Finding Solace (37 page)

 
I was lost.
What just happened? Are we going in my apartment to finish this?

 
"I
can't believe this. I
gotta
go."

 
"What
do you mean, you have to go? Come in. Stay for the night."

 
"Sadie,
I really need to go. I would love to stay with you, but not tonight.
And definitely not after I started to cum in my pants.
I'm
going home.” He kissed me a quick kiss and left.

 
I pulled out
my phone and sent him a text

 
Me: IF U
THOUGHT THAT FELT GOOD, LETS SEE IF U CAN EARN THE REAL THING. I KNOW I'M GOING
TO BE IN SOMEBODYS DREAMS TONIGHT. DON'T WORRY, U WILL BE THE MAIN FEATURE IN
MINE

 
The next day
I had to work, but I did hear from Ash. He was on his way home from the academy
where he’s officially going to start training. I am so excited for him. He just
sounded so happy about it. Nothing like the guy I remember talking about stocks
or the Navy. When I finished up the day, I was grabbing all my stuff to leave
when I walked by the reception desk. A huge bouquet of flowers was arranged
perfectly in a cut glass vase on the counter. I checked my books for Wednesday
being that I was off the day in between, when Teagan our receptionist said,
"If you’re not taking them home, then I sure am."

 
"They’re
for me?"

 
"I told
Susan to tell you they were up here a couple hours ago."

 
I raced over
to the card and sure enough they were from Ash.

 
The note
read: I'M SORRY ABOUT LAST NIGHT. BUT YOU WERE RIGHT. MY DREAMS WERE FILLED
WITH YOU, SURROUNDED BY THESE. I THOUGHT IT WAS FITTING TO GIVE THEM TO YOU SO
YOU COULD SEE THAT YOU PERSONIFY BEAUTY IN MY EYES

 
That man is
too good to be true. And you know the saying, he probably is. I grabbed my
phone and sent him a text

 
Me: I LOVE
MY FLOWERS, THANK YOU

 
Seconds
later a response came in

 
Ash: U R
VERY WELCOME. ENJOY THE REST OF YOUR DAY

 
I was giddy.
I hoped Heather would be home so I could show her. I loaded them in my car and
drove home. Of course she wasn’t there. I carried them into the kitchen and
turned on the light. I took the paper off and got the vase out of the box.
Standing proudly on my counter was hands down the prettiest flower arrangement
I had ever seen. Every color of the rainbow with every type of flower I know
was what made up this thing of beauty. And it was for me. I took pictures of it
and sent them to Heather and Tony.

 
 
Heather: WHAT DID THE CARD SAY?

 
So I took a
picture of it and sent it to both of them. Tony’s response came back next.

 
Tony: I LIKE
HIM ALREADY

 
Then Heather
again

 
Heather:
KEEP HIM!

 
I smiled
like the Cheshire cat. I wanted to. But
a certain
someone would be home tomorrow that would change everything.

CHAPTER
35

 
It
was one o’clock and Colt should have been coming outside the airport any second
now. I was so excited to see him. A week is too long, especially if you haven't
spoken with the person the whole time. It took longer than I thought, but
eventually he came walking out. All my doubts about him over the week vanished.
I jumped from my car and ran and jumped into his arms. He gripped on to me so
tight I thought he was going to squeeze me to death.

 
“I missed
you. How was the birthday? Tell me all about it."

 
I started
walking back to my car, assuming he would follow. When I got there to pop the
trunk, I found Colt still standing in the same place I left him. What was going
on? I walked back over to him and took in his expression for the first time.
His eyes were swollen as if he had been crying. I refused to press the issue
until we were in private. I placed his hand in mine and led him back to my car.
I took his bags for him and put them in the trunk. He got in the car and shut
the door behind him. As I walked around to get in I thought, did something
happen to one of his parents? Oh God, I wasn’t sure I could handle if I lost
mine. I could not go there, so I got in the car, started it and grabbed his
hand. We drove all the way to his house without a word spoken from either of
us. I helped him carry his bags inside. He just went straight to the couch and
sat down.

 
"Colt,
I'm just going to go to the bathroom, okay?"

 
No response
came from him. I went in and closed the door behind me. The man I dropped off
at the airport is not the same man I just picked up. What happened to him in a
matter of a week? I needed to be strong for him. I washed my hands to kill time
and pretended to flush the toilet. When I came back out, he was still in the
same spot I left him. I walked over to the couch and sat down. I looked at him
for no longer than a second before I grabbed him into my arms and hugged him.
He began to shake, hard. I knew he was crying again. It literally broke my
heart. My strong sexy man was so broken and it killed me. I held him while he
grabbed me and continued to cry. We sat there for an amount of time I couldn’t
tell you, because I don’t even know myself. He eventually said three words.
Three little words that would rock anyone to their core.

 
"She
isn't mine."

 
And then he
cried again. I was so lost in his pain that it took me awhile to comprehend
what he said. She isn't mine. He could not mean Maddie. No! He gave up everything
to have her. There is no way that’s what he was trying to tell me. I couldn’t
process someone being so cold as to do that to a man. Surely I was mistaken.
Eventually he settled down long enough to where I felt comfortable enough to
ask questions.

 
"Who
isn’t yours, Colt? What are you saying? Please talk to me."

 
“My worst
nightmare came to life is what fucking happened. She has been talking about
this guy, Matt, ever since I left. I always assumed Jamie was dating somebody
and didn't want to talk to me about it. No big deal, right? Well, the mother
fucker was at her birthday party. Maddie adored him. I was so fucking jealous
of this dude and how much more time he got to spend with my own daughter than I
did. But I kept my mouth shut. It was my choice to come here. I couldn't blame
Jamie for dating. Look at what I do. The party went great besides my
insecurities as far as being there for my daughter the way I would like. But
all I kept thinking was, three more months. Three more months and I would be
home for good. The doctor’s visit came next. Jamie wouldn’t budge. She did not
want me to take her. I used your suggestion and said then all three of us could
go but I was going to be there no matter what. She had no choice. She finally
accepted that and we went. It’s not like the doctor walked in the room and said
you are not her father. It was so much more fucked up than that. Maddie got her
height and weight checked by the nurse and then the doctor came in to see her.
She was beaming over at me when the doctor said she was as healthy as a horse.
What was even cuter was when she said, ‘Can it be a unicorn instead?’ We all
died laughing. After it was all over, the doctor went over her growth chart
with us. She wasn't due for a checkup when she was four so after two years, a
lot can happen. He explained how she had a major growth spurt in those two
years. His guess was she would continue on this path and top out to be a very
tall woman. I looked at him like he was on crack. Neither Jamie, I or anyone else
in our family for that matter, had height on our side. We are all average at
best. I didn’t say anything to him. We packed up our things and left. On our
way back home Maddie asked if we could go to a park. We agreed to it and
stopped at one close to the house. I made one stupid remark about the doctor
saying she was going to be super tall and Jamie busted out into tears. The
bitch had the nerve to cry. She started spouting off about how sorry she was
and how she wasn't sure at first. Then Maddie got older and started to look
more and more like Matt and that’s when I stopped her rambling. Matt! Can you
believe it? The same guy I was jealous
of,
is Maddie’s
fucking dad, and not me. I screamed at her. I asked her how she could know for
sure. She said they got a DNA test done from Maddie’s hairbrush so she wouldn't
have to know. Five months ago! That stupid bitch hid this from me for five
months. Hell, she hid it from me for Maddie’s whole life. She had to know there
was a possibility she wasn't mine. She let me quit school, give up everything I
had. I never regretted it. I still don't. I got five years with the most
amazing girl I have ever known."

 
"Colt,
why are you making it
sound
like you don't still have
her? She is yours. Maybe not biologically, but she's yours just the same."

 
"No,
Sadie, she's not. I lost it all. I left the park. I left both of them there and
drove to find Matt. I knew where he worked from a story that Maddie had told me
once. I drove straight there, walked into the place and beat the living shit
out him. That asshole let me pay for his responsibilities. He lived in my
mother fucking house. Can you believe that? They convinced Maddie that he just
had sleepovers every night. That’s why she never told me Matt moved in. I sent
every God damn dime I made to support the two of them. Needless to say, I got
arrested for assault. Then add the fact that I chose to move hundreds of miles
away, I left them stranded at a park and beat the shit out of her
"father", I lost custody. I hired my divorce attorney again. He is
one of the best in the state and is telling me I don't stand a chance. I told
him that I don't care how much it costs, I want my little girl. He had me talk
to a counselor and a guardian ad litem that would represent Maddie. They both
told me the same thing. I fucked up huge with my choices. I don't stand a
chance. Not to mention, her father is in the picture. It is best, according to
them, to walk away and let them be a fucking family."

 
I didn't
know what to say to him. Who wouldn’t react the way he did?

 
"I’m
here for you, Colt. I will always be here." He grabbed me and crashed a
kiss on me. He was desperately trying to feel a connection to something or
someone. I was more than willing to play the part. I loved this man. I would give
anything to make his pain lesson, even if it was only for a brief while. He
came at me hard. Every touch was more of a pull. He picked me up and carried me
to his bed where he literally ripped at my clothing to get it off me as fast as
he could. When I was completely bare of all of it, he thrust himself into me.
He slammed so hard against my pelvis that a tear fell from my eye. He was lost
and I could feel him trying to take back the control he once had. If I didn’t
know who I was with at the time, I would swear I was being brutally raped.
Everything he did was with such force it scared me. He flipped me over and went
back to hammering into me. I thought he was about to breach his orgasm but that
was when he began to cry again. His movements slowed. They became
more tender
. He caressed my back side as he slid in and out
of me, the whole time laying his head against my back. Then I was being turned
over onto my back again. His mouth found my breast and his slow movements were
hitting me on just the right spot. I began to build.
Tighter,
and tighter, until I squeezed him with everything in me.
He released at
the same time. He collapsed on me still weeping and we stayed there in that
position until we both were sound asleep.

 
We woke up
at dawn. Both of us could say we were well rested. That is, if both of us were
talking. Colt chose not to speak to me this morning. I tried, but I treaded
lightly. When he refused, I went ahead and left.

 
 
Driving home this early was not my typical
routine. Traffic was awful. I had been sitting in it for thirty minutes already
when a text came in through my phone

 
Ash: I KNOW
YOU ARE PROBABLY SLEEPING STILL BUT I WANTED 2 TELL U THAT I WAS THINKING ABOUT
U AND I HOPE U HAVE A GREAT DAY

 
I didn’t
respond. I left it as though I could possibly still be asleep like he said. He
was such a nice guy. What was I going to do? Colt has always been there for me
and right now he needed me more than ever. I couldn’t let go of him. I was
madly in love with that broken man and I needed to restore him back to the man
I know he is. I finally got home forty five minutes later. Traffic sucked!
Remind me never to leave that early again. It was eight o'clock and I hoped
Heather or Tony were awake. I needed them badly. I called Heather first and it
went straight to voicemail, ugh! Tony was next. It rang and rang. Just as I was
about to hang up I heard a very tired Tony say "What." I put the
phone back to my ear and said "Tony?"