Forgotten Self (Forgotten Self #1) (21 page)

But Lucas' words relax me a little. I nod slightly in acknowledgment. He stands and I open my eyes.

When I look at him, he has changed.

No longer does he look like the Lucas I'd met in first hour history class, he looks...like an angel. J
ust like the one from my last memory. Tall, strong, beautiful, and that solemn face with flawless skin and high cheekbones. Sage-colored eyes that can look right into your soul – literally. His glow is so bright it hurts my human eyes. Seeing him like this
unleashes all the feelings I've ever had for him, the ones I've had for him for countless years. I
remember.
Not specific things, but what he means to me.

It takes my breath away.

I just stand there, not really knowing what to do. Wherever we are, it st
arts to rain, but I still don't move. Neither does he. I know he can feel what I'm feeling but his face remains composed.

I need to figure out how to do that.

Rain drips down my face and I have to blink it out of my eyes. I'm sure I look like I've just be
en pulled out of a lake, but Lucas manages to look fabulous.

“
I wish I could remember you. Really remember you,” I mumble awkwardly.

“
Someday soon,” he says with affection, a small smile brightening his face. “Why don't I make it a little easier?”

“
What
-” I start, but then I'm remembering.

It had been a few years since the incident with the demon in the forest. I'd been so cautious since then I'd barely made contact with anyone, preferring to keep to myself - in
elsewhere
, in heaven. I would never tell
a soul, but I was gloomy, lonely. I felt like a wraith, floating around the world alone, serving Death's task.

Now was one of those rare times I worked with other reapers. A small disaster was set to occur any moment now and we all waited, patient and som
ber. A few spoke to each other but most of us kept silent sentry. I counted at least fifty of us and wondered what was going to happen. We stood in the center of a large village. It was late in the night and not a person stirred, not even an animal. No bre
eze, no moon, and the cool air enveloped us.

A few small rumbles seemed to come from a distance, and then there was violent shaking. Screams and the crashing of wood and stone sounded through the village's twisting pathways. It was an
earthquake.

Many star
ted forward, walking into homes steadily; the quaking did not affect us, not on an assignment. The rest of us remained patiently. Our assignments were not immediate ones.

Five minutes after the rumbling had ceased, the yells and screams and cries were jus
t as loud. Fire was quickly eating through homes and stores and animal yards. Amidst the cacophony of noise, I finally felt prompted to move forward and take my human's soul.

I stepped over broken wood and various belongings. More than one body lay sprawle
d out. When I reached the young woman I felt my fists clench. She was out in the open road, holding her child. A large splinter protruded through her neck. There was blood spraying, the baby was screaming – and survivors ran by her without a glance. I may
have been naturally detached, but no being could look at a scene like this and not feel something.

She saw me coming. They always do when it's close. Perhaps it's because their souls are so much nearer to our world than theirs. Her eyes were horrified and
pleading. She couldn't move, she was in shock, she was dying – but her child was still her first concern. And she couldn't take care of her child if she was dead. I felt her fear, felt her longing to comfort her baby, and I felt my heart break. A mother a
nd child should never have to be separated.

It's the way of the world, I told myself. You have to do it.

I knelt down next to the woman. She didn't have long. There was a pool of blood behind her head, her beautiful skin was pale, and there was a look abo
ut her eyes that all dying people possess. Through that dim look she still pleaded with me. But what could I do?

After she was gone, I stared stonily into the night. Down a random walkway, I saw a shadowed man pass into a still-standing building. My cheeks
flushed - I had just seen a demon.

I ran down the debris-covered road and into the badly damaged structure. He was right there.

He faced my direction, smiling.

“
What are you doing here, demon?” I spoke with acid.

“
I lived in this home for a time,” he ex
plained vaguely.

I shook my head impatiently. “No. Why are you
here
?”

A big smile filled his face. “How young you are, angel. Too bad so many of your kind are around, otherwise...” He licked his lips, then composed himself. “Why do you think I'm here, an
gel? I'm doing my job.”

A chill flowed through me. “Did you do this?” I felt my body tense up as I anticipated his reply.

The smile on his face grew wider. “I wish I had the power. No, it wasn't me. I was just a part of it.”

I couldn't say anything.

“
What
, you didn't know? Many events such as this are our doing. It takes a monumental amount of power, which is why it doesn't happen every day. If only,” he commented wistfully.

A leaden feeling began its spread through me.“Why.”

The demon chortled in amusemen
t. “Oh, you really are new to this life.” He took a step closer to me. “These tragedies make souls even easier to scar, don't you see? A man in pain after losing his family, a child after his parents have been killed, and so many more. They're weak. They'r
e vulnerable to our lures, our promises.” His laugh grew louder.

I
was
new. Still not in control of my more intense emotions – like anger. After a split second I flew at him and forced him to the ground. “You bastard,” I spat and closed my hands around his
throat. This demon was far weaker than the last I had encountered, but that didn't mean he wasn't strong.

My rage kept him in check. I felt stronger than ever and I used that to try to destroy his human body.

His shadow grew fainter but his wrathful eye
s were as bright as ever. He continued to struggle and I started to slam his head against the dirt floor. Harder and harder, everything flowing through my muscles and into those actions. That mother and child, these people, the demon in the woods, everyone
that evil had ever touched...I soon focused my thoughts on one word:
kill
.

My knee had just started pressing against the demon's throat when something pulled me back. I was not having it. The demon sat upright when I was pulled away and I kicked out and h
it his face, hard.

He groaned and covered his now-broken nose with a hand. “Keep your girl in check, Balancer,” he growled.

At that name I glanced up to see who held my arms. To my shock, it was the same Balancer who'd saved me in the forest. What was he.
..?

The Balancer wasn't looking at me but at the demon. “Go, demon. You have been spared this time.”

Blood dripped down the demon's face as he roughly stood. “Aren't I lucky?” he muttered sarcastically.

“
I would say so,” came the angel's cool voice. “It se
ems as though you were in a precarious position with this angel of Death.”

The demon growled again, spat blood onto the ground, and disappeared.

“
Could you let go of me now?” I rudely asked.

He let go.

The realization of what I had just done zapped its wa
y into my mind. That hate...that wasn't me. That wasn't what an angel was. After the anger I'd felt and the violence I'd committed, I wouldn't have been surprised if the Judges called me into a session. Angels were bound by their callings. If an angel step
ped outside the boundaries laid out for their position and a Judge found out, so help them. But perhaps I would deserve it.

No. I wasn't hateful, I wasn't spiteful, I wasn't bitter. Was I? All of those qualities constituted a demon. But disillusioned...ye
s, perhaps that. And wasn't that how it began for the others? Those who had fallen?

Wrapped up in my thoughts, I forgot the Balancer was there and began to leave the room.

“
Abigail,” the calm voice called.

I froze and slowly, carefully turned. “Balancer.”
I nodded my head in respect.

These angels were near the top of the hierarchy, as powerful as the Judges, if not in the same line of position. My cheeks flushed again, this time with embarrassment rather than anger. Oh, this was so not something a Balancer
should find an angel doing.

“
What happened tonight?”

Something about that question irritated me. Wasn't it obvious? “That.” I pointed behind me, through the door and out at the destruction of the village. I bit the inside of my cheek and vehemently expla
ined, “The demon did that.” I offered nothing else.

The angel continued to watch me solemnly. I thought he'd made a movement to step forward, but it must have been my imagination because he stood still, right where he had been.

Soon I felt guilty for speak
ing so shortly to him. “I apologize, Balancer. I did not mean to speak to you in that manner.”

He held up a hand, cutting off any more of my apology. “That is of no concern to me. Abigail, you are still too young to engage in behavior such as this. Though,
when you are more experienced you will not do something so reckless.”

I stared. Was I getting lectured right now?

“
The next time you feel unable to control yourself, you will call for me.”

For him? I was confused. Why wouldn't I just call another angel
of Death? Those were my brothers and sisters, the closest thing I had to family, even if we weren't very close at all. Why would a Balancer care? I must be a serious risk.

I began to turn away before remembering something. “What's your name?”

“
Lucas.”

A
sense of time passing, and:

I had come upon them by chance, this other angel of Death and the demon.

I now held the demon's neck in my hands.

I was choking the demon, blinded by anger. Memories of my last encounter with one of them – after the earthquake
– played through my mind, compounding my emotions. This certainly wasn't what I was made for. This was a job for Balancers or demon hunters.

The demon's bright blue eyes, so like my own, slightly bulged from the pressure I was applying.

“
What are you do
ing here?” I asked in a low, tight voice. Of course, she couldn't answer.

I threw her to the ground with ease. I had grown stronger in the years following the earthquake, and this was a young demon. I used my power to hold her down and turned my head to g
et a look at the angel I'd come to help. She was tiny – precious, even – but the fierceness on her face belied her size.

“
Sorry to jump in,” I swiftly apologized, realizing she might not have wanted my assistance.

She held up her hands in a casual gesture
. “No, don't be. I can see you bear them as much ill will as I do.”

A wry smile briefly played across my lips. “Don't we all?”

The small angel stepped closer to me. I could see the brightness behind her features, the youth in her eyes. Even our current hum
an bodies looked similar, though I was much taller. She bowed her head slightly in greeting. “I am called Naomi.”

I bowed my head in return. “Abigail.”

Naomi and I refocused on the demon as she groaned in pain. Red marks from my hands were bright on her ne
ck.

“
What happened?” I directed this question at Naomi, not looking away from the damned creature laying before us.

“
It grabbed me in another location and brought me here.”

“
Any idea why?”

“
I assume to attract less attention.”

In disgust, my hands tightene
d, increasing the force my powers were using to pin the demon down. She squirmed. Out of nowhere, a thought entered my mind, one I instantly felt guilty for. I announced it anyway.

“
Think we could get rid of it?”

Looking over, I saw Naomi was staring at me
with an odd expression. “They've really hurt you, haven't they?”

The trapped demon groaned again, breaking the trance that had momentarily settled between Naomi and I. We turned our attention to her.