Forgotten Self (Forgotten Self #1) (10 page)

“
Fine.” I step back to a more polite distance. “So let's just get this straight here. The battle was going downhill. I find out that we're being betr
ayed by our brothers. Then what, I tell you?” He nods again and I continue. “Okay. So I figure then we're trying to do something with that information, right?
Without starting -”

“
Another war in heaven,” he cuts in. “We knew we had to go slowly. So many of
us would have rejected the very notion. Even after the glaring example of Lucifer's fall.”

“
And how did we know that the demon, Aram, was telling the truth?”

“
Demons cannot lie.”

Now I am really floored.

“
Demons can't lie? As in,
the
deceptors and tempter
s of the world? That doesn't work, Jonathan.”

Jonathan shrugs. “It does work. Demons are very compelling. That calming effect we have on people – which we pull from heaven – is similar to the demon's compulsion powers. They just pull their influence from h
ell.”

I blow out a breath of air in frustration. “And why did he tell us?”

Jonathan runs a hand through his hair, re-mussing the curls. “That we never found out. Just as we don't know exactly what's behind Raguel and Remiel's backing of this...power disrup
tion.”

A thought pops into my head and I click my tongue. “So we've known this for two thousand years...” He nods. “And we still haven't figured this whole thing out? Even though we've had two thousand years?”

“
Right. Well, I was going to explain that. Th
at first memory? The one with you and me at the dining table? That wasn't the first time that has happened.”

I wait. I wait for him to continue. This is a lot of information to process, but I feel like if I don't hear it all now, I'm going to go crazy befo
re it settles in. Going crazy after it settles in – that's fair game.

He goes on. “Raguel and Remiel know that we know. They have for centuries. Our activities weren't always, ah, stealthy. They -”

Jonathan is abruptly cut off because it is at this moment
that Lucas – of all people – appears in the room. I feel the blood rush from my face. Not only has he appeared out of nowhere, but he has appeared right in front of me. Before Jonathan can make a move, Lucas touches my arm, and then...nothing.

Drip,

d
rip,

drip.

Somewhere a pipe is leaking. It is cold and damp. I take a moment to collect myself before I open my eyes. When I do, I see that I'm in what looks to be a warehouse. Of course. What a perfect place to be spirited away to. A laugh escapes my lips
. 'Spirited' away. No doubt.

My captor steps out of the shadows and I pull myself off the floor, away from the brick wall I  had been leaning against.

“
Lucas, what a pleasure,” I greet him flippantly.

He makes no move forward, staying at a distance. It's
a moment before his soothing voice floats over to me. “Abigail, we need to talk. Has Jonathan tried to restore your memory?”

I don't know why the mention of his name surprises me. I know he's a part of this. And yet, it feels weird to have another person a
cknowledge it.

“
Bits of it,” I reply. “Not enough to know what your role in all of this is.”

He nods approvingly. “Good. It would be a foolhardy task to completely restore it as you are now. The human body is quite delicate.”

“
Care to tell me who you real
ly are? Or, perhaps, why I'm here?”

Lucas takes a step closer; I take a step back, right into the wall. The discomfort I've been feeling
around him is full-force now.

“
You're here because I want you to be.” Oookay, macho man. “I'm an angel, just like you,”
he tells me steadily. His voice is so calm I can almost
feel
it. “As far as what I do...my position has no official name, but many refer to us as Balancers.”

My eyebrows shoot up. “I see.” I don't really. “And you're here for me?”

“
Yes.”

The blood disappe
ars from my hands, leaving them ice cold. Fear edges through my throat, though I manage to push out, “Why?” I want to take another step back, but the bricks block my way.

He smiles in a very gentle way; that calm wants to take over again. “I'm not here to
harm you. We've done this many times before.”

“
We – we have?”

“
Every time you are sent back, I come to bring you home as soon as I am able. You are needed elsewhere – you don't belong here in the mortal world.” Taking another step, he goes on. “Abigail, yo
u know me. We've been...acquainted for a long time.”

I say nothing.

He walks right up to me and I let him. Some irrational serenity has come over me, allowing this strange man, this angel, to get close. My heart skips when he gets so close that I can see
individual colors in his eyes. That overall sage, but there's silver too. Beautiful and so...not human. It feels warmer than it was a minute ago, almost like he brings that heat. I couldn't call it temperature, however. It's more than that. Maybe it's that
glow that faintly shimmers about him.

It's through this daze that he touches my hand, the first time we've made skin-to-skin contact. There is a flash of a memory, a tiny vision joined by overwhelming emotion. Lucas and I walking side by side in a grassy
field, somewhere long ago. So brief.

A strong feeling of familiarity – and something else, something I'm not quite ready to embrace – washes over me. All the blood that had disappeared from my hands rushes into my face, but I can't look away from this an
gel in front of me.

“
I do know you,” I breathe.

He lightly drops his hand and smiles that small smile. “Hi, Abby.”

Twenty minutes in and Lucas has been as vague as Jonathan. I'm frustrated. Again. “When is somebody going to tell me everything?” I fall sh
ort of stomping my foot.

Lucas has taken a few steps back from me, allowing my heart to stop racing – thank God. This...emotion-which-shall-not-be-named is kind of embarrassing in the physical manifestation factor.

He holds my gaze seriously. “This would
all be so much easier if you would just leave with me.”

“
You said you had to have my permission to take me back, right?” After my recognition of him, Lucas had briefly explained what 'going home' entailed.

“
Yes, I do.” He looks up at the ceiling and sighs
softly. “You are difficult about this every time.”

I frown. “Of course I am. I'm not just here as an angel in time-out. I'm here as a human, as Abigail the high school student. An Abigail with family, and friends, and a life that she loves. Why in the wor
ld would I want to go 'home' and go back to being an angel of Death with all the responsibility that involves. I take people's souls for a living. Not to mention that I would be re-entering some covert angelic war that I really want no part of. I'm a diffe
rent Abigail.”

He grasps my shoulder. “I understand that, I do. I always have. But I can't give you the time I usually do. It's different now. Things are going bad. Really, really bad. I – we need you up there. Raguel and Remiel have disappeared, not to me
ntion the other archangels aren't talking. The Judges are a mess. The word is out and angels are choosing sides, Abby.”

“
Sides over what issue, Lucas? Raguel and Remiel are helping the demons, but why? What are
they shifting the power for? What power is it
?”

He rubs the back of his neck. “Jonathan really skipped the important parts. Look, Raguel and Remiel want to rule heaven. They can't do that as things stand now. By shifting the balance of souls to hell, they are weakening heaven and giving Lucifer the a
dvantage. Here's where different theories on what's happening emerge. Some think that by Raguel and Remiel giving Lucifer power, Lucifer has agreed to join them in a war against heaven. Others think that this unbalance will weaken heaven enough that Raguel
and Remiel will be able to capture it themselves and then use their power combined with its to re-balance the scale or even attempt to take hell out completely. We're just not sure.”

He stops and I suck in a deep breath, making up for the last thirty seco
nds I'd been holding it. This isn't just getting worse, this is getting...worse than worse. Of course it is. “What do you think?”

“
I don't know.” Lucas shrugs. “It's complicated and no one can really know for certain. The only thing we can do is fight it.
And you've been a part of this fight for a long time.” He looks down. “You've taken the...fall for our side enough times. With everything that's happened, I think you can come back for good this time. Who knows what could happen to you if you stay as a hum
an. You have no power.”

I pinch my nose in frustration as I try to keep everything straight. “What do you mean, I've taken the fall for you all? In fact, that's a really good question. Why am I the only one here?”

“
Three angels sent down at one time?” He c
licks his tongue. “Too many questions. They had to choose an important player that would...disable our small group.” Something is off in his voice; he hesitates in strange places and won't meet my eyes. “It was only five of us for a long time. We didn't ha
ve enough power to bring Raguel and Remiel down outright. That's why we've been at this battle for so long. It had to be so, so secret. But eventually we were found out.”

“
What happened?”

“
We got sloppy,” he explains simply. “Two of our group ran to the ot
her archangels for protection. We haven't seen them since. I assume they were punished for crossing Raguel and Remiel. Brothers defend brothers, after all.” He smirks. “What fools.”

“
So I was sent to earth...and you?”

“
Raguel and Remiel threatened to send
demons your way if Jonathan and I continued killing them.”

“
Is that how we were resetting the balance?”

He nods distractedly. “Yes. Which isn't what angered the two. It's my job, after all, as a Balancer. But I was working with a guardian, an angel of Deat
h, and two gatekeepers. And...” He clears his throat. “Anyway, Raguel and Remiel knew – knew that the threat of sending your soul to hell was enough to keep us at bay.”

I rub my forehead. “Uh, hate to state the obvious, but this all seems a little bigger t
han just one angel's soul.”

Lucas bites his lip at that. “Um,” he starts, but is interrupted because Jonathan suddenly appears at his side. The way these angels transport, it's almost like the person who shows up has been there all along. It's just so natu
ral, like you looked away and in the meantime your friend walked in.

Lucas says not a word, leaving me to jump in.

“
Oh, hey,” I say casually.

We're all friends here, right? Jonathan looks pissed. Maybe not.

“
Lucas, you are way out of line,” Jonathan seet
hes, not giving me the time of day.

Lucas jumps right on that. “Jon, you know we have different agendas. She's not safe here and she needs to understand that.”

“
He already told me about the demons that are after me,” I helpfully explain.

Lucas' eyes go wi
de. “He did what?”

Jonathan's instantly guilty when this fact is revealed. “I was going to get her away from here, Luke. I can hide her.”

“
You can't hide her from demons!” Lucas' voice is raised.

Jonathan's voice matches his in volume. “I'm not letting her
get sent back! You know what that does to her. How many times has she done this now? Don't you remember?”

Lucas closes his eyes. “I know, Jonathan. I remember. But you're putting her in serious danger by trying to keep her here. And what does it accomplis
h? She will constantly be on the run, her memories will be returning – and what happens when it all catches up?” I know he means both the memories and the demons. “Look. We can argue all we want but the decision is hers. It always has been.”

They both turn
toward me. I've been keeping quiet, observing their disagreement. What does it all really mean for me? I can't say, I don't remember. And their tension, that confuses me even more.

“
Abigail.” Lucas' voice brings me back.

“
Yes, I'm here. I've heard everyth
ing.”