Forgotten Self (Forgotten Self #1) (25 page)

Another ten minutes and I'm laying down, head
spinning, stomach seeming to rip itself apart – the pain is surprising. Your body's rejecting it, my mind tells me.

I feel the icy cold of my hands and feet. I feel the tremors that begin to possess me. A thought drifts in – this was your worst idea ever,
Abby. Gray mists swirl before me and then I hear the voices.

My knights have arrived.

“
It worked, didn't it?” I defend myself.

Lucas and I are sitting together on the carpeted aisle floor. His face seems whiter. “That is not the point. You
knew
the
risks – your soul...” He closes his eyes. “I -” Silence.

Honestly, he doesn't really need to go on. I feel just as bad.

I put what I hope is a comforting hand on his arm. My gaze is fixed on his shirt – which I notice is a nice grey.

Quit stalling, Abby.

I clear my throat and say firmly, “I won't do something like that again.” Don't make me promise, don't make me promise.

“
Swear it, Abigail.”

Damn.

He crouches down to a level that forces me to meet his eyes. He lays a soft hand on my heart. “Do not forge
t I know what is going on in here. Not just because you are human right now, but because I
know
you, Abby.”

Alternately, warm and cold emotions run through me. The feelings I have for him ignite at those words – but I am disappointed that I will have to ma
ke a promise about my safety that I might not be able to keep. Who knows what lies ahead for me? For us? I begin to cringe internally.

Hide it, hide it –

“
I swear, Lucas.”

He straightens up with a breath of relief and holds me close. He's never done anyth
ing like it, in this life at least, and it makes my heartbeat jump. I return the embrace.

The blissful moment is soon over as I tear myself away and shove my hand into his chest. “You. You've been lying to me. I know I'm not just some angel of Death.” I pa
use, he says nothing. “What am I? Why am I so crucial to this war?”

He features tighten. “Abby, I...”

“
What? What is so horrible that no one will tell me?” My annoyance is joined by panic.

Lucas gently takes my hand and leads me to a seat. After I sit, he
does also. “Abigail...” His hand holds the back of my neck and he leans his forehead into mine. My heart skips like forty five beats in a row. Apparently he notices because he smiles. Then seriousness finds its way back into his features.

“
When I said yo
u were not the only angel created by Death I lied.”

My jaw drops.

He leans back from me and looks into my eyes, that look that seems to see right through my soul. “You see, in the beginning, after God had created all of this,” he sweeps his hand around, “
Death ordered him to comply with the universal law of Ends.”

“
Ends?” I manage to breathe out.

“
Yes. Everything must die. It is the one constant.”
One constant
...Death had said these exact words. When I don't say anything else, he continues. “God created an
gels to serve Death, carry out the duty of that End of human life.”

“
So souls die, too?”

He shakes his head. “Not exactly. I suppose that saying death is the one constant is somewhat of a misnomer. Your soul,” he lightly touches my chest, “is immortal.”

My
skepticism pulls me out of my shock and I frown. “This seems contradictory.”

“
I know. There are just categories that...well, souls are an energy that have always been. They are tethered to the Higher Beings. So when I say everything, I mean everything th
at was
created
.”

This information seeps through my brain but doesn't seem to connect. Whatever. Universe 101 can't be my concern right now.

“
We're getting off track,” I tell him dismissively. “So I'm the only...child of Death?”

He nods.

“
Does this give me
more power or something?”

Another nod.

I bite my lip. “As powerful as them?”

He knows I'm referring to the archangels. “In your own way.”

I let this slide for a moment. “So if Death is really my creator, then why did he let Remiel and Raguel punish me?”

“
He has no sway on this plane.”

“
Okay...so what's my role here?”

He drops his hand from where it had been resting on my shoulder. “You were created in order to keep the...life cycle properly functioning. You are sort of a safeguard against any extremes oc
curring.”

Chills run down my spine repeatedly, ending up in my feet.

“
Extremes like?”

“
You're sort of an inert, living form of checks and balances. You maintain the death quota. You are Death's presence on this plane.”

Click.

Everything came together.

I f
eel my face turn cold and the air seems to grow heavy around me. “I'm in their way.” They had said those exact words to me in the desert. “They can't get the power they need quickly enough with me around.” I crack my neck nervously. “But they can't kill me
. Unless...”

Lucas makes no move, just watches me carefully as I process everything. I whip my head toward him. “Unless I die as a mortal and become a lost soul. Then they don't need me gone, do they?”

“
No,” he says solemnly.

“
But how come it hasn't happen
ed yet? I mean, how hard can it be to kill a mortal?”

“
There are rules, Abby,” he explains. “Archangels cannot directly kill any human, just as demons cannot. It is about luring, making their souls vulnerable.”

I remember the car crash. “But accidents work
too, don't they?”

“
Yes, but you are not alone.” His eyes pull mine in with mesmerizing power. My breathing quickens and I force my gaze away.

I rub my hand along the back of the chair in front of me, feeling the coarse wood, its realness.

I'm like a corne
rstone, holding everything together. Everyone wants me. Has always wanted me.

“
I almost ruined everything just now.” My words come out weakly.

He leans away and says firmly, “You did not know.”

I gulp. I'm vulnerable now, more than ever. I'm sure as more
time goes by the greater chance there is that someone – if not myself – will get to me. Like Aram, trying to make that deal with me. Or Lucifer. Damn those demons. I'd almost said yes.

Lucas brushes back my hair.

“
Abby, do not feel that way. Everything i
s going to be okay.”

For now, his reassurance lifts me. I nod lightly and lean my head on his shoulder, letting myself relax. Lucas lets me do so for several moments before shifting. I look up at him.

“
We need to find Jonathan,” he says softly, reluctantly
. It seems like he doesn't want this moment to end.

“
Do you know where he is?”

“
No, but I -”

Looking around, I interrupt, “Where's Aram? He might know.”

The sound of someone clearing his throat echoes across the large room. Squinting through the dim light
ing, I see Aram standing way down by the stage.

“
Enjoying the show?” I call down to him.

“
Why not? You two are so...precious.”

I walk past Lucas, nearer to Aram, and his disgusted expression is clear.  “Do you know where Jonathan is?”

“
No idea.”

I look b
ack up at Lucas. “Where were you? How did you get away?”

“
I was on a different plane.” Great. More mysterious locations. “I barely had time to register that you had not made it and then Raguel was there.” He nods in Aram's direction. “He showed up and we t
ook care of Raguel. For the moment.” He looks off, past me. “Someone is meddling,” he says to himself.

I spin back around to Aram. “So you could find Lucas but you can't find Jonathan?”

Aram straightens his jacket casually. “It was pure luck that I found y
our angel boy.”

My head is starting to hurt. I expected someone else to take charge here, but I'm feeling oddly alone in this. “Lucas, are you going to jump in with anything?” When he doesn't say anything, I look back up the aisle. And see no one.

“
Lucas?
” I take a tentative step in that direction before turning the other way to ask Aram – who's also missing.

Again
?!

“
What the hell?” I yell to no one. How can Lucas protect me if he keeps disappearing?

I hear the auditorium door squeak open and swiftly cla
ng shut. I spin around. There, walking toward me, is a demon. The shadow around him is unmistakable.

Dear God, I think. What am I supposed to do now?

Running is useless.

But, hey, I'm Death's angel. They can't kill me. I'm sure I can withstand some beatin
gs... My words are hollow, but I can't be scared right now. I have to be brave or I'm going to crack.

I boldly step up to greet him.

His curly, light brown hair falls down to his shoulders. He has huge, child-like eyes and a petite mouth. He's good-looking
, like the rest, but something about him isn't as beautiful.

“
Hello, Abigail,” he greets me with a sneer. That voice – I know that voice!

“
We've met before, I think,” I tell him derisively. Oh, that's right. Of course we had. He's the demon from the car ac
cident.

He grins malevolently. “Yes, Abigail. I've been asked to finish the job. We can't kill you outright, but I've had this brilliant idea. Kedar was surprised.” He laughs. “I won't say it's foolproof, but right now it's the best we've got.”

I feel the
walls moving in – something unstoppable. Fate? I'm not sure. But it's coming right now.

I attempt to pull myself back, to get away, but my human strength is nothing compared to the demon's power. His grin reappears.

“
Don't worry, Abigail. You won't remembe
r a thing.” He closes his eyes and mouths words I can't decipher. A strange sensation pulls through my limbs, all the way into my stomach, quickly becoming painful. I am leaving, going somewhere else. This is more powerful than a summoning. I can't speak o
r move or think, I am...

Now

“
Hey, Abby! Over here!”

I turn and see that my friends are waiting for me on the sidewalk. I plow through the drifts of snow on the lawn and skid up to them.

“
Sorry guys, I was...I'm not sure.” I try to explain but I can't re
member.

Danielle raises an eyebrow. “Ah-huh. Doesn't matter now, sparky. We're late and we've got to shake tail.”

“
Shake tail?” Madison gives her a questioning stare while she reapplies her lip gloss. “You always say such bizarre things, Danielle.”

Daniel
le smirks. “Madison, you should really widen your phrase-circle.”

As they banter, something is nagging me.

“
What does that mean?” Madison's loud, confused voice brings me back. “Phrase circle?”

Danielle just smiles.

“
What does that mean?” Madison repeats
, but Danielle is already pulling her along. “Hey!” she protests.

I shake off any lingering weird feelings and laugh along with Jesse and Mary.

“
Come on, slowpokes!” Danielle calls back to us, still dragging Madison. “This isn't a nature walk!”

The three
of us stare at each other. “What is she talking about?” wonders Mary.

“
I always tell myself not to ask,” Jesse tells her, shaking his head.

We run to catch up with her.

“
So,” Jesse huffs as we jog, “have you registered for spring classes yet?”

I roll my ey
es. “ No, I haven't. Sophomores seem to get last pick.”

“
I feel you,” he replies with a snort, slowing down as we catch up with the bickering girls. “We got treated better as freshmen.”