches do hear me?" As he picked me up
again. "Thanks for letting me know where to come and get her guys. It was
nice to meet you."

 
I grabbed a
hold of his shoulders around his neck and nuzzled in to my comfort spot. I
still was half out of it so I let him continue to carry me out to his car. When
he got me in to my seat and strapped the seatbelt in place I said, "Colt?
Is it really you?"

 
"Yeah,
beautiful, it’s really me." He closed the door, walked around the car, got
in and drove off. I was back asleep in no time.

 
The next
thing I knew he was carrying me up the stairs into his apartment. Once we were inside,
he took me into his room and set me down on the bed. He removed my shoes and
pants, leaving me in my shirt and panties. Once he helped me take my bra off, I
was curled up in a ball ready to sleep the night away. I heard rustling around
the room and then Colt was in the bed with me. He pulled me to my spot and
wrapped his arms around me. I was almost asleep when I heard him say, “I've got
you now, go to sleep."

 
"Please
don't ever let me go." Came out of my mouth without permission, I just
didn’t have the strength to take it back, but to be honest, I really didn’t
want to.

 
I woke up in
Colt’s arms. The whole night before came back to me instantly. Having fun,
throwing up, and punching Colt. What does alcohol do to me? I sat up and
stretched realizing I still had my shirt on. That's a first. I have never woken
up in Colt’s bed with clothes on.

 
"What
are you thinking about over there?" He never pulled his head from the
pillow as he spoke. How did he know I was thinking anything?

 
"Just about last night."

 
"Which
part?
The part where you punched me?"

 
"That
and the fact I puked all of over some girl. Although at the time I shouldn't
have felt bad about it."

 
Colt sat
straight up, looked at me and said, "You threw up on someone?"

 
"Sure
did. How did you know where I was?"

 
"I
called your phone. Now back to you puking on a girl. How did you manage that
one?"

 
Did I really
want to go there again? Well, if I was supposed to be past this, it should not
bother me anymore to talk about it. So I went on to tell him how she kept
telling me how I was not shit and how she fucked around with James and then
threw it in my face. Then I told him how James had treated her. How my stomach
was turning with every word she spoke and when the name came out, I lost it.
Colt’s response was, "That mother fucker needs his ass whooped. And it
sounds like the girl was being a bitch. She got what she deserved"

 
"I
completely agree."

 
"Now,
why did you punch me?"

 
"Maybe
because you haven't called me or given me anything other than a ‘how was your
Valentine's Day’ text. You deserved worse."

 
"I
deserved that comment also." He grabbed me and pulled me into a straddle
position. "I'm sorry, Sadie. You didn't deserve any of what's been
happening to you lately, other than what Tony did for you. That was exactly
what you deserved."

 
"Do you
think we could use the word deserve any more than we already have,
seriously?"

 
He grabbed
me and pulled me down so he could kiss my neck seductively, "You deserve
that," his kisses stayed where they were until he sat me up to pull my
shirt over my head. That's when he pulled me back down enough to put my breast
in his mouth and for his tongue to run the length of it. He removed his mouth
just long enough to get the words "You deserve this" out. This little
game of "Deserve" went on until he managed to kiss every, and I mean
every, part of my body. In the end, I never thought I could use the word again
in my life without thinking of this moment.

 
After our
play time, I got into the shower. My head was pounding from lack of Advil. I
heard Colt come in and brush his teeth, but thankfully he let me take this
shower by myself. When I got out I smelled breakfast. Maybe that will make me
feel better? I went to his room to grab my clothes from the night before. After
I got dressed, I went to the kitchen to find him setting the table. Syrup was
involved this time so I knew pancakes where in the mix. Yum! I took a seat at
the table and waited. I could act as if I was ready to let it all blow over but
I wasn’t. I had a lot of questions.

 
Colt carried
the stack of pancakes to the table and served me two. He then put butter and
syrup on them.

 
"Did
you confuse me with Maddie there for a second?"

 
"What?
Why would you say that?"

 
"Duh,
you just made my plate for me."

 
"Can't
I do something nice without being made fun of?”

 
"If you
would like to do something nice, tell me where you were for eight days."

 
"The
last thing I want to do is fight with you, Sadie, maybe we should just talk
about something else."

 
"Or, maybe not."

 
"Okay.
Since when do I have to check in with you or give you my whereabouts, you are
not my..."

 
"Don't!
Don't go there, Colt. It’s about respect. It’s about alleviating some of the
worry that built up when you came back acting strange. And speaking of strange,
you haven't given two fucks about me and then you swoop in like my knight in
shining armor last night. What the fuck, Colt?"

 
He didn't
even acknowledge that I spoke. He just walked out of the room. I stayed in my
seat until I boiled over and went to find him. He was sitting on his bed when I
walked in.

 
"So
this is how this ends? You can't even give me an answer?

 
His face
dropped to his hands. When his head came back up, he looked me in the eye.

 
"I was
in Macomb. Western has offered me a coaching position after I graduate. We have
a little less than four months before I am out of here. It's something I don't
like to think about when it comes to you. Sure, I need to figure out my future,
but not about leaving you."

 
Wow. EIU
rivals WIU. I wonder what the other coaches think about Western Illinois trying
to bring in one of their own. Most importantly, what about going home? What
about Maddie?

 
"What
about your daughter? Are you not going home when you’re done here?"

 
"I told
them no. I thanked them for the offer but declined. I have to go home. There is
no choice in that."

 
"Yeah,
you’re right about that. She needs her dad."

 
"Sadie,
I didn't mean to avoid you. Actually, I did. I couldn't spend Valentine’s Day
with you. I am not your boyfriend. I don’t want you getting the wrong idea. I
am leaving."

 
"I
know. I have known this from the beginning. Why feel the need to drill it in
now. Or run? I can't say I'm looking forward to graduation, but you are not the
only one I'm losing. Dave, Bryan, Geoff, Shawn, Angie, Ashlee. You’re not the
only one leaving Colt. With the little time we all have left, can we enjoy it?
Not avoid it?"

 
"I
didn't think that way. Of course you’re losing all of us. I just want to make
sure you are going to be okay?"

 
"Do I
seem that broken to you? That I'm going to lose my shit when you guys leave? I
will miss you all, but my life is here." I have no idea why these words
are coming out of my mouth. It’s going to fucking crush me when he leaves. I
would follow him anywhere if he would ask me. These are the lies. All lies. But
I won’t let him see me as weak.

 
"My
beautiful Sadie, you were never broken. You may have viewed yourself that way
but you are one of the strongest, most amazing people I have ever met. Don't
question how I see you. I know you will be just fine." He grabbed me but
his kiss was soft, sweet. When he pulled back he said, "So what is your
plan for the day?"

 
It was
Sunday, one of my days off. I really didn’t have any plans other than to swing
by Tony’s.

 
"I
don't really have any plans."

 
"Well,
I would love to spend the day with you."

 
"You’re
on. What do
ya
want to do?"

 
"Lie in
bed and have you every way I want to
have
you, all day
and night."